


Drowning

by Etherway



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Aquaphobia, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra)-centric, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Human Catra (She-Ra), Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 97,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etherway/pseuds/Etherway
Summary: Catra was one of a few survivors in a shipwreck. Losing all her friends and family in the incident she was left afraid of two things: Getting close to people and water. But after being forced into a group presentation project with a certain swimming champion, it doesn’t matter how far she tries to stay away from water, the feeling of drowning seems to follow her.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 233
Kudos: 674





	1. Sinking

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a toe dip into the waters about Catra having a massive phobia of... water (It exists, don't laugh, the stress it causes on people who have it is beyond belief) I came up with this idea yesterday and got to work on the introduction to see how the general feel is for it. I really hope you enjoy this because I have made over 5 pages of notes of things I could do with this today alone. So please, have a read and tell me what you think and I'll see you soon.

Screaming…

Screaming and the sound of shredding metal. That’s what she woke up to. She bolted up in her bed as claxons and alarms sounded. There was a muffled voice over the PA system asking everyone to remain calm, though they didn’t sound calm themselves. She shot out of her bed and looked around; it definitely didn’t feel right. The floor grunted and twisted beneath her feet and it seemed to lurch from side to side. She raced to put her shoes on and grabbed a jumper from the floor and slung it over herself as she ran for the door. It swung open to reveal dawn’s first rays peaking over the horizon. It would have been pretty if it weren’t for the people running past her on the deck and the huge plume of smoke snaking up to the sky to her left. She looked to the doors beside hers.

To her right she could see her sister poking her head out. Jess rushed out as she dodged the other crowds of people running on the deck and skidded to a stop in front of her. “You okay?” She asked as she grabbed her by the shoulders.

No. No she wasn’t.

“Yeah.” She said.

“Good,” Jess replied, “I think we’re going under, we need to get mum and dad and get to the upper deck where the lifeboats are.” She was pulled out by her sister and they jogged further down the deck to where their parent’s room where.

“What about the Levenson’s and the Langers’?” She asked.

“Right now, I need to make sure you’re safe, then mum and dad. Everyone else is secondary.”

“What happened?” She asked, Jess pointed towards the smoke.

“There’s been an explosion, water is coming in and there’s not enough bulkheads left. The ships is going under, and if we don’t get to the lifeboats soon then we’re going with it,”

She could only nod mutely. ships were supposed to stay _above_ the water. Why did this one have to ignore that rule? She was pulled by Jess and they continued running, skidding to a stop outside another door. Jess hurriedly pounded on it and threw the door open.

“Girls?” She heard their mother call. “Oh, thank _god_ you’re Okay… Right we’re ready, let’s go.” They’re parents hurried out and her dad grabbed her hand. They rushed back the way they came and followed the stream of the other passengers. They ran up some steps as more groaning sounds could be heard through at the ship as the hull was warped by the pressure of the water rushing in. She looked up at the large red writing along the upper part of the ship: _Northern Light_.

“Look, there they are!” Her dad called as they reached the upper deck where the passengers were massing up and queuing to get on a lifeboat. The ship shuddered and she tripped, wincing as her elbow took the impact. She looked up to see her sister skid to a stop and turn to come back for her. There was another wrenching sound and the screeching noise of metal tearing against itself. Suddenly she was falling again- the deck had given out beneath her. She cried out as she hit the deck below, unable to break her fall. She could hear her name being called but she struggled to focus through the throbbing pain in her leg. She grabbed the railing next to her and tried to haul herself back to her feet. She looked up; she could see her families faces poking over the side of the deck where there was a large bit missing- where she had fallen.

“I’ll try and find another way up!” She cupped over her mouth to shout. She thought back to the time they had spent on the ship- _some holiday this turned out to be._ She tried visualised the layout. The easiest way was up past the stairs, but that way was out considering she had just gone down with the floor. So, the next best way was… Try and make it to the other side of the ship and head up the stairs that ran up alongside the pool. She looked behind her, she couldn’t go around, well, unless she wanted to try and navigate her way through the giant smoke cloud. Forward was out as a large amount of debris made of torn metal walls and crushed decking blocked her way. So, the only way was…

Through… there was still a door that led to the central hallway. She took a step forward and winced as a hot spike of pain shot up her leg. She wanted to rest her leg, or just to hide and cry, none of this made sense. But as she looked over the railing, she saw that the water was a lot higher than it had been a few minutes ago. Movement caught her eye to her right. One of the large cranes had deployed its lifeboat, she could see the bobbing heads of its occupants as they paddled to make some distance from the ship. She didn’t have long.

Gritting her teeth, she took another step, trying to ignore the pain. She took another, and another. Her leg screamed at her to stop, but she had to keep going. She pushed the door open and stumbled inside, holding herself up against the wall. The ship lurched and she was thrown to the side, crashing through a door and groaning as her leg throbbed in complaint. 

She placed her hands against the floor to get up but as her head rose, she saw something underneath a chair, it was furry. She crawled over and cupped the tiny thing in her hands. It was a kitten; it probably had been accidently left when whoever stayed in this room rushed to get to the lifeboats. It looked up at her when it sensed this disturbance. She shook her head, bringing this thing with her would slow her down… She looked at it again and it stared back with large trusting eyes. She groaned and slammed her head against the floor and scooped it back up and inspected the tiny collar around its neck: _Melog._ It was a weird name, but she liked it.

“All right Melog, it’s just you and me.” She said and struggled back to her feet, cupping the tiny furball in her arms. She stumbled back into the hallway and pressed forwards, her shoulder constantly sliding along the wall to help keep her balance. She pushed open another door and entered the main hallway, walking towards the stern to where the exit was. She heard several popping noises that started at the end of the hallway and travelled towards her, they passed her as they started gaining in pitch before they ended at the other end of the hallway in a puff.

Then there was a jaw rattling BANG! And the ship lurched violently, throwing her back to the floor. She cried out as she landed on her leg again, but she cradled Melog to her chest to avoid crushing it. She tried to get back to her feet, but her leg gave out and she stumbled back to floor. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried again, keeping most of her weight on her right leg and leaned her shoulder against the wall to keep her steady. She was about to try and step forward again when she felt off balance, even though she was leaning against the wall she didn’t feel upright. She paused and examined again. She was right, the ship was keening to the side. This was not good.

This was not good at all. 

Holding Melog closer to her she pushed off once again and stumbled for the door. She pushed it open and fell out, holding herself up against the railing. The sound of several large engines made her look up to see helicopters fly overhead. _Well at least someone knew about them._ She turned and looked towards the stairs but stopped. Up on the main deck where the lifeboats where, there was nothing there, and by nothing there she meant _nothing_ not even the deck itself. It was all… _gone._

The bang she had heard was an explosion, and it had torn the ship in half. She crushed the feeling of dread rising up in her. She had been a while; her family must have assumed she had found another lifeboat at the stern of the ship and had already left. She looked down to see the water rising rapidly towards her, there was no way she could get to another lifeboat in time, she had to think fast.

She placed Melog on the floor, half expecting them to run off, but they stayed, staring up at her. Even in this situation it was enough to make her smile. She tucked her shirt into her trousers as far as it would go and her brain went into overdrive, she knew she was smart for a twelve-year-old, and she would definitely need it now. Due to the Coriolis effect the wind blew over the ocean causing a constant source of friction and pushing the water across in whatever direction it was blowing, Because of the vacuum of matter that this caused it resulted in an Ekman spiral. This created a stairway that funnelled cold water from the bottom of the ocean to the top, resulting in incredibly cold waters.

Cold water has an effect on animals, it makes them believe they have no air which causes them to try and gasp when they are underwater, forcing water into their lungs and drowning. So, the best thing she could do is…

Not panic…

She could do that.

The water was almost at her feet and she picked Melog up. “Hold on to your breath buddy.” She said and pulled open the back of her shirt and dropped them down her back, creating a “pouch” out of her shirt. Melog only looked a couple of weeks old so most likely didn’t know how to swim, and she wouldn’t be able to if she was holding her. She felt them wiggle around and winced when a tiny claw accidently brushed against her back. She looked down at the rushing water rising towards her and took a few deep breaths.

“Okay… You can do this…” She said quietly to herself, and then…

She jumped.

The water was freezing, and she fought the urge to open her mouth. She felt Melog twist more violently at her back, but she did her best to ignore them. She looked up, she could see the bright orange of the sun’s rays reflect down at her and she kicked towards the surface. She nearly reached the surface when she felt something _pull_. The surface got further away, she pushed harder and tried to get to the air, but something was pulling her back. She looked down at her feet and saw nothing but the inky blackness of the deep ocean. She didn’t want to end up down there. Powered by the fear and adrenaline running though her veins she pushed for the surface once more, but what was pulling at her? This time she couldn’t stop the dread from nearly consuming her. She had forgotten a critical variable.

Displacement.

As the rear half of the ship sank behind her it was pulling a current down with it… and she was in that current. With a silent scream she lurched back to the surface, desperation firing all the muscles she had to push her back up, but she kept sinking, unable to overpower basic physics. She tried to sob but couldn’t. She didn’t want to die here. The kitten by her back had stopped struggling and she felt the crush of guilt, it had trusted her, and she had led them both to a watery tomb. She felt one last rush of panic as she felt the ocean push through her throat and started to fill her lungs. At least her family was safe… that, she could take comfort in. She felt her muscles relax as her brain was starved of oxygen and she closed her eyes.

Suddenly, something grabbed the back of her shirt.

Catra’s eyes snapped open, her body drenched in a cold sweat and she was breathing hard. Groaning she pushed herself to sit up as she regained her breath. Her eyes wandered around her room. Well… It wasn’t _hers;_ it was the room she had rented in the student flats. But it was hers more or less. There was only one word to describe it: Bland.

She had no pictures on the walls, no posters or anything colourful she added herself. This wasn’t her home and she didn’t want it to be. Apart from the stuff she needed for her education the only decoration were two pictures: One of her old family… and one of her new. Her eyes ghosted over the faces of her sister and parents and she felt a pang of grief before she squashed it. Her family had not thought she had found a lifeboat and had waited for her… They were still there when the ship blew itself in half.

In fact, most people where. The only other survivors other than herself had been the ones she saw get away in the lifeboat, the others hadn’t got away in time, she was shielded by a singular bulkhead which had saved her life. As she was being sucked under, one of the helicopters had seen her jump and a diver had braved the current and managed to grab her in time for them both to be tethered out by the helicopter above. Which meant she had been one, of eight which had survived… out of three hundred. The _Northern Light_ was considered a tragedy and the rescue teams were honoured for their bravery as they had recovered many bodies from the sinking ship. She was the only live one.

Later she had been told that water had managed to get inside and shorted one of the high voltage power cables, the resulting discharge had damaged one of the fuel tanks, which damaged others and…

Boom…

In the case of an hour she had lost everyone- her family, and all her friends whose families were friends with hers as well. They had thought it a great idea at the time, they would all go on a cruise and have the best holiday ever. It didn’t go down that way.

 _Down_ being the operative word...

There was no one else left for her either, her dad had no siblings and his parents had died in a car crash and her mother was always distant from her family, she was more or less rescued by her dad who had seen their abusive nature and had managed to get her mum to see it and then fight for a restraining order. The family on her mother’s side wanted nothing to do with her, and frankly, she wanted nothing to do with them.

The only one left for her in fact had been the soggy kitten that had been pulled out with her. For years after the event Melog had never left her side, only until recently when she moved into the flats for university did she have to hesitantly leave her behind. In the following days of the sinking She spent days cuddled up to the kitten, not eating anything, and neither did Melog even as she was trying to encourage it too.

Worried about her health, the hospital she was at had brought in a psychiatrist. She ignored them for the first two sessions. She just sat there and stroked Melog’s rapidly thinning back. But by the third she was sick of the silence and opened her mouth. She had learnt that the psychiatrist- called Jackie Laurel, had also lost her brother to drowning when he was four, and finding something in common, she began to open up.

By the next sessions she actually smiled at Jackie when she walked in, and they talked for hours, about Jackie’s husband- Mike and her family. Catra even told her about some funny family stories of her own, but they always made her sad. But Jackie always laughed at them and never teased her, no matter how silly they were and Catra soon _enjoyed_ telling them, even if they caused the grief to churn violently inside her.

By the fifth Jackie had walked in with a bowl of cereal and Catra both felt and heard her stomach growl. Jackie had laughed and offered the bowl to her and Catra had dug in like a starving tiger. Out of the corner of her eye she had seen Jackie produce another smaller bowl and a packet of a kibble like substance and poured it in and left in on the floor. Melog slowly got up and stretched before sniffing the food suspiciously. Satisfied, she began to tuck in too and Catra had giggled at the noise the kitten made whilst it was eating. But soon she felt the pang of guilt when she realised that all this time, the kitten was hungry, but she wouldn’t eat because Catra wouldn’t, she cried at that but Jackie’s shoulder was also a more comfortable place to cry on.

Catra was always suspicious of new people when they entered her room, but she always had a large smile reserved just for Jackie. She would bring her news of the events proceeding the sinking as well as food… and maybe a few more chocolates than the Hospital wanted her to have.

A few months later Catra was being set to be discharged from the hospital, but there was the _slight_ problem of where she should go. She was flicking through the list of various foster homes when Jackie barged into her room and did what any professional psychiatrist wouldn’t do…

She offered to adopt her.

As much as Catra wasn’t completely devoid of hope, she didn’t hold much for what her future held. But when Jackie had turned to her and said. “Come with me Catra… I admit Mike and I don’t know much about parenting… but I promise we’ll try as best we can to be there for you.” Catra felt the hope rekindle inside her.

Jackie couldn’t have children on her own, and so she and Mike had rolled with it, if they weren’t destined for one then they would make the most of life without. But this girl had melted her heart and she didn’t want to say goodbye.

Jackie was right, her and Mike did not know much about parenting at all. But Catra soon started to trust mike and although it was certainly unorthodox, they were a family. They learned to give Catra space when they needed it, but always kept a proverbial foot in the door so she knew they were always there. They helped with homework and writing her statements and CV’s to get into college and University, they supported her in everything she did, even if that was just a movie night cuddled up against them and stroking Melog’s spine as she purred happily.

That was six years ago now.

Catra still struggled with people, she always used an excuse that they would always leave or die eventually. Her heart had hardened but Jackie understood why and appreciated that in the end Catra had let them in at least. She also struggled with water, obviously. But as much as she had hardened Catra was so thankful to Jackie for “saving her” that she had set her sights on one day, perhaps being able to do the same for someone else. So, she had taken up an interest in Psychology, and stormed her way through college and received unconditional offers from universities around the country. She was nothing if not proud of her.

Catra smiled at the other photograph, it was of her sitting on the sofa with Jackie and Mike either side with Melog half laying on the back of the sofa and half laying on her head, she looked like she was trying and failing to contain her laughter. She knew Melog was safe at home, but she still missed her so much. She tore her eyes away from the picture and threw her legs over the side of the bed. She stood and pushed her hands as high above her head as possible as she stretched. She opened her door and walked out into the dimly lit hallway and then headed towards the shared kitchen.

The kitchen was highly decorated, especially in comparison to her room, it had pictures of her various flatmates and their friends laughing and goofing about and Catra always liked looking at them. She admitted being slightly envious of them, she knew she could make friends, but she was never able to open enough and ended up pushing them away. Friends didn’t go well the first time.

That was until she had met Sophia- one of her flatmates. She didn’t get dissuaded by Catra’s near hostile attitude towards her, chatted nearly endlessly and crushed her in a hug at every given opportunity. She was starting to like her. She didn’t always listen to what she said but she provided a comforting background noise to her brain’s musing, and when Catra did listen, which was becoming more common with each passing day she discovered that she was far more intelligent than she let on. She was always searching for the approval of others, always striving to prove she was the best person she could be. Catra just carried on how she was and if you didn’t believe what she had to say then it was your problem, not hers.

She didn’t think that they would get close considering how different they were, but Sophia was always there to say hi to her when she got back form a long day of lectures and would occasionally have a steaming cup of tea waiting for her. Catra knew she was slipping, she had promised herself to never make a friend again, to avoid that pain again, but she couldn’t help it, Sophia was just so unconditionally… _nice._ It irritated her but at the same time she was beginning to appreciate her company more and more, which only served to encourage Sophia to do more for her.

Feeling thirsty Catra didn’t think much and poured a glass of water and began to drink. But the nightmare was still weighing heavily on the mind, and the feeling of water going down her throat…

She gasped and quickly placed the glass down and tried to run through the breathing exercises for a millionth time. Her fists clenched so hard, she nearly punctured her palms with her nails. When her heartbeat had returned to normal, she wearily opened the cupboard above her head and pulled out a packet of fruit biscuits. She padded over to the large window of the kitchen that ran from the floor to the ceiling and sat crossed legged in front of it, watching the first rays of dawn peaking above the horizon as she ate her breakfast. She would admit the packet certainly wasn’t a hearty meal, but she was always drained after fighting off _another_ panic attack. She mostly got irritated by them now, her past still haunted her- even after she tried to put as much distance between her and it. The morning soon got brighter, and the sun started reflecting off the river than ran next to the building which was on the waterfront.

She chose this particular university over other more prestigious ones on the simple grounds of it felt nicer to be in. But she did hate that it was all along the waterfront, being near a river so much made her nervous, but at the end of the day it was nothing she couldn’t handle. Sighing she got back to her feet and trudged back to her room, she opened the door to her small bathroom and turned the shower on as she undressed, letting it heat up. When she got in, she pointed the spray well away from her face. She was hygienic, she knew she needed showers, but it didn’t mean she had to like them. Especially when they were cold, they made her feel claustrophobic like the ocean crushing her lungs… She shook her head and got down to washing herself, she didn’t need to think about that now.

She got out quickly and dried herself, shuddering at the lingering feeling of water on her skin. She looked up at the clock on her wall: 8:50 am the blocky digits said. She had her first lecture in ten minutes, she _hated_ early starts. As she thought about it, she remembered that Sophia also had one at the same time, and she hadn’t heard her move about yet. Sighing she went back to the hallway and knocked on the door to Sophia’s room.

“Sophia! Get up! You’ve a lecture in ten!” She called through the door.

“Wha-?” She heard Sophia’s muffled reply, and then a loud crash as she fell out of bed. “Oh my god! Is that the time!?”

Catra smiled and headed back to her room to get her bag as Sophia exploded out of her door, with a toothbrush in her mouth and a hairbrush rapidly racing through her hair. She gave Catra a flying hug as she passed. “Yuu- arrr the bwest, ave I edder toln you dat?” She said as she passed. Catra laughed.

“You’re welcome Sophia, hurry up, you’ll be late.” Sophia saluted her and ran into the kitchen. Catra pushed open her door and grabbed her bag. She looked up to a shelf to the side of her window and looked at her schedule: _Introduction to Cognitive Psychology- S. Weaver._ Catra stifled a groan. She didn’t know why but her cognitive and biological psychology lecturer, Shaylin Weaver has had it in for her since the start of the year. She didn’t know why, Catra was a great student, she handed in her work on time and always of the highest quality. Yet Weaver always put her down for the most trivial of things. When in all her other subjects she was running for the top of the class, in Weaver’s she was struggling to hold onto the middle, it didn’t make sense.

She slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the exit, she left her flat and into the lobby area of her floor, tapping her foot impatiently as she wated for the lift to come up to her level. She stepped inside and quickly tapped the ground floor button before anyone could call it higher up. The doors slid open and she walked through the lobby of the building, pushing the button on the side of the doors, causing them to open. She walked outside, stopped and closed her eyes- taking in a large breath of the fresh air, or as fresh as it got in the middle of a town.

Sighing she started for the main campus building, barely a five-minute walk away at a casual pace. She tried to ignore the clinking sounds the masts of the boats in the harbour made but grimaced at them non the less. She dodged the various crowds moving along the waterfront. She felt her eyes wonder- some were going for a morning jog; others were walking briskly wielding briefcases and sunglasses even though it was still too dark to really warrant them. Most where walking relatively slowly sporting bags- on their way to their first lectures. With an irritated sigh Catra pressed her feet harder to the ground and sped ahead of them all.

The large rounded doors slid open as she approached and she stormed through them into the bright artificial lights of the university’s interior, thinking of what possible evil things Weaver had in store for her. None of them were good. She seriously considered turning back and just heading back to her flat, just once wouldn’t hurt?

Yes, yes it would. She didn’t need to give Weaver even more ammunition on her.

She walked to the left, around the arch in the building before turning right and walking up the first flight of stairs. She turned right and came face to face with the lecture hall. She could already see Weaver standing at the front, with her hands crossed in front of her like she was looking at some loyal subjects. With a snort she placed her hand on the door handle and took a deep breath. _She was ready… She could do this…_

It would turn out that she in fact _wouldn’t_ be ready and the events of the day would end up being permanently branded on her memory.

And they would change her life forever…


	2. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Catra begins to work with Adora, Bow and Glenn she gets annoyed at herself for letting her guard down, she starts to enjoy their company. Perhaps...  
> Perhaps trying to have friends again wouldn't be so bad...

She silently made her way through the room to her spot in the back corner, deliberately not even looking at Shaylin. Though she could feel her eyes boring into the back of her skull as she walked- it caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. She slipped past a few other students and stepped over a few bags that were left in the walkway between the desks. She reached her corner and placed her bag down on the seat next to her and sat down, ruffling through her bag and brought out a few items she needed for the lecture.

She rested her chin on her hands and glanced at the clock, she had arrived with three minutes to spare. Her eyes then wandered around the room. She was in a relatively small class, Psychology was becoming more and more popular with every passing year, but she had been placed in an “overflow” class, so it only had about twenty people in it.

She sat at the back because she hated the feeling of people looking over the top of her shoulder at her work, and it also gave her a good spot to people watch. On the other side of the room there was a group that she would always hear making jokes and generally mocking Shaylin. She had to hide her smile at their comments- however funny and correct they were. At the front there was a relatively large group who were just… undeniably average, they payed attention and worked hard but she would often hear them laughing about something- they seemed nice and she didn’t have a problem with them.

The group that always got her attention was the one that sat a few desks in front of her. The Trio spent nearly the entire time talking- and yet somehow even whilst doing that, she would see their pens scribbling across paper or their fingers constantly typing on their keyboards. She wasn’t sure how they managed to do that. Bow and Glenn always arrived around the same time she did, and they would sit talking quietly as they unpacked. They seemed friendly enough and they would occasionally smile and wave at her if they locked eyes when they were coming in.

It was the third member of the group is who Catra struggled the most with. She wasn’t sure exactly _why_ Adora seemed to demand most of her attention. Her eyes glanced back at the clock- there was only a few seconds before the lecture started and her mind began the countdown for Adora’s arrival.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

The door swung open as the clock struck the hour as Adora rushed in- smiled apologetically at Shaylin and quietly rushed to her spot next to Bow and Glenn. Catra wasn’t sure if it was her strangely late yet spot on punctuality or the fact that she was always wearing a dark crimson jacket and yet it somehow didn’t clash with her bright blonde ponytail. Or it could have been the fact that on their first ever lecture she burst through the door five minutes late are exclaimed “Made it! Sorry im late!” Even though the entire room had fallen silent at her entrance, she had taken it all in her stride and made it to her desk without lowering her head or even the slightest blush of embarrassment being the centre of attention. She was certainly interesting.

“Now that we’re all here.” Shaylin began, “Today we’ll discuss the assignment for this semester. Remember its worth fifty percent of your overall grade. I know some of you will love this so _please_ try and contain your enthusiasm. So, without further ado, I present to you:” She pressed a button on her keyboard and the projector flashed to life, on the board were the words:

Introduction to cognitive Psychology: Group Presentations: Phobias

Catra wanted to slam her head against the desk. Phobias weren’t a problem, growing up with one and having a psychiatrist as an adoptive mother meant she was basically a dictionary on them. It was the _group_ aspect… It meant she would have to work with people… or she would just do all the work because she didn’t trust anyone else with her grade.

“But don’t worry, I’ve already took the liberty of assigning you to your groups.” Shaylin continued and Catra for a second had honestly wished she had gone down with the ship. “you’ll be working in groups of four and the groups have each been assigned a particular phobia to research and present… So, the groups are on the board, go find your groups and you can start brainstorming ideas. You have two weeks before it needs to be handed in. Off you go!”

Catra felt her chin dropped to her hands that were resting on the table and she stared at the floor. Hoping the world would just disappear. She didn’t think her day could get any worse, and it just started. Her eyes snapped back into focus when she noticed three people sitting on the row of desks in front of her, they had turned around and were mimicking her but leaning on her desk and looking up.

She looked up to come face to face with the crystal blue eyes of Adora.

“Sup.” She said with a flick of an eyebrow.

“Hi…” Catra said quietly and looked up at the board to find her name.

_Bow Crafford_

_Catra Nysen Aquaphobia_

_Glenn Imer_

_Adora Landen_

…

…

…

Aquaphobia?

_Aquaohobia!?_

_Oh, that snarky, half brained, two faced bit-_

“You’ve got Heterochromia.” She heard Adora say, stopping her internal rant before it had a chance to really take off. Catra snapped back to attention as she realised she was being talked to. It took her a second before she realised Adora was talking about her eyes. She bristled and she nearly snapped at her when something made her stop. She’d said Heterochromia… not _oh, your eyes are different colours._

No one had used the proper name before…

“Yeah, I do.” She replied quietly.

“Sorry, I know you must get a lot of comments about it, it’s just I had never seen it before in person.” Adora was quick to apologise.

She didn’t get a lot of comments actually. If people were close enough to realise it then normally, she had screwed up already.

“Not many really, and if they do, they get the name wrong…” She muttered. Adora smiled.

“See? I know stuff!” She said sarcastically to her friends. Glenn coughed to get their attention.

“So, what do we know about aquaphobia?” She nudged.

“Oh! It’s the fear of water!” Bow rushed out excitedly.

…

“No shit sherlock…” Catra muttered after a pause. Bow blinked at her mutely but Adora snickered.

“Oh, I like her.” She said, leaning on one elbow.

“Well… Normally Aquaphobia is formed after swimming accidents or being hurt by water creatures like sharks or jellyfish.” Glenn started.

 _And ships sinking mixed with a side of drowning._ Catra spitefully thought.

“Well it’s just anything bad that happens in water, or at least bad enough for the association to be put on the water itself.” Adora said.

“Like drowning.” Catra added quietly. Adora pointed at her

“ _Especially_ drowning.” Adora said and then her face contorted in confusion. “But how would anyone hate water so much that they don’t know how to swim to avoid it?”

 _Oh, I don’t know, because they get dragged down in the current of a thousand tonne ship!?_ Catra wanted to snap but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as much as her groupmates here didn’t know it, she was the expert on this phobia so she might as well put it to use.

“Adora, not everyone is as good of a swimmer as you…” Glenn said tiredly.

“What? Just saying…”

“Okay, so we have a few ideas about how someone gets it. How do we look at fighting it?” Bow interrupted.

_With difficulty._

“Flooding!” Glenn said.

 _Oh Jesus…_ Catra wanted to slap her face with her palm but refrained herself.

“No, no, no. That’s a _terrible_ idea.” Adora countered.

_Thank you…_

“Why?” Glenn asked. Catra snorted and she received and irritated glance.

“So, you have someone that’s terrified of water and you just _drop_ them in a swimming pool?”

“Well that’s how flooding works…”

“Yes, with flooding you put the patient in immediate contact of the phobic stimulus until they get so scared, they are too tired to _be_ scared anymore.”

“Precisely! Problem solved!” Glenn laughed.

“Wait… Glimmer, Adora’s right.” Bow said.

_Glimmer?_

“How?”

“Because with other phobias like dogs or insects, you can move out the way or they’re harmless. When someone gets exhausted, they realise they’re not in danger. But with water… You _are_ in danger. If someone has a panic attack in the water, then they’ll sink and drown. Which is… not ideal.”

_Give the man a medal…_

“Oh…” Glenn said.

“So, the only way is systematic desensitisation.” Adora said, tapping the tip of her pen against her lips.

“But that can take years.” Bow added.

_Well… more than six at least…_

“Yeah… but I doubt there’s any other way.” Adora said and scribbled on her notebook in front of her.

“So, what the effects of living with it?” Adora asked.

“Stress, mostly.” Catra said. The trio turned to look at her and Adora cocked her head to the side in a question.

“Well… You’re afraid of one of the basic resources you need to survive. It’s not like you can avoid the thing you’re afraid of like any other phobia…” Adora’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Wouldn’t that… like, cause someone to have a panic attack every time they needed a drink?” She asked.

_Nearly._

“Not quite…” Catra said, “The fear is centred mostly to being _in_ or _around_ water. Drinking is normally okay, but for some it isn’t easy.”

“How do you know all this?” Bow asked her. Catra’s brain screeched to a stop.

_Oh shi-_

“It just… fascinates me… I find it interesting.”

_Great job, one hundred percent, nailed it._

Bow shrugged, “Fair enough.”

They moved onto strategies of dealing with it. Adora was pretty knowledgeable on this one. Bow and Glenn would occasionally enthusiastically burst out with an idea just to be shot down by Adora or Catra. Although Catra was desperately fighting off the smug smile that was trying to force its way onto her face because _Adora_ , unquestionably Shaylin’s favourite student was asking _her_ questions.

But she had to admit, Adora was _good._ She thought she’d end up doing all the work but Adora was making her run. It was refreshing. She noticed that her guard had slipped when she laughed at one of Bow’s terrible jokes: “What did one ocean say to another? Nothing it just _waved_.” She stopped abruptly when the three of them were looking at her with smug smiles.

“What?” She asked.

“I didn’t think I’d live to see this day.” Glenn said with an irritating smirk on her face.

“Catra _can_ laugh…” Bow said, “I didn’t think she had it in her.”

“Hey!”

Adora was snickering, trying to cover it with her hand but failing.

“Oh, not you as well…”

The laughter soon died down and they returned to their work, throwing out ideas so Adora could scribble them down on their ever-expanding spider diagram.

“hmmm…. Impressive.” They heard from behind them. They all jumped and turned to see Shaylin standing over them. She nodded once more and stalked off. Catra fought to calm her racing heart.

By the end of the hour, Adora’s page was completely full and Catra was pleasantly surprised by how much of it had been filled with ideas from everyone else. Maybe just this once she wouldn’t end up carrying the group… She stopped herself. Who was she kidding?

She _always_ ended up carrying the group.

She grabbed her phone and took a picture of the diagram when they weren’t looking. She would need it later. She started stuffing her stuff back in her bag and ignored the trio in front of her as they were talking amongst themselves. Just before she could leave though:

“Hey Catra?” Catra felt her shoulder’s slump.

“Yeah?” She asked feeling a little sorry at the look of hurt that flashed across Adora’s eyes.

“Do you have any time off now?” Adora continued. Catra checked her phone, even though she knew the answer.

“Ummm. Yes, this is the only lecture I have today, I’m free.” She said, sliding her phone back into her pocket.

“Well we were going to head to the library and get a start on this. Do you want to come with?”

Catra stood stunned and blinked at Adora a few times.

“Is… that a problem?” Adora asked, “Because you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! no, it’s not that. It’s just… everyone else before just left me and let me do it for them.” Catra replied. Adora frowned.

“Well that’s just… rude.” Adora said. “We won’t do that to you, I promise.”

Catra nodded and smiled “Okay.”

Adora returned the gesture. “Great! Hey! Bow! Glimmer! Stop chatting!” Bow rolled his eyes at her and they headed for the door. Adora stepped out the way and gestured with her hands to let her pass through first. Catra walked through the door with a strange mixture of warmth and suspicion. Apart from Jackie and Mike, and more recently Sophia, no one had been so openly _nice_ to her…

It used to be pity, as she was recognised from the news, branded ironically as the “girl who lived.” Everyone treated her as this battered, broken girl who couldn’t decide anything for herself anymore. But as she got older, she was forgotten, which she really had no problems with. But she had become cold, and cold was what she got in reply. What _was_ it with these people? Why were they so _nice?_ It was infuriating her.

She noticed Bow and Glenn were walking ahead slightly as she mused, confused, she looked around and jumped when she saw Adora walking quietly next to her. She smiled at her and her eyes flashed in the morning light. They walked on in silence. After a second Adora broke it.

“Why are you so reclusive?” She asked bluntly. Catra nearly had to ask her to repeat herself just to make sure she had heard her right.

“What do you mean?” She asked to try and stall.

“Well you always hide at the back of the room; you never talk to anyone.”

“How do you know who I talk to?”

“Catra, our flats are next to each other, I see you around all the time. The only person you talk to is Sophia.”

Oh…

She never payed any attention to who lived around her. They were always in her way. She couldn’t get out of this one.

“I’ve had friends before… It didn’t turn out so well…”

“You’ve been hurt by people before?”

“In… In a way, yes.” Catra said and looked away, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation. Catra looked back forwards at Bow and Glenn who were walking closer together than normal for most people, and their hands were gently brushing.

“Are they…?” Catra asked. Adora smirked and nodded.

“Yeah, but only recently. They’re still trying to alter from friends to… friends with permanent benefits so to speak.” Catra felt a smile work its way on to her face at her joke. “And I’m still working out how to be the most awkward third wheeler possible… Glimmer is not impressed.” Catra chuckled and Adora smiled triumphantly.

“Why do you call Glenn Glimmer?” She asked. Adora laughed with a far away look in her eyes, and her cheeks blushed slightly in embarrassment.

“When I first met them, I had moved school at the beginning of high school. I didn’t know anyone, and I was so scared about being unable to make friends. On my first day they sat on the desks in front of me. When I first read her name, I was so nervous I mixed her first and surname, so instead of Glenn Imer, I mixed the n’s to be an m and so my brain read: glimmer. Bow found it funny and it’s stuck ever since.

“They were friends before you?”

“God yes, they’ve known each other since they were kids. They just tell me that I looked so lonely that they felt sorry for me and Adopted me. We’ve stuck together ever since.”

Catra laughed.

“They adopted you?”

“Yep. I was so scared of not being able to make friends that it reached the point where I had friends whether I wanted them or not.”

Catra smiled, it sounded nice. Not having to _try_ and make friends… just having them being given to you.

“So, what about you and your friends? Adora curiously asked. Catra’s smile faded.

“It… It didn’t work out.” She muttered. Adora put her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised, clearly not believing her. Catra wanted to scream. Was there _any_ way past this girl?

“There was… an accident… and then, suddenly I didn’t have friends anymore. _Happy?_ ” Catra snapped and walked faster leaving Adora behind who had stopped and stared in shock at her.

She heard Adora’s footsteps approach rapidly behind her and she braced herself for the apology that was coming her way. But it didn’t come. Adora resumed her position beside her but she didn’t say anything. She was just silent company. Catra gritted her teeth. Actually, that made it worse.

She started to regret lashing out at Adora. She was in the end, just trying to be nice. She had only stumbled across a rather… _sensitive_ topic. Catra sighed. She had acted like this towards Sophia when they first met, and she still regretted treating her so poorly and was trying as hard as possible to make it back to her. She didn’t have to dig the same hole here.

“The only friend I’ve had since then was a cat I adopted from a shipwreck.” She said. It was the partial truth, enough to relive her guilt without giving too much away. Adora’s eyes snapped back to her as she began to talk. “She was only a kitten then, she’s six now. It’s the reason I know a lot about Aquaphobia. She’s terrified of water.” So was Catra, but Adora didn’t need to know that.

Adora nodded in understanding. They continued walking in companionable silence as they waited at the traffic lights to cross the road towards the library. The doors opened for them and they ran their badges over the scanners to open the barriers which allowed them in. They headed up the stairs to the main level and Catra smiled. She liked it here, there was a constant soft humming of quite chatter but it never got deafening. They walked to the back and slung their bags on the floor and her ears were filled with the plastic clicks of them logging on. Adora reached into her bag and pulled put her large spider diagram.

Glimmer turned on the program, pressed a button and clicked several times before their computers beeped at the share request. Cautiously Catra clicked on the “yes” button and suddenly her screen was showing a blank presentation with four mouse cursors running about. Ohhhhh…

This was cool.

“Sooo…” Adora began looking at her diagram. “I’ll do combating the phobia as I don’t trust Glimmer to do that.”

“Hey!”

“Bow can you do the introduction? Glimmer, you do ways of acquiring it and Catra, can you do living with it?” Catra nodded, that would be easy, it’s basically writing how she feels on a day to day basis. Easy.

They got to work doing their own individual slides. Catra found a simple picture of a lake to act as a background, but she still felt her hairs stand on end and a shiver run down her spine at the sight. She closed her eyes and took a breath. When she opened them, she saw that the picture had moved to the left slightly. Frowning she put it back in its place. She started typing about the various effects of Aquaphobia. From the panic that drinking can cause if she wasn’t ready for it, to a flat-out refusal of using baths.

When she had finished her paragraph, she noticed the picture had moved again. Growling quietly under her breath she put it back.

“What’s wrong?” Adora asked.

“Nothing…” She sighed back and quickly searched a key term up on the internet. When she returned the picture had turned upside down. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Bow and Glenn snickering at her.

“Are you doing this?” She threatened.

“No!” They both said quickly and simultaneously.

“Really…”

“No, _we’re_ not doing it!” Glenn said. Then Adora started to snort with contained laughter. Catra felt her mouth fall open.

“It was you!?” She said, surprise laced in her voice. Adora startled to cackle as she laughed and slammed her head down on the keyboard until her slide had a long line of g’s h’s and sixes as her forehead buried itself into the keyboard.

“I-I…” She made a peculiar snorting sound through her nose, “I’m sorry… but, your face!” She burst out laughing for real now. Catra groaned.

“Honestly, what did I expect…”

“Y-your eyebrows furrowed and you just… looked so _confused!”_ She cackled. Catra groaned and face palmed.” She felt Adora nudge her shoulder with her own. “I’m sorry.” She apologised; a bit more heartfelt.

Catra sighed. “It’s alright…” She said. Thinking about it, it _was_ funny… A little bit. But she wouldn’t admit to that.

They carried on with their work and this time Adora left her work alone. Which she was grateful, even if she might have missed the sound of laughter. She hadn’t heard it in her presence since she got there. After an hour they decided to stop and go over what they had done so far.

Bow’s introduction was solid. he had neatly laid everything out and each section was the same size so that it all looked symmetrical and in order. Catra smiled, perhaps working with a group for once wouldn’t be so bad.

Glenn’s was far messier but somehow it was still easily understandable and Catra got lost in the amount of theories she had brought to bear that she didn’t even feel the slightest shudder run through her as they talked about one of her greatest fears.

Catra’s section was hard hitting. She certainly didn’t hold back, and the others looked stunned as they tried to comprehend the feeling of wanting to be sick every time you were thirsty. It seemed though her day was not finished with its teasing though, and as she explained the various ins and outs people had reported of living with aquaphobia some dust got caught in her nose and she sneezed mid-sentence.

“Awww.” Bow said, looking at her “That’s your sneeze?”

“What?” Catra said looking at him with a frown.

“It’s just, so… _Cute!_ ”

“It’s a normal sneeze!” She snapped back. Adora and Glimmer began to chuckle.

“Anyway…” Catra said trying to get back on topic but was interrupted again.

“I can’t believe the whole time we where in the same class, you had the cutest sneeze _of all time!_ ” Bow said, pulling his fists up to his cheeks. Catra growled.

“ _I. Am not Cute!_ ” She snarled, banging her fist against the table, ignoring the irritated glances thrown her way by nearby students. Adora had covered her hand with her mouth to hold in the laughs.

“The angrier you get, _the cuter you are!_ ” He said with glee, his eyes basically shining.

“Arghh!” Catra growled and slammed her head against the desk before recoiling quickly and rubbing her forehead. Those desks were _hard._

That was it. Adora and Glimmer burst out laughing to the point they had tears running down their cheeks.

Catra felt the smile forming on her face but quickly wiped it off. When they calmed down Glenn looked at Adora’s computer. “What are they?” She asked. Catra looked over, they appeared to be a selection of news papers of various shark attacks and other incidents that happened by beaches or at sea. 

“Oh, I was just thinking we could possibly use some real-world examples to help make our point.” Adora said. “In this one… a man got his leg bitten of… ow…” Everyone winced at the thought, “Stung by jellyfish… saved by dolphins from sharks…” She scrolled past another newspaper and Catra gasped, her eyes went wide.

“What’s wrong?” Bow asked, his tone becoming startlingly serious...

“N-nothing…” Catra said. And started taking a few deep breaths.

“Catra…?” Adora asked, looking highly concerned. Catra waved her off.

“I’m fine.” She said but her voice came out strained. Adora frowned and did not look convinced.

Catra wrapped an arm around her stomach as she began to feel sick. She closed her eyes and began to run through her breathing again. But the feeling didn’t seem to go away, this wasn’t working. She placed a careful hand on her neck to feel her pulse: it almost felt like her neck was vibrating under her fingers, her heart was beating way to fast for normal as she felt the adrenaline inject itself into her veins.

“Catra?” Adora asked again.

“I’ll… I’ll be back in a minute.” She said and stood up, forgetting her bag at her feet. She walked briskly towards the door to the stairs. She strained to push the door open, and gasped as she stumbled towards the stairs. She made it down the first flight so she was standing on a square landing before the next set. She rested against the handrail, her body shaking as she tried to breathe. She needed to make it _out_ , into the air. But as her breathing got heavier, her brain got quieter as the blood pounded louder against her ears. She wouldn’t make it.

Subconsciously her hand went to her pocket. She pulled out her phone and numbly swiped the emergency call button, she scrolled down for a second and found the name she was looking for: Jackie. She pressed the call button, held her phone up to her ear… and prayed.

.o0o.

What was that about? Glenn asked staring concerned in the direction Catra had stumbled off.

“Is she all right?” Bow added.

“I’m not sure…” Adora said. She turned back to her computer, that’s where Catra was looking before she changed. It was a newspaper article… about a ship, she looked at the picture, it looked like it was on fire. Its name could barely be made out in the picture and Adora squinted her eyes to have a look: _Northern light._ She recognised the name, but she didn’t know where. She grabbed her phone and took a picture of the screen. It could be useful later. But something didn’t feel right…

“I’m going to go and check up on her.” She declared and stood up, turning and headed for the door before Bow or Glimmer could say anything.

.o0o.

“Catra?” She heard Jackie’s voice over the phone. “Are you alright?”  
“Jackie…” Catra managed to breathe out. “I... I saw a picture, and…” Her breath caught in her throat. The pounding in her ears got louder.

“OK Catra. Listen to me.” She heard Jackie’s voice in its calm façade. “Find somewhere safe, find a wall and sit against it, can you do that for me?”

A wall… A wall… She was looking at one. But her head was so _loud_ , she didn’t know what to listen to. “Catra. Hear my Voice. Find a wall. Sit against it.” Jackie’s voice came over louder and sterner to try and break into Catra’s head.

“I… I… don’t…” Catra couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. She gasped as the light flashed before her eyes, and suddenly she was being crushed, raising a hand up to the surface of the water that was dragging her down. She could feel it forcing its way down her throat and she tried to cry out, only inviting more in as bubbles raced from her mouth. She could hear her own heartbeat slamming in her ears like a deafening drum and she felt light and fuzzy due to the adrenaline racing through her veins. She felt her throat constrict and her legs buckled from beneath her, sending her crashing to the ground. She could hear Jackie’s faint voice calling her name from her phone nearby, but she couldn’t concentrate on it. She heard the sound of a door slamming above her.

“Catra!” She heard someone call her name, but she couldn’t look. Couldn’t…

She felt herself slip away and fell into the void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I'd appreciate any feedback you may have for me, this one was a real joy to write. Catra's harmless aggression makes her really fun to figure out how to tease her! Even though I may have nicked a bit from the cannon... But it fit and I couldn't resist so sue me.
> 
> ... Actually, please don't. That would be bad.
> 
> I'm fairly certain the next work will return to the cannon universe, titled: It's not yet day- where our dorks make good on the dance they ruined the last time.  
> Or it will be another chapter of this... whatever comes first :D


	3. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora reflects over her changing opinion of Catra from the stories she had heard about her from Sophia and tries to help Catra as she emerges from her panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the feedback I received so far has blown my mind! The first two chapters were written before I even published the story, this is the first one written on the job so I can't thank you all enough! I was really nervous trying out an AU but this one really has blown my other works... out the water (I'll show myself out)
> 
> The only negative from all this (apart form the bad puns) is now I'm more nervous than ever! people are telling me that I've "Captured them perfectly" and it's "completely relatable" and now I'm staring at my screen terrified that I'm going to slip up when people are enjoying it so much. So I'll state now, if you think I've got a character wrong, or something doesn't feel right tell me how and why and I won't be opposed to rewriting the entire thing to get it right! I just decided to stop panicking, and start writing, so here it is! I enjoyed playing with Adora's perspective, and I couldn't help myself from putting a little fluff in there!  
> Thank you so much for reading and I'll see you soon!

Adora expected one of several things to happen when she saw Catra. She expected her to be storming off, angry at something they had said, or hurt by it. She didn’t mean to get on her nerve. Thinking back Adora knew she should have backed off before they even made it into the library, on the way she had stood on some _very_ dangerous territory. So, when Catra wasn’t looking, Adora started to mess with her in an attempt to get her to smile. She had succeeded…

Then Catra stormed off…

Adora wasn’t quite sure what to think about Catra. She would never be seen with another person accept Sophia and always hid away at the back of the room. She didn’t seem to actively push people away, more like she was in a constant state of trying to avoid everything and everyone- like she didn’t want the world to exist outside of her own little bubble. But that didn’t stop Adora from noticing her everywhere she went. Since Sophia had told her about Catra Adora had wanted to find out about the kind of person that had it within themselves to be so horrible to such an unconditionally nice person.

At first, she wanted to find her and punch her teeth out, Sophia had the biggest heart and yet this girl seemed to do nothing but exploit her and then shoot her down. She got close to it too. But then one day Sophia had stormed into Her’s, Bow’s, Glimmer’s and Penny’s apartment and just proclaimed that the cold as ice Catra had just apologised to her and had bought her a big box of her favourite tea bags. Adora had raised her eyebrow at that. Catra seemed to be a bully, Adora wouldn’t be surprised if she had done this just to get further under Sophia’s skin. Adora _really_ didn’t trust her.

But every day when Sophia came over for biscuits, a chat and maybe a massive chaotic monopoly match with their whole group of friends, she was getting more and more excited because Catra was talking _back_. She hadn’t been as excited for anything else in her life… Well… apart from her and Penny’s weekly trip to the nearby coffee shop every Friday. Sophia had said that Catra had talked a little of her childhood, although apparently Catra had asked her _not_ to tell anyone, but she probably didn’t know Sophia was terrible with secrets. Sophia had said she seemed… almost _haunted_. She would often recluse into herself and Sophia had heard her start to hyperventilate when she was in her room, but she didn’t want to intrude due to the fear of Catra snapping at her.

Adora’s want to break some teeth slowly lessened and she felt more of a concern start up for the girl she had never met, partially because it worried Sophia and that was a crime in and of itself. But as the tales of Catra kept being brought by Sophia the more Adora began to let herself believe that underneath the stoic fortress of Catra’s façade was perhaps a nicer girl… one that maybe in desperate need of help.

So, when in Shaylin’s lecture she realised that they had been put in the same group as Catra she allowed herself to do a slight bit of shameless probing of her character. Mostly to see for herself if She was half as nice underneath than what Sophia’s unending streams of enthusiasm and optimism had led her to believe.

The first thing Adora noticed were her eyes.

Her right eye was a rich blue, nearly turquoise colour that would have been startling on its own. But her left eye Adora assumed was such a pale green that it actually looked yellow. This turned out to be awkward because Adora’s attention kept shifting from one eye to the other, her brain not sure it which one it wanted to focus on. It was so awkward that Adora, being the social butterfly that she was, spouted the first thing that came to her head after she had said hello.

_“You’ve got heterochromia.”_

She had heard about the condition before, it always seemed interesting. She knew it could affect humans, but she had never seen it on one, and now she had noticed, it was really hard to look away. Thankfully, although she bristled at the comment Catra hadn’t pushed her away and Glimmer managed to save her sorry butt from embarrassing herself any more than she already had.

They had gotten to work, and the second thing Adora noticed was her brain. She was quiet at first, letting the trio argue their way through the first parts. But as the hour went on, she began to talk more and more, and soon Adora felt like she was in a race- something she was familiar with and upped her stride. The two of them were exchanging facts and fancy terminology left right and centre, so much so they had left Bow and Glimmer behind. Adora hadn’t met anyone who was as into the subject as much as Catra and it was refreshing to not have to hold back on the more complicated terminology, and to know Catra would counter with points that could make even her stop to think. For a time, she had even forgot she was supposed to seeing if Catra was as nice underneath as Sophia was claiming she always was.

She could see herself working with her more often.

It started to get a little bumpy when Adora tried to ask Catra if she wanted to come with them to get started on the project, but as soon as she said her name, Catra’s shoulders slumped, like she was hoping for a quick getaway only the be cut short before she could run. Nevertheless, Adora asked anyway, and with a little explaining and persuasion Catra had agreed and the four of them had left for the library.

_“There was… an accident… and then, suddenly I didn’t have friends anymore. Happy?”_

Catra’s words had been echoing in her head since then, at the time they had made her stop in her tracks. Adora got the feeling that Catra didn’t mean to digress such information to her, and she definitely felt the sting of hurt when she lashed out. Adora wasn’t trying to pry for anything, she was just trying to have a conversation, and it had been going well, she had even made her _laugh…_ Which she had felt a bit smug about.

But when she saw the flash of barely covered hurt and anger in Catra’s eyes as she snapped Adora knew she had gone where she shouldn’t have. All she knew was that Catra was burying her past, either trying to keep it a closely guarded secret or trying to forget it herself, Adora wasn’t sure which one it was, perhaps it was both…

So, she had tried making back up to her when they were working. Whenever Catra wasn’t looking Adora would quickly switch to her slide and move something, then jumping back before Catra could notice anything, happily watching her eyebrows furrow in confusion. But Bow and Glimmer just _had_ to give her away and Catra’s look of sudden shocked realisation had been too much for her and she couldn’t stop herself laughing. She had seen Catra smile too, so in the end, Adora counted it as a win.

So, when Adora opened the doors to the stairs she had not expected to see Catra collapsed halfway down.

“Catra!” She called even though she probably couldn’t hear her and rushed to her side. Her arm had come under her head, so she likely broke her fall. But she couldn’t be sure. She carefully rolled Catra over and fought the sickening feeling as her arm flopped limply onto the floor. She quickly inspected her for any injuries from the fall. Her arm had taken the impact of the stairs, she’ll have a bruise but nothing serious. She held her palm out over her mouth… Still breathing, but strangely erratic, like she wasn’t completely unconscious, Adora’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

She heard a faint noise nearby, like it was muffled. She shifted Catra to the left and she saw a phone peek out from beneath her shoulder. Adora picked it up and the screen flashed on, it was still in a call with someone named “Jackie.” Adora tucked it between her shoulder and her ear as she felt for Catra’s breathing again, still erratic, still faint.

“Hello?” She asked. She heard a woman sigh in relief on the other end.

“Hello?” She heard back, “Are you with Catra?” The voice asked. So, this person knew her…

“Yep she’s here, I wouldn’t say she’s okay. But she’s here.” The woman made a grim conformational hum.

“Where did it happen?” The voice asked with growing concern.

“On the stairs.” The voice swore, “But she looks like she broke her fall. She’ll have a hell of a bruise on her arm, but she didn’t hit her head.”

“Well that’s something…” the voice said. “What’s happening now?”

“Well… she’s well and truly out.” Adora said, ignoring the strange glances of a group of passers-by. “Her breathing’s erratic and don’t get me started on her pulse.” She said as she felt Catra’s neck.

“Yes these are…. Very unpleasant for her. She hasn’t actually feinted, it’s just…” The voice wavered off, like it had gone somewhere where it shouldn’t. Adora though, felt like she deserved to know.

“What’s happening to her? We were working on a project and looking through some old newspapers and suddenly she gasped and bolted off. The next Thing I know she’s in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.” Adora said. Hauling Catra’s limp form into the corner so Adora could sit against the wall and laid Catra’s head in her lap so she was more comfortable… hopefully.

There was a long silence before the voice cautiously asked: “What project?”

“It’s a presentation on aquaphobia.” Adora replied. She heard the woman swear under her breath.

“Of course it is! Why would I thought It could have been anything else!?” The woman said to herself quietly.

“What’s going on?” Adora pressed again. Looking down as Catra twitched, gasped in her lap and then went ridged as her breathing returned to its previous franticness.

The voice sighed dejectedly. “Catra doesn’t like anyone knowing, but since you’re the only one around to help… You must promise me not to tell _anyone_. Do you understand me?”

“Not a soul.” Adora said, flinching as Catra tried to take a strangled breath and then began to cough violently. She flopped back and her breath was making rasping sounds.

“Catra is currently having a panic attack.” The voice explained.

“A panic attack? Why?” Adora interrupted. The voice came back as a dry laugh.

“Oh dear… Are you sure you’ve been doing a project with her? Though she is good at hiding it…”

“Hiding what?”

“Catra _is_ Aquaphobic… She was a survivor in a shipwreck that went down in the Atlantic. She lost friends, family… everyone. She was being pulled under by the current of the ship and got tethered out by a diver. In all technicalities Catra _had_ drowned, they only got to her just in time. She’s been terrified of water ever since.”

Adora’s eyes went wide.

_“Not quite…The fear is centred mostly to being in or around water. Drinking is normally okay, but for some it isn’t easy.”_

_“It just… fascinates me… I find it interesting.”_

_“I’ve had friends before… It didn’t turn out so well…”_

_“It… It didn’t work out.”_

_“There was… an accident… and then, suddenly I didn’t have friends anymore. Happy?”_

_“The only friend I’ve had since then was a cat I adopted from a shipwreck.”_

Not to mention she had a nearly unending pool of knowledge on the subject. Adora was fascinated at how she knew so much about it, but now… now it made so much sense. Adora actually wanted to slap herself around the face for being so stupid. How did she not connect the dots sooner?

“Oh god… How did I not see that sooner?” Adora muttered as she facepalmed. The voice hummed in an almost humorous confirmation.

“What else should I know?” Adora asked.

“Catra has a rare form of panic attacks, her brain gets overwhelmed and shuts down all conscious thought, but it still thinks she’s drowning. Have you noticed her twitching and gasping?” As if to make a point Catra made a rasping noise, turned and curled up into herself on Adora’s lap.

“Yes.” Adora said looking down at Catra’s shivering form.

“It will take a while for her to snap out of it, for now there’s nothing you can do.”

“What do I do when she wakes up?” Adora asked.

“Get her someplace warm and safe. She’ll be dazed, and thinking will be hard, even walking in a straight line is near impossible so make sure you stay with her. She’ll be like that for an hour or two so don’t press her to hard. If you have any spare blankets, use them too. Her body will think it’s just spent a long time underwater and will behave like she’s got hypothermia. After said hour or so, she’ll want to sleep and will be out as a light for a long while so please do the best you can to make her comfortable.

“Ok…” Adora said, processing the information, “Thank you so much for all the help.”

“I’m just so sorry I can’t be there.” The voice replied.

“Don’t be, I’ll be there for her, promise.” Adora said.

“Thank you…” The voice said. “I’m Jackie by the way… Catra’s adoptive mother of sorts.”

“Adora” She replied, “I’ll keep a good eye on her.”

“Thank you.” Jackie said again, “I’m glad you found her.”

Adora laughed, “Don’t worry, my friends and I have been keeping an eye out on her for a while. She’s always been the quiet one at the back of the room, and before now she only talked to her flatmate Sophia.”

“Sophia?” Jackie asked “Catra’s talked about her before, Catra really doesn’t get along with people but she’s really warming up to her.” Adora laughed.

“Well after this stunt, Sophia’s and all the others won’t let her get away with it. Catra’s going to have friends now… whether she wants them or not.” Jackie laughed.

“It’s good that she has so many people looking out for her. I honestly wish you luck if you do intend to try and properly befriend her, but I can’t promise you it will be easy, Catra is hard to crack.” Adora smiled at the comment.

“We can only try.” She replied.

“That you can,” Jackie said, “Again, thank you… for everything.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll steal your number off Catra’s phone and text you if anything changes.”

“Ok, that would be brilliant thank you.”

“Alright, I’ll speak to you later.” Adora said, they shared their goodbyes and Adora heard Jackie hang up. She placed Catra’s phone deep within her jacket pocket and zipped it up so she couldn’t lose it.

Her attention fell back to Catra who was beginning to shiver more violently, she had curled her arms around her stomach and her breath was hitching and croaking like she couldn’t breathe. Adora Panicked, what was she supposed to do? She tried rolling her back over and rotated her head back further into her lap. Catra gasped and her breath sounded a bit more normal but still very fast. Adora breathed a sigh of relief, she was okay. For now.

Adora fished her own phone from her pocket and quickly searched Bow’s name from her contacts.

“Adora? You Okay? What happened?” She heard him asked.

“Not right now.” She replied, “How long do you think you’ll be?”

“Well, Glimmers found some interesting stuff, we were thinking of going through it now. If we do that, I’d say we’d be about an hour? Why? Do you need us now?”

“No, not yet. When you’re done, could bring mine and Catra’s bags back please? I’ll explain when you get back.”

“Ummm, yeah, sure. Are you alright?”

“I am.” Adora said looking down as Catra twitched and gasped in her lap.

“Alright…” Bow didn’t sound convinced, “We’ll see you soon then.”

“Yep, see ya.” Adora said and hung up. She sat there for a few more minutes, watching the chaotic rise and fall of Catra’s chest.

She was snapped out of her daze when Catra suddenly began to violently cough again and tried to twist as he eyes snapped open. She did nothing for a minute except gently running her thumb over Catra’s arm in an attempt to calm her as she allowed Catra to try and regain her breath through desperate gasps.

When Catra’s breathing calmed she looked up dazed.

“W-Wha…?”

“It’s alright, you’re Okay.” Adora tried to comfort.

“I-I…” She tried to say but her words died out. Jackie was right, Catra couldn’t even form a sentence. Catra stopped trying and just rested back against Adora’s lap for a minute, her eyes didn’t blink once, they were open permanently, hazed and unfocused. She tried to move again but her movements seemed sloppy. Adora helped her to her feet, keeping her hands on her shoulders as Catra swayed. “Dizzy…” She muttered, Adora wasn’t surprised.

She wrapped an arm around Catra’s shoulders to steady her and gently pulled her towards the stairs, moving slowly and taking one at a time they descended. Adora led her towards the door and pressed the button to open one of the barriers, ignoring the strange glances the other students milling around where throwing their way.

Adora slowed her pace as she noticed Catra was stumbling, unable to keep stable at even a normal walking speed. Catra didn’t say anything, she just kept taking long and deep breaths. Adora wanted to ask her if she was alright, but she knew Catra wouldn’t be able to give her an answer. She pressed the button on the traffic light and waited, readjusting her grip on Catra’s shoulder as she swayed.

She led her across and they headed for the flats. Adora swiped her fob over the scanner and the doors swung open. She pressed the button on the lift and waited, watching the number on the top of the door slowly descend. The doors slowly opened, and they went inside, Adora pressed the button for the fourth floor and tapped her foot as she waited for the lift to ascend. When the doors opened, she pulled Catra a little way across the landing and reached in her pocket for her keys. She turned them in the lock and pushed the handle down, opening the door into the hallway of their block. 

She pulled Catra into the kitchen at the end and gently pushed her down on one of the sofa’s lining the walls. Catra didn’t move and stared at the other wall, blinking every other second or so. Adora opened on of her cupboards and retrieved a bar of chocolate, she broke of a line and put the rest back before giving it to Catra. She took it and stared at it for a second, then lifted it to her mouth and broke a bit off with her teeth with a hollow snapping noise. Her eyes closed and she let off a small moan of appreciation. Adora’s lips curled up at the sound.

Adora turned and walked back to the counter, filling up the kettle and grabbing Sophia’s box of teabags that she kept in their flat. She despised tea herself, so she quickly read the instructions on the back of the box to at least get a rough idea of what she needed to do. All she knew is that Sophia would sometimes make one of these for Catra on her longer days so Adora assumed she would appreciate one now.

After fumbling her way through for a few minutes Adora picked up the steaming mug and headed for Catra who was shivering slightly on the sofa. She then realised she had forgotten to take the tea bag _out_ of the mug and hurriedly backtracked as she opened all the draws in the kitchen because where the hell did they leave the spoons?

After eventually finding a teaspoon buried under a chopping board because Glimmer had yet to look up _organisation_ in a dictionary, Adora managed to fish out the soggy mesh from the mug and quickly dumped it in the bin behind her. She picked up the box of teabags and quickly checked off the instructions in her head because if she could forget _that_ then anything was possible.

After confirming she was… fairly certain, that she wasn’t about to poison Catra, she returned and handed her the mug, who sniffed it once and then eagerly took a sip. She licked her lips and then took another so Adora assumed she did ok. She turned back to clean up the disaster she had left in her wake, because who knew tea could be so _complicated?_

She returned to the sofa and sat beside Catra. “I-Is it any good? I’m sorry, but I don’t like tea myself so I never make it, that’s normally Sophia’s thing and I-

“ _Adora._ ” Catra said halting her rant. “It’s great, thank you.”

“O-Oh… thank you.”

Catra smirked at her, “You can make me one of these again.” Adora’s mind recoiled- did she mean that? She didn’t know.

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Catra shiver violently and her jaw clenched to prevent her teeth from clattering. Adora quickly got back to her feet and moved back to the hallway, feeling Catra’s eyes on the back of her head as she went.

She pushed the door to her room open and pulled open the bottom draw of the small chest of draws in the corner. She pulled out a spare blanket and rolled it around her arm. She pushed the draw shut with her foot and headed back for the kitchen. She felt a smile tug at her mouth when she saw Catra’s eyes light up when she laid eyes upon the blanket she was carrying, and gratefully accepted as she unravelled it, she took Catra’s mug for a second and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and tucking it behind her back to conserve as much of her heat as possible. She gave her back the mug and Catra happily took another sip.

Adora noticed Catra frown and the blanket ruffled about as her hands moved about underneath. “Where’s my phone?” She asked.

Adora stopped and thought for a second, she had picked it up… “Yep, I had it.” She said and jogged back down the hallway and wrapped her arms around the door, feeling around her jacket pockets as it hung up on the hook on the door. Her fingers wrapped around the phone and she quickly walked back and gave it to Catra. She thanked her when she took it and her fingers flicked across the screen.

“I’m going to have to let Jackie know I’m okay.” She muttered quietly to herself.

“I talked to her; she knows your fine.” Adora said. Catra’s eyes snapped to her.

“You talked to her!?” She asked, almost alarmed.

“Yes?” Catra rested her face in the palm of her hand that wasn’t holding the mug.

“How much did she tell you?”

“Enough.”

Catra groaned. She looked like she was about to say something but stopped and thought again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to have to hear about that.” Adora blinked. She had expected Catra to shout at her for prying into her past, not apologise…

_What?_

Catra must be further out than she had originally assumed.

“Why would you apologise for that?”

“Because I deal with this stuff myself, I don’t like bringing others into this.”

“You don’t like bringing others into _anything._ ” Adora countered.

“Because anything _leads_ to this!” Catra snapped.

“Anything leads to chocolate, tea and a comfy blanket? Doesn’t sound too bad to me…”

Adora saw Catra’s eyes flash in pain and she took a shuddering gasp, she closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Adora immediately retreated and didn’t say anything more. Catra took another sip of her tea. “Anything leads to being crushed twelve thousand feet under the Atlantic,” Catra said, her eyes hardening. “And everyone else constantly checking if you’re Ok when everything that matters in your life has _literally_ sunk to the bottom of the ocean.”

“I’ve been checking that you’re Ok…” Adora began, trying to choose her words carefully, “Because you had stormed off, had a panic attack, fell down on the _stairs_ and for a time you couldn’t _breathe_. Your past is yours to tell me, but you need to consider the possibility that some people like you and _want_ to be your friend, even if that means looking out for you when everything gets too much.”

“But why?” Catra asked.

“But why _not?_ ” Adora said, meeting Catra’s eyes in a silent challenge. Catra stuttered, not quite able to give a straight answer.

“Because no since Jackie has…” She trailed off and Adora jumped on the chance.

“From one I’ve learnt about you today, that would be most likely because you haven’t _let_ anyone in since Jackie.” Adora said, remembering the worried voice on the other end of the phone:

_“Catra is hard to crack”_

That was one of the greatest understatements she had heard this year.

Catra couldn’t provide an answer and silence reigned for a minute before Catra asked quietly:

“Are you going to tell Bow and Glim- Glenn?”

“I believe _you_ should.” Adora said “But if you don’t, I will tell them you’re Aquaphobic, they’re working with you, so they deserve to know. As for the why… as I said, your past is for you to tell, I promised Jackie I wouldn’t tell a soul, so I won’t.” Catra nodded mutely.

“Thanks…”

“I’ll talk to Shaylin tomorrow and ask to get a new topic.” Adora said.

“No!” Catra nearly shouted, Adora looked up alarmed.

“Why not? Catra, it’s already given you a panic attack. What’s to stop another one?”

Catra looked like she was thinking quickly and Adora was fairly certain she wasn’t about to receive a straight answer.

“Because it increases the chances of people figuring it out, and I don’t want to go through the rumour stage again, it’s happened once before, and it _really_ wasn’t pleasant.”

Adora wasn’t sure if that were the whole story, but she couldn’t argue. She nodded, “Ok… But you have to tell us what’s happening, we need to know when to back off.” She said.

“You’ll know.” Catra said and her eyes snapped to the door as they heard the main door open at the end of the hallway. Seconds Later Bow and Glimmer entered the kitchen, each holding an extra bag.

“Catra!” Bow said happily, “I didn’t expect to see you here!” Catra waved weakly in greeting. Bow and Glimmer put their bags on the table and then occupied the other sofa facing them.

“So, what’s going on?” Glimmer asked, “One second you were there and then poof! All we got was a mysterious phone call from Adora.”

Catra looked at Adora pleadingly, but she just nodded on encouragement. Catra sighed and closed her eyes like she was steeling herself. 

“I’vegotaquaphobia.” She said.

“What?” Bow asked.

“Perhaps in English?” Glimmer added, her eyes sparkling mischievously. Adora sighed and smiled.

 _Well at least she tried._ Though knowing Catra she probably hadn’t had to tell anyone before, so this was a pretty big confession.

“Catra’s Aquaphobic.” Adora said for her.

“Ha!” Bow said with Glee, turning to face Glimmer “I told you she knew too much about i- wait we’re doing a project on it… oh _god_ I’m a horrible person, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make a joke out of it-

“ _Bow!_ ” Catra interrupted, “It’s fine. I didn’t know I had left it so obvious…”

“I… had my suspicions” Bow said, “But that’s not something you just go and ask someone.”

Cara nodded slowly. “Well… thank you.” Bow smiled.

“No problem, I’m just glad I know the reason now… shouldn’t we ask for a new topic?”

“No.” Adora added in for Catra, “If we change unexpectedly then it makes it easier for someone to work it out, and even if they don’t then we’ll still have it to explain to Shaylin,” She saw Catra shudder out the corner of her eye, “and we all know how awkward that would be.”

“All right….” Glenn said, not sounding entirely convinced but she tried to move the conversation elsewhere. The topic soon moved on and Adora noticed Catra visibly relax. At least she was feeling better.

Soon the television in corner was turned on with random channels being flicked through, providing background noise to the weirdest game of go fish Adora had ever been a part of. It was Bow’s idea: something simple to get Catra into it but it had soon descended into chaos:

“Bow stop stealing my sets!”

“Dammit Glimmer…”

“Adora! Pay attention!”

“Catra…. You’re supposed to give me _all_ of your fives.”

“I _did!_ ”

“Bow! Queens!”

“No please!”

“Bow…”

“Please! You are my queen…” Catra had actually laughed at that one- causing smiles all round.

“Queens…” Though Glimmer couldn’t keep a straight face as Catra was still cackling at them as she was curled up in the corner of the sofa, but still shivering.

“Catra, do you have any aces?” Adora asked, flicking through her hand.

“…”

“Catra?” Adora said turning to face her only to go dead silence when she noticed Catra had closed her eyes and was softly snoring on the arm of the sofa.

She looked to the side to see Bow and Glimmer with elated smiles on their faces. The game ended and the rest of them turned to watch the remainder of the program on the television, carful not to laugh too loudly in case they woke Catra up. As the evening went on Adora jumped when she felt something rest up on her shoulder. Catra had turned in her sleep and had fallen against her, using her shoulder as a pillow. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as she felt the top of Catra’s hair tickle the side of her jaw.

She looked back to the side to see Bow and Glimmer silently laugh at her, with irritating suggestive smiles that only her best friends were allowed to make and survive.

“Don’t. Even. Start.” She mouthed at them. They just grinned at her but didn’t say anything else.

As the sun began to dive behind the horizon the room as filled with quiet yawns as they were finishing just one more episode. Bow and Glimmer had spun on the sofa, so Glimmer was lying up against Bow with his arms curled around her waist. Adora smiled at her hard work, she had been working on those two since the middle of high school, and finally it had come to fruition.

She relaxed further back on the sofa, careful not to wake the sleeping Catra on her shoulder who hadn’t budged since she got there. She still shivered occasionally but she was pumping out a huge amount of heat, and Adora was finding it difficult to stay awake. She was fighting to keep her eyes open, at least until the end of the episode, because really, she should go to bed and let Catra have the sofa to herself as she needed the rest. But… she was comfy, and her eyelids felt so _heavy…_

She didn’t make it to the end of the episode.


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra tries to grasp the concept of possibly having friends again. It doesn't end well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the delay, the first half this chapter was blazed through easily. I knew where I wanted it to end (But that's turning out to be the next chapter... so yay for plans) But I've been stuck writing abut twenty endings. None of them worked here, but I've now got a few scenes for later so it isn't all for nothing. Then this morning it all clicked and I sprouted it all out so there we go!  
> Thanks for reading and I'll see you soon!(er hopefully next time :D)

Catra slowly slipped back into consciousness, her mind content to slowly wake up for once, rather than the frequent adrenaline fuelled jolt. She soon recognised she was close to upright and not lying down on her bed, she must have gotten home and curled up on the sofa, but then…

How was she covered by a blanket?

Well, Sophia could have draped one over her when she came back from… whatever she said she was doing that night, she couldn’t remember, only something about a person called Penny and a few others. Although that made sense, it didn’t explain why her pillow was so warm, like it had a freshly made hot water bottle inside it. In fact, it was too warm…

Like _alive_ warm.

Catra’s eyes peaked open. She saw a pair of legs, sticking a ninety degree angle outward which definitely couldn’t be hers, and a dark grey tank top. Reluctantly she pulled away, expecting her spine and neck to resist but was pleasantly surprised that they worked without complaint. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked up.

“Morning!” Adora said happily. Her hair had been pulled from its tie, so it had tumbled around her shoulders and had curled up between the back of her neck and the cushion of the sofa in a bright blonde mess. On her lap was a large notebook and Adora was scribbling on it- her handwriting infuriatingly neat for such a rushed job.

“Morning.” Catra replied automatically as her brain pulled into gear, she’d slept on Adora… She tried to figure out how she got there, she had to work with her on a project, they went to the library… the picture… She hadn’t seen it since she saw the newspaper with her own eyes when she was still restricted to a hospital bed.

It had been bad… she remembered she felt trapped, she couldn’t make it to the air, she had called Jackie in the hopes her voice could bring an ounce of Clarity to her overwhelmed mind. It did, but it was too late, and the shadows had pulled her under. She had a vague memory of Adora’s voice and being pulled. Her clouded mind began to clear up and she soon discovered that another nightmare had followed her into reality…

Someone else _knew…_

The last time someone discovered it, she had been back in high school and her peers had gone to _town_ with it. Because yes, Jack may have picked his nose, Georgia may have had a serious case of Acne, but Catra was afraid of _water_ … actually _afraid_ of it. So, instead of comforting her and looking out for her when she had probably gone through one of the most traumatic experiences anyone could go through _ever_ … They laughed… they teased… and they squirted the contents of their water bottles at her.

Catra lived through the weeks in a state of constant fear, anyone who tried to be nice to her was soon bullied from doing so. So, to escape the baying wolves, she found the dark corner of her mind, raised her shield… and took another step through the hell built for her by the people in another circumstance could have been her friends. _No one_ would find out again.

Catra had to fight off another panic attack when she realised she had failed, but she forced herself to breathe and think. There were no jokes, no teasing remarks, no water. Even in her completely dazed state Adora had managed to get her back from the library, fed her chocolate made her tea and had smothered her in a thick blanket when she started to shiver as the memories caught up with her. for all intents and purposes: her secret was safe.

_“But why?”_

_“But why not?”_

That still confused her, in fact most of yesterday confused her, she had met people that didn’t think they could use her fear as an easy way to inflate their own ego’s, and they had treated her…

Like a _friend…_

She had laughed and talked and bantered her way through the evening fighting her urge to run and hide, to not let herself ruin things just this once, and their sofa was really comfortable… She must have rolled in her sleep to end up against Adora but she hadn’t woken her. Adora must have gone to sleep on the sofa as well, to allow her to rest.

She was so confused…

“Hello? Earth to Catra?” Catra’s eyes snapped into focus. Adora was grinning at her, she had stood and had moved towards the cupboards. “What do you want for breakfast? We have cereal, toast… ooooooo… I could make a fry up, haven’t had one of them in ages. Are you a vegetarian?”

Catra shook her head slowly. “Moral arguments of animal use aside, bacon still exists, so…”

“Awww!” Adora cooed jokingly at her as she started digging through her cupboard to find a pan, “A girl after my own heart!” Adora winced as she pulled the pan out and rubbed her shoulder as she moved it in circles. “Your head is really heavy did you know that?”

Catra tried to fight down the small blush working its way onto her face. “Sorry…”

Adora ignored her apology and worked in a storm of clatters and bangs as she got to work. Soon the kitchen was sizzling to the song of the frying pan and the smell wafted throughout the room. Catra watched Adora work with an eyebrow raised. Adora seemed to… explode… through the kitchen, messy wouldn’t even begin to describe it but Adora seemed to move with a strange fluidity, she always remembered where she left something on the side even if she had left it in three different places before.

Adora gestured to the television to draw Catra’s attention to it, as she looked, she realised it was the presentation they were working on. “Bow and Glimmer did a huge amount yesterday, I think we only need one or two more stints and it should be done.” Catra looked at the slide counter: it had doubled in size since she left, she was definitely not doing this one on her own after all.

“Are you sure you’re ok doing this Catra?” Adora asked. Catra looked back at her, she had pulled all her hair round so it rested on one shoulder but there was a spikey bit on the other side, it was hard to take her seriously. She nodded.

“I’ll need some time to get my head around it, but yeah, I can do it.” Adora looked at her worryingly sceptically but relented and turned back to the pan.

“If at any point you don’t want to, then we’ll get the topic changed, even if it’s the night before OK? The others will be fine and it wouldn’t be too hard to…”

“I’ll be _fine_ Adora.” Catra said rolling over so she was lying across the sofa. “Stop worrying so much, you’ll burst a bulb.” Adora rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the sizzling mess in front of her. Catra looked down and saw the laptop which was hooked up to the television. She reached down and brought the project back to the start and started flicking through, ignoring the shudder that always wanted to run the length of her spine as her eyes glided over the screen, if she couldn’t do this here…

She was impressed, everything was clear and concise with links leading off to extra notes they could elaborate on when actually presenting it, it had most of the really interesting information, it kept her attention all the way through and at the end…

It was correctly referenced!

Catra for a second honestly believe Christmas had come early.

“It’s good right?” Adora said turning back, holding two plates filled with sausages, bacon, and eggs. Catra felt her mouth begin to water.

“It’s brilliant!” Catra said smiling as she joined Adora at the table, gratefully accepting the cutlery Adora offered her. She cut a bit off and took a bite, stifling the moan.

It was _good._

Adora was grinning at her over her own mouthful, watching as Catra all but inhaled the food put in front of her.

“Careful!” Adora laughed, “You’ll make yourself sick!”

“Is fargh too layght dor dat.” Catra mumbled with her face stuffed.

“Slow down! Or I won’t make you anymore!” Adora threatened, pointing her knife at her. Catra slowed, and then stopped as her mind tumbled.

_Why did that matter?_

Catra couldn’t deny Adora’s hospitality, last night would definitely become her fondest memory since she left home, even if it was blurred by the panic before it. So, what had her on edge? _”_

_“Or I won’t make you anymore!”_

Anymore… as in future tense… as in _again_. Adora was suggesting that she would make this for her… again…

_What?_

Catra didn’t know what to think, all she had done was get in the forced in the same group, worked with them for an hour or two and played a simple card game whist watching tv. Yet Adora was acting like she didn’t think twice about the prospect of Catra being there another time so she could make breakfast again. Also, the way bow and Glenn were treating her… They laughed with her, talked to her, teased her slightly but not with any of the maliciousness she was used to. They were all treating her like a….

No, no, no, no. Making friends was not…

 _could_ not be this _easy..._

But then again. She didn’t know. She had grown up with her friends before, they saw each other all the time due to their parents and so just became friends… right up to the very end. Catra suddenly realised she didn’t know _how_ to make friends, all her life she had just been given them.

What was she missing?

“You alright?” Adora asked and Catra realised her jaw had stopped moving, still full of food for nearly a minute. Catra slowly nodded and her jaw restarted. Awkward monologues about friends could wait, they had work to do and her breakfast was rapidly cooling…

.o0o.

“So where did Bow and Glenn go?” Catra asked as she was curled up into the corner of the sofa, busy tapping away at a new line of information Adora had just read out. They decided to spend a bit of time continuing the project since Bow and Glimmer had done more than them. Not that they’d care, but it felt like it was the right thing.

“Oh, they went out with the others.” Adora said, scrolling through a journal for more information.

“Others?” Catra asked curiously.

“Yep, there’s Sophia,” Catra nodded, “You’ve got Penny who you might have seen a couple of times.” Catra was reminded of a girl with long blonde hair who had a flower hair pin always stuck in her hair. “Then, there’s Melissa, Shaun, Freya, Ellie and Harry. But knowing you I doubt you would recognise them!” Adora said, throwing a grin in her direction. Catra rolled her eyes, but she was right, she probably _had_ seen them about but never paid any attention at all to them.

“… Dealing with it?” Adora’s voice drifted back into her brain, she turned to see Adora looking at her questioningly. Catra shook her head.

“Sorry, say that again?”

“How do you go about dealing with it?” Adora asked again, nodding towards their project. “This Journal is _filled_ with different theories about how to try and counter aquaphobia, but it hasn’t given any particular one that has worked.”

“I don’t…” Catra said slowly.

“You haven’t even tried?” Adora asked, sounding more curious than derogatory.

“No, either I’m too close to something that it can cause a panic attack, or the times where I’ve been taken close to somewhere where it could, but not overwhelming, I get so board I’m tempted to jump at it because at least then _something_ interesting happens.” Adora laughed.

“So everything you’ve tried so far have been to do with water in real life?” Adora asked.

“Yes, for whatever good it’s done me.” Catra replied, looking over Adora’s shoulder at her screen and typing out another point onto the slide.

“Interesting…” Adora said with a thoughtful expression on her face.

“What?” Catra asked. Adora shook her head like she was trying to get her attention back to the real world.

“Oh nothing, I just had an idea…” She said dismissingly, Catra raised an eyebrow at her but decided not to press any further.

.o0o.

“We’re _Hoooooooome!_ ” Catra heard Glenn’s voice reverberate down the walls of the corridor.

“Glimmer! Do you Mind!? We’re right beside you!” She heard another voice shout over the top.

“Just being careful, you never know when you’ll come across some inappropriate cuddling in this flat!” Glenn said with glee as she walked through the door to the kitchen, flanked by several other people. Catra crushed the wave of nervousness, her way out was blocked if everything got too much, at least for now.

“The only inappropriate cuddling that happens here is between you and Bow!” Adora said looking up from her computer.

“Can we, you know… _not_ bring me into this!?” Bow said, looking highly uncomfortable. Catra couldn’t help the smile on her face.

“I’m not sure you can lecture _anyone_ on who is and is not inappropriately cuddling based on what we walked on this morning!” The blonde girl with the flower hairpin said- Penny, wasn’t it?

Adora’s cheeks went scarlet and she looked too shocked to come up with a reply. Catra looked at her questioningly, hoping for an explanation.

“They, came round this morning to say hi… when you were still asleep.” Adora said, looking sideways at her.

Oooohhh…

…

…

…

_Oh…_

Catra began to feel her own cheeks heat up as she caught on to what was being suggested.

“Yeah, I agree with penny.” The black-haired boy said with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a smirk “That was some _very_ inappropriate cuddling.”

“She was _asleep_ Shaun!” Adora snapped.

“While she was asleep? Damn that’s ballsey… even for you.” He said on the verge of laughter. Everyone else was already over it and were happily cackling at them

Catra buried her face in her hands. The exit was looking nicer by the second. Adora picked up a pen and flicked it at Shaun so it struck him between the eyes.

“Ow!” He yelped. Everyone laughed harder and thankfully left the subject alone. Catra felt her urge to run slowly fade as everyone sprawled over what free sofa space was left and on the floor. Adora had picked her stuff up and sat next to her. She could also read her screen easier from here she continued to occasionally type something out when she saw something interesting though.

“So Catra!” Adora said, “You already know Sophia,” The pair shared a smile, “That’s Penny.” Adora pointed to the girl with the flower pin who waved at her cheerily. Catra _had_ seen her around before. “That is Shaun, ignore literally _everything_ he has to say, and your life will be better for it.”

“Hey!” He said, jokingly looking offended and putting his hand over his heart.

“That’s Melissa, but we call her Mista because her name’s too long.” Adora said, pointing to a black-haired girl who had dark blue highlights along the tips of her hair.

“You know her name takes the same amount of time to say as yours, right?” Catra said, looking at Adora suspiciously. “Adora and Melissa both have three syllables so take the same amount of time.”

“That’s what I keep telling them. But they like, never listen.” Mista said.

“Then you have Freya, Ellie and Harry but they’re… not here… What did you guys do to them?” Adora asked, ignoring Catra’s comment. cocking a suspicious eyebrow at her friends.

“Nothing!” Sophia said, “They had projects to work on and decided to be responsible and get them done sooner rather than later. Unlike _some_ people here.” She said giving a pointed look at Shaun, who smiled and shrugged.

“And everyone, this is Catra!” Adora finished, Catra waved shyly, she had never talked to this large a group of people. Not since… She squashed the feeling down again. She could do this, just like last night, but bigger… much bigger.

Everyone waved back and the conversation splintered into several smaller groups, like they hadn’t just gained an extra person. Catra curled further up into her corner, slightly intimidated by the amount of information bombarding her ears. Adora rolled her eyes at her and brought Catra into her conversation with Bow and Glimmer. Catra relaxed a bit, they were talking about their project and what she and Adora had done whilst there were out.

“We found a journal with tons of theories about countering it.” Adora said, “So we’ve added the really interesting ones. I’d say unless we add any more to the how it’s acquired section, next time we can work on the conclusion and then figure out how to talk through it.” As she was talking Catra watched Bow and glimmer scroll down the screen of Adora’s laptop, reading through their work.

Bow nodded. “Yep, I think anymore may be too much. But hey, that means we’re nearly done!”

Catra was content just to try and observe the goings on around her. She didn’t see Shaun shoot out of his seat and raid one of the nearby cupboards to several coos of interest. She jumped as she heard a loud banging sound as a large bottle was slammed onto the side. Glimmer swung her legs over the back of the sofa to help and soon pretty much everyone had a glass in hand, from wine to vodka and lemonade.

“Do you want anything Catra?” Glenn had offered, who was helping pour everything out.

“No thank you.” Catra said, shyly curling further into her corner as everyone looked at her with knowing smiles.

“Not a drinker?” Glenn asked as she was working in Mista’s drink. Catra made a subtle circular hand movement covered by her body so the others wouldn’t see. Glenn’s eyes opened in understanding. “oooh right, yep, that makes sense.” She didn’t press her any further. Catra was glad, although it certainly wasn’t real, she had seen programs and read books where people get pushed more when they deny such an offer, but she was grateful that Glenn seemed to understand.

“Is that because you’re a lightweight like Adora?” Sophia asked with glee.

“I am NOT a lightweight!” Adora growled, glaring at Sophia.

“Adora, you had three drinks and were stumbling around after people going “ _Hiiiiiiiiiiii!”_ all the time and falling over every other second!” Bow added. Most of Adora’s face burned at the comment as the room was filled with laughter.

“It was one time…” Adora tried to offer resistance but simply got laughed down.

Catra couldn’t stop the smile from fighting it’s way onto her face. She could…. _Actually_ imagine Adora doing that.

“And you will _never_ live it down.” Shaun said.

Adora groaned and threw her head back against the cushion of the sofa.

Catra felt herself smile. She remembered that Jess would always do something similar when others would jest at her. In fact, there were a lot of similarities between these people and her old friends, except from all innocence had flown out the window long ago for this lot. But the way it seemed to be an unending storm of sarcasm and sass. So many horrible things were said with smiles and met with laughter. It seemed so strangely… _familiar_.

Catra tuned everyone out as she watched: Sophia and Penny reminded her a lot of Lilly and Hannah, they seemed to be able to vanish into the corner, hide from all the bantering, but when the moment was right they would pounce and utterly _annihilate_ any meagre defence someone could offer. Catra watched with a strange interest as they took Bow’s argument apart between them, piece by piece. She wasn’t quite sure what it was about, something about a school dress up day and “abs”, and frankly Catra wasn’t sure if she _wanted_ to know what had gone on that day judging by the enthusiasm that Sophia and Penny finished each other’s sentences.

Shaun and Mista were a lot like Nathan. Constantly on the attack to try and move the attention away from themselves, only to have their high and mighty façade completely ruined buy a single quiet comment.

Bow and Glenn seemed content to sit back and watch, only retaliating with great enthusiasm when either of them were picked on.

Adora reminded her of Jess most of all. She was nearly always the target of the next joke, but she would simply laugh it off and then strike back with an equally devastating memory from their past. It was probably why she had managed to do so many embarrassing things in the first place. It all seemed like on large banter tournament. If you didn’t see how everyone was near constantly laughing, it wouldn’t be far off to assume that they hated each other. But it seemed like they were reminiscing most of all. If anything, Catra learnt that behind this group was an incredibly deep and rich history. Which only added to her confusion of to why they were including her so much.

Every single time someone made a joke about whatever someone did or said. Adora, Sophia, Glenn, Bow and hell even Mista once stopped to explain exactly what had went on. Catra had assumed most of them would ignore her presence and just try and continue on like she wasn’t there, but all of them at some point or another had pulled her back into the conversation and for the first time in more than half a decade, Catra round herself laughing amongst her friends…

_Friends…_

Where they? Really?

There where times it certainly felt like it. As the evening went on, she was laughing more and more. She had even been targeted by Adora who took great pleasure in trying to mimic her “confused face” Catra had punched her in the shoulder only to cause everyone to laugh harder.

She could get used to i-

She mentally stomped that though down. Friends were nice, but a vulnerability her life had already exploited too much. She didn’t need to go through that again. She looked back at Adora again. Her eyes where shining with excitement and she was using her hands way to much to express whatever point she was trying to make. She really did remind her of Jess. But she wasn’t surprised, they where at the same age as she was in her final memories of…

…

Catra would be as old as she was this year…

Jess was nineteen when she died…

The thought shook her, and she visibly recoiled, getting her a worried look from Adora. She felt the corner of her eyes begin to water. Her mind stamped down harder. This was _not_ something she needed to think of right now. But the picture of Jess’ face had burned it’s way on to the back of her retina’s. That was one of the best things about having a sister as good as her. Jess was _always_ there. If she had friends round Jess would never ignore Catra, to the point where those friends had also become Catra’s in a way. Jess once cancelled a trip to the cinema with those friends to help Catra with a school project. Once someone had said something horrible about Jess, to her face. Catra couldn’t remember what it was now. Jess had just ignored it.

Catra had punched them square in the face.

They were a team; you didn’t get one without the other. You messed with one you messed with both.

The problem with having a sister who was always there? It’s what happens to those who are left behind when their suddenly _not._ In the earlier days when she moved in with Jackie and Mike she had come down from her room, in an alien house, made it to the kitchen saying a greeting to the sister she no longer had. It was something she had done everyday since as long as she could remember. Even in a new house the habit had stuck, and it had taken her an entire year to finally break it.

Her vison got a little blurry and the corners of her eyes glistened slightly. Mentally she slammed the lid on it and jumped up and down repeatably. Lock it away and she’d never have to deal with it. A tear escaped her eyes and made a dash down her cheek, but she intercepted it before anyone could notice. This wasn’t working. She needed space.

She caught Sophia’s eye and with a small nod to try and convey she was Okay, she slipped over the side of the sofa. If she let Adora know then chances are she would see through her and try to follow, which would make everything worse. She silently headed for the door. Unaware of the confused pair of eyes following after her.

She stormed through the door leading out the landing and took and immediate right, her block really was just next door… She threw the door to her room open and immediately collapsed onto her bed, holding her hands over her eyes as she felt her palms dampen and she started to shiver as her mouth let out a small sob.

She sniffed as she lost control of her memories, they flashed before her mind so quickly and she saw them all as clearly as when they happened. Jess blowing out the candles of her birthday cake, just days before they left for the _northern light_ , Her mum and dad laughing as they snuggled up into the corner of the sofa, whilst she and Jess made fake retching sounds, Lilly and Hannah stuffing there faces with as much chocolate as it was physically possible on Christmas eve…

There cold terrified expressions as they were slowly dragged under… Slowly being crushed under the weight of several thousand tonnes of ocean… drifting further and further until not even the light could reach them… an eternity buried in the deepest, darkest place possible, with nothing but the sapping darkness and the weeping of the lost to hold company…

Catra curled up into a small ball as the sobs wracked through her body, she tried to bury her face in her pillow as she cried, hoping it would provide at least a modicum of comfort, but the darkness did the exact opposite. She cried out in shock as the darkness caused as stab of panic to tear through her and she desperately fought it down.

Her hands were shaking as she pushed herself up and her eyes locked to the window, the sun had started to set, the horizon lighting up in a brilliant orange. She had seen so many of them since then… at first, she had taken to counting them. A reminder that she was still here… and everyone else wasn’t. She could feel the tears racing their way down her cheek, but she did nothing to stop them. She dropped her elbows onto the mattress as she hissed and breathed, her body in a constant state of shivering. Every time she thought she might have gotten it under control her mind assaulted her with yet another memory and she buckled under the pressure.

Catra collapsed to the side and gave up fighting. The floodgates opened, everything she could remember, from the silly paper hats and crackers on Christmas to the laughs of her classmates as she panicked because just a _tiny_ amount of water had been squirted at her face. They all stormed her consciousness. She wanted to scream at the intensity of it, but her cry died in her throat as another sob. She curled up again, her arms wrapped around herself, one around her side, the other to the back of her neck. She clenched herself so tightly that her fingers tore into the flesh of her back and her neck. She winced in the pain, but it was nothing compared to the searing heat that burned in the base of her skull, it at least provided a sharp anchor to reality and subconsciously she felt her fingers dig deeper.

She remained that way for hours, long after it had gone dark, shivering in the corner of her imagination. Her mind exhausted but still being pummelled by memory after memory. She had locked them all away for a long time, she had never wanted to go through them again, and hadn’t since her time in hospital.

But now there was no stopping them. Apart from the occasional shiver she was curled up and deathly still, her limbs to tired and achy to make any conscious effort to try and move them. Her past had her in it’s claws as she slowly drifted out of consciousness and she allowed herself one last desperate hope: that she would get a dreamless night, that she just might be able to wake up in the morning refreshed enough to forget this ever happened. But as she shivered one last time before being pulled into the shadow of unconsciousness, Catra already knew the answer.

_Were it so easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you couldn't tell where I got stuck, I think I managed to blend it back in rather well. Next chapter we'll see Adora in mamma bear mode and hopefully it'll be quite sweet! Until then!


	5. Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora stand off when Adora notices the marks on Catra's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo.... Hi!  
> You remember that part in the last chapter when I said I wanted to get the next one out sooner? no? great! that didn't happen!  
> long story short, my house's boiler went boom. so the heating needed to be replaced- ALL of it, and where did most of the piping have to be? my room of course! This meant there was virtually no time at all to fit any writing in as I was helping to clear the space for the new boiler and all manner of other stuff, which meant this chapter got written out in the hundreds of words at a time, rather than the thousands. so, yeah, sorry! but it wasn't my fault.
> 
> Also you may want to give the last half of chapter 4 a go again, it's been beefed up with some extra information and should make the transfer from sunshine and roses to everything going wrong more believable.
> 
> on that note, thank you so much for you patience and I won't hold you any longer!

Catra woke up in a cold sweat… again.

She found herself still shivering, curled up in a ball at the top of her bed. She had been forced awake several times during the night, sometimes in the suffocating silence of the dark, with only the occasional siren in the distance to keep her company. Other times she would wake with a cry, desperately trying to breath but finding the air stuck in her throat, refusing to move. She would twitch, gasping as the oxygen began filling her lungs and her head dizzy from being deprived of air… 

Everyone really undervalued having trustworthy lungs.

When she finally got her breathing back under control, she would hear quiet footsteps outside her door- Sophia coming to check on her. She felt bad because that meant she had been keeping Sophia up all night. But it wasn’t like she could help it. She just hoped Sophia would give up soon, it would better for them both- Sophia would get some sleep and Catra wouldn’t have to feel so damn _guilty_ every night.

She felt more drained than ever before, both physically and mentally, and she was so _cold._ She tried to get up and wobbled as she was still dazed from virtually no rest. Even though she was still shattered, there was no way she would be able to get back to sleep. She ignored the dried-up red stain on her sheets by her pillow and managed to get her feet on the ground, she needed to clear her head. She looked over at the clock: Quarter to nine. Good. Careful not to trip over herself, Catra slowly managed to get dressed whilst holding herself up against the wall for help. and grabbed her biggest coat and zipped it up. Even though it was still Autumn Catra was freezing.

She slowly ambled out her door and to the landing, down the lift and through the main doors, the outside air felt much better on her lungs and it became just a little bit easier to think and her feet felt slightly more secured to the ground. Catra looked both ways before mindlessly walking along the pavement, towards the waterfront and sat down on one of the benches surrounding a lamppost. Although she normally hated being near the water, she had a rare exception for this particular spot, she was close enough to hear the water lapping at the edges of the marina, but far enough away to still feel grounded and safe. She also found that it also made the memories clearer in her head of that day. She knew why: the sound and smell of the sea was close here, and they reminded her of that day on the ship. but the constant calm chattering of everyone else around her allowed her to anchor herself to the here and now, away from the particular memory she was so afraid of. She relaxed against the post behind her and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of her lungs expanding and contracting normally.

In

Out

In

Out

In

Out

She didn’t try to think of anything, she just relished in the feeling of the air and the noise that surrounded her, she didn’t even look at her schedule to tell if she had any lectures today, she wouldn’t be up for them anyway. So, she just sat and felt the world go by, happily ignoring her presence, and she happily ignored it, just enjoying the peace for once.

She stayed there for about an hour… or was it two? Catra wasn’t keeping track of the time. A plastic cup intruded on her field of vision, being held by someone. She jumped slightly and her eyes followed the arm up to the red rolled up sleeves of a jacket and Adora smiling in greeting at her, her blonde hair blowing gently behind her like a really confused windsock. Still not really able to think straight, Catra smiled in thanks and accepted the offering without a second thought. She normally abhorred the idea of people buying her stuff and had really struggled at first when Sophia started. She took a sip- coffee, slightly sweet with a small milky texture to it… Just how she had it…

She would ask Adora about it later and just enjoyed the warm feeling going down her throat, any heat was a luxury she wasn’t about to take for granted.

She felt Adora sit next to her, so their shoulders were just slightly brushing against each other. Normally Catra would have the urge to move away, but for now it was just another thing helping to prove reality. Adora didn’t say anything and just sat and watched the seagulls playing in the sky with her, taking sips of her own drink, with one hand buried in her waist pocket to hold the warmth in. So, it wasn’t just Catra who felt like it was a cold morning.

Catra really appreciated that, she knew that Sophia must have told her by now about her restless night and yet she hadn’t once asked her if she was okay. She just sat there and enjoyed the companionable silence with her.

Catra rested her head against the lamppost behind her and closed her eyes, listening to the Cawking of seagulls overhead. Her mind still felt… numb. She wasn’t surprised, last night was bad, _really_ bad. It wasn’t even a panic attack, at least not at first, but just all the repressed memories she tried to push down just… came back up, and she really wasn’t prepared for them. She didn’t feel refreshed for them either, it had made her worse.

So, she turned to her age-old tactic, close her eyes, and forget any of it happened. She had gotten good at that. She would feel better tomorrow, she ignored the violent shiver that struck down her back. Adora starting to shift, like she was considering something but not quite sure if she should, eventually though, she broke the silence “What happened last night?” She asked. Catra’s eyes tightened, she did _not_ need to deal with this right now. Though she really should have expected it, this was Adora after all.

_Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her._

“What do you mean?” her mouth betrayed her, in an awful attempt to evade Adora’s concern. One of her eyes creeped open to judge her reaction. Adora had raised an eyebrow and her lips had lowered becoming the picture-perfect definition of: _are you actually shitting me?_ Catra felt her heart drop, she shouldn’t have opened her mouth and now she’s left herself wide open.

“You look like your dog’s been crushed by a bulldozer… and then got served on your pizza.” Adora said crossing her arms, Catra choked on her coffee “You look like crap.” She finished bluntly. Catra rolled her eyes, even though Adora wouldn’t be able to see it

“Really?” Catra replied sarcastically, because seriously, Adora should know better than to ask about that hidden corner of her mind. If being snappy at her will get her to just _back off,_ then she’ll do it willingly.

“So, what happened?” Adora challenged again.

“Nothing!”

“Hmmm, yeah… looks like nothing to me.”

Catra huffs and tuns away from Adora, trying to latch on to the fleeting feeling of solitary, her anger was rising by the second. Unbeknownst to her, the action of turning had made her hair swish, giving Adora a glance at her neck. Catra head Adora gasp and suddenly felt her hands pushing the hair by her neck out the way.

“Catra…” Adora whispered as her thumb brushed over the angry red gashes on Catra’s neck. Catra wince and pulled violently away. “sorry, sorry.” Adora said as Catra intercepted her hand and forcefully pushed it away.

“Do you mind!?” Catra said, her voice a little higher in pitch than it was usually. shifting away from Adora who seemed frozen in place.

“Catra, what _happened?”_ She said quietly, her arm still raised where Catra left it.

“It’s none of your business!” Catra growled.

“It very rapidly _is.”_ Adora countered.

Catra felt her hands ball into fists.

“No, it's not!”

“Catra, at least let me take a loo-

“No, I can deal with it myself!”

“I’m not saying you _can’t_ I’m just trying to-

Catra stood up, shaking her head and her feet started to carry her as far away from Adora as they could.

“ _Catra!_ ” Adora called from not far away. She sounded like she was following her.

Catra felt her anger sear and then snap, like a lightning bolt racing to the easiest point to reach the ground. Or in this case: Adora. She spun around, her eyes blazing, her words out for blood.

“Why are you like this!? What gives you the right to just barge in on someone’s life!? What makes you think you can just waltz in and fix everything when they _clearly_ don’t want you around!” She growled, ignoring the strange glances thrown her way by the various people walking along the waterfront.

Adora looked surprised at her outburst. Catra wanted to laugh, the girl didn’t _know_ , She didn’t fail to notice the look of hurt hurt and the dark shadow of… something else that flashed across Adora’s face before it switched to an anger of her own as she took a step forward

“Well I’m sorry _your highness_. It’s not _my_ fault you can’t accept that anyone might _possibly_ like you! But instead you keep pushing them away as far as possible and that’s fine! I get that! But did you even look in a mirror this morning!? Anyone would be concerned for you! I’m trying to help because you’re my _friend_ Catra!” Adora finished, standing nearly toe to toe with her, with a hand on Catra’s shoulder. Adora’s eyes were boring into her’s, a silent challenge.

Catra mentally stumbled. _Friend._ Was Adora really? Adora certainly hadn’t done anything _wrong_ , she definitely seemed to be the type of person that cares obsessively over those she cares about. That’s where the problem laid. Catra had to deal with these things herself. Behind the walls she had built. Other’s accepted that and skirted round them. Adora was essentially trying to bring a battering ram.

But _friends_? Friends had either left her behind or died. She didn’t need to go through having them anymore. She was good by herself and that’s how it was going to stay.

“Well that’s brilliant!” Catra snapped, pulling away and stepping back. “I’m glad you’ve got that all figured out and it’s all just _peachy_ for you! But have you _possibly_ considered the fact that you’re not _my_ friend!? I don’t want your help! I’ve done fine by myself thank you very much! So do yourself a favour, and just _leave. Me. Alone!”_

Catra stormed off, leaving a frozen Adora in her wake. She could hear the hot, angry drum of her heart in her ears and it powered her stride ever further away. She barged through the main door and quickly sidestepped to avoid crashing into someone coming the other way. She didn’t even apologise and stepped into the lift, pressing the button for the fourth floor. Ignoring the two individuals already in there casting her wary looks. When the doors slid open, she wordlessly pushed the door to her block and raced down the corridor.

Sophia was in the kitchen and had looked up when she heard the commotion. She was about to greet Catra when she saw the stormy expression on her face and fell silently. Catra didn’t even look at her as she pushed the door to her room open and slammed it shut with her foot. Catra leant back on the door and breathed. Her mind was in open conflict with itself.

Adora shouldn’t have gone there. Catra knew that. But she also knew that she would have been much less likely to push, if Catra hadn’t pushed _her_ away so violently, if Catra had just told her that it was all a bit much right now Adora would have nodded left her to her thoughts. But instead she felt her anger at herself, her situation… everything just built up and she threw it at the easiest thing in reach and amongst the people who deserved it the least.

She probably hated her now, and Catra wouldn’t be able to blame her

She opened the door to her tiny bathroom and stepped inside. She wetted an old cloth and turned, hoisting her hair out the way and looked back over her shoulder.

Nearly all the back of her neck was a light red colour, covered in dried up blood. In the middle were four crimson red gashes, they were large and changed thickness and direction due to her nails. She lifted the cloth and pushed it against the back of her neck. Clenching her teeth to avoid wincing as the pain arced across her spine. She took the cloth away to see the side had been stained red, so she placed it under the tap and curiously watched the pale red water slip down the drain. When she was finished Catra placed the cloth back on her neck, wincing as a drop of water slipped from the cloth and ran along the centre cut. Catra’s eyes slammed shut and she let out a strangled gasp at the burning sensation, but she pressed harder anyway.

When Catra finally finished cleaning off the dry blood on her neck she turned and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was frizzy on one side where she had slammed her head against the pillow last night. The bags under her eyes had grown so deep that she couldn’t see the usual splay of freckles under her eyes. Her eyes were darker as well, her left one was almost more green than it’s usual yellow-ish colour. She sighed.

She looked like crap.

.o0o.

“Do you know what today is?” Glimmer asked later that evening. She was spawled over the sofa in the kitchen, flicking through her phone whilst watching yet another re-run of Brooklyn nine-nine. 

“The twenty first”. Adora replied, watching over the sizzling pan with a wooden spoon, cooking some mince for a simple pasta diner for everyone. Bow and the others had run off to the nearby shop for some extra sauce and whatever weird nonsense they could get think up when they got there.

“well, yes. But it’s also been three days since I’ve had sex with my boyfriend.” Glimmer said, letting her head fall against the armrest of the sofa. Adora felt her cheeks heat up a little. She wasn’t prude, it was just… she didn’t expect how suddenly _open_ conversations became when they entered university. But that didn’t stop her from having a laugh. She looked around and dashed for her phone on the table.

“What are you doing?” Glimmer asked lifting her head to watch her curiously.

“Alerting the media.” Adora replied. “The BBC would _kill_ to get their hands on this story… What day did I say it was? The twenty first?” She ducked under the heavy sofa back cushion as it bumped into the wall.

“Shut up!” Glimmer laughed and rested her head back but stopped when she realised she’d just thrown her head rest at Adora. “Can I have that back?” She asked, turning back to the television only to flinch when said cushion came happily sailing through the air to smack her in the face. “HEY!” She screeched only to be met by Adora’s cackling. Glimmer shook her head and swung the pillow back over her head and settling back against it.

When Adora’s laughter died down she went back to the pan and continued stirring the sizzling mixture inside. “You know, when I was trying to get you and Bow together, I didn’t expect a running commentary on how long it’s been since you’ve boned your boyfriend.”

“That’s because you were sweet and innocent, still are… mostly.” Glimmer replied. “But three days is a _looooong_ time, can you blame me?”

“You’re complaining to me about three days?” Adora laughed, grabbing her phone and tapping on the screen a few times. “I haven’t gotten any for the best part of _six thousand, eight hundred days!_ and you don’t hear me complaining!”

“That’s because you haven’t experienced it yet!” Glimmer countered with a smile, “You can only start counting after your first!” Adora rolled her eyes.

“So, you’re just bending the rules so you make yourself feel like you have a legitimate reason to complain?” Adora asked turning to face Glimmer who paused in thought.

“Yes.”

Adora snickered and shook her head. She heard the door click open and turned to see Bow and the rest of their friends carrying _way_ too many bags to fit into the cupboards in the kitchen.

“What’ch you talking about?” Bow called as they made their way down the hallway.

“Oh, Glimmer was just explaining how long it’s been since-

A small cushion went flying into the back of her head.

“Since she’s last seen that person she’s been having an affair with!” Adora said.

“Oh, an affair!” Shaun said with an over exaggerated deep voice, “Drama! Mystery! Who’s it with? Pray! do tell!”

“My bed.” Glimmer replied, “And it’s calling to me harder since Adora can’t make any decent jokes!”

“Harder is definitely one way to put it.” Adora said deadpanning. Grinning internally at the blush the rocketed across Glimmer’s face. Bow raised an eyebrow at her and she smirked at him and flashed him a double thumbs up. His cheeks got darker too and Adora fought back the laughter that both her and everyone else were obviously fighting down. Sophia placed her bag next to Adora for her to see.

Adora looked inside, there was some extra spaghetti in there and a pack of peppers amongst other things. Good.

Adora retrieved a knife from the draws she had spent most of the day reorganising and ripped open the packet of peppers with her teeth. She placed the red one on the chopping board and quickly dissected it, stripping out the core and chopping the top ridge before plopping it in the mince in the pan. She did the same with the green and yellow ones and placed them in the fridge as Bow spun the spaghetti out in the pan.

“So, Is Catra coming over? I bet she would love this!” Penny said, standing against the doorframe.

“No.” Adora said, turning back to the pan to hide the frown that was taking over her expression. “No, she’s not.” Adora’s mind had been on repeat for most of the day, replaying the event over and over. What irritated Adora most of all, was that she couldn’t figure out why it bothered her so much.

.o0o.

Adora didn’t see Catra the next day, or the day after that either. It was like she had just… vanished. Adora wasn’t actually looking for her. Or at least, that’s what’s she told herself but she didn’t turn up for any lectures on Friday, and on Saturday, Adora guessed someone like Catra wouldn’t have any real reason to leave her flat.

Adora wasn’t sure if she actually _wanted_ to see Catra again. Her opinion of both their actions in their final encounter were... conflicted. Adora kind of felt bad, in some ways Catra _was_ right. In the end Adora didn’t really have any business poking her nose into Catra's life like that. But in all honesty, she wasn’t doing it for her own self-interest. She was just trying to _help,_ when she had seen the cuts along the back of Catra's neck she felt her heart jam in her throat, and her mind filled with all sorts of possibilities as to how they could have happened. She had tried to find out…

But she had managed to screw that up...

Again.

On the other hand, did she really _want_ to be around someone who rejected help so viciously? Adora was a firm believer that everyone deserved help when they need it, and if anything was certain in this world it was that Catra deserved help. But when she tried to give it, Catra had turned and snapped like a wild dog chained to a pole. She kind of frightened Adora slightly, so in the end Adora resigned to just try and ignore that any of it ever happened. But whenever she closed her eyes to expel the annoying thoughts of her brain, all she could see where they way Catra’s eyes darkened when she turned and the stinging sensation to her heart when she snapped. Adora shook her head and looked out the window, watching the boats that were departing the harbour and heading up the river. She had been in a similar situation before, she didn’t want… couldn’t _let_ this play out the way it did then.

But she didn’t help, Catra words had stung so she snapped back. Adora knew she should have kept her cool, accepted It and tried to calm Catra down, instead the cruelty of her words had stung so much Adora had fired back, Catra needed understanding, not an argument.

She probably hated her now, and Adora wouldn’t be able to blame her.

Adora looked to her left, at a small picture pined to the board beside her desk. The picture contained a younger Adora not even in the double figures of age, smiling with her arms around the shoulder of a boy, similar in age to her. He had Auburn shaggy hair and his eyes gleamed an emerald green, a small case of acne dotted his forehead and a tiny dashing of freckles were splayed out across his nose. They were both standing on the edge of the pool, beaming at the camera, proudly holding up the medals around their necks- gold and silver respectively. She smiled softly, gently running her hand down the picture, her eyes locked on the smile of the boy…

She hadn’t seen that smile in a long, long time.

.o0o.

She saw Catra the next day. Well… by saw, she meant she got a fleeting glance as they both opened their doors to the lobby at the same time. It took Adora a second to actually recognise it was her. Catra’s eyes widened at the sight of Adora. So… naturally, Adora decided to take the chance.

“Catra-

Catra had moved so fast, she had crossed the lobby and disappeared down the stairwell before Adora could even finish saying her name.

“wait…” Adora’s arms slumped back to her side as she stood quietly, staring at the space Catra used to be. She sighed, to be honest, what did she really expect? Adora sighed, and slung her bag over her shoulder and pressed the call button on the lift, she needed to get to the library anyway.

Adora walked into the library, retying her hair back up as she hadn’t paid much attention when she first tried to do it after Catra had scurried off, and most of it had fallen out by the time she had even made it to a road. She jumped up the stairs two at a time, holding an arm back slightly to hold her bag steady as it bounced behind her. She slowed slightly as she reached the small square landing halfway up- where everything started. She shook her head and pressed onwards, that was something to figure out later. She exited the top and turned to the right, heading past several rows of bookshelves to find the table she and her friends usually inhabit.

She smiled when she saw Sophia looking incredibly confused as she stared at the screen of Ellie’s laptop as Ellie and Harry were explaining their latest project to her. Sophia always tried to figure out what they were trying to do, but hardly ever got it.

Ellie and Harry were engineering students. They were kind, had no filters, _completely_ socially inept, and would often be seen as quite abrasive to other people. But they were intelligent to a level that left most of them in the dust. They fitted right in. 

To the side of them Adora saw Freya typing rapidly on her computer, she was studying geography with a dream of being able to research the poles of the earth. To the rest of them, what was essentially a holiday researching snow and ice in the negative ranges of temperature seemed like a _terrible_ idea. But she was completely unfazed by the prospect of living and working in an area where the water couldn’t quite make its mind up whether it wanted to be a liquid or not.

Penny was reading through a textbook and attacking her work on a notebook with a highlighter whilst Shawn and Mista seemed to be ignoring their work in preference for having an argument and Bow and Glimmer were sitting at the head, talking quietly with their presentation project opened on the laptop In front of them.

Adora quietly slid in next to them and dropped her bag onto the floor, waving to anyone who looked up. Everyone was, mostly working quietly so it should give them some time to finish the presentation before Shaun did something stupid and nearly get them all kicked out…

Again.

They went over what they had, quietly reading aloud to check to see if it flowed correctly. They had to change a fair amount on Glimmer’s slide as she included way too many comma’s and semicolons where they had no place being. They still struggled to fully comprehend Catra’s slide, but that’s what made it so good. Though Adora guessed it was more confusing for her because if she saw a deep enough body of water, she would want to jump _in,_ not get as far away as possible.

They got to the end of Adora’s section and Bow clicked once more to end the presentation at where they had left it, just for them to furrow their eyebrows in confusion as a new slide had popped up. It was a conclusion; with a perfect summary and recollection of points they had all made.

Catra.

She had finished it by herself. Of course she did. Adora sighed and sunk further into her chair, ignoring the worried glances Bow and Glimmer where sending her way. She had told them what happened of course, and they had more or less agreed with her that it would have been better if Adora hadn’t pushed so hard. But they still seemed pretty determined that Catra shouldn’t have gotten so angry, though Adora wasn’t sure if they were just saying that to make her feel better.

“Well, she did a good job.” Glimmer said Adora thought she looked like she should be waving the jazz hands just to add to the obvious: _it could be worse!_

“She did,” Bow said, “but that just leaves the task of rehearsing it, because if she doesn’t participate, she won’t get any marks at all.” 

“But… That means we’ve got to break her out of her shell and happy to work with us in at most… five to six days” Glimmer added, “And that’s probably not going to be easy.”

“You never know.” Bow said shrugging, “This is her grade as well, it may be easier to get her to work with us and _then_ talk her down. We just need her to forgive Adora… if that’s possible.”

“Thanks Bow…” Adora said, “really filling the confidence reserves here.”

Bow laughed slightly, “What? Just saying.”

Adora sighed but nodded, “Catra takes her scores seriously, if we ask her to come she’ll probably do it grudgingly, but it may just give us a chance to talk to her.”

Adora looked at her crossed hands in her lap and took a deep breath. A chance… a chance is all that she needed…

That and a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope it was worth the wait! everything should return to normal schedule as the as before mentions have apparently been resolved! So I'll see you all in the next one where Adora starts trying to put everything back together, whether she'll be successful or not we'll have to wait and see!  
> See you soon!


	6. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra struggles in her current situation. Bow and Glimmer come up with a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was delayed partly due to I had devoted a bunch of time to finishing my newest work based in the cannon titled: "It's not yet day" (so if you like fluff with these two, go cheek it out :D ) and also partly to do with squirrels. (it's a long story)  
> I think for future reference, if you think this story has been quiet for a while check my profile, I may have just released or will be releasing a cannon story soon, or I'm helping with stuff at home. My family moved in about a month before the corona-virus took off and it needed work doing to it THEN. Now it's just falling apart, but we're making progress, that's normally the reason for delays, but I'm always working to get these out as fast as possible so thank you all for your patience!

Catra watched the water fill the glass, trying and failing to count the little bubbles that formed on the surface and quickly vanished as the water stopped. She took a second to shunt the irking feeling, closed her eyes and gulped the water down as fast as possible, taking a deep breath as she finished. She felt her glass clunk on the side as she put it down. She blinked a bit as her head checked up on herself, that went well. Her throat was itchy a bit like it knew something shouldn’t have been there, but all things considered, that was a good outcome.

She jumped when she heard a door bang open to her left, she saw Sophia burst out of her room. “Morning!” She said cheerfully. Catra was about to return the greeting when her mind caught up. Sophia always got up late, and if she was up… Her eyes shot to the clock on the wall, dreading what it would tell her. “No, no! I got up early! You’re not late!” Sophia laughed, “Geez, am I that predictable?”

“A little bit yes…” Catra said, her shoulders relaxing and grinning.

“And when Catra says a little bit…” Sophia started.

“She actually means a lot.” Catra finished. Sophia chuckled as she opened one of her cupboards and rummaged through, making clattering noises as she went.

“Are you alright down there?” Catra asked, raising an eyebrow as Sophia started emptying the offending cupboard.

“Yep, I’m just, trying, to find, that stupid…” She trailed off as pots and pans fell out and clanged to the ground. Sophia sighed and facepalmed. “And they say Glimmer is disorganised….” She said to herself quietly. Catra chuckled and turned back to the hallway, dipping into her room, and grabbing her bag, dropping it on the table in the kitchen, quickly unzipping it and double checking its contents.

“Have you had any thoughts on what I said yesterday?” Sophia asked, looking up from cleaning her mess on the floor. Catra paused, her gaze locked on her bag.

“Yeah… I’ll try.” Sophia nodded and smiles.

“Trust me, everything’ll be fine if you do!”

“Yeah-yeah.” Catra muttered.

“I know it’s so much easier said than done. But honestly…” Sophia said.

“I know, don’t worry.” Catra replied. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.” She said as she grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulders and turned for the door

“That’s a good wildcat!” Sophia said grinning. Catra’s fists banged against the table and she looked up as her eyes narrowed.

“Sophia, I swear to all that’s abo-

“Sorry! Sorry! couldn’t resist.” Sophia said as she looked at her clock above Catra’s head and nodded at it. “You need to get going or you’ll be late.” Catra looked up and huffed, throwing one last playful glare in Sofia’s direction as she grabbed her bag and headed down the hallway.

“Bye… and don’t forget, you have a lecture at ten, don’t be late!”

Sophia’s head appeared above the table with a small slice of bread hanging from her mouth that was intended for the toaster.

“to’ I?” She asked, her voice muffled as her eyes widened.

“Yes!” Catra laughed, “So hurry up!” and the door shut.

The clouds gathered above her as she walked, jealously guarding the sun’s warmth, and making Catra shiver. A cold bast of wind flung itself across the harbour, making her hair fling to one side and forcing her to tuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket to keep them warm. She smiled to herself as she saw a few people stagger, blown off balance by the wind. She would admit to finding it amusing, it wasn’t difficult; just tuck in, keep your legs tense, and walk.

Another gust blasted itself in her face, slowing her march down a bit as she lowered her head to push through. She looked to her right as she crossed the small road on her way to the main building, not many cars would use it, but when they did, they didn’t really understand the concept of slowing down. Catra had chuckled to herself, after everything she’d been through, she did not fail to see the irony of meeting her end under the bumper of an incompetent driver.

She let out a huff of breath as the automatic doors slid shut behind her, and she gave a quiet audible sniff and rubbed her quickly reddening nose. She walked through the large atrium, listening to her footsteps echo off the wall nearby. She walked down one of the huge hallways for a few seconds and turned left, swiping over the scanner with the card on the edge of her lanyard, the door beeped and clicked, allowing her to push it open. She walked into the large lecture theatre, bee lining straight towards her spot in the corner. She halted when a flash of red caught her eye, Adora was sitting next to Bow and Glenn, Catra wasn’t listening in but she did look at the clock above the door, Adora was five minutes _early_. Since when did that happen?

Glenn waved at her as she entered, and Catra waved back slowly. Catra headed to her spot in the corner and settled in, emptying her bag of what she would need. The door opened and a tall thin man entered the room.

John Davidson had grey-ish thinning hair and a kind smile. To Catra he was strange, he would often go on off topic rants and would seem to enthusiastic at times. But he was incredibly intelligent, and you would always learn something from him, even if it wasn’t what he intended to teach you when he first walked in.

So, basically, he was one of Catra’s favourites.

The projector on the ceiling beeped and whirred to life, and the board at the front slowly glowed with the lectures title:  
  


**_Introduction to the Psychodynamic approach_ **

Catra felt herself smile, this was always entertaining when it came up back in college, it was completely bonkers and yet made a deeply concerning amount of sense it a lot of areas. If nothing else, this would be fun.

John finished clicking on the keyboard of the computer at the front of the theatre and stood in the centre for the chatter to quieten down. When it did, he started to pace across the room.

“Hello everyone! So if you haven’t been paying attention to your calendars I’ll be taking this module as well as the SSRS module… Sorry!” There was a murmur of quiet laughter, “So, on with the show! Who _hasn’t_ heard of the Psychodynamic approach, and by extension: the man himself Sigmund Freud?” A few hands rose. John smiled, “Well… Buckle up!” Catra felt herself grin. “So, you’ve all heard of the Oedipus complex yes? You know? The whole thing about boys wanting to kill their fathers and have sex with their mothers? Well, _that’s_ the Psychodynamic approach.”

His smile didn’t subside as he walked to the other side of the room, “So you may be thinking, why do we need to study… _that,_ at university level? Well it’s because without it, Psychology wouldn’t exist to begin with, and that it still as a few implications and uses, even today. So it does have a point and you do need to know it, regardless of how crazy it gets at times. So! Let’s get cracking!.” He pressed a key and the board switched to a picture of an old man with virtually no hair on his head except a neatly kept, small, bushy beard.

“This is Sigmund Freud, he was born in 1856, in Freiburg, which was in the Austrian empire, now the Czech Republic. He was the Creator of Psychoanalysis, a method to combat Psychopathy and… well… let’s just get the fun stuff out the way, shall we?” John took a deep breath. “He believed males were driven by an innate desire for sex, therefore wanting to get to the easiest source: their mothers. He was massively sexist, believing females to be a “failed form of masculinity” and that they blamed their mothers for their “Castration,” Only to later realise they could never be a man and the attempt to identify with their mother’s as a way to make things back to them as well as find a sort of “safety” But they still wanted to keep a source of masculinity close and therefore want to have sex with their fathers, in what’s less well known as the “Electra complex” named after a similarly tragic Ancient Greek play as Oedipus.”

He paused to let his words sink in. “So… all in all, he was a decent bloke!” He said sarcastically whilst giving them a double thumbs up. There were several chuckles heard throughout the room. “But, without him and his rather… eccentric ways. I wouldn’t be teaching this, and you certainly wouldn’t be here learning about it. Also his Psychoanalysis does hold merit, and various aspects of the Psychodynamic approach is still used today, especially in the counselling area, so he wasn’t completely useless.”

Catra had her head buried in her notebook, quickly scribbling everything down, yeah, she may have already made these notes before, but they helped to pass the time. As the hour came to a close, Catra snapped shut her notebook and stuffed it in her bag, followed quickly by her pen. The room was filled with clattering and ruffling as everyone got up and swung their coats on to ward off the Autumn sea breeze. The moment they were dismissed Catra was out the door, and briskly marching through the main atrium. She smiled to herself, even though she always sat at the back of the room, she was always the first one out without fail.

The weather had brightened up, the sun as providing more warmth and wind had died down. Allowing Catra to walk undisturbed on her way back to her room. As she walked, she watched one of large ocean survey ships pull in, its satellite dish spinning happily upon the cabin’s roof. She always wondered how people were happy to generate their livelihoods out at sea. But she shook it aside, that was her own biased opinion, at in her line of study bias certainly isn’t the best. It slowly pulled up alongside the huge metal stick… things, Catra didn’t know what they were called and three people in large rain jackets jumped off the side holding onto huge pieces of rope to tie the ship down.

Catra turned the corner and headed for the doors of the student flats. Out the corner of her eye she could see Bow, Glenn and Adora walking not that far away, looking at the ship and from the looks of things were having some sort of joke argument, with Adora looking exasperated and Glenn laughing off to the side…

Should she? Sophia’s words came back to her, _“Trust me! Everything’ll be fine if you do!”_ Catra sighed to herself. She could do this… Her right foot moved forward towards them and she froze. She felt the nervousness build up and the adrenaline slightly kick in, and try as she might, her feet wouldn’t budge. Catra groaned to herself, looked down and shook her head…

She couldn’t do this.

She turned and fled back towards the building, mentally kicking herself for her cowardice.

.o0o.

Adora walked behind Bow and Glimmer. She had tucked her hands in the pockets of her jacket and was content to let her mind wonder as she walked. She let her head rise and smile as a fairly strong breeze blew in from the harbour, she always found it amused when Bow and Glimmer complained about the strong winds they often got here, considering where she grew up it was mandatory that she liked the wind, even more so when it got rougher. Adora loved it when her Ponytails was flapping about behind her and she had to tuck in her limbs to walk through the gale. Everyone else hated it, Adora found it fun.

Her eyes lazily followed the large sea cat ship pull into the bay. Adora didn’t understand exactly _why_ the ocean survey fleets so often pulled in here. They weren’t far from London at all, it wasn’t like every inch of the North Sea _hadn’t_ been charted and mapped. Yet every week without fail one or two Sea Cats would pull up alongside the waterfront.

She looked ahead to see Bow and Glimmer whispering to each other. Glimmer smiled and stepped closer to him, their faces getting closer. Adora smiled to herself and upped her pace. Just before they touched Adora stood directly behind them.

“Watch’ you doin’?” Adora said, Bow and Glimmer jumped apart with glowing faces as Adora cackled at them. Glimmer flashed an annoyed glance Adora’s way who had dropped her hands to her knees as she laughed.

“Do you mind?” She asked.

“No Glimmer, I don’t mind at all!” Adora laughed. Standing up straight with a smirk on her face. “Honestly you should expect that by now.”

“She’s right, we should.” Bow said, smiling from the side “This is what? the twelfth time she’s done it now? These things don’t get old for Adora.”

“Nope.” Adora said happily, walking on ahead. “They do not.” She suddenly heard Bow make a surprised hum from behind her. Adora groaned and spun around holding her palm up to her heart.

“Come on guys! You have a bedroom for such _scandalous_ behaviour!” She grinned as the two blushed as red as a tomato and pulled away.

“Yeah, why don’t you just shout it to the whole neighbourhood?” Glimmer hissed, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

Adora shrugged. “I could if you want…” and she took a deep breath, just to have Glimmer’s hand slap over her mouth before she could make another sound.

“Not. Another. Word.”

“srshy, I dnd knw wht yr an aboot” Adora mumbled against Glimmer’s hand. Glimmer sighed and took her hand away, shaking her head at Adora.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“Thank you.”

Adora happily groaned when she flopped down on the sofa in their flat. Her bag forgotten somewhere on the floor. She listened to Bow and Glimmer walk in the room, as she tucked her arms under her head to make herself more comfortable.

“Hey, Adora?” She heard Glimmer ask.

“No Glimmer. You need to learn to make your _own_ notes.” Adora cracked an eye open to see Glimmer and Bow share a look, though Bow was laughing at her silently as Glimmer glared.

“What if I made dinner tonight?” Glimmer asked again, hope resounding in her voice.

“I would prefer to not get food poisoning today.” Adora replied, “I’m good thank you.” Glimmer groaned.

“You’re evil, did you know that?”

“You’re lazy, did you also know that?” Adora replied. She sighed and stood up, stretching her arms over her head. She then leaned down to retrieve her hastily abandoned bag from the floor and grabbed her notebook from its contents. She walked over to glimmer and dropped it on the table in front of her. Glimmer beamed at her with a grateful smile.

“You’re the best, did you know that?”

“When you’re involved? Yes, I _do_ know I’m the best.” Adora retorted as she opened up several of the cupboards in the kitchen and poked her head into the fridge and freezer on the wall. It was getting to that time of the week where their food supplies were starting to look depressingly barren. Adora sighed to herself and grabbed a bag from the side.

“Come on guys, we need to restock.” She said as she headed for her room to pack her stuff away first.

“Aww.” Glimmer moaned from the kitchen. “Do we have to right now?”

“Do you want to eat tonight?” Adora called down the hallway.

“Fine, fine.” Adora smiled, as much as Glimmer would always figuratively drag her heels at the mention of food shopping, it was never _that_ hard to get her to shift, she just had to deal with her near constant complaining. Adora walked back into the kitchen to see Glimmer covering her phone and showing something to Bow who was nodding.

“What are you looking at?” Adora questioned as she slipped on her shoes and shoved her arms through the sleeves of her jacket.

“Oh, nothing.” Glimmer said quickly. Adora raised her eyebrows but shrugged.

“Come on, hurry up. Let’s get there whilst it’s still quiet.”

.o0o.

Catra groaned and buried her head in her hands. Peeking between her fingers down at the screen in front of her. The sky had turned from blue to orange and she hadn’t progressed on this essay by a single word. Everything she thought of was either waffling, or completely against the point the question was trying to ask. She resorted to flicking her pen up the desk and watching it fall back down to her hand for any inspiration, but to no avail and fell back to just staring blankly at the screen, the empty whiteness of the page mocking her progress. She sighed into her hand; she was supposed to be good at this.

A soft knocking at her door snapped her out of her stupor, she flicked her ankles causing her chair to spin and she looked up see Sophia standing at the door. Holding a mug in her hand.

“Hey,” She said, “I brought you this. You looked like you could use it.” She walked into her room and deposited the mug on the coaster resting on the corner of Catra’s desk. Catra inhaled to smell the fruity fragrance of the tea Sophia frequently made her. She picked it up and took a sip, happily sighing as the warmth rushed down her throat and she began to feel the cogs of her brain shake of their cobwebs and begin to stir from their long slumber. She looked up and smiled gratefully at Sophia.

“You’re right, I did need this. Thanks Sophia, I’ll buy you a new box when I go shopping tomorrow.” Sophia made a dismissing gesture with her hand.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve still got a box spare, I’d have nowhere to put it!”

“Fine, but I owe you one, when you run out, you tell me Ok?”

“Ok fine… if that keeps you happy!” Sophia teased and Catra shook her head exasperated, but she still had a smile on her face. Sophia took a step back, “Well, I’ll leave you to it, I’ve got to meet Penny at the library. Oh! And check your phone, I think Glimmer was trying to get in contact with you. Good luck with your essay!” She disappeared around the door and Catra listened to her footsteps fall away until she heard the door open and close behind her, dropping the flat back to its quiet state. She could hear the gentle murmuring of a film Jamie was watching in his room next to hers but beyond that the flat had dropped back into silence.

Catra looked to her right, where her phone was sitting unassumingly on the other side of the desk. She reached out for it but stopped halfway, hesitating, did she really want to know? She felt herself sigh, if she wanted to do anything about her current situation then she didn’t really have a choice. Her hand covered the rest of the distance and the screen flickered to life. Low and behold there was an alert for a new message. She looked at the picture, it seemed to be Bow and Glenn sitting either side, smiling whilst Adora hung upside down between them. Catra took a deep breath and swiped it open.

_Glenn Imer: Hi Catra! I think this is you… I hope! I’ll thank you in person as well but thanks so much for doing the conclusion! I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come round to our place tomorrow afternoon and do a dry run of the presentation? We find it easier to practice before the real thing. Don’t worry if you don’t want to, no pressure!_

Catra stared at her screen for a second. That wasn’t… what she expected. To be honest she wasn’t sure actually _what_ she expected, but not this at least. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t really want to go. But if she didn’t that would only increase her chances of stumbling and giving weaver the perfect opportunity to ruin her grade further. With a quiet groan she tapped the message box

_Catra Nysen: hey, okay I’ll see you tomorrow._

She turned back to her computer, but her phone pinged again. Sighing she looked again.

_Glenn Imer: Fantastic!_

Well, at least that didn’t warrant a reply. Catra put her phone down and stared back at her computer screen, her fingers tapping idly on the keys as she thought of her introduction, smiling to herself, she felt her fingers move.

_Bias is a dangerous factor in the social sciences because the thoughts of one individual can change the opinions of countless people for or against another class of people, whether sex, ethnicity or those who have mental disorders…_

.o0o.

The next day, Catra felt her hackles rise as she walked into the large room, Shaylin’s stare was unnerving as ever as it followed her to her spot in the corner. Catra did her best to ignore it, absentmindedly twirling her pen between her fingers. When she felt Shaylin’s gaze leave her, Catra’s shoulders visibly slumped.

_Only for an hour._

She fazed out, blankly staring at the paper in front of her to pass the time when a voice tore her out of it.

“Hi Catra!” Her head shot up at the disturbance to see Bow smiling and waving at her as he slid into the seat directly in front of hers.

“Hey.” She said quietly, once again completely unsure what to do. Once he had unpacked, he turned in his seat to face her.

“Thank you so much for finishing the conclusion for us!” He said, “I always hate figuring them out so I can’t put it into words how much I appreciated you doing it.” Catra shrugged slightly.

“Meh, it wasn’t that hard.” Bow jokingly winced.

“You don’t have to rub it in!” he said grinning at her. Catra’s brain spiralled, trying to figure out what he meant, her eyes widening when she understood the alternate meaning to her words.

“No, I wasn’t calling you an idiot!” She rushed. Bow just laughed, “I just meant I’ve had a lot of practise!” Bow shook his head at her.

“Relax! I was just pulling your leg!”

They fell into silence for a minute as Bow finished pulling stuff out of his bag.

“Where the others?” Catra asked.

“They’re probably on their way.” He replied, “They were having a “girl talk” and I have no idea what happens in those.” He said, making air quotes with his fingers. Catra cracked a smile, her eyes snapping up as the door opened as Glenn and Adora rushed in. They made their way over to them and sat next to Bow. Catra smiled in greeting, they smiled back but couldn’t say anything as Shaylin stood in the centre.

“Welcome back everyone. I hope your presentations are going well, remember, you’ve got a week before you’re due to present them, so if you haven’t started, you’re rapidly running out of time.” She walked back to the computer at the front of the room.

“So now that we have finished with phobias for the time being it is time to move onto memory.” She pressed a key and the Whiteboard showed a picture of a brain with a cog turning inside it. “First we’ll be looking at the multi-store memory model…”

Catra had taken to raking her nails across her arm to keep herself awake as she scribbled into her notebook. Even though Catra could come up with hundreds of very expletive descriptive for Shaylin her lectures themselves could be as “dry as a badger’s arse” as her dad used to say, and from the way Glenn looked back at her and mimed a yawn, she wasn’t alone. Heck she even saw _Adora’s_ head drop from time to time just to pick back up and she would shake her head, rubbing her eyes before forcing herself to make more notes. They had all done this in college, they had the diagram burned into the back of their retina’s by now: Stimuli moves to the sensory memory storage, where most of it is forgotten, then what’s left shifts to the short term memory (which usually only holds between five and nine items) where the important information could be stored for longer or moved to the long term memory by rehearsal and moved back to the short term via retrieval. Anything not important to move on would just be forgotten.

That’s all there was too It more or less, yet Shaylin seemed insistent on using up the entire hour on one tiny diagram. Catra noticed one or two people quietly slipping out the room when Shaylin wasn’t looking, she couldn’t blame them, chances are the whole room was tempted to do the same. She wanted to laugh when she saw Glenn nudging Bow with her elbow. Bow had rested his chin on his palms and hadn’t moved in a while, the lecture had actually put him to sleep! Bow jerked his head up and shook his head to try and wake himself up, looking pointedly to his right as Glenn and Adora were snickering at him, he craned his neck round as he saw Catra had covered her mouth with her hand.

 _“oh, not you to!”_ he mouthed at her. Catra shrugged, but kept her grin hidden. Glenn elbowed him again to get him to turn back to the front before Shaylin got too suspicious of them as she was starting to stare in their direction…

Catra tentatively fell into step with the trio as they left the room, stretching and Yawning as soon as they got out the doors.

“Urggh,” Adora groaned as they walked, “Shaylin’s great and all, but sometimes if you put a toddler with A.D.D in her class they’d be asleep in two minutes flat.” Glenn snickered.

“what does that make Bow then?” She jested. A dark red blush erupted over Bow’s skin.

“A toddler with A.D.D who’s asleep in _ten_ minutes.” Catra said and immediately slapped her palm over her mouth. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…” She was interrupted by their laughter.

Glenn turned to her and put a hand on Catra’s shoulder as she jokingly wiped her own eye, pretending to brush away a tear. “I’m so proud of you!” Catra blushed and looked away.

“I’m really sorry Bow, I really wasn’t…”

“Why are you apologising?” Bow interrupted, “When you pull a cracking one like that you _roll_ with it, not say sorry!”

“Yeah, but I still shouldn’t…”

“Oh, our sweet summer child…” Glimmer said slinging her arm around Catra’s shoulder, pulling her along. “You have so much to learn!”

Catra’s eyes flickered to the left, Adora was watching the chaos with a smile. When she noticed Catra was looking at her, her face blanked and she pointedly looked away, but her cheeks flared up, giving away her façade. They picked up the pace, just in time to rush through the open doors of the flats before they started to close, it was a fine art, slipping in behind someone else so you didn’t have to bother fishing your own fob out of your pocket.

They packed into the lift, holding onto the rails as it ascended. When the doors opened Catra was the last out, and Glimmer held the door open for them all as they entered the hallway of their block. Catra found herself staring at the pictures dominating the walls again, there where so many more her than in her own apartment. She slung her bag off her shoulder and carefully placed it on the table.

Before she could even comprehend what was going on she heard Glenn call from the hallway: “Bow and I are going to grab something from the shop quickly, we’ll be back in a few minutes!” and then she heard the door shut behind them, leaving her alone in the flat with Adora.

She looked up to see Adora staring disbelievingly down the hallway. After a few seconds she said: “I don’t think they could have left much faster, could they?”

Catra snorted, “No… no they couldn’t.”

The apartment descended into a crushing silence as the two of them stood either side of the kitchen, not knowing what to say. In hope of alleviating it, Catra walked over to her bag and started to unpack the stuff she thought she was going to need. But it didn’t. Catra was hyper aware that Adora was watching her from her position of sitting on the counter by the cooker. It didn’t make her skin crawl, but it certainly made her feel nervous.

After a while it seemed the quiet had gotten to Adora and she jumped off the counter and walked to the large window overlooking the river below.

“I… I’ve been thinking a lot… about the other day…” Adora began, talking more to the window than at Catra. But it broke the silence either way. Catra looked up meeting Adora’s gaze in the reflection of the window and nodded to show she was listening.

“It’s just… you where right. It really wasn’t my place to go poking my nose into your business. I can’t promise you enough, I was only trying to help… But it was wrong, I shouldn’t have done it… and I’m sorry…” She finished turning to watch a small boat lazily worm its way along the river.

Catra fought back a dry laugh, for the last few days she had though it was Adora hating _her_ , and now it was also the other way round. It was… ironic, to say the least. She sighed and slowly stood next to Adora, watching the traffic along the river.

“I’m sorry too. I… shouldn’t have snapped the way I did. I know at the time it was all too much. But I know you were just trying to help, I just dumped everything on the easiest target and that’s a really shitty thing to do.” She looked at Adora. “To be honest, I thought I burned any bridge I had… that’s why I kept avoiding you.”

Adora’s head snapped round. “Really!? I thought you hated me for pushing too hard…”

Catra blinked at the window. “So, we haven’t talked to each other for the best part of a week for literally no reason…” Adora scratched the back of her head.

“Yeeeaah…” They both chuckled darkly and shook their heads. Adora turned to face Catra, “Do you mind if I see…?” She asked quietly. Catra sighed and turned her back to Adora and tilted her head down.

She felt Adora’s hands gently shift her hair away from the back of her neck, her fingers ghosted over the marks left on her neck, Catra expected them to sting at the contact, instead she just felt a tiny tingling sensation that was bordering on the realm of pleasant.

“You’re pretty scary when you’re angry, did you know that?” Adora mused as she inspected the scabs.

“I doubt it.” Catra muttered as she kept her eyes closed.

“Yeah, you’re freckles all bunch up and your eye goes a greeny colour instead of yellow… it’s like you’re about to turn into the incredible hulk or something.” Catra chuckled.

“I’m always angry.”

“Oh, of that I have no doubt!” Adora joked and stood to the side to evade Catra’s elbow, laughing at Catra’s irritated expression. “Well, you’ve cleaned it up properly. You might get a faint scar out of it or two, but I doubt it, they’re healing nicely.

They turned back to see Bow and Glenn leaned up against the door, arms crossed with smugness dominating their expressions. Adora scowled and made some sort of gesture with her hands: twisting her palms together, before letting them slip and then clenched her hands into fists, then thrusted her right hand out, sticking her pinky upwards and her ring finger perpendicular to it. Bow and Glenn’s eyebrow’s raised.

“ _Rude”_ Glenn laughed. “You can’t blame us! It worked!”

“You didn’t exactly _tell_ me though, did you?” Adora retorted.

“It wouldn’t have worked if you knew.” Bow defended.

“Oh that makes me feel better…” They laughed and Adora shook her head, but she smiled and muttered something under her breath.

Glenn put her bag on the side and emptied its contents into the freezer, when Catra looked closer she noticed it was just five tubs of ice cream. Actually… she didn’t want to know.

Catra heard clattering from behind her and she turned to see Adora dragging a wire from the back of the television and plugging it into her laptop, causing the screen o flicker to life, displaying their project. Catra perched herself on the arm of the sofa as Bow and glimmer discarded their shoes and joined them on the other sofa.

“I assume when we present it, we’ll just go in order of who did what?” Glenn asked.

“No point doing it any other way.” Adora replied as she flipped her notebook open to double check everything they were saying. “That means… Bow’s up first with the introduction.”

“Okay.” Bow said cracking his knuckles in an over exaggerated manor causing everyone to role their eyes at him. He looked at the screen to get an idea of what he was saying and took a deep breath…

Then he began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's only one more chapter left in the "introduction act" so to speak. Which means things will start to pick up and we're going to begin the process of tackling Catra's Phobia very soon! so stay tuned!  
> thanks for reading!


	7. This is not because I like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things might just be looking up for Catra. Adora has a very strange conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I can't thank you all enough for your patience! But this one is longer than usual so you get more out of it too! :D

When Catra started, she didn’t expect reading from a piece of paper to be this hard.

Three days later, and she had barely made any progress. Every time the others would wait patiently for her and every time she tried again, this time _sure_ she would at least a sentence further, and each time she let it slip. Infuriating didn’t even cut it.

_“The effect Aquaphobia has on an individual varies depending on how sever the phobia is…”_

It wasn’t the reading that was the problem, she was fine when she had originally explained it to the others in the library, and when she just reads it off the paper to them strongly grounded in the kitchen of their apartment, she could read through it without a hitch.

_“Individuals with less severe cases will only struggle when looking at huge bodies of water like the ocean or whilst being on the water in a boat for example…”_

It was when she attempted to try and move about and pretend to make eye contact with imaginary members of the crowd, all the things you were _supposed_ to do when giving a presentation is when it started to go wrong.

_“Stronger cases can have larger impacts on the personal life, they may hate being submersed by water so baths cannot be used and even showers can be difficult…”_

Adora, Bow and Glenn’s patience with her had been beyond infinite, happy to let her repeat the same thing over and over for _days_ without a hint of irritation. For a brief few moments she had thought that they were at least moving in the right direction, right up to the point when it was her turn.

_“The worst cases can mean that even drinking cannot be done without some level of anxiety. This is the worst kind as the stimulus can’t be avoided, which means an individual is faced with near constant anxiety or dehydrating to death…”_

When she imagined the faces of everyone in their class looking at her as she talked, and Shaylin’s eyes boring under her skin. She focused too much on that and not enough on keeping the lid down on her buried anxiety churning underneath.

_“This means that a person with aquaphobia can’t… can’t…”_

Catra squeezed her eyes shut. She could see their faces, peering down at her from the hole in the deck which had collapsed. She didn’t know _why_ this memory chose this point to rear its ugly head, but it managed to de-rail her none the less.

“No.” Catra managed to choke out and broke off from her position in front of the television. She went to the window and she felt her forehead drop against the glass with a _“Thunk”_ and ran through the breathing exercises, feeling her heart rate slowly drop down to normal. She had lost count how many times she had done this by now.

“We’ll take a break and try again in a minute.” She heard Glenn say from behind her. Catra heard shuffling as everyone stretched and clambered off the sofas. She let one of her eyes crack open and observed the wandering crowds below. She heard two sets of footsteps walk away towards the other end of the kitchen. Another headed towards her.

Adora rested her back on the wall next to Catra and crossed her arms.

“I think it’s safe to say: this isn’t working” Catra rolled her eyes.

“You think?” Adora paused and blinked at her.

“Good point… I _know_. We need a new plan.” Catra felt her hands coil into fists, she knew Adora was right. But there was no _way_ she was backing down now. There wasn’t any time to change topic, she _had_ to be able to do this or she would let everyone else down.

“I can do this; I just need more time.” Catra retorted, lifting her head off the pane to meet Adora’s gaze.

“I’m not saying you _can’t_ , look… when you first tried you nearly had a panic attack immediately. You’ve progressed a _huge_ amount. The trouble is, you’re exhausted, you didn’t actually _try_ to sleep last night, and from the rate we’re going we need _twice_ the amount of time we have left. That’s our problem, we need a way to allow you to cope, and we need it fast.”

“What about swapping out for another section?” Bow queried, “She could do the conclusion, or combating it, wouldn’t those be easier for you?”

Adora raised an eyebrow and turned to Catra. “That could work.”

Catra slowly shook her head, “I don’t think so. It’s not the _contents_ that’s the issue. It’s like…” She huffed “I don’t know how to explain it… The idea of trying to read it out in front of you guys is okay, I can focus on making sure it doesn’t get to me… when I imagine doing in front of everyone else, my brain focuses on what would happen if it _did_ more than preventing it from happening in the first place… then I can’t keep track of everything, like playing whack-a-mole but suddenly realising to win you need more hammers.” Catra scratched her ear and squinted an eye at them. “Does that make sense?”

There was a long pause.

“Nope.” Bow said, shaking his head, “no it didn’t”

Catra groaned and slumped against the wall. Over the years, Jackie and Mike had learnt to just… get her. She wasn’t used to having to articulate her own weird metaphors.

“I don’t think we’re going to make any more progress today.” Adora said, “Let’s pack up for now and we’ll try again tomorrow…”

As much as Catra was starting to enjoy the company of the trio, she still found it exhausting to be around them. They could do literally nothing but talk all day and she would come away with her eyes drooping like she had just sat in on six hours of lectures back to back. It wasn’t _their_ fault, it’s just how Catra was, she found people tiring. That didn’t help of course, when she was desperately trying to make sure she didn’t let anyone down. In the end, Catra just found it hilariously ironic. She had not been sleeping better per say… but the nightmares had been plaguing her less than usual. Except instead of being able to capitalise on the extra rest which she no doubt needed; she was just as tired as she always was because now, she was spending so much time around _people_. If you told fourteen-year-old Catra that this was how she was spending her days in four years’ time she would have laughed in your face.

Still, she was starting to spend a _frightening_ amount of time with them. As well as spending all afternoon in their apartment trying to be able to finish her slide without hyperventilating, she was spending more time with them in lectures. The next day after her talk with Adora she had spent in their apartment, trying to make progress on the night before but to no avail. Even though they had no lectures that day so she could spend the whole day practising, it was infuriating how slow progress was.

When Catra had next walked into class she had noticed that the trio had again arrived early. Only this time they were sitting on _her_ row. Not the one in front as they had done in the past occasions, but actually on _hers_. They left her spot free on the edge of the row and so she had sat next to Glenn for the hour. She had initially believed that the close proximity was going to grate on her heavily. But one could be easily fooled to believe that her once quiet, calm corner of the room had developed a sense of humour. it was strangely pleasant, even if she found it harder to concentrate. The afternoon also yielded little progress, so little, that even after they had packed up for the evening and Catra made her way back to her own room and practised through the night, but to no avail.

That morning Catra slumped into her seat and buried her face in her hands. She hadn’t actually checked _what_ she had this morning, only _where_ it was and had stumbled her way into one of the small rooms and sat down in her corner as fast as possible. Hoping the one or two hours of the lecture would pass quickly.

“Hey.” A voice said from above her. Catra managed to peel her eyes away from her hands and managed to look up in time to see Adora slipping into the chair next to hers. She also deposited a carboard cup on Catra’s desk as she smiled in greeting. “After yesterday I thought you could probably do with one of these.” She said. Catra dozily brought the cup to her lips and took a sip of the contents, ignoring the burning sensation on her tongue and humming in delight as the caffeine injected itself into her system.

Adora chuckled at Catra’s antics, “I guess you really _did_ need it after yesterday.” She said as Catra turned and smiled in thanks at her. Adora noticed the dark bruises under Catra’s eyes and the way she seemed to move sluggishly. “Did you get _any_ sleep last night?” She asked.

“No.” Catra quietly replied and followed it with a yawn. 

“What where you doing?”

“Practising.”

Adora blinked in disbelief and her mouth dropped open like she was about to say something. But then it clicked shut and she huffed at her whilst shaking her head.

Catra was noticing it more and more now. After their, umm… _encounter_ , Adora would never charge in per say as she had done on that day, not that she didn’t want to of course, Catra had seen her just about to say something before shutting her mouth and letting the conversation die down several times now. Adora was trying desperately just to back off and give her space, which Catra could never voice just how much she appreciated it. Because currently not having her try and smash her way into Catra’s inner thoughts and feelings, but just being a person she could happily sit and talk to whilst making terrible jokes about the lecturers… that actually helped Catra _more_ than just being left to her own devices.

Catra was starting to fall into their trap, and as much as Catra came away each day more exhausted than the last, she was starting to like it. Just this once perhaps, Catra decided that perhaps it might _just_ be worth the risk. At the very least it would reaffirm that her opinion was still correct more than half a decade down the line. Perhaps just this once, Catra decided that she could at least _try_ to just… let it happen.

.o0o.

Catra woke up excited the next morning. She had a fairly restless night, but this time was for all the right reasons. She ate her breakfast at the table with Sophia, talking about one of her projects with Penny, this time she listened to every word, and even asked questions about the more complicated things she didn’t understand. When she had finished, she gulped down a glass of water without even thinking about it, pausing in surprise about how… _easy_ it had just been. Even Sophia had noticed her good mood, mentioning on several occasions but never once complaining. The pair had laughed and joked through the morning as they didn’t have any lectures then. It had been rivalling the position of her best morning since she got there, in competition with the time Adora made her breakfast. Even if she was a cleaner’s nightmare, _damn_ that girl was a good cook.

She took off running down the waterfront because she had lost track of time and burst into the lecture theatre five minutes late to a very smug looking trio who were apparently guessing _how_ late she would be. Still, she greeted them cheerfully and slumped into her seat with a content sigh.

“ _Someone_ got out of the right side of the bed this morning.” Bow said, cheekily winking at her, Catra just shrugged and flipped her notebook open and began to scribble notes down, glancing over at Adora’s work, noticing that she had spun her book forty five degrees so it was easier for her to read it. She smiled in thanks at Adora and hastily tried to catch up.

She had bid farewell to the trio and excused herself as she jogged back to the car park, her eyes scanning the spaces for the familiar car… _there!_ She ran over to it as two people got out of it: a brownish-redish haired women yet when she stood in the direct sunlight it erupted into a bright orange- gingery colour. The other was a black-haired man, both looked to be in their late thirties, and they perked up when they saw her and smiled as Catra ran into their open arms.

“Oh, it’s good to see you!” Jackie said, pulling even tighter on Catra but she didn’t mind. After a minute they pulled back and Jackie looked at Catra slightly concerned. “How have you been doing? I haven’t heard much since a few weeks ago.” Catra nodded and smiled.

“I’ve been doing good. Great actually. I mean… yeah, there’s been some tough nights but…” She turned her head and nodded at the trio who were walking along the waterfront. “I’ve made some…” she hesitated. “Friends? No, not friends but…”

“Hey,” Mike said interrupting her, “It’s Ok if they are.”

“No, it’s not that it’s…”

“They are your friends but you’re not sure if you’re ready to have them again.” Jackie finished. Catra paused and slowly nodded. Jackie sighed and pulled her into a quick hug. “Catra, I’m not sure if you’ll _ever_ be ready to have friends again. If you trust them, then close your eyes and jump. It’s always going to be a leap of faith.”

Catra huffed. “Easier said than done.”

“Who said it would be easy? You don’t have to do it now, but if the time is right, you’ll feel it.” Catra rolled her eyes but nodded.

“What are they like?” Mike asked.

“That’s a good question.” Catra said snickering to herself, “I don’t know… their funny. Sarcastic to high hell, but… nice…”

.o0o.

Catra sat on the arm of the sofa as she stared out the window, watching the tiny figures of people milling about in the tiny park area below. She had tucked her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them to keep herself steady.

“…The problem is… whenever I imagine everyone in the room and the lecturer watching me, I focus so much on that, and not on trying to keep it down. Every time I’ve tried, I can barely do any more than I did in the last try. But I’m not sure how to get comfortable enough to be able get through the entire thing, let alone when it comes to the real deal.”

Jackie nodded slowly. “What happens when you _don’t_ imagine doing it in front of the class?” Catra shrugged.

“I’m fine, whenever I was explaining it to Bow, Glenn and Adora it was easy. But that may have been because they already knew? I wasn’t scared of letting it slip.” Jackie nodded again.

“So… objectively speaking, is there anything in the actual _content_ of your part that could give you away?” Catra paused for a moment and shook her head. “So, the main problem is you’re worried that you’re going to give yourself away.”

“Yeah…” Catra said, spinning on the spot to face them. “But I don’t know how to get around that.” Jackie dropped her chin onto her hands as she thought of a solution. Silence filled the room for a few seconds until Mike piped up.

“Jackie, do you remember that story you told me around the time we first met? In your training you were helping someone who had a fear of public speaking.” Jackie’s eyes widened as her head picked up.

“Mike, you’re a genius!” She said and pecked him on the cheek.

“What?” Catra asked.

“When I was still in my training, I was helping in a case where someone had a mediocre case of Glossophobia. They’d already been through a period of desensitisation and I was just helping to give the last kick. We ended up working through a method which involved them plastering the faces of their friends and family onto the people listing to them- figuratively of course.”

“Umm… that’s great and all… but… kinda, wrong phobia?” Catra added. Jackie sighed and shook her head.

“No, no, no. You imagine that everyone in that room is us and your frien- the others, focus on _that_ and it _should_ \- touch wood” she said and tapped the table, “be enough to focus on keeping everything _else_ down, you get where I’m coming from?” Catra sighed and nodded.

“Well, it’s porbably better than anything we’ve come up with. I’ll give it a go.” Jackie smiled.

“Try it, I can’t promise it’ll work, but it’s worth a shot. If it doesn’t…”

“You’re screwed.” Mike finished. Catra shook her head and chuckled.

“You’re all heart Mike.” Catra said.

“That’s what you two keep me around for!” Mike laughed as he was elbowed by Jackie as she place her palms on the table.

“I’m going to go and speak with… Adora wasn’t it?” Jackie asked as she pushed herself up.

“Yep she lives just next door, just knock and I’m sure one of them will let you in.” Catra said as she stretched and flopped back against the sofa.

“All right, I’ll be back in a minute. Behave you two.” Mike smirked at her.

“What would _ever_ give you the impression that we wouldn-

“ _Behave.”_

“Yes Ma’am!” He said and saluted

Catra coughed and muttered “ _whipped”_ at the same time. Mike laughed and winked at her.

“You know, sometimes I still wonder why I ever married her…” He joked.

“ _I can still hear you!”_ Jackie’s voice echoed down the hallway. Mike chortled to himself.

“Tyrant.”

Catra licked her lips, they were completely dry, most of her mouth was. Sighing as she resigned herself, she padded over to the cupboard and retrieved a glass.

“oooo, would you mind if I had one too please?” Mike asked.

“Get one yourself.” Catra said as she grabbed another glass and filled them both up.

“Watch your language young lady.” He replied as he accepted the glass with a smile.

“At least I’m still young.” Mike jokingly winced.

“Ow, you wound me! I haven’t quite made it to my forty’s yet!”

“Yeah, whatever you say old man.” Catra said and knocked him gently with her elbow.

“At least I haven’t lost my touch. Have you?” He challenged as their glasses clinked.

“Nope.” Catra replied as the silent countdown began.

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

They both tipped their heads back and chugged their drinks down as fast as possible.

It all started when Catra had first moved in with Jackie and Mike. She was still having problems with drinking. They never got cross with her, which was nice. But as the memory was so fresh, the feeling of water going down her throat then was infinitely worse than it was now, and she still struggles some days. In the hospital, all the bits she needed from water were essentially injected into her, it wasn’t the most comfortable of experiences. But it was better than having panic attacks several times a day more than she already had.

Back then she had developed a habit that had lasted to this day: Wait for as long as possible before having a drink. If it didn’t feel like rat had made its nest inside, then she hadn’t waited long enough. Jackie was at a stump of how to help her deal with it. Mike had noticed than whenever Catra did drink she would down it as fast as possible. So, the next time he saw Catra about to start he stopped her, and then challenged her to a race of who could finish first. Jackie had said that they needed to find ways of making things to do with Catra and water fun. Which Catra had always found hilariously ironic. But the races made her drink it a little faster, reduced the chances of a panic attack by a lot and made her feel a little better afterwards.

Mike’s glass clanked on the table a split second before Catra’s.

“Ha ha!” Mike laughed and spun his chair around in celebration “Victory!” Catra shook her head at his childish antics.

“You only won because of your big mouth.” She said. Mike stopped spinning and grinned at her.

“Yes, but this big mouth of mine still meant I won!”

They looked up when they heard the door open. Sophia swore as she tripped on the door, stumbling and holding herself up against the door to Lauren’s room. Catra was trying and failing to keep the grin off her face at her clumsiness.

“Oh, don’t even start.” Sophia said as put herself upright and began down the hall, she smiled as she saw Mike sitting at the table.

“Hi! I don’t believe we’ve met?” She asked as she held her hand out which Mike shook.

“Oh yeah!” Catra said, “Sophia this is Mike.” Sophia’s eyes widened.

“Mr Laurel? It’s great to finally meet you! I’ve heard many things about you!”

“All bad I hope?” Mike replied with a smile.

“Oh, you don’t even know the start of it!” Mike laughed and the trio looked up once more as the door opened up again to reveal Jackie walking back down.

“And that’s Jackie.” Catra finished. Sophia shook her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Sophia said. After a few minutes of getting to know Jackie and Mike, Sophia turned back to Catra. “I’m not sure what your plans are this evening. But if your free we’re having a game evening later if you want.”

“We can’t stay much longer.” Jackie added, “It’ll take us a few hours to get home, so we won’t hold you back.” Catra nodded.

“Ok, I’ll see how it goes.” Sophia beamed at her.

“Great, I’ll tell the others you’re coming!” She said a vanished inside her room.

.o0o.

Catra hugged Jackie and mike one last time outside their car.

“Text me if my idea does or doesn’t work.” Jackie began. “If it doesn’t I’ll talk to everyone at work and I’ll see if any of them have any ideas that’ll help.” Catra nodded.

“Okay, I will. But I may be out of time by then.”

“Then I can ask now and see if anything pops up-

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’ll work… it has to.” Jackie stared at Catra for a second and then nodded slowly.

“Alright. Well I hope you do well in it, and you have fun this evening.”

“I’ll try.” Catra said into their hug.

“Stay out of trouble.” Mike said grinning as he pulled her in tighter, rubbing the top of her hair with his knuckle.

“Sais _you_.” She replied as she broke away and jabbed him in the stomach with her elbow. Mike proceeded to keel over.

“ _I deserved that._ ” He wheezed as he clutched his stomach. Catra laughed and pulled Jackie into one last embrace.

“Seriously what did I ever do to deserve being landed with _him?_ ” Catra asked.

“Trust me I ask myself that question every day.” Jackie replied.

“Hey!” Mike said standing up straight. Everyone laughed.

“You two have a safe journey.” Catra said.

“You have a fun evening.” Mike replied as they opened the doors to the car and clipped their seatbelts in.

“Good luck with your presentation.” Jackie said as she keyed the ignition and the engine purred to life.

“We’ll have a good go at least… We’ll figure something out.” Catra replied as she pushed off from the window and took a few steps back as the Car inched forwards. Catra raised her hand in farewell as it paused at the exit to the carpark before pulling out into the traffic and disappearing down the road…

Catra knocked three times against the door and waited for someone to let her in. The door opened up to reveal Sophia smiling in greeting. “Catra!” She said, stepping aside to let her in. “We’ve only just started so you haven’t really missed anything.”

“How’s it going?” Catra asked as she stepped into the hallway.

“I didn’t know being a princess was _contagious!”_ They heard Adora’s voice echo down the hallway.

“… About as well as you would expect.” Sophia said grinning as she led her down the hallway. “Bow thought it would be fun to try everyone at D and D. It’s definitely proved to be… entertaining.”

They entered the kitchen to see everyone crashed in the sofas and chairs surrounding the small coffee table with a cardboard sheet on it.

“Why does Adora get to do awesome stuff with the sword?” Glimmer asked.

“I don’t know!? All I did was pick up the sword and then, _Whoosh!_ I’m in a Tiara!”

“You can see what I mean.” Sophia said as she walked over and sat down in one of the spinning chairs that had been moved over. Everyone looked up and Catra was met with a mixture of “hi’s” and waves. Adora pattered the space next to her on the sofa and Catra slowly padded over and sat down, confusedly looking at the bug map in front of her with various little figures on it.

“Ok, I have… _no_ idea what I’m doing.” Catra said, beginning to feel like this was a bad idea.

“It’s all right, your character shouldn’t appear for a little while, so you’ll be able to see how it works.” Adora said. Catra nodded.

“The only thing we need to sort out,” Bow began, “Is what your character will be.” He shuffled through some sheets of paper, “You can either be… an overzealous cleric, orrrrr,” he shuffled again “a rouge type character that had a personal vendetta against one of our heroes, whose also one of the main villains.”

Catra just stared at him with an eyebrow raised. Bow shook his head in defeat.

“Yeah, I don’t know why I asked to be honest.” He said and handed her the sheet for the rouge.

“So how does this work?”

“Well,” Glenn began, interrupting Bow who looked like he was about to explode with information, “It’s an adventure story, but every action you do has a chance to fail or succeed depending on what you roll with the dice,” She said picking up a twenty sided dice and gently threw it to Catra so she could have a better look. “If you roll a twenty you may do something completely badass, if you roll a one, you’re likely to hurt yourself.” Catra nodded in understanding, “So basically if you say you do anything, Bow will ask you to roll that dice and then compare it to a certain skill level on your sheet there depending on what type of action your doing. Since you’re a rouge it will mostly just be the dexterity skill. Makes sense?” Catra nodded.

“I think so.”

“You’ll see what I mean in a second, just keep an eye on what Adora’s doing and you’ll be fine.” She then leaned bad and gently stroked the bad of Bow’s head. “Sorry hon, if you explained it we would be here till tomorrow.” Everyone chuckled as Bow blushed slightly…

“Right so I need to activate the magic sword.” Adora said as she grabbed a dice off the table, “What do I need to do?”

“Ummmmmm,” Bow hummed as he checked the screen in front of him, “Wisdom check.”

Adora blinked at him, “Why does my character have a wisdom of three?”

“Because your character has been raised as an orphan to be blindly loyal to the horde. She is anything _but_ wise.”

“Then why do I need it to the whoosh thing?”

“Just roll the dice.”

Adora sighed and rolled.

_3_

“There, happy?”

“Well I don’t need to tell you it failed.”

“Of course it did.” Adora muttered.

“And in doing so you get the sword caught in the curtains above you and they rip.”

“Of course they did.”

“Now do a dexterity check.”

“Oh! I’m all right at that!” Adora said as she rolled.

_2_

“Well…”

“You slip on some fabric that’s on the floor and stumble back against a cabinet, the room jolts and several of the crystals on the ceiling start falling to the ground.

“Really!?”

“Do another dexterity check.”

Adora whined as she rolled again.

_20_

“Ah ha!” She laughed.

“You jump to the ground and manage to catch all the crystals and none of them smash.” Bow said shaking his head, “lucky bastard.”

“What would have happened if she _didn’t_ catch them?” Catra asked.

“They would have smashed, and then the queen of Brightmoon would be even _less_ happy to see her than she’s already going to be.”

“Aww, that would have been fun to see.”

“Do you _want_ to see me fail?” Adora asked her raising an eyebrow. Catra waved her sheet of paper at her.

“I am supposed to be the bad guy… so yes.”

Adora shook her head and huffed as everyone chuckled at her. “Typical.”

“It doesn’t matter if you want to or not.” Shaun added, “This is _Adora,_ we’re going to see her fail in _some_ capacity or another. It seems the dice make as clumsy in this as in real life!”

“I’m _not_ this clumsy in real life!” Adora complained.

“ _Yes you are!”_ Everyone echoed back before bursting out into laughter.

“I officially hate you all.” Adora grumbled.

“Is this _as_ official as the other thirteen times you told us that you officially hate us?” Penny added.

“You in particular.” Adora said pointing at Penny as everyone laughed…

Catra quickly gulped down the glass of Water Glenn had kindly gotten her. Her brain was so fuzzy that she didn’t even notice it passing down her throat. She hadn’t laughed this much at once in _years._

_“Did I do it?” Adora asked, her eyes closed, refusing to look at the dice:_

_1_

_“No… you punched a tree.”_

She placed the glass down on the side as everyone had decided it was a good time to take a break. Catra was glad, she didn’t think her stomach could take much more of this. Now she knew what to expect to feel around everyone and how they reminded her of her old friends, she found it much easier to keep the feeling under control and to try and enjoy herself more.

“So, what do you think of it so far?” Adora asked her as leant up against the side next to her.

“Chaotic…” Catra said, which earned her a snort from Adora.

“That’s an understatement.”

“But fun.” Catra finished.

“That’s good, because you’ve just described this apartment in a nutshell.” Adora said smiling as she took a sip of her own drink.

“I’d already had that figured out.” Catra replied, leaning back and splaying her fingers out against the side to keep her balance.

“You learn that pretty quickly with this lot.” Adora said putting her drink down on the side and pushing off, turning so she was walking backward.

“Come on, I wanted to ask you about something.” She said as she headed down the hallway. Catra began to follow, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Adora opened one of the doors to the side and led Catra into what she believed to be Adora’s room.

Structurally, it was identical to Catra’s, a long desk that covered the wall in front of the window, bed on the right and before then the door that led into the tiny en suite bathroom. Beyond that, it was completely different: Pictures ran down one of the walls like a waterfall, there were several more framed resting on the desk. There was a large film poster on the other wall, a string of lights hung down from the shelves above the desk casting the room in a warm glow and several medals hung off the handle to the wardrobe, gently clinking in the breeze coming through the open window. Compared to Catra’s room, it felt… lived in, warm, _alive_.

It was nice.

Adora grabbed a box off the bed, the quilt decorated by a sailing boat. “When Jackie came round earlier today, she gave me this. But I have no idea what is.” It was a simple cardboard box, with no dominating features whatsoever. “I mean, do I open it? Or…” She held it out for Catra to take so she could have a look. “What do I do with it?”

Catra took the box and turned it in her hands, it was completely plain except for a small logo in the corner. Her eyes widened as she smiled.

“She likes you, that’s for sure.” Catra said as she gave the box back. Adora looked up at her confused.

“What?”

“It’s a sweet box. They’re made in a small corner shop down the road from where I live. They’re probably the nicest things you can ever put in your mouth… and they aint’ cheap. Enjoy them… or you could scoff them down all at once… _I_ wouldn’t blame you if you did, I always get told off it I try…”

Adora laughed and put the box down on the desk. “Well thanks for telling me, I wasn’t sure if I opened it, I would break something.” Catra laughed.

“It’s a cardboard box… you’re _supposed_ to open them.” Adora blushed,

“I just wanted to make sure, it was really nice for Jackie to give them to me, I just didn’t want to ruin it.”

Catra’s eyes got caught on one of the pictures on the wall, it was a younger Adora, she looked like she was sitting on a bench, but not quite sitting on it, more like… _hovering?_ She was holding onto a long stick looking thing that seemed to go beyond the boundaries of the picture.

“Oh, that was when I was learning to sail.” Adora said as she figured out what Catra was looking at.

“You sail?” Catra asked looking back at her. Adora nodded.

“Swimming mostly, but anything to do with water. I live right next to the broads, so it’s been a big part of my life.”

“I will never get how you seem to like water so much…” Catra said recalling all the conversations at the start of lectures as she watched Adora head for the door. She stopped and turned to smile back at her.

“One day you will…” and then she turned into the hallway. “Come on, I think they’re getting ready to go again…”

Catra slowly pushed her door open as she yawned. She looked at the clock on her wall, it was technically tomorrow, a _long_ way into tomorrow. But it was worth it, lectures didn’t start until the afternoon tommo… _today_. But she had a lot of fun, so she’d take it. She flicked the light on as she got dressed for bed. She stopped when she noticed something different about her desk. It had a box on it, hastily wrapped in a little ribbon with a tag stuck on it. She rubbed her eyes as she walked over to and checked the tag:

_You’ll like them more than I will!_

_~A_

.o0o.

“Why?” Catra asked the next day as she sat next to Adora in the lecture hall.

“Why…?” Adora echoed back.

“You know what I mean.”

“Nope, I’m afraid I don’t.”

“The box…”

“What about it?”

“ _Adora.”_ Catra growled.

“What?” She laughed as she grabbed her notebook form her bag.

“Why did you give it to me?”

“As I said, you’ll probably enjoy them more than I will, so I thought it’d be nice.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Course’ it is.”

“Jackie gave them to you.”

“And then _I_ gave them to _you_. Problem solved.”

Catra groaned and buried her face in her hands. “Are you always this difficult?”

“Yep… Deal with it...” She replied. Doodling in the corner of her page.

“You are _such_ an idiot.”

“Thank you.”

_“That wasn’t a compliment!”_

Adora laughed at her, “Are you sure about that?”

“ _Yes!_ ” Catra said, her head had fallen onto her crossed arms on the desk.

The chatter in the room died down as the lecture walked in. There where probably multiple ways to explain this particular individual, but this class had taken to describe the criminology lecturer as “The mad Scotsman” and left it at that. However, he had by far the best sense of humour of any lecturer at the university, so as long as you worked hard, he was a featured favourite of the students there.

Catra and Adora spent the next two hours scribbling down their notes as fast as possible, with the textbook open between them, pointing out the relevant bits to each other as the lecture progressed. Catra had begun to notice that she might be getting slightly _too_ used to working with Adora when she realised there where times she felt safer _not_ listing to what the lecturer was saying to finish the particular section of notes she was working on because she knew Adora would point out the next bit for her. She noticed it was defiantly so when she was doing the same for Adora. In the end however they made a good team, and Catra was starting to find lectures a more relaxing experience rather than a race to keep up. Catra tried to hide a yawn behind her arm, she still hadn’t got much sleep that morning. Adora flashed her a tired smile, before doing the same.

When the lecture came to close, Catra felt like she would fall asleep standing up. She even had to hold onto the table to make sure she stayed upright as her head swayed.

“Steady there.” Adora quipped as she passed and held the door for her. Catra shook her head and huffed as she passed. She could really use some coffee in her or she might _just_ fall asleep whilst standing up… which gave her an idea. “You go on ahead.” She told Adora “I’ll catch up with you in a bit.” And briskly took off in the opposite direction, leaving Adora in her dust.

Catra took the two cardboard cups off the counter and headed for the door, she could see Adora walking down the path nearby on her way back to the apartments. Perfect. Catra pushed the door open with her shoulder and walked down the ramp that ran down to the path which put her in step with Adora.

“Hey.” She said, “I got you this.” Adora looked shocked as she took the cup from Catra and quickly took a sip as she sighed in delight. She then proceeded to stare at Catra with that irritating smirk of hers but refused to say anything.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Catra asked. She received no reply, Adora just… kept staring at her. It was then when it suddenly dawned on her.

“Wait. Nooo, I know what this is about.” She groaned and slapped her palm into her face. “I didn’t know you would be weird about this. I’m just paying you back. This is _not_ because I like you!”

Adora looked away with a happy smile on her face. “I mean I didn’t… I didn’t say anything.” She then proceeded to walk on whilst taking another sip of her drink.

“You coming?” She asked, “We still need to figure out a way to… you know.”

“Yeah…” Catra said as she kept pace with her, “I talked to Jackie yesterday… there’s something I need to try.”

“That’s good, we’ll take anything we can get.” Adora replied as they walked.

Movement caught the edges of Catra’s eyes, and she turned her head to see an relatively elderly woman who looked like he was playing a really complicated game of charades with someone. Catra sniggered at the sight as the recipient looked like they had no idea what was going on.

“Do you think she’s a mime or something?” Catra asked Adora.

“Who?” Adora asked and Catra nodded in the direction. Adora’s eyes squinted and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What is it?” Catra asked.

“Do you mind holding this for a second?” Adora asked her, holding out her cup. Catra took it whilst looking at Adora confusedly. She watched as Adora approached the woman and gave a small wave to get her attention. She then proceeded to make several rapid-fire gestures with her hands, often flicking various fingers out and twisting her wrist. The woman’s face lit up in elation and answered with several gestures of her own. Adora nodded and flicked her hands about some more. Catra’s eyebrows furrowed even further and she walked over.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Talking to her.” Adora replied as she joined her thumb and ring finger before flicking her wrist back. “She’s deaf.”

“You know sign language?” Adora hummed in confirmation, before making one final gesture with her hand and then pointed back the way they came. The woman smiled and shook Adora’s hand vigorously before stepping back and making a few final gestures. Adora’s face erupted in a blush. Catra felt herself snicker at the sight, “What did she tell you?”

“Nothing!” Adora said quickly as she gestured back not looking very impressed. The woman gave out quiet raps which Catra assumed to be a laugh. The woman waved and made her way in the direction Adora had pointed her in.

“What where you talking about?” Catra asked as she watched the woman go.

“She wanted to know where the atrium was, she’s meeting someone there.” Adora replied as she took her cup back from Catra.

“How do you know sign language anyway?” Catra queried. Adora just smiled and winked at her.

“We’re all full of surprises.” She said.

Adora watched the woman disappear into the crowds.

This “Mrs. Razz” as she had introduced herself was a very strange lady indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! did it! As always I hope you enjoyed, this chapter turned out to be so long it has shunted the end of the introduction to the next chapter. This chapter has also laid the foundations for some very important events and character arcs to come, so you are witnessing history!  
> ... just for this fic... not actual history.  
> Thanks so much again for reading! and I'll see you all next time for the conclusion of the introduction!


	8. It's all about the presentation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has run out, Catra has to do the presentation- and deal with the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the last chapter came out, the boiler hadn't exploded, squirrels hadn't invaded the loft, and I was storming through this chapter, a day or two in... A horsefly decided that I looked like a good snack. I'm quite reactive to insect bites, and had a lovely swollen arm for a while and the antihistamine tablets your supposed to take for them basically knock you out. I'm starting to suspect the universe is fighting me on this one! :D Anyhow the time I've been awake enough to write, this chapter has been done in 3-4 days, so although it doesn't seem like it, this is the kind of schedule I wanted from the start. So considering that nothing is wrong now... I'm desperately hoping we'll see the next one sooner than you think!
> 
> Once again you guys have the patience of saints and I can't thank you all enough!  
> I won't keep you any longer,  
> go enjoy!

_Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk._

The only other company the numb haze in Catra’s mind was the persistent hammering of her heart against her chest. She sat in her corner of the lecture theatre, with her chin resting on her fists as she sat staring at the front where the current group was conducting their presentation. From the brief few times Catra spared to look at the board she had pieced together they were doing entomophobia, or the fear of insects. This could also include apiphobia, lepidopterophobia and myrmecophobia yada-yada Catra knew all this stuff anyway.

She had been sitting there for the best part of forty minutes now just listening to every thing from agoraphobia to trypophobia though that group really irked at Catra because they didn’t mention that it _wasn’t_ classified as an actual phobia in the DSM-5 yet.

They had decided after a few extra days of testing that although Jackie’s method _could_ get her through it… just about. She still had to fight it down afterwards, so it was agreed upon that they tried as hard as they could to go last, right at the end of the hour so the moment they had finished Catra could get out. The downside of this plan turned out to be the seemingly infinite wait for their dance with destiny, Catra felt like the constant thrumming of the adrenaline through her veins would be the end of her long before she even stood up. If it wasn’t that, then it would be the ever-increasing feeling of nervousness, what if she messed up? What if she broke down during the middle of it? What if she just screwed it up for the others? Catra shook her head, she wouldn’t do that. To pass the time she started running through her lines in her head, she wasn’t sure if it would help but it was at least something. She cast a glance to her right, the others seemed just as jittery as her, constantly shifting about in their seats and playing with intwined fingers in front of them.

The next five minutes seemed to drag its feet like an extremely unimpressed toddler, so slow that at times when Catra looked at the clock she could have sworn it had gone backwards.

_Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk, Tha-dunk._

Catra could swear that if her heart didn’t calm down soon, she’s going to get cramp.

_Silence_

Catra’s eyes snapped up, the group at the front had finished, a corny _“Thanks for watching!”_ slide dominating the screen...

Her heart only seemed to speed up.

“Thank you.” Shaylin began, her voice oozing her usual superiority. “That was very… informative.” She dismissed them back to their seats as her gaze swirled back to rest on Catra. “And finally, last but not least…” Shaylin gestured to the front. Catra rested her hands against the desk and pushed herself up alongside the others, blood rushing in her ears.

Time seemed to shrink ever slower under Shaylin’s glower, like relativity could cower in her presence. Catra’s ears became hyperaware, hearing the hushed whispers of groups talking between themselves to the thunking of their feet on the floor as they approached the front of the lecture theatre.

Adora manned the computer, clicking a few times and the result of two weeks of their hard and incredibly stressful work flashed up on the screen: a picture taken on the beach looking out over the ocean, with the word “Aquaphobia” blended into one of the waves. Catra took a deep breath as she hid her shaking hands behind her. She mentally stamped down on the bubbling panic bubbling up in her stomach, she wouldn’t let them down. Not now.

“Hi everyone!” Bow began whilst waving, “We were given aquaphobia to do, so without further ado…”

Catra was torn between squeezing her eyes shut and forcing them open, because how the hell was she supposed to look relaxed at a time like _this_!?

She felt Adora’s shoulder brush against hers as she stood next to her. Her hand disappeared behind the and quickly gave Catra’s arm a gentle squeeze before retreating behind her back again. Catra flashed a brief smile, because although she could still practically _hear_ the adrenaline screaming through her veins, the quick anchor to reality pulled her out of the feeling like she was… drowning.

_The fricking irony her brain could come up with, seriously…_

She looked at bow as he walked from left to right, gesturing about with his hands as he spoke, looking all over the room and drawing the audience’s attention in. Catra had to give it to him: he was good.

Glenn was up next and Catra frankly shut her out as much as she could. It wasn’t that Catra didn’t care about Glenn, but it was her job to talk about accident’s involving water and near-death experiences revolving around it, so frankly listening wouldn’t do her any good at all. The biggest problem with Glenn speaking was that it was now a ticking clock for when it was her turn. Catra’s brain kicked into overdrive as she quickly sped through everything she needed to say in her head one last time.

Far too soon than Catra was ready for Glenn smiled and nodded at her. The signal.

_Tha-dunkTha-dunkTha-dunkTha-dunkTha-dunkTha-dunkTha-dunk._

Catra took a deep breath and stood forward, she closed her eyes for a second and then reopened them, painting several mental images across the room: taking the heads of the little figures Bow had used for them when they had played D&D and mentally painted them across every person in the room. It sounded completely stupid and Catra had to try several times when she was practicing not to laugh at her mental creations. But they served their purpose and Catra felt herself relax just a little, although that still meant her mind was still more tightly coiled than a spring.

“The effect Aquaphobia has on an individual varies depending on how severe the phobia is…” Catra stuttered a little at the end but she grit her teeth and pressed on, “Individuals with less severe cases will only struggle when looking at huge bodies of water like the ocean or whilst being on the water in a boat for example. Stronger cases can have larger impacts on the personal life, they may hate being submersed by water so baths cannot be used and even showers can be difficult…” She nearly felt a shudder run down her spine, there was so much adrenaline in her veins she felt lightheaded. She hid her hands behind her back as they started to shake more violently. She linked her fingers to try and steady them and looked straight at Shaylin, seeing the goofed up- cheeks puffed version of Bow’s face staring back at her.

“The worst cases can mean that even drinking cannot be done without some level of anxiety. This is the worst kind as the stimulus can’t be avoided, which means an individual is faced with near constant anxiety or dehydrating to death… This means that a person with severe aquaphobia can’t…” She sucked in a shaky breath, “Can’t go from day to day without a usual dose of SSRI’s due to the amount of anxiety it can produce…”

The next two minutes were nothing short of torture. Funnily enough the real thing was _much_ worse than what her imagination conjured up when she was practising, and she spent the entire time with her hands buried in her back pockets as far as they would go to hide the shaking. All the time as she was trying to force the words out of her mouth, she could _feel_ the concerned looks aimed at the back of her head by the others, which really didn’t help.

It honestly felt like her gut was a piece of string that had got caught in the gears of a machine, tying down her organs until all of her stomach and chest felt tight, like there was no more space for anything else to go, like her blood couldn’t actually get back to her heart. She could already feel the stitch in her stomach, making her breaths shallower, depriving her lungs of yet more air that she couldn’t afford to lose right now. She knew her voice was coming out too quiet, and she was stuttering way too many times to be concise. But words _were_ coming out of her mouth and they would have to be enough.

She could feel the end coming up, she only needed a few sentences to go: “So aquaphobia is arguably one of the most destructive phobias to have, especially at its most severe levels as no avoidance tactics can be used to escape it, relying solely on medication to try and keep it’s severity down, and then hoping on purely on psychiatric methods such as CBT to help further or eve… even try and stop it…”

Catra took a deep breath and stood back as Adora flicked the slide over and stood forwards, brushing again against Catra’s shoulder as she passed. She also stood to the left so she effectively shadowed Catra behind her, allowing her to try and catch her breath in peace.

“So, I’ll get the first thing out the way when considering trying to counter aquaphobia, it’s that flooding _doesn’t_ _work_.” She received a few chuckles from the room. “Which is ironic considering that it’s called _flooding,_ but you can’t use it on the phobia of _water…”_ Adora said, flicking her hands from one side to the other to emphasise her point as she received even more quiet laughter.

“Research suggests that the most effective way of countering aquaphobia is a mixture of cognitive behavioural therapy and systematic desensitisation. Of course, like all phobias this Is a very tricky process and usually can take a very long time if you can’t resort to flooding.”

Someone in the room raised a hand: “Why can’t you use flooding?” They asked.

“Because you would have to dunk an Aquaphobic person in water and pray they don’t drown whilst having a panic attack…” Adora replied “which isn’t the most scientific method of trying to help someone.”

“Why not use scuba gear?” Someone else asked.

“Because if they _do_ have a panic attack and wail about in doing so, they may knock off whatever mask they have and… well _drown_. Quiet simply you _cannot_ guarantee the patients safety if trying to use flooding with aquaphobia, there’s no reason that _couldn’t_ work, but it’s just irresponsible to risk someone’s safety like that.”

Satisfied the audience provided no more questions and Adora continued.

“There’s an experimental therapy type in the works that uses virtual reality to help in a form of desensitisation and possibly in the future, even flooding. This works by simulating environments of near, on or in water without the risk of sudden unplanned asphyxiation.” More laughter, Catra noted that Adora had the audience wrapped around her finger at this point, she was running it more like a comedy show than a psychology presentation.

Focusing more on her churning stomach, Catra tuned Adora out, fighting to regain control of her mutinying lungs and her stampeding heart.

She didn’t notice when Adora had finished, and was barely conscious to the world around her when heard Shaylin’s voice cut into her ears like a knife: “Very good all of you, I can tell you spent a long time on this. Catra dear… next time, try not to hide your hands behind your back.” Even though her hackles shot up at the comment, Catra was only able to give the feintest of nods, but her fists remained firmly in her back pockets.

“All right.” Shaylin continued, “Well done to you all, most of you have done incredibly well, so you should all feel proud of yourself. And…” She looked up at the clock, “It’s getting late and we’ve overstepped our welcome to this room, so I’ll let you go.”

The room was filled with the clattering as students got up and slung coats on to ward off the chilling afternoon air.

“Well I think that went well!” Adora said as she sidestepped around a column of students as they headed for the door.

“I agree,” Bow answered as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “And I got to give it to Ca… tra…” He said, fading off as he watched Catra all but run through the exit of the room, without even saying anything to them. Adora sighed and slid her palm down her face.

“I’ll go see what’s up. You go on ahead, we’ll catch up with you.” She said and pushed her way into the crowd and out the door. She looked left: nothing, to the right: a flash of brown hair as it disappeared around the corner. Picking up the pace Adora marched down the hallway and caught another glimpse of Catra as she disappeared through a door to the right. Eyebrows furrowing in concern she opened the doors to the toilets and stepped inside, wincing as she heard retching noises from one of the stalls.

Adora rested against one of the sinks as she waited, she could hear Catra’s strained breathing, coming out more like rasps as her body tried to get enough air _in_ as it was ejecting most of her lunch _out_. When the retching noise finished, she heard Catra sigh and her eyes flicked up as the door opened.

Catra was shivering, a tuff of her hair was sticking out wildly and she had gone incredibly pale, her breaths where still coming and going in rapid fire bursts. Catra jumped when she saw her and backed up against the nearby wall, her hands twitching as she tried to keep herself steady.

“Hey, it’s just me!” Adora said in a rush, stepping back and holding her palms out to try and calm Catra down. “It’s just me.” She said again, this time softer, but more reassuring. Catra’s breathing quietened, but her chest was still heaving. Catra blinked a few times and proceeded to walk to one of the sinks in the corner, cupping her hands underneath the tap to catch a small puddle of water and very gently applied it to her face, seemingly paying extra attention to keep the water away from her eyes and mouth. When she was finished, she dropped her hands to the side to hold herself up and looked at her reflection as she was still panting.

Deciding to take the dive, Adora slowly walked over, making her presence known in the reflection before slightly dampening her hands and running them through the wild tuft in Catra’s hair. She stopped when she felt Catra flinch away from her, but she stilled and then tilted her head to the side to allow easier access.

“I know I’m about to get the “no shit sherlock” face…” Adora began as she curled her fingers, trying to flatten the tuft down, “But I didn’t expect that it would have affected you this badly after how well it went when you were practising.” Catra’s eyes flicked up to Adora’s in the mirror, and Adora rolled her eyes, “there we go.” She said, Catra gave her a small smile but didn’t say anything, instead she closed her eyes and let out a sigh as Adora attempted to the curl the misbehaving tuff behind her ear, flattening her palm and pushing to down to try and get it to stick.

“I told you we should have gotten a new topic; it wouldn’t have been that hard.” Adora said. Catra gently shook her head.

“Nah, I still think this was the better option, people are less likely to find out about it.”

“Why are you so concerned about people knowing?”

“Because people have found out about it before, and it turned out they could be very… imaginative with it… talking of which… do you think I let any of it slip?” She asked, requiring Adora’s gaze in the mirror. Adora shook her head.

“No, I don’t think so. It looked more like you are incredibly nervous about public speaking, which isn’t exactly uncommon.” Catra nodded slowly.

“Good, at least it could have gone much, _much_ worse.”

“Well if that’s how you want to look at it,” Adora countered, “I think all things considered we couldn’t have pulled it off much _better_ to be honest.” Catra let off a hesitant hum. “Oh, don’t be so pessimistic!” Adora said as she finally got the irritating tuff to stick down. “I think that you got it out at _all_ , was a massive achievement. Give yourself some credit for once!”

Catra chuckled darkly but smiled at Adora through their reflections. Adora stood back and made a move towards the door and held it open. “Come on…” She said with a huff, “the others are waiting for us.” Catra sighed and nodded slowly. She paused when she drew level with Adora and looked out across the hallway.

“Thanks.” She muttered quietly and quickly walked on, leaving Adora standing at the door staring after her. 

Adora shook her head to get her thoughts back into line, “Catra.” she called out, watching as Catra paused and turned to look back at her. “They’re this way.” She said and nodded to a door in the opposite direction. Catra’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but she headed back towards her and Adora led them through a tiny corridor and held the door open for her as they entered the small coffee shop that was built into the side of the university.

Bow and Glimmer waved them down from one of the small booths in the corner and they slid onto the seats across the table from them.

“Everything alright?” Bow asked, looking between them.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. It just took a little more out of her than we thought.” Adora said, trying to play it over. Bow just blinked at her, clearly knowing it was an understatement, but he didn’t press further.

“We didn’t get anything, because we didn’t know how long you’d be.” Glimmer explained.

“That’s alright.” Adora replied as she rested back into the corner.

“I’ve got it.” Catra said standing up.

“Hey, you’re not getting them by…” Adora began to say.

“ _Sit._ ” Catra said stopping and looking at Adora over her shoulder. Adora’s mouth snapped shut and she fell back against her seat. Smugly smiling to herself Catra turned and headed for the counter.

When she returned, she was balancing a small tray and five mugs atop it. Catra gently put it down on the table in the middle and proceeded to scoot onto her seat.

“Why did you do this?” Glimmer asked, looking at Catra with a surprised expression, mixed with a happy smile.

“Because… as much as I hate to admit it… you guys have done a lot for me over the last few weeks. Let alone put up with me…” She said, casting an apologetic glance in Adora’s direction. “It’s the least I can do.” Catra was met with several stares of wonderment. “What?” She asked.

“I think…” Bow began, smiling at her. “Those who think the best friend squad is too small, raise your hand and say aye.”

“Aye!” Glenn said immediately as her hand rushed up into the air.

“Aye.” Bow said and joined Glimmer.

Adora just laughed at her friend’s antics before her hand slowly raised as she smiled at Catra. “Aye.”

The trio looked at each other, before bursting into laughter as their heads dropped onto the table as their shoulders shook. Catra looked between them, thoroughly confused. “What?” She asked again.

Adora leaned up, her breath still stuttering from laughter. She tucked an arm around Catra’s shoulders in a quick hug and she beamed at her.

“Welcome to the best friend squad!”

.o0o.

Catra stared down at the handle of the door, pondering how much things around her seemed to have changed during the last three weeks since she turned this handle. The structure of her life had changed so rapidly that she barely had time to process-

“Morning!” She heard someone sing from behind her, she twisted her head around to see Adora smiling in greeting as she took the final bite of the apple she was holding and graciously flicked the core into the bin next to her.

“Morning.” Catra replied with a tired smile, realising she wasn’t able to hold it in and yawned into the back of her hand.

“Rough night?” Adora asked casually as they made their way into the lecture hall, sliding down into their seats as they dropped their bags by their feet.

“You could say that.” Catra mumbled as she shuffled through the contents of her bag. Rough being the usual understatement. Her memories had not been kind on her last night, to the point she took her tablet a few hours before she was supposed to in hopes to get the nightmares to stop. Meaning she only got two or three hours of anything resembling _restful_ sleep that morning. So little that she probably felt more tired than when she got to sleep in the first place.

“mhh-hmm” Adora hummed knowingly at her but didn’t press any further. “I think Bow and Glimmer had a rough night too.” She said shaking her head and then burying her face into her palms. “I know there’s a wall between us, but sound is carried through vibrations and there sure was a _lot_ of them.”

Catra snickered as she opened her notebook and repeatably clicked the lid of her pen on and off. “Why don’t you just ask them to turn it down a little?” 

“Trust me, I have… several times. But they are not ones to listen properly.” Adora replied, slightly muffled against her hands.

“It can’t be that bad can it?” Catra asked doodling in the corner of the page with a pencil she had seemingly magicked out of nowhere. This apparently warranted Adora to raise her head from her hands as she looked at Catra.

“Trust me, if they didn’t use _more_ than adequate protection by now, they would have rekindled the baby boom single handedly by now…” Catra would admit that she was not ready for such a comment and she felt a laugh bubble out of her mouth and into her palm.

“That is just…” Catra shook her head and shuddered as she tried to get the image out of her head.

“I swear there’s enough source material there, David _Attenborough_ could make a friggin documentary on them!” Adora said and switched to a fairly poor impression of the man himself: “And you can just about hear the call of the mysterious Bow… as he tries to find his mate for the nigh- Oh… it seems he’s already found it… Ah, yes! You can see here that he throws their respective clothing against Adora’s wall with no concern of her wellbeing and… Oh… my… _word…_ What are they _doing!?_ ”

By this point, Catra’s head had dropped to the table and was openly laughing. “Stop it!” She cried, muffled against her arms, “I’ve got to somehow fit my lunch down me after this!” 

Adora grinned at her, “well if you want some soothing background tunes, I can oblige…”

“No!” Catra said looking up and wiping the corner of her eye. “No, you most certainly _cannot!_ ”

“Are you sure? Because their readily available!” Adora answered which got her an elbow in the side.

“I really, really, _do not_ , need to hear about all that.” Catra said as she got her breathing back under control.

Adora grinned at her, “Well just sprinkle in a bit of luck and you may get to hear it for yourse-

“ _Noooo!_ ” Catra groaned and held her palm outstretched against Adora’s face, pushing it away from her. “This is definitely _not_ a discussion we need to be having!” Adora laughed but quickly quietened down as the lecturer walked in and quickly deposited her textbook in the space on the desk between them.

Adora looked to her right to see that Catra had buried her face in her palms and her shoulders were twitching in silent laughter. Adora smiled to herself, _good_ , it might help to take Catra’s mind off whatever was going through her head last night, because the bruises under her eyes ran deep. Catra looked up at the lecturer, down at her notes and then to the textbook looking lost. Adora pointed with the top pf her pen at the title of the paragraph that contained the material and Catra smiled in thanks, before looking down and scribbling in her notebook, her eyebrows knitting closer together in concentration. As she looked Adora noticed that Catra had the pencil she saw earlier resting in the crook of her ear secure by being pushed through the mess of her hair at one end.

As Catra tapped the top of her pen against her bottom row of teeth, Adora felt her mind wonder as her hand absentmindedly danced across her page. She snapped back to reality when Catra had noticed she was staring in her general direction and cocked her head to the side in a questioning manner. Noticing that Adora had just zoned out for a bit she flashed her a small smile before turning her attention back to the page in front of her. Adora smiled as she thought of the progress they had made, over the past week since the group project came to a close, Catra seemed _vastly_ more comfortable in her presence in the more day to day life.

It had taken a lot of learning on both sides. Seeing Catra in a more everyday situation had proven greatly more insightful than how Catra behaved in the library or when they were practising their slides for the presentation. Adora very quickly discovered that Catra basically defined the term “introvert” Which, to be honest, Adora was incredibly irritated at herself that she didn’t even _guess_ that sooner. As Bow and Glimmer seemed to thrive off the energy as they talked and laughed with their friends into the night, Catra seemed more and more drained. On several occasions dosing off right there on the sofa or at the table, using her arms as a headrest. On the last two days alone both Glimmer and Adora respectively had nudged her awake and demanded she headed for bed otherwise she’d wake up with a cramped neck. She’d also turn down any invitation to go to any of the local clubs (which Adora had actually secretly advised her _not_ to. She hardly liked them herself, so she’d thought she’d spare Catra the pain.) As well as the local pup a stone’s throw away from where they lived. (Which was understandable, but they’d get her there… eventually.)

Catra had originally assumed that once the project was done, they would want nothing more to do with her, even after the events in the coffee shop immediately after. She became distant, and more self-conscious, as if she were trying to hide from them. Adora of course felt that this wouldn’t do and immediately set out to rectify the issue. It was here that Catra learnt something important about Adora. She always talked her problems out, it was one of the main reasons she was so well liked by everyone, you always knew exactly where you stood with her, nothing was left to chance. If there was a problem and you didn’t talk it out with Adora, she’d come and talk it out with _you._ This resulted in Adora ambushing Catra along the waterfront on the way to one of their lectures and promptly demanding an answer. Upon learning Catra’s minor insecurity about how she valued herself as a friend to anyone else, Adora sighed and proceeded to make sure in the lecture theatre that Catra didn’t sit anywhere else other than right next to her.

Catra started to get the message and no longer required any confirmation, soon Catra had permanently relocated from her spot in the back corner of the room to the middle edge with Adora as well as Bow and Glimmer whenever their modules lined up. With Catra’s presence the friends got louder, livelier, and vastly more intelligent. Though Bow and Glimmer flat out refused that Catra had anything to do with it. 

Catra was also just about starting to come round more often in the evenings, even if they didn’t have anything planned. Over the last few days There would be a quiet knock on the door and Adora would open it to reveal Catra looking sheepish and just starting to make a bad excuse to leave, only to be dragged in by the arm.

Adora blinked back into the present when she noticed her writing had started to drift and cut diagonally into the line below. Shaking her head at herself in annoyance she scribbled the offending writing out of existence and started again, taking a bit more care to make it stayed where it was supposed, looking up only to see Catra smirking at her mistake. Adora rolled her eyes and gently nudged Catra with her elbow, which only caused her wrist to slip, dragging a dark blue line across her page. Catra cupped her hands over her mouth to hide her laughter at Adora’s misfortune. Adora huffed and flipped over onto a new page to start again, shooting an annoyed but nevertheless unreal glare in Catra’s direction, who in turn tipped her head back in a silent laugh as the yellow in her eye shone in the artificial light above her. Adora quickly caught up to where she was and then had to rely on Catra to point out the different bits in the textbook she had missed. She noticed that whenever Catra had caught up with the lecturer and she had nothing more to write, she would pull out the pencil from above her ear and make these little doodles, but her arm always blocked them from Adora’s view. When she noticed there was new stuff being said she’d carefully tuck the pencil back and grab her pen to continue writing.

As Adora packed her stuff into her bag, she pulled out a large plastic bag and stuffed it into the pocket of her jacket. As they left the room with Catra holding the door open behind her so Adora could pass, they turned the corner and through the sliding doors.

“I’ve got to get some extra stuff for dinner tonight,” Adora said, “You head on up and I’ll see you in a bit.”

“You sure?” Catra asked, “Don’t want an extra pair of hands to carry everything?” Adora shook her head.

“Nah, I don’t need much.” Catra looked at her disbelieving.

“I’ve seen you cook for this lot before, it’s never _not much_ ” Adora snorted at the comment.

“Ok, fair enough, you’re not wrong. But We’ve already got most of it, I only need a few bits.” Catra blinked at her but relented.

“Alright… I’ll see you in a bit.”

“see you.” Adora finished and cut off right, down onto the road behind the university as she headed for the shops. Adora shivered slightly when she entered the air-conditioned interior and quickly grabbed a basket from the rack as she dived into the isles to find what she needed. As she walked, she fished out her phone from her pocket to find the list she had made that morning before she had left. As she scrolled down it, she felt herself wince. Perhaps it was a mistake to turn down Catra’s offer, she would likely have to compromise on a few things… get the stuff for tonight now and do the weekly stuff tomorrow when she could rope in Bow and Glimmer to help.

.o0o.

When she made it back, her bag very much full, she didn’t quite know how to describe the conversation she heard from the kitchen.

“Your writing style is too… chatty.” She heard Catra say, “You’re technically talking about a science, especially since this is biological, so you need to make sure you essays are devoid of emotion, no emotive words, just the science.”

“But that’s really hard!” she heard Bow complain.

“I didn’t say it would be easy, but that’s what’s dragging you down. Look here, _“the neurotransmitters journey across the synaptic ridge.”_ Firstly, it’s not a ridge, it’s a _cleft,_ and secondly, journey suggests they’re having an adventure. Scrap it and swap it with _“The Neurotransmitters are transported across.”_ It’s a bit more official.”

Adora smiled, it seemed that Bow had tried to ask for Catra’s help. She quietly walked into the kitchen to see Bow, Glimmer and Catra squeezed onto one of the sofa’s their laptops in front of them. Catra turned her attention away from Bow and onto Glimmer as she read across her screen.

“Some of the most well know neurotransmitters are: dopamine, Serotonin…” She broke off into quiet mumbling as her eyes darted across the screen, and she smiled. “Good, that’s much better, I just want to check where you got that from.”

“Ummm…” Glimmer hummed.

“What?”

“I can’t remember.”

Adora sniggered.

“What!?” Catra said, “Did you not reference it?” Glimmer shook her head. Catra groaned and dropped her head into her palms. “What do I keep saying Sparkles? Always reference your work!”

 _Sparkles?_ Adora hadn’t heard that one being used. But it did seem like a very Catra thing to do, turn a nickname into a condescending one if you were being stupid enough to not reference your work and ask for her help.

“I didn’t think I needed it!” Glimmer tried to defend herself. Catra shook her head.

“No. If you even put one _word_ influenced by a journal or a book or a website you reference it, no matter how little you take from it.”

“Ahh…” Bow said, looking sheepish. Catra whined into her hands.

“Please tell me you haven’t forgot to reference too…”

“Ummm…”

“Argh!” Catra growled and placed her laptop in front of her on the small table and stood up. “Go back, find all the bits you’ve used and _reference them!_ We’ll carry on when you’ve found them all.” And procced to storm towards the door, as Adora couldn’t hold her laughter in anymore.

“Having fun?” She asked Catra as she approached her.

“No.” Catra fumed, “I just can’t believe it’s as simple as _referencing!”_

“I know.” Adora smiled, “I’ve been trying to get them to do that since A-levels and I’ve failed to this day.”

Catra groaned again and sidestepped to fit around Adora and stormed down the Corridor. “I swear I’m going to kill our friends!” Adora laughed.

“Please don’t.” Her laughter cut short as she looked at Catra in surprise as she disappeared through the door at the end of the hallway. She knew it couldn’t have been deliberate, she had slipped up. But she had said “ _Our_ friends…” Adora felt herself smile. It wasn’t exactly a crushing development. But that…

That was _progress…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, comes the end of the presentation arc... it's been a blast. For me at least, I can only hope it was for you as well! Things are starting to look up but we are far from finished!  
> So... from here, Catra has to learn how to cope with long term interactions with people as she starts to get ever more integrated into the group. Adora starts to come up with an idea to possibly help Catra, and Adora's past comes back to haunt... or help her?
> 
> See you soon!


	9. Paroxetine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophia sees something is wrong with Catra and decides to speak to Adora for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't seem like the chapter was showing up so I'm reposting it, sorry if you get extra notifications.
> 
> Hi. It is now time for our regularly scheduled apology. This chapter has been mostly written for about two weeks. So Krumbl when I told you it was only a few days, I promise I wasn't lying! it was nearly there! As you may know my family has recently moved house. It's a lovely place and I won't change it for the world. but it hasn't had Anything done to it, and I really do mean ANYTHING since the late 1940s. So we're having to gut the place and basically redo everything.  
> Originally had the boiler problem, that got fixed, this time around was the replacing of the electrics. To do this they're having to channel through solid brick with diamond tipped tools. This is incredibly loud. I once got to stand in front of a DC-3 Dakota as it's engines started up and it had nothing on this. It took "so loud you can't hear yourself think" too literally. This put everything on hold so I am SO sorry...
> 
> Even though I couldn't continue it I did download it on to my phone and did the majority of the editing and proofreading on that when we were driving somewhere I had got that desperate.  
> Soon the universities start again and here I find myself looking out the window which Catra's view is based from, so it provides excellent motivation! :D. Most importantly it's away from the noise and I've got cracking. So here it is, I threw in a little Easter egg scene as well so it is a bit longer.
> 
> At the risk of sounding like a broken record I can't thank you all enough for your patience. I Can't promise you all enough that I'm trying as hard as I can to get these out on time.  
> Anyways, I won't hold you up any longer!

Catra smiled to herself as the door shut behind her. Bow and Glimmer were very intelligent, she knew that. Through all the joking about and the never-ending complaints, they _did_ have a lot of smarts. But there were times when they could be so _stupid_. She huffed as she pushed the door to her own flat open and rubbed her eyes with the corner’s or her fists as she walked down the hallway.

“Morning!” Sophia beamed at her as she peered around the corner of the door to the kitchen, “Or is it afternoon now? I don’t know, what is it? Oops! It’s technically afternoon now.” Sophia took a deep breath “Afternoon!” Catra laughed.

“Is this the reason your always later You never know what time it is!” Catra wasn’t even exaggerating, whenever they were telling Sophia when something would be, they had started to state it was three hours _earlier_ than when it actually was in the hope to make her appear on time. They had yet to be successful.

Sophia blushed slightly but couldn’t even offer up a defence. Instead turning back to her laptop on the table and busied herself typing on the keyboard. “You going over tonight?” Sophia asked, looking up. Catra nodded as looked aimlessly in the fridge.

“I’m already over there. I’ve made the mistake of trying to help Bow and the queen of sparkles herself.” Sophia laughed at the nickname. 

“Why, what have they done?”

“Nothing! That’s the point!” Catra groaned and closed the door to the fridge after failing to find anything appealing. She took a second to regain her composure and then headed for the door. “I’m going to check up on them, see if they’ve screwed anything else up.”

“Did you take your tablets today?” Sophia asked as she made it halfway down the hallway. Catra came to a halt as she thought back over the day.

“Whoops.” Catra said as she spun on her heel and disappeared inside her room, reappearing holding a small white box covered in pretty much every medical warning symbol known to man. “Thanks Sophia, that was really irresponsible of me. I should have remembered to take it this morning.”

Sophia didn’t know what they were, or what they were even for. All Catra had told her was that she was supposed to take one every morning and had stoically left it at that.

She popped the foil casing and stared down at the small green capsule. Sighing she reached up and grabbed a glass form her cupboard and filled it with water, she rested the capsule on her tongue and then gulped the contents of the glass down as fast as possible. Shivering as the liquid ghosted down her throat. She placed her hands down on the side as she caught her breath as she tried to crush panic the washed up with it.

“You okay?” Sophia asked, spinning round on her stool as she looked concerned at her. Catra slowly nodded and held a shaky thumb up.

“I’m not convinced…” Sophia added. Catra’s eyes had squeezed shut and her breathing had accelerated.

“I’m _fine_.” Catra managed to gasp out, mostly in an attempt to convince herself rather than anyone else.

“Catra?” Sophia asked again as Catra began to look left and right, her eyes having a wild flash in them. She looked to the wall nearby and took a step forward, but her legs begun to shake like they were straining with the effort to keep her upright. The next second, her knees buckled out from beneath her and she went crashing to the floor, just about able to use her arms to break her fall. Catra winced as her arm throbbed from the impact, still not fully healed from her tumble on the stairs.

“Catra!” She heard her name being called, but it sounded muffled, so she tried to ignore it and pulled herself up against the wall, so she was sitting against it. At least here she couldn’t hurt herself. In the foggy haze of her mind she somehow managed to recognise what was happening. She knew she was tipping on the edge of a panic attack, but not quite. The tiny voice that could just be heard over the pounding of her ears seemed to still hold the control of her limbs. Trying her best to keep calm despite the rushing blood she could hear, Catra opened her legs slight and stowed her hands beneath them, pinning them down to protect herself in case she failed.

Catra then took manual control of her breathing, taking in long exaggerated breaths just to make sure her brain got enough oxygen otherwise she could pass out. She felt someone kneel in front of her as a hand landed on her shoulder. She felt her body flinch away from the contact, but what was still left in control relished the feel of something _outside_ her body. She could feel her heart pounding harder, but the fact that she didn’t feel dizzy likely meant enough air was entering her body. All she had to do was to try not to think about anything, especially the burning sense of panic in her lower abdomen. Just focus on her breathing:

In…

Out…

In…

Out…

“Catra?” She heard again, this time louder, clearer. Catra managed to move her jaw, it was tense with how hard she had clenched her teeth together.

“I’m here.” She managed to creek out, loosening a hand from underneath her legs to massage the joint at her jaw, flinching when she felt and heard it clonk as it loosened. She dug her other hand out from underneath her leg and rubbed her eyes before she managed to open them. Her vision was blurry somewhat and she blinked several times to try and clear it. Her eyes snapped back into focus to see Sophia crouched before her, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

“What the hell was that?” She asked as Catra stretched her fingers, they were tingly after being cut off slightly from their blood supply under her legs.

“It’s all right,” She managed to say, “I had just forgotten to take the tablets this morning, so the effect had waned from yesterday’s one.”

Sophia scowled “That didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m sorry Sophia,” Catra smiled apologetically but began to try and push herself up to the feet, “But that’s all I can tell you.” Catra’s legs still felt week and wobbly, her feet slipped, and she shot her hand out to stop her head banging against the wall behind her.

“Are you sure about that?” Sophia asked as she scowled. “Cos’ this isn’t right.” She picked up the box Catra had brought through and twirled it around in her fingers, “What even are these?”

“SSRI’s” Catra replied as she shifted her legs about to test the feeling in them.

“SSRI’s?” Sophia echoed, looking up from the box.

“Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors.” Catra said, as she braced her hands against the floor, and tried again to push herself up. This time, Sophia grabbed onto Catra’s arm and easily hauled her to her feet, keeping a steady grip on her shoulders to stop her from tipping over.

“Selective Serotonin reupwhat?” Sophia asked, “Does _anything_ you say make sense?” Catra managed a weak laugh.

“It stops my body from collecting up stray Serotonin when my Synapses fire, means there’s more Serotonin in my system.”

“That’s… great,” Sophia sarcastically retorted “What does it _do_ exactly?”

“It… it…” Catra groaned and her forehead bounced off Sophia’s shoulder. “I don’t know how to explain it… ask Adora, she’s better at talking about this stuff…”

“Right…” Sophia said as she cautiously let go of Catra, she swayed a little but still remained on her feet. “You still didn’t tell me what _that_ was…” Catra sucked in a big breath, her shoulders sliding back like she was bracing herself for something.

“I… Its…” She huffed and her shoulders slumped in defeat as she hung her head as she shook it. “I’m Sorry Sophia, I… I just… can’t… not right now… maybe one day, but…” Her head slowly raised to meet Sophia’s gaze, “but not now.” Sophia sighed but smiled.

“Ok…” She nudged Catra slightly, “You better.” Catra grinned sheepishly in return. “You sure you’re alright now?” Catra hummed and took a few steps.

“Yep, I think I’m good now.”

“You _think?_ ”

“Thank you, Sophia, for your concern, but I’ll be fine.” Sophia sighed in resignation.

“You know I don’t believe you, right?”

“I know.”

Sophia groaned in her throat and slapped her palm against her face, “Are you always this annoying?” Catra paused for a second.

“Generally… yes.” Sophia sighed at her reply.

“you sound just like Adora…” Catra simply grinned and sidestepped around Sophia as she walked down the hallway.

“I know.”

“Can you _please_ stop doing that!” Sophia begged, holding her flattened palms together against her chest.

“Doing what?”

“Answering two different questions with the same answer! Adora does that _all_ the time and it’s _infuriating!_ ” Catra smirked.

“I know.”

Sophia groaned and banged her head against the table in defeat. Catra’s chuckle echoed down the hallway, slowly drifting quieter as she got further away.

“I’ll see you later.” Catra said.

“Later.” Sophia jokingly grumbled as she turned back to her computer. She heard the door click shut as Catra left and her eyes drifted down onto the white box, left forgotten on the table. As she turned it in her hands, being a biology student, she recognised many of the warning symbols: they where mostly the usual, keep away from children and the likes. However, it was the “Toxic in high doses” symbol which really caught her eye, and the large warning in bold writing across the back:

**If you were not prescribed this medication, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances attempt to consume!**

Sophia’s eyebrows knitted together as she looked back down the empty hallway. She pocketed the box, she would ask Adora about it when she got a chance this evening. It didn’t seem like your standard run of the mill medication that so many people seemed to be taking these days. Catra had claimed that the whole… _episode_ that had just unfolded before her eyes was the result of their effect waring off. Sophia looked down at the box poking slightly out of her pocket.

“Just what is this stuff?”

.o0o.

Catra flopped back on the sofa with a huff as she turned to see Bow’s reference list steadily growing. She smiled and then covered her mouth the back of her hand as she yawned, squeezing her eyes shut as she stretched her legs out in front of her. She had taken five minutes to breath on the landing once she had escaped Sophia’s never-ending gaze. She was right: she had been stupid, she couldn’t afford how often the nightmares and panic attacks plagued her without them, especially when she was going to be around so many people.

“Tired?” She heard Glenn question from her other side.

“Busy day.” Catra confirmed as she looked over at Glenn’s screen and her eyes darted across the screen., she tapped her arm gently and pointed at her screen. “You need the authors before the journal, institution or publisher.” Glenn’s hands slumped against the sofa.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” She whined as she tilted her head back. Catra clicked with her tongue.

“Nope, sorry… Anyways, you should have saved the guide back at the begging of the year.”

“Wait there’s a guide!?”

“Yes, Bow… there is a guide.” Catra felt herself smile at the annoyed huff he gave off as her eyes opened and looked across the room. “Where’s Adora?”

“Oh, she’s in her room, she’s calling her brother.” Glenn said. Catra’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she’d walked past Adora’s room on the way in… she hadn’t heard a noise, the only thing that seemed off was that the door was closed… Catra shrugged and passed the topic off, it wasn’t her business anyway.

“So, is this right”? Bow asked, gently nudging her with his elbow. Catra looked over and ticked off the various criteria in her head.

“Yep, that’s correct. Good job.” It was Bow’s turn to slump against the sofa.

“Oh god, I feel like I can finally breathe again!” Catra chuckled slightly.

“What?”

“It felt like if you told me I’d gotten one more thing wrong, I’d spontaneously combust!”

“I am not that harsh!” Catra complained.

“Sorry, but gonna disagree with you there…” Glenn responded. Catra sighed and buried her face in her hands.

“Sorry…” She mumbled.

“Nah, we wouldn’t have you any other way!” Glimmer retorted, slinging her arm over Catra’s shoulder. “As much as you’re bloody terrifying, I’ve got a good feeling about this one.” She said, nodding to her laptop.

They settled back down as Bow and Glenn carried on from where they had left off, occasionally asking Catra for advice. Catra would answer when she could, desperately trying to keep her tone civil, but other than that, she found herself laying back against the cushion and staring up at the ceiling, following the ribs in the paint.

She looked up when she heard the faint sound of a door opening and a few seconds later Adora appeared as she stretched her arms above her head.

“How is he?” Glenn asked, looking up from her screen.

“He’s good, managed to tip _Acacia_ over, so he’s a bit soggy.” Glenn made a smirking noise from her throat. Catra looked up confused.

“He managed to tip a _tree_ over?” Adora smiled at her.

“No, not a tree, Acacia is his boat.” Catra blinked.

“Your brother has a boat?”

“Yep, dad makes em’.” Adora said as she crouched down by one of the cupboards and swung the door open. She sighed in annoyance “Glimmer, I don’t need an explanation but somehow I just know your responsible for _that_.” She said gesturing to the haphazard contents. Glenn looked up and smiled sweetly.

“What?” Catra pushed herself off the sofa and tried to hold back her laughter. The contents of the cupboard closely resembled a house of cards. It looked like if you tried to remove anything a lot of very fragile looking objects would tumble to the floor.

“How did you even manage that!?” Catra asked, staring at the cupboard.

“One thing you learn when you’re around those two is that you don’t try and find the logic to something where logic can’t be applied.” Adora muttered and dropped to her knees on front of it. “Riiiight… So… I think we…” She tried to remove a mug stashed at the top and the whole pile creaked as it began to shift. Catra skidded to her knees beside Adora and wrapped her arms around the pile, trying to hold it up.

Adora reopened her squinted eyes and smiled gratefully at Catra and proceeded to carefully remove everything from trays to pans and lay the on the floor behind them as Catra kept it steady. She sighed in relief when she deemed it safe. “You know what guys? You win, when you’re done with something, just leave it on the side and I’ll put it away when I’m done. I don’t think my heart can take it anymore…”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic!” Glimmer complained. Adora searched through the mess behind them and picked out a few pots, pans and a glass jug and placed them on the counter above them.

“I will when you stop doing such a piss poor job of actually _putting away_ rather than just stuffing it in and going _That’ll do!”_

Catra sniggered and picked up a few of the metal trays and slid them in on the bottom. She turned and accepted a stack of pots that Adora was handing to her and together they reassembled the contents until it had at least _some_ sense of order. Adora nodded, happy with their work Adora nudged the door shut with her foot. She sighed as she climbed to her feet and looked at the assembled kitchenware in front of her.

“Everyone coming tonight? Or can some not make it?” Adora asked Bow and Glimmer who were furiously typing away at their keyboards. Glimmer smirked and looked up.

“After what you promised to make them, I doubt anyone will miss it, even if they should!” Bow held his thumb up in confirmation after checking his phone.

“They’re all coming.” And immediately looked back at his screen, seemingly pressing _backspace_ more than any other key.

“Right…” Adora said looking back at the cupboards and proceeded to open all of them, zipping about as she took various ingredients out, often pausing to double check what she had to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything.

“Need any help?” Catra asked, stepping back to make sure she wasn’t in Adora’s way.

“How good are you?” Adora asked, slightly muffled as she had shoved her head in the fridge. “And I’m not being horrible! I’m just asking if you are as bad as Glimmer.”

“Hey!”

“I wouldn’t say I’m _terrible_ … Catra said slightly nervous as Adora’s eyes peeked out from the corner of the fridge at her. “Just inexperienced. I haven’t done this…. Big stuff…”

“Oh, that’s fine! Adora said with a smile as she reversed and closed the door to the fridge by walking backwards against the door. “I can work with that.” She grinned as she walked past her and dumped the contents of her arms on the side. Adora nodded across to the other side, “First up, boil the kettle, we’re going to need it, then come over here and help me with this…”

Catra found herself sitting on the corner of the side, her legs crossed as she tried to peel potatoes without accidently peeling her wrists. She ran the blade down, slowly sticking her tongue out the corner of her mouth slightly in concentration. Catra looked up to see Adora standing above a chopping board as she cut up some chicken into small chunks and popped them into a small pan beside her. The rhythm of the clacking noise of metal against plastic made Catra wonder how Adora still had all her fingers, considering that all she could see of the blade Adora was holding was pretty much a blur. When she had finished with the one she was working on she put it in the pan full of water and picked out the next one, happily letting her mind wonder as she dragged the peeler across it’s misshaped surface.

As Catra hopped down to poor the dirty water from the pan she noticed Adora looking around a bit lost. “What is it?” She asked. Adora huffed and dragged her palm down her face.

“I forgot the stuffing…” She muttered as she sidestepped behind Catra and opened the cupboard above her head. She sighed and flicked the door shut. Catra’s eyebrow’s knitted.

“Why do you want stuffing with this?” Adora turned and leant up against the side beside her.

“It goes in the mixture, trust me, makes it a million times better.” Adora pushed off and grabbed a crumpled back from the side. “I’ve just got to and get some quickly…”

“We’ll get it.” Glenn offered as she and Bow stood. “It’ll do us good to actually get outside today.”

“Alright.” Adora said and lobbed the bag across the room and Glimmer snatched it out the air. “If you see anything you think we’ll need later, grab it, I’ll pay for the lot.”

“Nu-ah” Bow said as he grabbed his shoes from by the door, “we still owe you from what you got last week, we’ve got it.” Adora shrugged but still looked hesitant.

“Okay… if you’re sure.”

“Yep!” Glimmer confirmed cheerily, “We’ll be back in a few minutes!” She called down the hallway and the door shut behind them.

Catra poured new water into the pan to wash the potatoes off and re-poured the water back down the sink so it was clean, holding a hand inside the pan to makes sure the potatoes didn’t roll out. As she was doing it, she heard Adora stand behind her and she suddenly felt her hair shift.

Adora lifted the back of Catra’s hair with her arm to reveal the back of her neck. The four marks looked a lot less angry now, the colour fading as the skin healed itself, several patches of dead skin hung on in tabs along the edges of the gashes. This time Catra didn’t even flinch as Adora’s nails ghosted over the marks, her head leaned to the side to judge Catra’s reaction when she touched them.

“Does that hurt?” She asked as she placed her fingers more firmly against them. Catra shook her head slowly.

“A little… but it tickles mostly.” Adora nodded and her hands retreated, brushing Catra’s hair back over her shoulder.

“They’re healing nicely… I think…” Catra snickered as she filled the pan for the last time.

“You think?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like their infected, but beyond that I have no idea.”

“You sure you didn’t take nursing?” Catra sniped, Adora huffed.

“Oh, can it…” Catra laughed at Adora’s annoyance as she placed one of the potatoes on the chopping board and twirled the knife in her hand. Adora looked back and her eyes widened.

“Whoa! Stop, stop, stop!” Catra froze and looked back.

“What?”

Catra had the blade of the knife resting against the side of her knuckle to try and balance it. Adora walked over and quickly swatted her hand away.

“If you do that and get it wrong, you’ll slice a bit of your finger off!” Adora reprimanded, “You use claw over the top so your hands are out the way, like this:” Adora grabbed Catra’s static hand beneath her own and spun it so their hands rested arched over the top of the knife. “There, now you can’t hurt yourself.”

Catra let out a large huff through her nose and pushed her hand down, the knife slicing through with a ‘Thunk’, she pushed the two chunks away with the side of the blade and grabbed the next one from the pan.

When Catra had finished she looked up to see Adora standing over the cooker, watching over the pan, nudging the pieces of chicken around with a spatula to stop them from burning. Catra placed the glass lid on top of the pan and slid in next to Adora to deposit the pan on top of one of the rings atop the cooker and brushed her hands off on her jeans.

“So, what’s next?”

“Ummm…” Adora looked around and her eyes settled on the sink. “Would you mind starting the washing up? We might as well get the majority out of the way.”

Catra tried to brush the dread settling in her stomach and she swallowed audibly. “Yeah… I’ll do that.” She stepped up to the sink and pushed the plug down and pulled up on the tap, warily eyeing the stream of water filling the bowl.

She heard Adora loudly swear under her breath and Catra felt Adora’s hand on her arm, gently tugging her away from the sink. “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking there for a second. I’ll do the washing up; you keep an eye on the chicken.” Adora released her and sidestepped so she was between Catra and the sink to block her path in case she got stubborn. Catra smiled, slightly embarrassed but grateful none the less.

“Thanks.” She said quietly and assumed Adora’s position over the pan, staring down at the paling cubes in front of her. “What am I looking for?” Adora leaned over her shoulder.

“You want them to go this white colour all over, when they do, keep moving them so don’t start turning brown. So, if your unsure, just keep flipping them so no one side is facing down for very long.” Catra nodded in confirmation and got to work, listening to the muffled clonking noises coming from the sink as Adora placed things inside the sink. They carried on in relative silence into the sound of the door opening emanated from the hallway. Catra and Adora turned to see that Bow and Glimmer had returned holding a bag each, which they landed on the table.

“Got everything we need?” Adora asked.

“Yep,” Glimmer said opening the bags and started to empty their contents, Bow picked out the box of stuffing and flung it like a frisbee, so it skidded to a stop next to Adora. “We’ve got some extra milk, some butter, I thought we were running a bit low on eggs, so we got a few more just in case and…”

“And most importantly,” Bow interrupted, reaching into his bag he pulled out two large tubes of pringles, he turned and shook them in the ‘jazz hands’ move with an over exaggerated grin on his face.

Adora rolled her eyes and sighed as she turned back to the sink, but she couldn’t hide the smile on her face at her friend’s antics.

“What do you need us to do?” Glimmer asked. Adora looked back over shoulder, one of you dry this stuff up, the other can put that stuff away, _Tidily.”_ Bow snickered and tapped Glimmer’s arm with his elbow. She huffed and pushed past him and grabbed a tea towel that was hooked around one of the handles of a cupboard.

They quickly got to work, with the extra hands everything was finished in only a few minutes and Adora relieved Catra from her spot by the cooker. Catra walked back to the table and shut her computer down, closing the lid and stuffing it into the back pocket of her bag. She then went to her usual spot, sitting on the corner of the counter, resting her head against the raised cupboard behind her. Catra looked up when she heard an extra pair of footsteps. Penny appeared through the door, her eyes were droopy, and her shoulders had slumped.

Penny’s class had been given an absolute ridiculous task to finish in less than a week. Penny had spent the last few days working on it non-stop, she even had to deliberately miss a few lectures, which with Penny it was unheard of. Catra certainly felt sorry for her. She would return every night like this: like a zombie that was almost about give up on its un…life.

Adora smiled in sympathy and reached up into the cupboard above Catra’s head who leaned to the side to allow her access. And grabbed a chocolate bar and pressed it into Penny’s palm.

“Here, get some sugar in you, then go crash ok?” Penny stubbornly shook her head.

“Nah I’m alright, I want to help.” She replied as she rocked on her feet tiredly. Adora huffed and placed her hands on her hips.

“You. Go sleep. Now.” Adora commanded, blocking Penny’s path further into the room. Penny sighed and turned around, slowly trudging back down the hallway and slipping into her room at the end. Adora sighed and turned back. “She’s going to crash and burn at the end of this if she isn’t careful.”

“It’s _Penny_.” Bow said, “She’ll live.” Glimmer nodded in confirmation.

“When Sophia comes round, we’ll get her to make a cup of tea and she’ll be as right as rain again. It’ll take a bit more than _that_ to bring her down.”

Adora grabbed her phone from the table and her thumbs danced across the screen, “I’ll get her to come over now, at least we’ll know she’s in good hands.” Moments later the door burst open, to reveal Sophia her bag bulging with stuff, so much that she hadn’t even zipped it up, the side of her laptop bobbing against the back of her head. Adora jokingly smirked, “Ah! Speak the devil’s name and doth shall appear!”

Sophia rolled her eyes and dumped her bag by the door. “You know she’s pushing herself too hard. If I can help, then of course I will.”

“I wasn’t saying anything!” Adora replied sweetly but through a wink in Catra’s direction who cocked her head at Adora, not sure what she was getting on about. Adora waved her off and mouthed _“later.”_

Sophia huffed at Adora and walked back down the hallway, gently opening the door to Penny’s room at the end and slipping inside. Adora turned back and took the pan off the top of the oven and placed it on the side.

Over the course of the hour, people started to trickle in. Shaun and Mellissa where in the middle of an argument as usual, Freya just behind them, shaking her head in exasperation. A little while after them, Ellie and Harry turned up, shrinking into the room like ghosts, throwing Catra friendly smiles as she was the only one to see them come in. When Adora turned round she jumped as they were standing right behind her.

As everyone gathered around the sofa’s Adora enlisted Catra’s help in kneading out the dough for the pastry. Catra admitted that she enjoyed beating the hell out of the malleable stuff, it was quite therapeutic. She then rolled the dough out with a rolling pin, under the watchful eyes of Adora to make sure she didn’t spread it too thinly that it would crack. She then placed the sheet of dough over a large glass tray which held the chicken and stuffing mixture and pushed the edges down so it would stick. Adora grabbed the oven gloves and gently rested the tray inside the oven and tipped the door shut with her feet.

They joined the others down at the other end of the kitchen and sat on the floor due to the lack of space. Penny and Sophia had come out, but Penny was curled up in the corner of the sofa as she observed the barely organised chaos, but she wasn’t saying much.

“So…” Adora said as she skidded to the floor and neatly wrapped her knees in on themselves. “What are we doing?”

“I vote monopoly,” Sophia said, “Shaun’s been sitting on his high horse for too long now, and it’s been long enough that his egos starting to inflate.”

Shaun smirked, “Only because you can’t beat me.” Sophia gestured towards him with her hands.

“Case and point.”

“I agree,” Glimmer added, “We need to nock him down a notch.” Shaun narrowed his eyebrows at her in mock offence.

“hey!”

“What? Scared?” Glimmer retorted.

“Not on your life.”

“Then it’s settled.” Adora said as she pushed herself across the ground to the corner of the room where various boxes were stacked and took the one on top. They had apparently combined two sets so everyone could actually have enough money to play, as well as more characters. Thankfully Catra noticed that the ship was snatched up straight away by Adora, if she had ended up with it, it would have been both ironic and terrible. Catra sat quietly as everyone got to work setting it up. She had played monopoly before, but didn’t find it interesting as everyone was over cautious and never parted with _anything,_ it just ended up people going round and round for hours with nothing happening.

This group though… well… they were the exact opposite. When the game began, they scrambled for the empty properties like starving dogs. Bidding wars got so high; Glimmer nearly bankrupted herself on the second round… for a light blue property. Catra tried to hold herself back from laughing at the sheer incompetence. They were so desperate in the grabbing game that Catra was able to slowly move round and accumulate what she could. Quietly grabbing all three yellows without anyone but Adora noticing. She didn’t say anything though, she just smiled at her and let her keep her secret. Shaun just continuously boasted as he had collected up the most property so far, already sure in continuing his reign.

After her show of trust Catra realised that if she helped Adora get the last orange she could pressure Mista and Bow to give her the other two greens and then swap with Catra’s purple. This would put the pair of them in a _far_ superior position to Shaun. As she looked out the corner of her eyes, she saw Adora’s eyes widen and looked at her excitedly, her eyes darting between Catra’s cards and at Bow and Mista, she had caught on too. With nothing but a nod they went about their plan.

Ellie and Harry had made their own fortress of properties in the corner of the map, owning the two corners after GO, but didn’t hold any full sets. They too were quietly going about the business of undermining Shaun. Bow, Glimmer, Mista, Sophia and Shaun all held a lot of properties, but they were scattered so were not bringing in much money. Glimmer barely had enough money as it was.

In fact, Mista bankrupted herself when she bet all but a tiny amount of her money on one Of Glimmers properties when she finally bankrupted herself by landing on one of Shaun’s. Adora snapped up her green and the brown and swapped with Bow, giving him a full set but resulting in Adora having two, she swapped for Catra’s purple and between them, they had half the board.

It didn’t take long after that. The others were still betting ridiculous amounts of money when someone went bankrupt. Those who didn’t were eventually forced off as Harry and Ellie unfortunately frequented Adora’s purples. Catra didn’t bet at all and slowly collected what she could as she went round, laying down even more houses as she went. By the end, snapped up Ellie, Harry and Glimmer’s stuff- roughly three quarters of the board, but Adora held both the purple ones so it was very unlikely either would be able to bankrupt the other. Eventually after a few fruitless rounds, they called it a draw.

Catra sat back slightly smug, between them, they had just shattered Shaun’s streak, but it soon disappeared as she noticed everyone was staring at her. “What?” She asked.

“You two where working together!” Bow accused pointing a finger at her and Adora.

“No, we weren’t!” Adora challenged.

“You managed to share out the board between you, without _once_ screwing each other over.” Sophia added.

“It was a bit too much of a coincidence.” Penny added quietly, who had been observing the game on and off.

“I didn’t know there was a rule against mutual benefits!”

“So, you admit you _were_ working together?” Shaun pressed.

“No, I needed something off Catra and she needed something off me, just because that turns out to help the both of us equally, does _not_ mean we had a grand overarching plan to wipe you all off the board one by one!”

“That sounded pretty specific…” Ellie said grinning.

“Oh, for Christ sake…” Adora muttered as everyone laughed…

Catra helped everyone pack away, collecting and sorting all the notes and storing them away in their respective slots. She accepted the folded board from Harry and stowed it on top of everything else. Adora had moved to the other side and was crouched down in front of the cooker to check on the progress.

“I’d say another five minuets and it’ll be ready.” She announced to a smattering of moans of joy. It really did seem like Adora’s cooking had achieved legendary status with them. Well, Sparkles had said there wasn’t a chance anyone would miss out on this.

Catra licked her lips as reality caught up with her. Her top lip was stinging as it was cracking from the lack of moisture. Catra sighed and excused herself to go and fetch her water bottle and disappeared down the hallway.

Sophia watched her go as she was leaning on the side next to Adora, when the door clicked shut, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the small white box.

“What are these?” She asked. Adora looked down.

“I’m sure you’re more of an expert on medication than I am.” Adora replied.

“Not on these.” Sophia replied. And held the box higher. Intrigued, Adora took it from her and her eyes glided across its surface.

“Paroxetine?” She said as an eyebrow raised.

“Yep,” Sophia replied.

“These are SS-

“RI’s yep, got that.” Sophia added, “What do they do?”

“Well, they stop your body from killing off or recycling the serotonin that’s left behind in the synaptic cleft when your nerves fire. They’re normally used on people who have serotonin deficiencies.”

“Haven’t quite got to the nervous system in lectures yet.” Sophia said, “So in English?”

Adora blinked at her for a second. “These are _major_ antidepressants, and I mean the big stuff. If you take it with normal amounts of Serotonin you can easily overdose very quickly. This stuff is used to help with Major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and more… you know, the good stuff.

Sophia hummed and nodded. Adora’s eyes snapped wider.

“Wait, it’s illegal to get this stuff, _anywhere_ without a prescription. How did you get it?”

“They’re not mine.” Sophia said.

“Well, I guessed that.” Adora countered.

“They’re Catra’s” She admitted, “I knew she took this stuff every day, but she had forgotten to this morning and when she tried to take some, she just went all shaky and she fell over, and her breathing went all weird and erratic.” Adora’s eyes went wider. Sophia frowned at her, “What?”

“Nothing!” Adora said incredibly quickly.

“You know I don’t belie- She was interrupted as the door opened, Catra’s back was to them as she leant out to shut the door.

Adora grabbed the box and hurriedly stuffed it back in Sophia’s pocket. “ _Later_.” She hissed and shooed her away. She grabbed the oven gloves and carefully extracted the pie from the oven.

“Hey.” Catra said, “Need any help?”

“Ummm…” Adora said, looking around as her mind reeled, “Mash the spuds?” Catra nodded, and then paused as she frowned at Adora.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Adora tried to dismiss, “just peachy.” Catra kept up her scowl for a second longer and seemed to dismiss it, turning her back to her to grab the masher. Adora turned back to the cooker and silently groaned.

She was _So_ screwed…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> da, da-da Adora's gonna be in trouble ;D Love her, she can't win in this situation.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and that it was worth the wait, production of the next chapter has already started, so I won't make any promises because I tried that last time, and how well did THAT go...? :D 
> 
> Join us next time as Adora tries to juggle between her friends and she begins to concoct a plan that may help Catra with her Phobia.  
> Until then!


	10. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra discovers her trust has been betrayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter 10! It may not be a big milestone, but I'm still excited! I admit, this story has become several times bigger than what I planned, But I've come to love this story and the characters in it, a lot of work has gone into future events that I'm hugely looking forward for, but I needed to write little summary's so I remember them when we get there! Thank you all for your patience and sticking with me!  
> They'll be a little glossary at the end for a few words you may be unfamiliar with.  
> I won't hold you any longer!

Adora’s hearing went dull is she punctured through the surface, the noise of bubbles loud enough to block out everything for a second. She arched her back to conserved as much of her velocity as she could and flicked her legs like a tadpole before cutting up and down as she pushed her left arm down and her right arm circled overhead.

She twisted her head as it broke through the surface of the water and quickly inhaled as much air as she could before plunging back down, relishing the feel of the water slipping around her as she propelled herself along. She loved the water, it was soft and cushy, and as an added bonus it seemed to absorb all her worries as she pushed through the motions:

Up

Down

_Breathe_

Up

Down

_Breathe_

That essay that was due in a few days? What about it? The results for their presentation coming in today or tomorrow? Not a problem. Sophia constantly trying to corner her to ask about that infernal box? …Yeah okay, _that_ one wasn’t quite washed away in her element.

The other side was approaching quickly and Adora felt herself smile, this was going well. She shunted another breath of air into her lungs and locked her eyes forwards, eying the black square rapidly approaching. Just before she reached it, Adora pushed up and sucked in one last breath before flicking her legs down and folding her knees up to her stomach, forcing her body to roll over backwards. Her feet touched onto the side as she waited a split second to get a better angle, She pushed down as hard as she could with her legs, springing her off the side as she went back the way she came. Adora angled her shoulders and arms to flip herself back over so she was facing down, leaving a large wake in the water as she corkscrewed, relishing the harder resistance of the water as she pushed against it.

She could hear an excited voice cheer from her left, but it was frequently broken as her ears dipped down underneath the waters surface. She fell back into the rhythm, snapping her legs up and down as she crawled her way across. The end wasn’t far now, just a little further…

Up

Down

_Breathe_

Up

Down

_Breathe_

The edge was rapidly approaching, and she tilted her legs to angle herself up and shot her hand up to touch the edge. Her other arm came up to rest on the side to hold her up as she caught her breath, running her arm over her eyes to clear the lenses of her goggles before flicking them up on her forehead.

“How’d I do?” She panted slightly, rubbing her nose as a rebellious water droplet tried to invade it.

“Twenty-six point six.” Was the reply, “You did great, but you lost a second or two on the flip.” Adora huffed and nodded.

“I didn’t get the angle right, I had to wait to push off.” The voice hummed in confirmation. It echoed through the room coming from the other side of the pool.

“Try and start the flip sooner, so you come in at a shallower angle. You may arrive slowly, but you’ll save more time in the kick-off, rather than having to wait.” Adora nodded slowly and pushed down with her hands as she swung a leg over the side, taking up position on the board above and secured her goggles over her eyes.

“Okay, let’s try that again.” Adora said, and waited for the countdown…

Adora could just glimpse the black square on the side as she approached, it wasn’t far away now, she fought the resistance to keep going and forced herself over. She felt so much slower as she waited for her feet to touch the side, but when they did, she immediately flung forward. Adora felt the grin form on her face as she rocketed back through the water, she forced her face up to the side to breathe before plunging on.

She reached the end to the sound of clapping and whooping. “That’ A girl! Twenty four point two!” Adora felt herself smile as she pulled off her goggles and dropped them on the ledge. She looked up to see the beaming face of her coach as he reached a hand down. Adora grabbed his arm and allowed herself to be partially lifted out the pool, quickly securing her knee on the edge to push herself the rest of the way up. “Good work!” He finished as he walked over a few steps and picked up a towel from the bench and flung it at her. Adora grabbed it out the air and quickly dried off her face.

Jonathan Landen had been her coach all these years, literally since she had discovered her talent in her first in-school competition, and she had known him for even longer than that. He was a kind man, an optimist at heart, but that never stopped him from telling her exactly where she had messed up.

“Also, you needed to have extended your glide a little bit further, you started pushing before you reached the surface which slowed you down a little.” Adora nodded as she thought back, she had noticed that herself.

It also helped that he owned the entire complex, there was even the added perk that she and her friends were allowed to come here whenever they want, especially on the day it was closed so they got the entire place to themselves, they had a lot of fun here.

“How do you think I’d do in the race?” Adora asked as she tried to dry her fringe off slightly as it was stubbornly trying to drop water in her eyes. Jonathan tapped his finger against his chin.

“We need to work on your flip, so you can pull it off consistently, you do that, and no one will stand a hope in hell.” Adora smiled, pleased with his conclusion and moved the towel round to dry the back of her hair. Eyeing him cautiously as he was smiling at her with that impish grin of his.

“Well… if you ignore the too short a glide, the fact that your arms come out to wide, you shouldn’t be kicking your legs out as much and-

The towel landed over his face.

Adora sighed as she shook her head but smiled as he pulled the towel off and winked cheekily at her. “How does Dad put up with you?” Adora asked exasperated.

Oh yeah… and he was her Uncle. That too…

“He doesn’t! Well… at least for the most part. But he’s my brother, so he has too.”

Adora shook her head again and made a circle with her fingers, with her pinky sticking up and flicked it up by her forehead

~ _You’re an idiot._

Jonathan grinned and held the tips of his finger to his chin and pushed them out:

_~Thank you._

This caused Adora to crack a smile, it was no secret who she had developed her sense of humour from.

“Come on.” He said, “Go get changed and we’ll get some lunch.”

Adora stretched as she left the changing room, her hair out of its usual ponytail as it fell damply down her back. Her go to crimson jacket had been replaced by a large jumper to try and keep as much of her heat in as possible. They left through the large double doors and out onto the street. The sun was high in the sky, but it was just starting to lose its warmth and a cold breeze wafted through the waterfront making her shiver slightly.

The soundtrack was dominated by the general hum of talking passer-by’s and the cackling of sea gulls flying above. A pigeon landed on a nearby post and eyed her curiously before deciding she wasn’t worth it’s time and started bobbing along the floor looking for some crumbs left behind. They dropped by the small café on the street and ordered their usual. Taking the small paper bags, they crossed the road and leant up against the railing, looking out over the river.

The marina was quite busy this time of day, several boats where coming in and out, some travelling at a leisurely pace, others were obviously breaking the speed limit, especially for their size. Adora shook her head at their idiocy and took a bite from her sandwich.

“How’s Penny doing?” Jonathan asked, he had met the others on numerous occasions when they were round, so he knew them well enough.

“Tired.” Adora replied, “She’s overworked herself, but she doesn’t really have a choice.” Jonathan nodded and swallowed his mouthful.

“How much more of this has she got to go?”

“Just today, then she’ll hopefully crash over the weekend and rest for once.” He chuckled and turned his head to look at her.

“Sounds like you sometimes.” Adora snorted through her nose and shook her head.

“Anyway” he said, “The others came down without you last time, what’s that about?”

“Oh that,” Adora said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I was sorting some stuff out with Catra.”

He sniggered, “Oh yeah?”

“ _Yes._ ” Adora huffed.

“Talking of said mystery friend who I have yet to meet, why doesn’t she come down with everyone?”

“I haven’t told her about this”

“Why not?”

“Because she hates water. She wouldn’t want to come anyway, and I don’t want her to feel left out.”

“How do you know she wouldn’t want to come? You won’t know until you ask her.”

“Did you not hear me? She hates _water_ , why would I invite her to a swimming pool of all places?”

Jonathan chuckled quietly and took a sip from the water bottle he was carrying as he watched a small catamaran motor past on its way upriver to the sea. “Who said anything about going _in_ the pool?” He asked and screwed the cap back onto the bottle. “There’s a large dry bit that goes _around_ the pool for a reason. Then she won’t be left out at all, but she won’t have to go in, problem solved.”

Adora smiled at his sarcasm but shook her head. “I’m not sure that’ll be enough.”

Jonathan shrugged, “You don’t know unless you try. But I’ll leave the rest up to your judgment, you’re the one that knows her after all.” Adora nodded slowly.

“I’ll think about it.”

Jonathan pushed away from the railing and threw his rubbish in a nearby bin, “Come on, I’ll drop you off.” Adora blinked at him.

“You don’t need to; it’s only a five-minute walk from here.”

“I’m off to see your parents, it’s on the way there.” He replied as he walked back the way they came, crossing the road and walking into the small car park.

“You really don’t have to, I can just-

“Adora.”

“Yeah?”

“Get in the car.”

“Oh fine.” Adora huffed and tugged on the handle and slumped inside, tugging her hair round to rest over the front of her shoulder to avoid dampening the back of the seat and pulled the seatbelt down and clipped in. Jonathan clambered in next to her and the car purred to life. Adora heard the click as the handbrake was disengaged and they crawled forward up to the road.

“Have you seen any pictures of the one your dad’s working on?” He asked. “He’s nearly finished.”

“The one based off the Elanco class?” Adora asked. Jonathan nodded. “No, not recently, last I saw of her, he was working on the mast and boom.”

Jonathan hummed in confirmation. “The cabin’s pretty much done now, I think it’s just the sheets for the bowsprit and the various cleats, and maybe the shrouds?”

“Oh yeah?” Adora hummed, “Well I don’t think there’s…” She quickly did a mental calculation, “that many weeks now before we break off for Christmas. So, I should get to see it done.” The car clicked to the indicator and Jonathan pulled them into the small lane outside the flats. The gentle humming of the engine growing louder as Adora opened her door. She stepped out and turned around.

“Would you mind double checking on Mathew while you’re there? Or tell mum and dad? He seemed quiet when I called him the other day… well… _quieter_ , for him… if that’s even possible…” Jonathan chuckled and held his first finger up vertically and traced a small circle in the air:

_~Always_

“Thanks.” Adora said, turning back and headed for the building, “Safe travels!” She called over her shoulder and watched as the car pulled out back onto the main road and disappeared off into the distance.

She let out a content sigh as she pushed the door open. She stopped at the door and listened to see if anything was going on:

“Get back here sparkles!” She heard Catra say.

“Nope! You can’t beat me! Wait… no, no, no! Don’t you _dare_ red shell me!”

She heard Catra cackle.

“No! I can’t believe you right now!” Glimmer groaned.

“Right, I’m coming for you next Bow.”

“Good luck with that kit-cat, you need to make up over seven places to get to me!”

Adora winced, waiting for the sound of general anguish as Catra clawed Bow’s eyes out for the nickname, but it didn’t come. She heard Catra make a “hmph” sound, Adora could hear the smile in her voice. “Watch me.”

Adora made her way down the hallway, dropping her bag off inside her room and padded into the kitchen. Bow, Glimmer and Catra had rearranged the sofa’s so they were facing the television and were staring intently at it, shoulders hunched in concentration. Apparently to them, Mario cart deserved the utmost amount of attention. Adora shook her head and smiled to herself as she silently slid onto the side and pulled her jumper in closer to herself, still not fully warmed up. Autumn was in full swing, so the sun didn’t have enough warmth to dry her off completely.

“Hey Bow.” Catra grinned as she lined up behind him, firing a spread of green shells.

“Go away!” Bow cried, dropping a string of banana peels behind him “leave me alone!” They both skidded around the corner and boosted over the apex before running over a ramp and falling into the water section, the tiny propellers sticking out from their cars.

Adora’s eyes went wide and she silently pushed off the side and dropped to the floor. But nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. Catra had grown noticeably quieter however, her moth flattened into a thin line and her overall expression had visibly hardened. But as Adora watched it did nothing to her performance, she stared at the screen, unblinking, her hands were operating the controls with a cold firmness as she skidded around the final apex, taking Bow on the inside before boosting over the finish line with a triple mushroom she had stored up.

Catra dropped the controller to her side as she slumped back against the sofa with a sigh. Her shoulders seemed to relax as she looked away from the screen, she sucked in a long breath through her nose and then pushed herself off the sofa, stretching her arms as high above her head as possible and linked her fingers at the top. She must have seen Adora out the corner of her eye as she stopped and turned to face her. “Hey Adora.”

Adora just stood and blinked as she looked between Catra and the television desperately trying to kick her Broca’s area into gear. All she managed was to point at the screen and stutter out “Wha- how?” Catra hummed quizzically and looked where Adora was pointing.

“Oh.” She said and rubbed the back of her neck. “It’s not much.” She mumbled.

“Quite the opposite.” Adora said as she walked over, ignoring the questioning looks she received from Bow and glimmer. “Why where you able to do that?”

Catra looked own and blushed slightly. “It’s embarrassing… it’s a stupid reason and I don’t want to make a big deal about it.”

“I know” Adora said, placing a hand on Catra’s shoulder. “But it’s important. Please.”

Catra huffed in defeat and Adora dropped her hand. “I don’t know…” Catra began “It… It doesn’t _feel_ like water. It looks like it, but it doesn’t slow you down, you character can’t drown in it, it’s just a change of scenery. It’s so obviously _unreal_ that I can just about stomach it.” She looked away and sighed. “I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid but-

“No.” Adora said, “No it’s not… it’s _exactly_ what I was hoping you were going to say.” Adora’s smile widened as her head kicked into gear as she examined her options.

“That’s your thinking face.” Catra deadpanned, “I don’t like your thinking face.”

“Hmmm?” Adora hummed, “Oh, it’s just I think I have a plan.”

“Which is…?” Catra probed.

“Oh, it’s not much” Adora grinned at her, “I don’t want to make a big deal about it.”

Catra scowled at having her words thrown back at her. “That’s not helpful.”

“Oh, I know _kit-cat_ , but you’ll thank me later.” Adora grinned at her and she sidestepped to get around. Catra growled in the back of her throat and slugged her hard in the shoulder.

“I hate you.” Catra huffed, “I genuinely _despise_ your existence.” Adora winced as she rubbed her shoulder.

“I deserved that.” She said as she passed Catra and headed for the door. “But honestly Catra, thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” Adora smiled and then disappeared inside her room.

A few seconds passed without anyone saying anything until Bow decided to break the silence. “Oh, so _she_ gets to touch you without her finger being bitten off?” 

.o0o.

Catra’s nails dug painfully into her palm as her fingers coiled into fists, her heart pounded angrily in her chest. She could see from the corner of her eye that Glenn was looking concerned at her.

“Catra? Are you alr-

“I’m going back to my room.” She interrupted and stormed off, her footsteps matching the ferocity of the beating in her chest. She slipped out the door and turned as she shoved the door open to her own apartment. She heard the door click shut behind her and walked down the hallway, coming face to face with Sophia. Her mood got significantly worse. Sophia looked up as she was looking at something on her phone and smiled when she saw Catra.

“Hey Catra!” Sophia sang in greeting. Catra didn’t say anything, this didn’t seem to phase her, and she blundered on. “Can we please talk what happened the other day? You’ve been avoiding me and I really want to kno-

“No.” Catra interrupted. Sophia blinked a few times at her.

“No?” She echoed.

“No.” Catra finished.

“I don’t understand.” Sophia said, “I’m just really confused is all, and that didn’t seem healthy, and I really want to help, whatever it is, but you always jumped around the subject. It just looked to me like Adora knew about it, but she didn’t really want to tell me, but how does she know abo-

“Adora doesn’t know everything.” Catra said, her hands coiling into fists again. “I haven’t told her, but what she _does_ know, I know that she’ll keep it a secret.”

“I can keep it a secret!” Sophia defended. Catra felt the anger in the pit of her stomach seer and then boil over.

“Bow called me Kit-Cat today.” Catra hissed, “I seem to remember that I told you a while ago that only my sister was allowed to call me that. And I _especially_ remember that I asked you very nicely to keep that fact to _yourself._ ” Sophia looked down and blushed in shame. “That’s what I thought.” Catra bit, “It wasn’t difficult, I thought I could _trust_ you. Thank you for proving me wrong yet again.”

Catra shoved past Sophia as she tried to voice a defence, but she kept walking until she got to her room, She kicked the doorstop so hard that it skidded across the floor and slammed into the desk on the other side of the room, she stamped in and slammed the door hard behind her that she felt the wall shake from the force.

Catra climbed onto her bed and retreated into the corner, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she buried her face into her legs as she sniffed and the first tears swelled from her eyes…

.o0o.

“and so it’s own gravity kind of crushes itself, it sucks itself into a tiny spot in the middle and kind of… implodes?” Her dad said as he tried to illustrate what he was talking about on a piece of paper in front of them. “Did that make sense?” Catra shook her head slowly and she heard a snorting noise coming from the sofa.

“Gotta’ be honest dad, even _I_ would struggle with that explanation.”

Catra’s homework was to research and explain how a star turns into a black hole, she had tried to figure it out herself, but she was really struggling. So, she had tried going to her dad for help who was happily whistling in the kitchen as he was making dinner. But he was struggling to find an effective way of helping her.

Her dad sighed, “Yeah, you’re right Jessica. Do you mind giving it a go? You’re the science expert here.”

“Sure, I think I have an Idea.” The voice said from the sofa and she got up. Jess was tall for her age, her eyes were a deep turquoise-y colour, not to dissimilar from Catra’s and they shared the same freckles across the nose and under the eyes. She grabbed a hair tie from the arm of the Sofa and rapidly tied what could only be described as a mane into a messy ponytail, with a few spikey tuffs sticking out here and there.

Their dad got up and went back to guard the pan happily sizzling away on the oven and Jess slid into the chair beside Catra. She grabbed a new piece of paper and grabbed a red pen from the pot in the middle of the table. She drew a large circle in the middle of the page.

“So,” Jess began, “the formation of a black hole depends entirely on the size of the star it comes from. They need to be _massive_ otherwise they don’t weigh enough to turn into one, got it?”

Catra nodded. Jess tapped the circle, “This is a star, not the sun because it’s nowhere _near_ big enough to turn into a black hole.” She started to draw a few smaller circles around it, “These, are planets, so as you know the star produces gravity which pulls the planets into an orbit,” She drew lines between the planets and the star, “This gravity that tugs the planets towards the star always pulls on the star itself, trying to squash it. But the star is full of hydrogen, and the gravity is so strong it pushes the hydrogen into each other, and they get squashed together to where they become helium. The act of the two atoms fusing together releases a huge amount of energy, it’s why the process is called _nuclear fusion_ ,” She scribbled the term down next to the star.

“The energy released pushes back on the gravity that’s squashing the star which means the star stays how it is, like how you see the sun out there. But eventually all the hydrogen runs out because it’s all been converted into Helium. So, the star has no choice but to fuse the helium atoms together into something else, but this process doesn’t produce as much energy, so the gravity has a stronger effect on the star. This process repeats, fusing heavier and heavier atoms, which produces less and less energy over millions or even billions of years, to the point where the energy can’t push back against gravity. So, like how it pulls the planets towards it, it also pulls itself and the star get’s smaller and smaller until it goes so small it explodes in a supernova.” Jess drew several streaky lines coming from the star to illustrate her point.

“But it’s already incredibly heavy, but there’s now nothing pushing back against gravity, so it sucks itself back in to a point infinitely small, but with the mass of several times our own sun, so the gravity it produces is so strong that nothing can escape it, not even light, and light moves at millions of miles an hour.” Jess clipped the lid of the pen back on and dropped it on the table. “And that is how black holes form. Make sense to you Kit-Cat?”

Catra huffed at the comment, making her sister grin but she nodded. Catra got up and snatched the piece of paper from the table before retreating upstairs to her room. She stopped after a few steps and rushed back and crushed Jess in a hug to thank her. “Thanks.” She mumbled.

“No problem Kit-Cat. Glad I could help.” Jess said as she squeezed back.

“Stop calling me that.” Catra huffed.

“No chance, I know you like it, you just won’t admit it.” Jess replied, her eyes shining in mischief.

Jess was right. Catra _did_ like it. But she never admitted it to Jess… she never got the chance.

.o0o.

Adora waved to the face on the screen and pressed the “end call” button. She had been talking to her brother for a few hours now, running her idea past him. He may not be the most talkative person in the world, but Adora usually found herself relying on his moral compass to see if she was overstepping or not. But at least she knew her idea was worth trying. She skidded back on her chair and spun around, she stretched as she stood up and padded for the door, she walked into the hallway and headed into the kitchen.

She looked around, It didn’t look like anyone was here which was strange for this time of day, the kitchen was bathed in a soft orange light as the sun began to set over the horizon. She shrugged and opened one of the cupboards, she might as well get started on dinner anyways. She heard a ruffling from her right, Catra was sitting on the floor by the window, hunched over something.

“Oh, hey Catra, didn’t see you there.” Catra jumped, her head snapping back.

“Hey Adora.” Catra said quietly.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump.” Adora apologised. Catra hummed in confirmation, also quietly. Adora frowned. “What’s wro…” She stopped herself, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Catra replied. Adora nodded and looked back at the cupboard. Whatever it was, Catra seemed visibly upset, and knowing Catra that would mean she really wouldn’t be thinking much of anything else right now.

“Do you have plans for you own dinner? Or do you want me to make something for you?” Catra looked at her sheepishly.

“Would you mind? I’ll help if you tell me what you need.”

“No, I’ve got this, you look like you need time to think anyway.” Catra was able to give her a weak smile.

“Thanks.”

Adora smiled in return and went back to the cupboards.

_Something simple tonight…_

Her eyes landed on the stock of spaghetti and her mind was made as she grabbed them and buried her nose in the vegetable bag to find an onion or two for the mince.

Soon the kitchen was filled to the sound of the mince sizzling away and wafted to the smell of onions and peppers. Adora dropped the wooden spoon on the side and quietly padded over to Catra and sat with her legs crossed beside her.

A sketch book was laid out in front of her, Catra’s hand was dancing across the paper and Adora’s eyes widened at the sight. It looked exactly like the view out the window, only in black and white. She had even nailed the shading of the sunlight reflecting off the river. Adora let out a small, low whistle of appreciation. “You’re good.” Catra’s eyes flicked to the side at Adora and her lips curled up a tiny bit.

“Thanks…” Her eyes went back to the page as she perfectly edged in the transom of one of the larger sailing yachts in the marina. They sat in silence as Catra continued, Adora watched as she rapidly constructed the small shipyard across the river, including the large sailing superyacht that was in construction there.

“You look like you’ve been doing this for as long as you could hold a pencil.” Adora commented, constantly looking between he paper and the window as she compared the two. Catra made a humorous humming noise.

“Nah, I was never any good as a kid, that was Jess’ thing.” Adora cocked her head in confusion at her.

“My sister.” Catra explained. Adora nodded in understanding. “Jackie was the one that encouraged me to give it a go again, I thought I’d be terrible like before, but it turned out I was just a late bloomer. I guess it really does run in the family.” Catra laughed dryly at her own comment, “It helps to ground everything, makes my head slow down enough to think things through.” Adora nodded again.

“I can see how that would help… If I could do anything better than terrible stick figures…”

“I bet you’re better than you think.” Catra countered.

“Nope, I’m really not.” Adora said, snorting through her nose, “Seriously a four-year-old drawing on the wall has greater artistic talent than I do.” Catra smiled at the mental image, and Adora couldn’t help but do the same, distracting Catra from whatever was going on was going well.

Catra propped herself up on her elbow and flipped the page over and skidded it towards Adora and dropped the pencil on the paper. “Come on then, I’ll run you through it.”

Adora’s eyes widened as she backed away a little bit. “What? I can’t do this, look!” She flipped the pages over backwards to reveal images which could rival any great artist. There were several pictures of a cat, another picture of who Adora recognised as Jackie, who looked like she was holding the hand of a man and the both of them where leaning over a railing looking out into the distance. Further forward it was full of scenes Adora recognised, the scene of the marina, the game of monopoly, everyone captured mid-laugh except Glimmer who was sulking as she bankrupted herself. Bow resting his head on his arms as he slept in Shaylin’s lecture. Adora scribbling down notes in her book, with the tip of her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration. Even everyone crammed round the table, the pie Catra and Adora had made resting in the middle as everyone was chatting away.

“I know you didn’t draw them at the time… how?” Catra managed a weak shrug.

“Meh, I have a good memory.” Adora raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further. Catra nudged the sketch book again.

“Come on.” Adora shook her head.

“I’m not going to ruin it, no way.”

“You’re not going to ruin it.”

“But I am! My drawing is dreadf-

“Adora!”

“What?”

“Pick up the damn pencil!”

Adora hesitated for a second before relenting and reached for the pencil resting on the paper.

“You like boats. Pick one.” Catra said nodding out the window towards the marina below.

“Ummm… that one?” Adora said pointing towards a large sailing yacht moored up alongside the waterfront. Catra nodded in conformation.

“Good choice. So, the biggest fallback in drawing is getting the proportion wrong, it will ruin the whole thing. So first you take a reference point on the object and then base everything off that.” Catra explained. “So, the reference point for that bit would be the… flat bit on the back.”

“You mean the transom?” Adora asked.

“I don’t know? The flat face at the very back.” Catra answered.

“The transom.” Adora confirmed.

“Right, so the transom? Is mostly a trapezium shapes, so we’ll roughly sketch in one here…”

Catra continued to guide her through, trying to hide her laughter as Adora sulked her way through the process.

“Adora it’s _fine_.”

“No, it’s not, look! The mast is _bent_. Masts are not supposed to be bent.”

“You’re not going to be able to pull off Michelangelo on your first attempt. Sometimes it’s helpful to leave mistakes in there to go back on for your next try.”

“I. Am not. Going to leave a wonky mast on my boat.”

“Fine! Fine, straighten your stick.”

“It’s called a mast.”

“It certainly looks like a stick.”

“Lampposts look like sticks! Do you call _them_ sticks?”

“No, because they’re lampposts.”

“So a mast is a- !

Adora paused for a second and then narrowed her eyebrows at Catra.

“You’re pulling my leg deliberately, aren’t you?” Catra smiled.

“Yes.”

Adora groaned and dropped her head to the floor. “That is so _not_ funny.” Catra laughed.

“Thank you.”

“That’s my line!”

“And I just stole it!”

Adora huffed and shook her head as she went about carefully etching in a straighter line. “Not that I’m sure this has helped… I mean… _look at it._ ” Catra smiled.

“It’s not bad.” Adora scowled at her and flipped the page to reveal the one Catra had drawn.

“It’s _awful_ is what it is.”

“For a first attempt I can still tell what it is, which is far better than how I started out. You said you know how to sail right? How hard did you find that when you started?”

“I flipped her over in two minutes, and nearly crashed into another boat in the process of flipping over.” Adora deadpanned, bust smiled at the memory.

Catra sniggered, “See? But you kept going and now you’re good at it, the story’s the same here.” She said, nudging the sketchbook. “Look, the… shrouds, is it?” Adora nodded, “They’re at slightly the wrong angle so it doesn’t look in line with this bit here, and the centre line of the front bit-

“The Bow” Adora corrected.

“The Bow, the centre lined doesn’t run through it, which means the hull looks a bit wonky. But other than that, it’s really good, _especially_ for your first attempt.”

“Hmmm, still doesn’t look that great to me.” Adora said.

“Of course it doesn’t, everyone hates their own stuff. But if you like this,” Catra said as she flicked through the sketchbook, “trust me, this picture is staying in here, _I_ like it.” 

Adora didn’t believe her of course, but she still felt honoured that Catra was keeping it amongst all her other masterpieces. Catra pulled the sketchbook over before pushing it back to Adora again.

“You need to sign it.”

“What?” Adora spluttered.

“It’s your work, you need to sign it, so I know it’s yours.”

Adora grinned, “So you have an excuse for such a terrible job?” Catra huffed.

“No, because _I_ want to know it’s yours, just sign it.” Adora rolled here eyes and scribbled in her signature along the boom. She dropped the pencil and pushed the sketchbook back.

“There, happy?”

“Very, thank you very much.” Catra smiled as she flipped back to her previous page and drew a faint line across the centre of another boat she was drawing and nudged Adora with her elbow. “See here? If you run everything across this line, then you’re less likely to make it off centre…”

Adora spent the next several minutes resting her chin on the hands as she watched Catra bring her drawing to life, she was explaining everything she was doing, from line length to vanishing points, not caring if Adora was actually listening or not. Adora was listening… mostly. She spent a lot of the time watching Catra:

Her shoulders had relaxed, revealing a lot of her neck, which Adora had never seen before, Catra usually kept her shoulders hunched up, like she was constantly guarding herself. The freckles on the tip of her nose twitched as she examined her work, and her wrist flowed like water, her fingers drumming under her ear as she carved in one of the Thames barges as it lined up to moor.

Adora heard the door open, and soon Penny wandered into the room and flopped down on the Sofa with a sigh.

“All done now.” Adora said with a sympathetic smile.

“All done.” Penny echoed as her head flopped back down on the cushion. “Go to university, they said, learn advanced, stuff they said, it’ll be fun, they said.”

“At least you finished it on time.” Adora added.

“True, but the whole class is issuing a complaint. Because I do my work properly and on time, and that was ridiculous.” Adora nodded and hummed in confirmation.

“But at least you don’t have to worry about anything now.” Penny chuckled dryly.

“Maybe… but I dropped by to see Sophia before I got here and she was all quiet and mopey, and I have no idea why.”

Catra’s shoulders instantly raised back and she seemed to curl in on herself. Adora’s eyebrows furrowed in concern but turned back to Penny. “I don’t know why, but it’s Sophia… if she doesn’t tell us what it is, I’m sure she’ll get over it. “

Penny nodded slowly, “Yeah, you’re right.”

Everyone started to slowly file in, though Adora noticed that Catra had basically hid by the window, completely focused on her sketchbook. Mista and Shaun arrived in the middle of their usual argument, this time it was the merits of Aladdin versus the little mermaid and Adora promptly tuned them out. Freya walked in and sat next to Penny as they were talking about something science-y. Bow and Glimmer eventually emerged from their room and decided to keep Catra company on the floor, though Adora didn’t fail to notice she expressly denied them permission to look further back in her sketchbook.

Ellie and Harry turned up in the middle of an animated conversation about a “helicopter ingenuity” or something, Adora would ask them about it later. Sophia on the other hand was mysteriously absent. Adora went back to stirring the mixture in the pan, causing the smell to waft further and Adora heard several stomachs rumble, including her own, which brought a smile to her face.

Dinner was nearly ready when Sophia finally showed up. Adora caught a glimpse of her out the corner of her eye, she was moving slower than normal. Without her usual spring in her step. She managed a weary smile in greeting. Adora cocked her head in the question but didn’t get anything in reply.

Sophia walked through the kitchen and stopped behind Catra, Adora even stopped stirring as she watched.

“Catra… can we talk?” Catra ignored her and kept her head down as she drew. Sophia sighed.

“Catra… _please_.” This time Catra paused, squinting her eyes shut and she squeezed the pencil so hard that her hand turned white. 

“No, we can’t.” was all she said. Adora scowled in confusion. What the hell had happened?

“Look… I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry and tha-

Catra slammed her fist against the floor and rocketed to her feet to stare Sophia in the eye, which didn’t quite work as Catra was significantly shorter, but her look alone could melt metal. She had a wild flash in her eyes which Adora immediately recognised, though this time she looked more hurt than angry.

“Oh, so _now_ your sor-

Catra stopped herself and closed her eyes as she took in a deep breath, her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. Her outburst had caused the entire room to fall silent as everyone turned to see what the commotion was about.

“Just… not now Sophia…” Catra sighed as she rubbed her eyes.

Sophia obviously didn’t get the message and took a step forward. “I don’t understand, look I knew I was pushy but…” Catra had taken a step back as Sophia advanced, her eyes racing left to right as her window of escape rapidly got too narrow. “…I just wanted to help, because whatever that was it was scary and...”

Catra had flattened her back against the wall as she was cornered with no way out. Her breathing became shallow as she felt the walls close in, her heart started to beat erratically as she swallowed.

Adora, seeing the panic in Catra’s eyes abandoned her spot by the cooker and walked quickly over and tugged on Sophia’s sleeve.

“Sophia, step back, you’re cornering her.” But Sophia wasn’t listening to her as she was trying to explain herself, and even though Adora was strong, there was _no way_ she would be able to physically move her.

Catra licked her lips and her hands started to shake as the pounding in her ears got louder, she could no longer hear what Sophia was saying, all she knew was there was no way _out_.

Adora huffed in annoyance and placed herself between Catra and Sophia to get her attention, even though it probably wouldn’t make much of a difference as Sophia was gigantic compared to the rest of them. “Sophia, you need to back off, _now._ ”

This did seem to do the trick, and Sophia looked over Adora to see Catra breathing hard in the corner as her hands were visibly shaking at her sides. Her eyes went as wide as saucers and she quickly retreated, Adora stepped to the side and Catra was gone in a flash, the door slamming behind her. Adora stifled a groan and grabbed her keys on the side. “Penny, make sure dinner doesn’t burn.” She ordered as she dropped inside her room to grab a jumper.

“Yep.” Penny answered, and took up Adora’s place by the cooker, being the only one who Adora trusted not to ruin it. Adora opened her wardrobe and yanked a jumper of its hanger, folding it under her arm she pushed back out her door, turned left and jogged down the hallway after Catra.

“Adora.” Glimmer called out from behind her. Adora skidded to a stop, ready to pull on the handle.

“Yeah?”

…

“Be careful… Both for and of her.”

Adora didn’t say anything, she just sighed, nodded, and raced out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GLOSSARY:
> 
> BRAIN STUFF:  
> Broca's area: The part of your brain responsible for the production of speech. If you're talking to someone, you're using this bit of your brain. 
> 
> BOAT STUFF:  
> Mast: The long stick looking thing poking directly up from any sailing vessel, this is where the sails hang off  
> Boom: The long stick looking thing poking perpendicular out from the bottom of the mast, this helps the sail keep form among many other functions  
> Bow: (Say: B~ ow, as in the noise you make when you hurt yourself, not to be confused with the object used in archery ) Literally the front of a boat  
> Bowsprit: The long stick looking thing, (not to be confused with other long, stick looking things) which sticks out the front of some sailing vessels  
> Shrouds: usually a metal wire which runs from the sides of a boat to the top of the mast  
> Moor: the action of mooring, where you attach a boat to a fixed position so it remains where you left it :D
> 
> If I missed anything, don't be afraid to ask!
> 
> Anyway thank you very much for reading, this one got a bit dark didn't it? Catra's now going to have to deal with the fallout now that everyone has seen a mini version of a panic attack, how's she going to react?  
> three guesses! :D


	11. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora puts her skills of dealing with Catra's panic attacks to the test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was supposed to be a quick one off chapter... But then I got carried away.   
> Lectures started back up between the last chapter and now, and I've been trying to find my footing so it took priority over writing and slowed this down considerably so I apologise for the inconvenience but it had to come first.  
> This was an interesting one and it hopefully sets the scene for some extra goodies to come.

The landing was silent at this time of night. Adora waited a few seconds for the motion senser to turn the lights on rather than try and make her way blindly. You never knew what could be waiting for you on the floor to trip you up. That was one story Adora was _definitely_ never going to be able to live down. She looked up at the number above the lift: 5. Only one above, it was probably worth it. She pressed the button on the side and drummed her fingers against her knuckles as she waited.

The doors slid open to reveal the lift was packed full of people wearing _far_ too little clothing to sensibly leave the building, but it never seemed like her generation had much sense to begin with. She inwardly groaned and apologised as she headed for the stairs, dropping every last two on to the landing below, because even though she was only four floors up, the stairs changed direction ten times to get to the ground floor. She shoved open the door once she reached the bottom and jogged across the lobby to the main doors.

Adora pressed the button to open the doors and tapped her foot impatiently against the floor as the doors lazily swung open. She walked out and had to pull her jacket closer to herself as she was slammed by the cold wall of air outside as Autumn crept its inevitable march towards Winter. She could just about make out her breath starting to ghost in front of her as it twirled upwards and out of sight. She found it funny, it was like someone had flicked a light switch. During the height of summer, you could still see the edges of the suns light on the horizon, even at midnight. Yet only a mere month or two later it was dark at four, with only the half moon and one or two stubborn stars that wouldn’t be snuffed out by the light pollution from the town to keep it company. Adora quickly looked down again, she found the empty night skies here fascinating, but depressingly empty from what she was used to.

She walked down the pathway towards the waterfront, weaving in and out from the pillars holding part of the building up, the sound of her footsteps echoing off the empty street. She walked into the orange light of the streetlamps across the waterfront. The water was dark, a silver glow was barely visible on the crests from the current. The boats were silent, gently bobbing up and down, their mooring lines gently creaking in the wind.

Adora looked left, nothing moved nor made a sound, only the cold wind biting on her face. She looked right, nothing seemed to be there either, but Catra’s “thinking bench” as she had called it was further up, so maybe it was worth an investigation. She carried on, marvelling at how the two old dockyard cranes looked for more imposing at night than they do during the day. Her footsteps no longer echoed out in the open but were more dulled by the nothingness around her.

She looked out across the waterfront, the water was dark but the edges were lit up with hundreds of fairy lights hanging from bunting and other wires hanging aloft, giving the impression of a swarm of firefly’s floating about in the wind. It flooded the edge of the waterfront in a warm glow, shadows slowly dancing as the lights gently bobbed in the breeze. Adora locked her attention forwards as she approached the lamppost signalling Catra’s spot.

the bench surrounding it was empty. Adora stopped and sighed as she looked around, nothing and no one was here, obviously Catra knew that Adora would try and follow her here and had simply gone somewhere else. As she thought about it, it dawned on Adora that Catra most likely had simply retreated to her room, it was way too cold to come out here to think at this time of night. Shaking her head and quietly chuckling at her brief moment of stupidity, Adora turned back to head home.

The wind ripped across the marina again and Adora lowered her head to shelter he face and pulled her arms in tighter to streamline herself as it whistled in her ears. She turned the corner and sidestepped to avoid running into the group she saw in the lift, desperately trying to hide her smile at their discomfort because honestly, what did they expect? As she approached the doors something caught her attention out the corner of her eye.

Someone was sitting in the shadows of one of the pillars, just outside the door. Adora wouldn’t have seen them if they hadn’t of moved slightly just at the right time. She stopped and looked a little closer, they were basically a silhouette in the shadow underneath the part of the building that stuck out. But the night was so quiet even from here Adora could just about hear them: it sounded like they were struggling to breathe.

Eyebrows furrowing in concern Adora quickly crossed the gap, and her blood ran cold at the sight. Catra was shivering, with one hand pawing at her throat whilst the other was shaking on the floor. Her breath was coming out in ragged but faint bursts, and her eyes were unfocused and twitched in their sockets.

Adora untucked the extra jumper from under her arm and tied the arms around her waist before she dropped to her knees and rested a hand on Catra’s shoulder. “Catra? Can you hear me?” no response. She shook her a little bit. “Catra, come on!” She urged and shook her harder. Still nothing. Adora growled in frustration and looked around, just how the hell was she supposed to deal with this?

Catra’s breath hitched, and then stopped, Adora’s eyes widened as she saw the muscles in Catra’s neck flex as her windpipe constricted itself. Catra’s chest heaved as she desperately tried to breathe before rolling over slightly as she begun to violently cough as her airway opened again. Adora grabbed her by the shoulders and gently moved her upright again before tilting her head back against the pillar to try and allow her to breathe easier.

Adora shifted onto the floor and lent Catra up against her in an attempt to stop Catra from hurting herself again and making sure she kept breathing. Adora rested two fingers on Catra’s neck, her heart was beating erratically and asymmetrically, like it was vibrating rather than actually beating. Catra’s body tried to jerk forward, but Adora gently wrapped her arm around her like a seatbelt and pulled her back in. Catra’s head jerked back but it slammed into the soft part underneath Adora’s collarbone rather than into the concrete pillar behind them. Adora winced, but that was exactly the reason she had positioned herself here in the first place.

“Come on Catra! Snap out of it!” Adora said as she craned her neck over Catra’s shoulder to check her eyes. This time they were squeezed shut, but her breathing seemed a bit easier now so that was a plus. Adora tried shaking her again but quickly gave up. It seemed like nothing she did worked to even the slightest margin. The only thing she could do was to try and stop her from hurting herself.

Catra jerked about again whilst making a gasping noise, she swallowed hard before her breathing came back in faint pants. Adora continued her routine of gently shaking and talking to her, anything to try and return her to some semblance of consciousness. Catra’s skin was cold to the touch, she had been out here too long already in nothing but a T-shirt to ward off the cold. When Catra wasn’t twitching haphazardly she was continuously shivering in Adora’s arms, but there was no way Adora could try and move her indoors without dropping her. At least…

Not by herself…

Adora fished around in her pocket and her fingers fumbled out her phone, wrapping on arm around Catra’s waist to keep her secure she quickly tapped on the screen a few times and held it up to her ear. She heard Bow pick up when she heard the noises of lots of people talking at once.

“Adora?” Bow asked, “Is everything all right?” the background noise of conversation immediately died out.

“Get down here,” Adora said, “Just outside the front of the building, I need your help.”

“I’ll be there in a second.” Bow replied and he immediately hung up. Adora only had to wait for a minute before she could see him jogging across the lobby, he punched the button to open the doors and raced out to them, his eyes widened at the sight.

“What happened?” He asked, “Are you alright Catra?”

“She can’t hear you.” Adora said, “She’s completely out of it, and freezing. We need to move her inside without her hurting herself.” Bow nodded and moved to the other side of Catra, he hissed as he wrapped her arm around his neck.

“She’s freezing!” Adora nodded and smiled slightly.

“I did tell you.” She reprimanded as she copied bow on Catra’s other side. Together they gently lifted her up. Catra’s body was doing nothing to help them keep her upright but as they tried to move, her legs did instinctively move with them at a sluggish pace, but it was enough. Bow waved his hand through the door to trigger the motion sensers to keep the doors open and they slowly moved Catra inside. They stopped and clamped their arms around Catra as they nearly dropped her as she lurched forward. They rcovered and managed to lower her onto one of the guest sofa’s in the lobby. Catra immediately curled her legs up to her chest as she shivered.

Adora untied the jumper from her waist and with Bow’s help they managed to lower it over Catra’s head, fumbling a bit as they worked to get her head out the top.

“What happened?” Bow asked.

“I don’t know.” Adora said, “I just found her like this.” Bow looked at her a slightly panicked.

“Have you seen anything like this before?” Adora nodded grimly.

“Remember the first time we brought her back, When I called you?” Bow nodded, “She was like this and had fallen on the stairs.” Bow winced.

“I thought those small ones I saw when we were practicing were bad…” Adora chuckled darkly.

“Those? She was still breathing; those are _good_ ones.” Bow’s eyes widened.

“I didn’t know they could get this bad…” he mumbled.

Catra churned violently again, her body panicking as her throat muscles constricted. This time Adora get there first, gently pushing her over to lie against the arm of the sofa and holding her head back to clear her airway.

“Yeah, well, you know Catra, this isn’t something she’d make public.”

“She doesn’t make _anything_ public.”

“There you go, see? You’re starting to learn!” Adora joked slightly. Bow rolled his eyes. “Go back up.” Adora instructed, “Once everyone’s had dinner, clear them out, I’ll bring Catra up to hers and then we’ll come through once everyone’s gone.” Bow shook his head.

“But I don’t want to leave her.” He argued.

“There’s nothing you or I can really do at this point. We have to leave Catra to break out of it herself.” Bow reluctantly nodded and stood up.

“Call me if anything happens okay?” Bow said.

“Of course.” Adora answered, Bow nodded, satisfied and waved as he headed for the stairs.

Adora sighed as she settled back down, occasionally checking on Catra’s breath, her eyes had reopened but were still cloudy and unfocused. Though Adora was glad that she wasn’t jerking around so much. Adora kept talking to her about random nonsense, because who knew if that helped or not, but Adora found the silence unnerving and it was easier to fill it herself.

A few minutes later, as Adora was in the middle of a story about her getting stuck upside down in a tree when she was little, Catra suddenly shot up to a sitting position with a gasp. Adora spun round, and looked at Catra, her pupils had constricted, and they were twitching around a lot. Adora gently held a finger up and moved it around, smiling as Catra’s eyes tracked the tip of her finger. Adora smiled.

“Welcome back.” She breathed, “You had me worried there.”

Catra was still breathing hard, but she managed to just about get her voice box to cooperate. “W-What happened? I remember Sophia saying something and then just…” Her voice was incredibly quiet as it trailed off making Adora struggle to hear what she was saying. She looked down, inspecting her arms and legs for any injuries. She frowned as her arms were trapped inside the jumper and wiggled about until her hands popped out the sides.

“it looked like you sat down against one of the pillars out there.” Adora cocked her head back towards the door, “You didn’t look like you hurt yourself.” Catra nodded satisfied, before her face scrunched up slightly.

“Why do I smell chlorine?” Adora blushed and chuckled slightly.

“Oh that’s just my swimming jumper, it was the first one I came across as I was running out, sorry…”

Catra nodded in satisfaction at the answer, “It’s all right, I’m just not used to the smell…”

“Why?... oh…. Right, yeah, that makes sense.” Adora said as she caught on. Catra shivered violently. Adora stood up and held her hand down towards Catra, “Come on, let’s get you warmed up.” Catra slowly clasped her hand in Adora’s and allowed herself to get pulled to her feet, she wobbled and Adora clamped her hands over Catra’s shoulders to keep her steady. “Careful.” Catra nodded in thanks whilst wrapping her arms around herself as she shivered again. Adora pressed the button on the side of the lift and waited for it to slowly descend.

The doors slid open with a depressing “ping” and Adora stood to the side to let Catra in. She slumped in the corner and her head fell against the wall with a thump. Adora pressed the button and braced herself against the handrail as they rose. They walked out onto the landing and Adora pressed an ear against the door to her apartment as they passed- the others were still in there for now. Catra gently pushed open the door to hers and let Adora in.

They walked all the way down the hallway and into the kitchen, in a similar layout to the one next door. Catra beelined to the sofa by the window and flopped down with a groan, holding her head in her hands.

“You alright?” Adora asked.

“Headache.” Was Catra’s stark reply.

“Want me to find a headache tablet or something?” Catra raised her head to look at Adora unimpressed and she raised her eyebrows. Adora felt the realisation dawn on her.

“Or right, yes… water… I get it.” Catra rolled her eyes but did manage a small smile.

Adora stood by the window, looking down at the ground below. “So, is there any chance I’m allowed to know what that was all about?” Adora watched Catra shake her head through the reflection. “I figured, but it was worth a shot.”

Catra hummed curiously. “I kinda expected you to push harder.”

Adora snorted and turned to face her, “Are you kidding? I learned my lesson the first time! you my dear, defy pretty much every human convection and operate on a _completely_ different emotional level to everyone else.” Catra scowled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re as stubborn as a Swan when it comes to feelings.”

“As Stubborn as a _swan?”_ Catra repeated, looking at Adora like she was ridiculous. Adora smirked back.

“Obviously, you haven’t come face to face with a swan. They arch their wings and keep hissing at you and they never budge an inch. Even if you’re staring them down with a forty five kilogram, sail powered battering ram. We have a regular at home who we’ve come to call him “Bruce” angry little bastard that one…”

“You named a Swan _Bruce?_ ”

“Yep, he’s about as grumpy as you, I think you two would get along great.”

Catra huffed and shook her head as Adora chuckled at her own joke. Catra shifted and tried to get closer into the corner of the sofa as another violent shiver raced down her spine and her teeth clattered together a little. Adora pushed away from her spot by the window and walked towards the hallway.

“Which one’s your room?” Adora asked.

“Second one in.” Catra replied, “Why?” Adora didn’t answer and pushed the door open. What met Adora’s eyes… well… she wasn’t sure if it was completely unexpected… or actually very expected. Catra’s room was more barren than the north pole, with literally nothing in it, except some work material and two picture frames by the desk. Beyond that there was literally nothing, no pictures, no posters, no momentous or artifacts from home, _nothing._ Adora did, however, notice the small white box on the desk, and it had been opened. She felt herself smile as she grabbed the blanket off Catra’s bed and walked back into the kitchen.

Adora tucked the blanket under Catra’s chin and swaddled her up slightly, but Catra didn’t complain. Her skin was still cold to the touch, and she kept occasionally shivering, but there was no harm done. She may get a cold if she was unlucky… but yet again… this was Catra.

Adora flopped down on the other Sofa and silence reigned. Adora constantly asked if Catra was okay every time she shivered, and Catra snapped back without fail. After a while Catra managed to argue herself into possibly telling Adora, it’s not like she could make it worse. Besides, Adora was already harbouring much greater secrets of hers… so what was the harm?

“A while ago… I tried telling Sophia something… a bit like a test.” Catra began, instantly gaining Adora’s attention. “I thought it was wrong that she was being so nice, and I was just… doing nothing. So, after we started to talk a bit more, I told her about a nickname I had when I was a kid…” Adora hummed in confirmation and nodded to show she was listening.

“The nickname, was _kit-cat_.” Adora’s eyes immediately widened in recognition. “It was something only my sister dared to call me. No one else did, or they faced the consequences.” Catra smiled at some distant memory. “Sophia of course gave it her own spin and started to call me _wildcat_. But… I asked her to keep it to herself, it was an old story that I treasured, only Jess could call me that.” Catra sighed, “Until Sophia told Bow… and you nicked it off him… that was the first time someone called me that in over half a decade...”

Adora’s eyes had grown even wider in alarm. “I… I… _Fucking hell_ Catra I’m so sorry. I thought Bow had just made it up himself and I thought it was funny and-

“Adora!” Catra sighed. “It’s all right… neither you nor Bow knew the significance. I’m not angry at you… It’s just it brought back a lot of old memories… not many of them were good. It’s been a bit much to process it all” Catra’s breath stuttered as she tried to reign in her raging emotions underneath. She buried her head in her hands again. “So when Sophia tried to apologise, but it was in front of everyone and… I don’t know… I just lost it. I hope Sophia’s all right, she was trying to say sorry and I just snapped at her…”

“True, but she was putting you under an incredible amount of stress.” Adora added, “She’ll live. It’ll do her some good to get the consequences of her runaway mouth.” Catra managed a small smile.

“You’ve had this problem before?” Adora smiled and nodded.

“Never tell Sophia anything that you don’t want to end up in the hands of absolutely everyone.”

Catra managed a sad smile. “Reminds me of…” She trailed off with a faraway look in her eyes before her face fell. She took a long breath and rested her face back in her palms. When she lifted her face back up for a second, a solitary tear slid down her cheek.

Adora sighed in sympathy and stood, walking directly past Catra and gently running a hand over her shoulder. “I’ll give you some time alone.” She said gently before taking another step forward. To her surprise Catra reached out and grabbed her hand.

“Adora wait…” Catra took three long breaths before raising her head to meet Adora’s concerned gaze. A few extra tears trying to fight their way out from her eyes. “Please… Stay…” If Catra was in a better state of mind, she might have been embarrassed that she had directly taken Adora’s hand in her own, but frankly, she couldn’t bring herself to care right now. Adora stared down at their hands before looking back up and nodding slowly. Adora moved back around and sat down next to Catra before hesitantly opening her arms up in a silent offer.

Catra hesitated for a second before leaning in and wrapping her arms around Adora as she tucked her eyes in on Adora’s shoulder as she took slow, deliberate breaths as she felt her heart begin to calm down. Catra noted the heat radiating off Adora in steady pulses, it was oddly comforting.

Catra jerked out of the embrace when three knocks resounded from the door. Adora pushed herself up and disappeared down the hallway, Catra heard the door open and the light murmuring of voices, two seconds later the door closed and Adora came back in, leaning up against the door frame.

“Everyone’s been booted out, and you need to get some food in you, come on over.” Adora instructed, moving into the kitchen and holding her hand down to Catra.

“I’m not hungry.” She replied.

“Of course you’re not, but that doesn’t stop the fact that you haven’t eaten anything since this morning.” Catra huffed, annoyed, but nevertheless allowed Adora to haul her to her feet, the blanket falling off her shoulders and landing in a heap on the sofa. Adora scooped it up and vanished into Catra’s room to put it back before meeting Catra at the end of the hallway. Catra was shuffling from one foot to the other with a nervous expression. Adora frowned in confusion.

“You okay?” Catra hesitated for a second before taking a deep breath and nodding her head.

“yeah, I’m good.” Adora wasn’t entirely convinced, but she nodded anyway and opened the door, and then the one to her own apartment, holding it open for Catra to pass through. Once they reached the end and entered into the living room Catra was immediately ambushed and crushed into a hug between Bow and Glimmer. Catra groaned but she was muffled by Glenn and Bow’s arms.

“Do yu minf? Wuld yu plss allw m to-

Bow and Glimmer finally pulled away and Catra sucked in a breath.

“Breathe!” Catra finished, glaring at the culprits. They just smiled and shrugged.

“You better now?” Glenn asked, checking Catra up and down. Catra slowly nodded.

“I think so.” She replied. Catra looked up to see Penny sitting on the arm of the sofa, watching the interaction with a concerned expression. Catra waved shyly. “Hey Penny, sorry about earlier.” Penny smiled warily and nodded. Catra felt tiny under her gaze.

“It’s all right, I know Sophia can get a bit… _much_ at times. But she meant good, promise.” Catra hesitated and then slowly nodded. Penny diverted her attention to Adora, “There’s still some left” Penny said nodding towards the oven, “I think it’s all right; no one immediately threw up.”

Adora groaned and shook her head, “The lack of competence in the culinary arts among you lot is nothing short of depressing.”

“It’s not our fault you’re so much better than anyone else!” Bow tried to defend.

“It is actually,” Adora cut in, “Categorically it is your fault than never actually _tried_ to learn. I won’t be here to feed you all every day, someday you’re going to have to do this yourself. So when you’re all ready to take your collective fingers out of your collective arses, I’ll be more than happy to teach you.” Beside her Catra sniggered, Glimmer stuck her tounge out.

Adora moved over to the cooker and grabbed a couple of plates before serving up what was left. She gestured to a seat on the table and Catra reluctantly sat down as Adora placed the meal in front of her.

“Just try and get down you what you can.” Adora encouraged, “otherwise you’ll probably be starving to death in the morning.” She finished with humoured smile. Catra rolled her eyes and picked at her food with a fork, her stomach clenching at the thought of eating, but she steeled herself and took a bite.

Adora seemed to be happily slurping up what she had, idly chatting with Glimmer about something lecture related but Catra didn’t really have the energy to listen. She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand and tried to take another mouthful. Catra didn’t get many more, but she did feel slightly better for it.

Catra had shimmied up onto the side, next to the sink whilst twirling a tea towel in her hands, watching Adora as she washed up. Catra remained quiet as she listened to the others as their conversation had returned to normal, well… as normal as it was for them. They were talking about how Ellie and Harry had apparently gotten into trouble because they argued back to the lecturer because they were wrong about something, and they had called the lecturer out on it. It did cause Catra to smile a bit, from her experience with the duo, they where the only ones that could get into trouble for being right.

Catra noticed instantly that Penny behaved much easier when talking to the others, and that she immediately took on a cautious approach every time Catra opened her mouth to try and contribute to the conversation. Catra wasn’t exactly surprised, the others had dealt with less sever “episodes” of Catra’s daily a few weeks back, they knew to just ignore it and let her get back to her feet. The group at large didn’t even know a thing about it, and now they had just all witnessed the beginnings of a really bad one, resulting in Penny treating her like a cornered animal. Catra couldn’t blame her though, she had just snapped at Sophia for trying to say sorry. Catra grimaced and shook her head, this could be thought over later, she still had some time before this evidently becomes a very big problem.

Every time Adora placed a newly cleaned item on the draining board, Catra would scoop it up and dry it off before handing to either Bow or Glenn who put it away under the watchful eye of Adora. They were under threat that they wouldn’t get dinner the next day if they were careless when putting away. It had the desired effect, Bow and Glimmer were as cautious putting all the crockery away as if they were trying to disarm a bomb. Though in all practicalities, they essentially _were_ trying to disarm a bomb: Adora’s temper.

Adora was silently laughing at how seriously Bow and Glimmer were taking it and she threw a wink in Catra’s direction when she had smiled at the sight. Soon they were all finished and Adora inspected the cupboards for extra effect, just to frighten the duo a bit more. Catra was trying to contain her smile. There was no way Adora would follow through with her threat, even if it was a mess, it was _Adora_ , she would just feel guilty and repeal the punishment by the next morning. How Bow and Glenn had not figured that out yet was beyond her.

After that they all gathered onto the sofa’s and some random television show that Catra wasn’t particularly interested in was put on. Instead, she listened in on everyone talking as it provided good background noise as she mused about her current predicament. Everyone had seen it, which was about as bad as it could get. Judging from Penny’s reaction as she was a good base point to judge everyone else, they were cautious but curious, which certainly won’t do Catra any good. What made it worse is that she wasn’t sure if they would be any better than Adora was at respecting her personal boundaries when they first experienced… _this._ Only this time there were seven of them, rather than one.

Catra stifled a groan and hoped the earth would swallow her up, at least she wouldn’t have to deal with _people_. She returned back to reality when she noticed Adora was throwing concerned glances her way. Catra gave her a tired smile to try and show her that she was okay, but Adora didn’t look convinced. Though… as Catra thought about it in more depth, perhaps this time wouldn’t be as bad. She wasn’t alone anymore; the others had evidently backed her up. Penny didn’t know anything about what happened, which meant that Bow and Glenn hadn’t told the others what was going on. They had chosen Catra over their friends’ curiosities, keeping her secret safe. Catra felt the warmth of gratefulness bubble up in her stomach, she actually had people looking out for her… whether or not that would help in the long run, Catra wasn’t sure. But it was a pleasant change, and Catra had learnt to take life as it comes. For now, she’d be grateful… the problems could wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in the end, this one was actually quite hard to wright. I was playing between trying to explain that Catra's in quite a bad place, but that's being constantly countered by the support from Adora, Bow and Glimmer. I'm not sure if I pulled it off exactly right, but I tried :D Seriously this chapter has been re written three times now, tough it wasn't all for nothing, various interactions between characters that didn't make the cut have been saved away that work really well, just not now, so they should hopefully speed up other chapters int he future. 
> 
> If everything goes to plan the next chapters should be vitally important and have a huge impact on our cast, so I'm looking forward to that!


	12. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's dreams come up with a new way to taunt her nights, Bow and Glimmer have a fateful meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a method in Psychology called "dream analysis"- the brain child of Freud, the bonkers psychologist who we've talked about before. It's not exactly scientific, but, like a lot of his stuff, it does hold some merit. However since we can deep dive into Catra's consciousness, its suddenly very useful from a writers perspective as it can be used to open her up slightly, without having to say it.
> 
> So here's a little challenge for you: the first part of this chapter is a dream of Catra's with lots of little things hidden between the lines (it was a lot of fun building this up.) So have a go at trying to decode it, things won't be outwardly stated, buy they'll be hinted at by something else. For example if you dream of being in the back seat of a car with no driver it APPARENTLY suggests that you feel like you are lacking control in your life, or are being pushed in a direction in life that you do not want to follow. Its vague, I know, but give it a try.
> 
> whether or not you believe this can be a thing or not is up to you. But since this is a story, I can make it a thing because I think its interesting, and it was entertaining to try and hide all the meanings within it. So call up on your knowledge of Catra's life, and you may be able to decipher Catra's inner thoughts and fears.  
> Have fun!

The metal walkway shook under Catra’s feet as she ran, the creaking noise from behind her only spurred her on. The spray from below bit at her face, taunting her as she fled. She’d been here before, too many times. Every time Catra tried to get them out… every time she was doomed to fail. The door was up ahead. Catra never understood _how_ she knew it was the door, perfectly identical to the hundreds upon hundreds she’d already passed. But somehow, she knew that they were always behind this door. Catra spared a glance behind her. It was rising too quickly, there wasn’t enough time… there was _never_ enough time.

The doors passed her eyes in a blur as she sprinted, the air was thick, making it hard to breathe but Catra _had_ to push on. Catra was tempted to look up, but she tried to keep her forward, she knew what was up there, the same name, every time, she had more important things to worry about. But no matter how hard she tried, her head was like a paperclip underneath an electromagnet, forcing her head up as she ran, the name burned its way into the back of her retinas: _Northern light_. Catra stifled a gasp and kept running. She knew what was going to happen, she had to stop it, had to get them _out._ She felt her ankle catch on something and she cried out as she tumbled to the ground, skidding to a stop on her elbows as her ankle throbbed in complaint.

Catra panted for a few seconds as she tried to catch her breath. She pushed down on her arms, wincing as her elbows stung, before sucking in a breath through her teeth as her ankle flared and gave out, she dropped onto her knee. It felt damp, she looked down to see the water slowly envelop her foot. She shot to her feet with a gasp, leaning up against the railing to support herself. The door wasn’t far, she could see it from here… she could do this.

She pushed forward, gritting her teeth as her ankle felt like it was on fire. But she put one foot in front of the other, she was going to make it. Her hands fell on the latch to the door, and she shove it to one side before using her weight against her shoulder to shove the door open. She knew what she was going to say, she’d said it thousands of times before, but Catra didn’t know how to say anything different. The moment she burst into the cabin she sprang into action. “Mum? Dad? Where’s Jess? We need to get…” Catra trailed off as she blinked in surprise.

Bow and Glenn looked up from the sofa confusedly at her, surprised by her entrance. Catra heard footsteps approaching from the other side of the room and Adora appeared from the doorway, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion at Catra’s presence. “Catra?” Adora asked, “What’s wrong?”

Catra’s brain froze. This was new… Her parents were supposed to be here, and Jess was supposed to come rushing through that door. Why were-

“Catra!” Adora called from in front of her, clicking her fingers get Catra’s attention. “What’s wrong?” She asked again. Catra shook her head to return to her senses. No matter, she could save them instead.

“We need to leave.” Catra said, trying to lace all her desperation into her voice, “ _now._ ” Thankfully, the others didn’t argue and raced to slip any semblance of footwear onto their feet and joined Catra by the doorway. Catra yanked the door open, grimacing as the cold wind whipped across her face, splashing her with tiny droplets of water. Catra stepped out and winced as her ankle throbbed.

“Are you all right?” Bow asked. Catra nodded.

“It’s nothing.” Glenn raised her eyebrows, clearly looking unconvinced.

“Right…”

“Where are the others?” Adora asked.

“The others?” Catra replied.

“You know, Sophia, Penny, Mista…”

“I… I- I don’t know…. I don’t understand.” Catra looked around, everything still looked the same, but Catra didn’t get it. Why were they here? It’s supposed to be her family. It’s _always_ been her family. It didn’t make any sense.

“Well, in any case, we need to get moving.” Adora said eyeing the water that was rapidly racing up the walkway towards them as the ship tilted back, making the way forward steeper and steeper. They moved forward, only for to cry out again as she had forgotten her injured ankle and dropped to the floor. Adora crouched down next to her and wrapped Catra’s arm around her shoulder, she then lifted her up, and allowed Catra to hobble along next to her whilst she kept her up.

“Where do we need to go?” Glenn asked, looking behind them worriedly.

“Up.” Catra managed to say, “We need to go up… that’s where the lifeboats are.”

“How do we get up there?” Bow asked.

“The stairs.” Catra answered, gesturing towards the stairway in question that Catra would swear didn’t exist a second ago. They slowly climbed up away from the water, Adora was considerably slowed down by trying to haul Catra up each step without having to use one of her legs. They eventually reached the top, running alongside the large open-air lobby at the top of the ship, at the other side laid their destination.

A shrieking nose came from below which made Catra’s blood freeze: the sound of ripping metal. Catra cried out as the floor beneath her gave way, sending her screaming down to the floor below. All the air was slammed out of her lungs as she hit the deck, leaving her weakly gasping for breath. She managed to slowly haul herself to her feet using the railing, but her path up to them was cut off. Her ankle painfully thrummed. There was no way out.

That was okay. Maybe the pain would stop, she would like that.

But first… she needed to get the others to safety.

“I’ll find another way up!” She lied, “Keep going!”

“Nu-uh.” Adora replied. Crouching down to Catra’s disbelief and lowered herself over the side of the hole in the deck and dropped down, squatting down as she landed to absorb the energy. She made her way over to Catra and hauled her to her feet, wrapping Catra’s arm around her shoulders again “I’m not giving up on you Catra,” Adora said, taking a step forward, “and neither will you.”

Adora led them through another door which shouldn’t of existed here and into the central hallway. “How do we get out?” Adora asked, looking both ways. Catra pointed to their right.

“That way.”

They hobbled onwards, bracing themselves against the wall as the way forward got steeper and steeper, making it easy to lose their balance.

“That door…” Catra said, “We need to go through that door.” Adora nodded and guided them forward. As they approached, they could hear a soft pinging emanating from down the hallway, the sound was moving, heading towards them, and increasing in frequency. Catra felt the familiar shadow of dread fall over her as she recognised the noise.

“No, no, no, no, no.” Catra pleaded, “Not now. Not again.”

“What is it?” Adora asked.

“It’s-

Catra never got to finish before the shuddering “Bang!” Ripped through the air, before the ground splintered as the explosion tore through the ship, the inferno racing down the corridor towards them. Adora stood in front of Catra, twirling her around and shoving her through the door to the side. The last Catra saw of Adora was a sickening flash. She tried to scream out to her, but her voice was muffled as her back slammed into the water below and the current slowly sucked her under.

Catra was sitting in a chair, cuddling a small kitten to her chest. She used one hand to gently stroke down the back of its neck, it’s wiry fur itching against her palm. Jackie was arguing with a man, Catra didn’t know who. Jackie had asked her to stay in her room, but Catra was interested. She hadn’t seen her this cross before. Jackie’s character was always so soft and caring, but from here Catra could see that she was angrily animating with her hands, and she wore a furious expression as her cheeks which were flushed in anger. Curious Catra got off her chair and slowly wandered towards them.

“Absolutely not!” Jackie raged. “She’s only just starting to get better! Just! You can’t expect her to go in there face that! These sorts of things take years to adjust by people her age! It’s only been _four_ days! _Four!_ ”

“I’m sorry Mrs Laurel, but it vitally important we check off who we can. She’s the only one who might be able to recognise them.”

“They’re already dead!” Jackie hissed. “She’s barely coming to terms with that! And you want to show her their bodies!? Are you insane!?”

“Mrs Laurel-

“No,” Jackie interrupted, “Do not _Mrs Laurel_ me. Listen _very_ carefully. That girl has just gone through one of the most traumatic experiences possible, she’s not even healed physically okay? Her lungs are still strained from trying to force all that water out, and she’s only just been taken out of intensive care for hyperthermia. Mentally, she’s just experienced the death of her entire family and had literally drowned, just to be forced back into this world. Do you know how much this would affect an adult? She’s _twelve!_ Do you know how that affects her?”

He remained silent, unable to answer.

“She’s not eating! Because she would rather _die!_ She has _nothing_ left, and you’re asking me to try and _fix_ her. It’s like trying to glue together a window that has had a sledgehammer taken to it!” Jackie took several deep breaths, “I will do… _whatever_ it takes to give that girl a life worth living again. But if you want her to go into that room, you may as well be destroying any chance she has left.”

The man was speechless. Jackie crossed her arms. Catra stared at the door behind them. They were in there? Catra felt her heart beat faster, and her lungs strained and ached to function as she breathed harder. She slowly walked towards them, their argument immediately coming to a halt the moment they noticed her presence. Catra stopped and took a deep breath. She knew she shouldn’t do this, every fibre of her being pulled back against her, she knew what was in there. She couldn’t do it, every time she couldn’t stand it. But every time her mouth disobeyed orders, “I want to go in.” She felt herself say.

The room was dark and Catra felt her shoulders hunch up, not that they could protect her from anything. The shadows were darker than usual, only adding to the creeping feeling of unease down her spine. Catra slowly padded forward, she could sense the tables around her, but they were impossible to see. But she had been here enough times to know her way around like the back of her han-

She tripped as she collided with something and sprung her arms forward to break her fall. They hit something far earlier than she expected, holding herself up she realised that she hadn’t gone all the way down. There was something in front of her… something that normally wasn’t here… She paid attention to her hands, feeling what was underneath them. Whatever it was, it was cold… and rough… and felt awfully like…

Skin.

Catra yelped and took several steps back. Her breathing fast. Slowly the lamp on the ceiling started to produce a warm orange glow, illuminating the room, and giving what shadows remained a more sinister feel. When she looked where she had fallen Catra felt her blood freeze.

It was Ellie, lying on the table. She had gone incredibly Pale, with a tinge of blue. She even had the few strands of Violet hair that Mellissa had dared her to dye. That had been a… peculiar evening, Next to her was Harry, he didn’t look any paler, but that was because he closely resembled a snowman anyway. But he also shared the bluish tinge. As Catra looked around she felt her heart beat harder in her chest as she noticed all the tables that littered the room.

By now Catra had gotten used to this dream, it always followed the same horrible path and ended with her being in the room, staring down at Jess’ expressionless face. They had thought the other two might have been her parents, but they were mistaken. The bodies were so badly burnt that it was hard to tell anyone from anyone. The people they had thought to have been her parents were not wearing the wedding rings, nor were the scraps of clothing that remained the same as what they had been wearing. Their bodies were never recovered. They did get Jess, however. Her face was unrecognisable, and several fingers had been reduced to blackened stumps. The only way Catra knew it was here was by the slightly scorched green and orange opal necklace, now with a crack running down one side.

Catra had revisited this moment in her dreams time and time again, to the point where she almost found the scarred and burnt face easier to recognise than the one in the picture. It had become almost routine. She’d always wake up panting and in a cold sweat, but she’d learnt how to quickly recover from it… in a way… she’d gotten used to it.

She was not prepared for this. As she walked across the room she slowly started to count them off, Ellie, Harry, Freya, Shaun, Mellissa. Bow and Glimmer were together, their hands clasped between them, but were blackened and scarred. Staring up at her with blank, expressionless eyes. The uncanny realism of the sight before her made Catra stifle a gasp and step back, only to bump into another table. She spun around to see Sophia, her head had lolled to the side and she was staring straight at Catra. Catra’s fists clenched an unclenched at her sides.

“Look.” She heard in her head, “I just wanted say I’m really sorry and tha-

Catra yelped and backed as far away from the table as she could get. Where the hell did that come from? And why was it in Sophia’s voice!? No one _ever_ spoke during this part! Her heart was ricocheting around in her ribcage as she started to hyperventilate slightly.  
“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop it!” Catra cried, “Just _stop!”_ she had backed up near another table.

“Catra? What is it?” She heard Adora say from behind her. Suddenly a hand fell on her shoulder. Catra nothing short of squeaked and shoved the intruder as far away as she could. Her hand connected with something and she heard the crashing noises of something tumbling to the floor. She vaulted over a table next to her and backed up as she turned to see what was there. A hand reached out up to the table and clasped on as Adora slowly pulled herself up, wincing as she stood.

“Catra… I don’t understand…” She said again, caution evident in her voice. Her face was blackened, she could even see a few teeth through were the flesh of the mouth _should_ be. It was nothing new to Catra, she had seen this before. But only in older memories, never applied to her new friends, and _certainly_ no one ever spoke. It terrified her. Catra shook her head band backed further up. Suddenly, Adora looked normal again, her face fine, confusion and worry etched on her face. “Catra…” she said again.

“No.” Catra replied, swallowing hard as the breath got stuck in her throat. Adora shimmered back to the burnt look and then back again. “You’re not real.” Catra tried telling herself. She’d been here… _mostly_ , so many times. It _had_ to be a dream.

“What?” Adora asked, cocking her head to the side. “Catra, what do you mean? Of course I’m real.”

Catra shook her head, breathing way too fast now to be healthy. “No.” She manged to say, “You can’t…” Catra backed up further as Adora slowly moved around the table and headed towards her, she needed to get away, but her back soon pressed against the wall., there was no way _out_.

“No.” Catra squeezed her eyes shut, and turned away as she struggled to be breathe, “Y- Y, you.” Catra yelped when she felt Adora’s arms around her, pulling her in. like a build-up of static electricity, the moment Catra felt the contact she felt the drowsiness feeling with in her snap and rush away, Catra felt a flashing bright light behind her eyes and they snapped open with a gasp. 

.o0o.

Adora felt Catra go ridged in her arms as she gasped again, and quickly backtracked in case she’d hurt her. Catra’s eyes were as wide as saucers. Flicking from left to tight, up to down. Oh wow…

It had _worked._

Well of _course_ it worked… It wasn’t like Adora was expecting Catra’s knee in her stomach or anything… Her back throbbed, as if reminding her that although she did _not_ get a knee in the stomach, Catra _had_ shoved her over the small coffee table, resulting in a small cut just above the small of her back. The tumble had been as graceful as it was unexpected, but no one saw it and Adora was very happy to keep that one to herself.

Deciding that whatever got Catra out of… this, was the best course of action, Adora cautiously wrapped Catra back up into a careful hug, making extra certain that she wasn’t trapping Catra’s arms by her sides.

“Breathe.” She murmured in Catra’s ear, “Just breathe.” Catra was switching between a mixture of panting, gulping, and sobbing. Her entire body was shivering in Adora’s embrace as Adora pondered what she should do. Adora was grateful that after Catra was getting smaller scale panic attacks almost daily when they were practising Adora had snuck off once into the library and delved into as many textbooks on the matter as she could find. Yes, the internet would have been easier… But would you entrust someone’s safety to Wiki how? Adora knew several who would and was glad that they were not getting close to any medical profession or she would have some _serious_ concerns.

She recalled something about timing, like a clock for the body to subconsciously lock on to. Cautiously, Adora slowly gently stoked the nape of Catra’s neck, whilst matching it to her own breathing.

In…

…

Out…

…

In…

Within a few seconds Adora noticed that Catra’s breath was indeed slowing down, not instantly, but if the textbooks were right, Catra’s brain was registering Adora’s pattern and would strive to reach a calmer state. Catra was well and truly locked into what’s called the: “Sympathetic state”, or most commonly known as fight or flight. Adora needed to provide enough calming stimulating to gently coax her down back to normal. Adora smiled slightly to herself. She remembered going through this stuff near the beginning of A-level, she didn’t think she would ever have to practically use that information… oh how wrong she was.

Adora adjusted her arms around Catra’s back to make herself a bit mor comfortable. As she shifted, she felt a small part of her shirt stick to her back, tugging against her skin as she moved. Adora inwardly sighed, most likely a patch of blood from the cut on her back had fused her shirt to her back. Ah well, she had been putting off her washing for a few days now.

She suddenly felt Catra’s arms wrap back around her, and her head shifted to rest on Adora’s shoulders. Adora listened carefully, Catra’s breathing was recovering, still incredibly rapid, but following a recognisable pattern. She was till shivering; her chest was heaving and Adora felt a damp patch on her shoulder slowly getting bigger.

“I-I saw… T-Ther… Ev-Everywhere. Y-you w-were… I don- I don’t want… not there… not again…”

Adora gently shushed her, and secured Catra’s shoulder against her using her chin, gently running her hand up and down her back in slow, rhythmic intervals. It felt like Catra had just shattered in her arms and Adora had absolutely no idea how to put her back together. Adora had given significant thought to pursing some line of psychiatry in a career. But as she frantically tried to calm Catra down, she had come face to face with just _how_ underqualified she was. Adora quickly dispelled the self-doubt, it wouldn’t help her right now. She carefully guided Catra back round to the sofa and gently lowered her down as she sat in the corner, Catra’s head resting up against her side. Adora reached down and scooped up the spare blanket that had dropped to the floor when Catra had shot up and draped it over her.

“m-sorry…” Catra mumbled. Adora smiled.

“One day, you’re going to learn to _stop_ apologising.”

“Try me…” came her reply, Adora sniggered.

“Is that a challenge?” Adora retorted, looking down hen she received no answer. Adora was pleasantly surprised that Catra had gotten back to sleep so quickly. Adora was mentally bracing to keep her company until dawn, but Catra had been exhausted all day. The only problem was… she was now effectively Catra’s pillow…

Again…

.o0o.

“So why do we have to do this?” Bow whined as he was dragged through the streets _far_ too early for a normal human being, shivering in his coat as the morning air did it’s best to freeze all the moisture in his lungs.

“Because we can’t make any noise in the kitchen.” Glimmer replied simply, happily watching the town begin to wake up as the walked. She was faring much better than Bow, to which he blamed on the fact that Glimmer seemed to have the combined energy reserves of several toddlers.

“But _why?_ Last time I checked it was _our_ kitchen!” He huffed, kicking a stray stone with the side of his foot.

“Did you not hear anything last night?” She questioned as she tugged her boyfriend across the road.

“Nope, not a peep.” Bow replied. “What did I miss?”

“Catra was crying out in her sleep, it sounded like she fell over or something, and when she woke up it was straight into a panic attack.” Glimmer was nervously rubbing her fingernails together. “It makes me wonder if this is normal for her?” Bow nodded slowly.

“What I’ve been thinking a lot about recently was how seemingly _random_ this is.” Glimmer cocked her head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“Well if you have a person with a phobia of… let’s say insects, if they see the insect, that’s when the panic starts, right?” Glimmer nodded, “But with Catra, she seems to be set off whilst nowhere _near_ water. Last night started when she was cornered by Sophia, there was that time when she rushed off after meeting everyone?” Glimmer nodded again, realisation showing on her face.

“You don’t think she’s _just_ aquaphobic do you?” She asked as she thought everything through.

Bow shook his head, “It just doesn’t make sense, those little ones when we were practising for the presentation? Sure, _those_ I can believe were due to her being aquaphobic. But all the other times? They had nothing to do with water. There _must_ be something up, I’m sure of it.”

“But how do we find out? Ask her?” Glimmer asked.

“God no! I still value my _life_ thank you very much!” Glimmer cracked a smile at Bow’s outburst.

“I wonder if Adora knows more?” Glimmer added, “It wouldn’t surprise me if Catra’s told her more than anyone else.”

“But she wouldn’t tell us anything.” Bow said.

“No, but she’d at least tell us when she _couldn’t_ tell us anything.” Bow nodded.

“true… true.”

Their conversation died, and they walked on in silence. After a few minutes Bow sparked up again:

“So why does any of that mean we can’t make noise in the kitchen?”

“Well, when I went in this morning to get a drink, Adora was there and it looked like Catra was sleeping beside her, I tried to see what was going on but all I got was:” Glimmer held her finger up and then moved it right at two regular intervals:

_~later_

After spending so much time around Adora it was natural that they had picked up a thing or two, and it came in handy at a pinch. But they could only figure out very basic communication, only a word or three stacked together before they lost the rhythm. But thankfully Adora never expected more from them and would only try and use one word.

Bow’s stomach suddenly growled, causing Glimmer to grin at him.

“What? I’m hungry…” He defended himself, Glimmer just rolled her eyes. “Where are we going anyway?”

“Just up ahead,” She replied. Nodding to a small shop on the corner of the street. Glimmer pushed the door open a small bell jingled their presence as they entered. Inside it was delightfully warm compared to the cold air outside, and the wooden floor thudded softly underneath them. There were several, wall mounted lights around the place to give the illusion of candles. Several tables littered the floor, only a few were occupied this early in the morning, but it was cosy.

They walked up to the wooden counter that ran along one side and smiled at the person behind it. He looked to be roughly the same age as them, with relatively choppy auburn hair and a bright smile that caused the freckles across his nose to raise.

“Hello!” He welcomed warmly and stood to the side so Bow and Glimmer could easily read the menu blackboard behind him, decorated with little chalk drawings annotating the things on the list. “What are you interested in?” He asked.

“Coffee.” Bow immediately replied, like he was starving and given the briefest glimpse of food.

“I can’t say I blame you.” The guy behind the counter smiled, “Forcing one’s body to function this early in the morning is not for the faint of heart.”

“It’s not that bad.” Glimmer added, nodding towards Bow. “This one just makes a fuss of it.” Counter guy smirked.

“Speak for yourself, _this_ , is far more the appropriate reaction. I wish I could be like that, but then I wouldn’t have a job.” Glimmer exuberantly sighed and shook her head.

“Anyway, I know you want coffee, but unless you’re feeling lucky, I’m going to need you to be a bit more specific.” He said smiling at Bow.

“Coffee,” Bow replied, “Just coffee.” Counter guy hummed sympathetically.

“That bad huh?” He turned to Glimmer. “And you?”

“Ummm… I’ll have a coffee too, with milk… and we’ll have two bagels please.” He nodded and tapped away at the till in front of him.

“Certainly, I’ll get those sorted out for you.” He smiled and then disappeared through the door in the back. Glimmer leaned up against the counter and gently drummed her fingers against the side. Bow joined her and wormed his arm around her waist. Glimmer leaned up against him with a sigh before stifling a yawn with her fist.

“Was that a yawn?” Bow teased, Glimmer could _feel_ his grin through the back of her head.

“No.” She replied stoically. But her body betrayed her, and she yawned again, this time audibly. Bow sniggered and Glimmer huffed and rolled her eyes. The door opened and the person reappeared, carefully holding a tray full of their order. He set it down on the counter and looked at the till.

“That would be… four pounds and eighty cents- pence!” He added quickly whilst rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed. “Sorry, still trying to get used to it.” Bow smiled warmly.

“New around here?” he asked, digging into his wallet.

“Yes… and No. I moved to America with my mother when I was young.”

“Oh yeah?” Glimmer added, “What made you come back across the pond?”

“My dad,” He said, “I hadn’t seen him in years, and I wanted to catch up.”

“So how long have you been here?” Bow queried.

“Only a few weeks. Enough to settle down a bit and managed to get a place in the university here, took this job just to make sure the ends meet… It’s been busy.”

“How are you finding it?” Glimmer asked.

“Great, actually. It was weird going back to where I grew up, I never knew how much I missed that old red telephone box down the road…” he paused for a second, “It’s the little things you know? They nodded.

“What topic are you studying?” Bow asked.

“English, mostly creative writing… Do you go here as well?” They nodded.

“Psychology.” Glenn answered. His face lit up with recognition.

“I used to have a friend that wanted to get into it, never knew if they actually got to study it...”

“Have you managed to find any of the people you knew before you left?” Bow added.

“I know one’s up in York, two are in Liverpool, I think one got into Cambridge… the last one I don’t know… she was terrible with social media before and it doesn’t look like that’s changed.”

Glimmer sniggered, “We have friend like that, always declares it’s a waste of time.” He nodded in agreement.

“She never got why everyone put pictures of whatever food they were eating or who they were with all over the internet. I got that. But it does make it difficult when I’m trying to find them again over a decade later.”

Bow winced, “That long?”

“That long.”

“Well… good luck… however much that helps…” Glimmer said.

“Not much… but it’s the thought that counts right?” He replied with a smile. They fell into silence for a minute as they drank their coffee before he spoke up again. “Hey, if I see you guys around, do you mind if I come and say hi?”

“Not at all!” Glimmer smiled warmly, “I’m Glenn by the way, and this is my boyfriend Bow.” Bow waved in greeting. The guy behind the counter smiled happily.

“I’m Sam… Sam Fallbrook.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I didn't bore you too much at the start there, I thought it was fun so hopefully it at least amused you. On other news, I won't make any excuses this time because its come out more or less on time! I know right? I am capable of doing it as it turns out! It may not seem like it now, but this chapter contains some of the most important events in the story, and the importance of such events will be unveiled in due time.  
> Again thank you so much for reading!


	13. Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra recovers from her restless night, Bow and Glimmer have another encounter with Sam, and work to distract the rest of their friends from trying to figure Catra out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> University is picking up and the assignments are coming in thick and fast,so sorry for the delay, I've been panicking about an essay about the effectiveness of coping measures for stress, which I find hilariously ironic. 
> 
> Okay, so how did we do last chapter? I’d thought I’d leave it ambiguous but it seems people are interested in how they did, so I’d thought I’d do the “answers” it’s just a shame I can’t write it upside down! :D  
> Remember this is all subjective, if I don’t mention something, or it's different from what you thought, it doesn’t mean its wrong, just I didn’t think about it at all, or in that way, so your answers aren’t wrong if they don’t match up with mine. Make sense?  
> Right here we go: 
> 
> Metal walkway creaking- feeling of instability  
> Running- fleeing/urgency/stress  
> Lots of doors- distracted and/or confused  
> Hurting her ankle- feeling broken  
> The water rising behind her- represents her past she is trying to escape/ always catching up to her. As well as the fact she’s just scared of water  
> Family replaced by the best friend squad- Catra’s growing trust of her friends, she’s comfortable with them  
> Adora holding her up- Catra’s starting to accept and rely on their support  
> The stairs appearing- the possibility of creating solutions to problems/hope  
> Adora being slowed down- Catra feels like a burden, slowing her friends down  
> The floor giving out- Catra feels she’s always doomed to fail, no matter how hard she tries  
> No way out- feeling trapped  
> Giving up/Adora coming back for her- Catra’s always tempted to give up, but always manages to try and get up again  
> Adora pushing her out the way of explosion- friends have protected her before, Catra’s scared that they’ll hurt themselves in the process.  
> The whole bit with Jackie is actually a memory, we’ll get into that later.  
> Dark room- uncertainty/scared of the unknown  
> Discovering friends bodies- nearly everyone she cares about has died/ terrified that this may apply to her newfound friends./ scared of being alone again  
> Sophia apologising- regret  
> Adora switching face illusion- hopelessness by disbelieving that Adora is real.  
> Adora hugging her- Catra’s biggest source of comfort- enough to break her out of the dream/panic attack. <\-- which no one else has ever managed to do yet, not even Jackie… I’d thought I’d just leave that here…  
> These are all the main ones, there are a few minor ones but I didn’t want to make the list any longer! :D  
> How many did you get?

Catra ached.

It felt like her muscles had turned to stone and her bones had been pounded to dust and scattered on the wind. Her eyes pulsed and itched relentlessly but she didn’t feel like she had the strength to lift her arm up to rub them, which was probably a good thing. Her tongue was dry and rough, and it felt like her lips had fused together. Her eyes creaked open slightly, just to be blinded by the sunlight streaming through the windows and they hurriedly slammed shut.

Catra groaned and tried to push herself up at least into a sitting position her arms complaining at the effort. She felt the gentle tension at the bottom of her throat as she yawned, and her eyes watered slightly at the pulsing behind her eyes.

She was exhausted.

“Morning!” She heard someone sing from beside her, a little ways away. Catra turned her head, and manage to force her eyes to cooperate. Adora was standing by the sink, rummaging through the overhead cupboards, she was wearing a woollen jumper which was new, but still in the usual dark crimson colour and she had tied her hair back in a messy bun.

“Morning…” Catra replied her voice horse and croaky. She coughed to try and clear it.

“Well you sound as right as rain.” Adora commented, her attention still focused on the cupboard in front of her.

“Just peachy…” her voice had not improved. She heard Adora snigger.

“How do you feel? Honestly.” Adora asked, seemingly finding what she was looking for and placing it on the side in front of her.

“Like a rat’s decided to carve out my skull to make way for its nest…” Adora nodded.

“I’m not surprised, you had a rough night.” Adora said, turning to face Catra with a steaming mug in her hand, she presented it to Catra who eyed the dark purple substance with suspicion.

“What is _that?_ ” Catra said.

“It’s hot blackcurrant squash with a tiny bit of honey mixed in, does wonders on a sore throat.”

Catra took the mug sceptically and stared down at the liquid before shrugging and took a sip. The warmth filled her mouth and the sharp sweetness of it provided enough of a kick to feel it all the way down her throat, though it wasn’t unpleasant and Catra immediately felt like she could breathe easier.

“That is surprisingly… not disgusting.” Catra noted, Adora simply grinned. Before her expression turned to concern as she crouched down in front of Catra.

“Your eyes are all bloodshot.” Adora said, cocking her head to the side as Catra yawned again.

“Thank you, for pointing that out.” Catra huffed and took another sip. Adora rolled her eyes and stood up. “Do we have any lectures today?” Catra asked.

“No.” Adora said, walking back over to the side, but something about her voice was off.

“You’re lying.” Catra called. Adora stopped and turned.

“We don’t have any that you’re up for.” Catra scowled.

“What gives you the right to decide that?” Adora just sarcastically raised an eyebrow.

“The fact that you’re going to fall asleep mid lecture. Trust me… you _do_ not want to let Bow and Glimmer get their hands on that information, it doesn’t go away for a long… long time.” Catra blinked, she could still feel the drowsiness pull on the back of her eyes, forcing her to concede however much she disagreed. Adora’s face softened.

“Look, I’ll do all the notes and I’ll talk you through everything when you get better ok? Right now, you need rest.”

Catra wanted to fight, but Adora’s right, she was fighting just to stay awake enough to talk. She felt her jaw clench, but she slowly nodded. Adora smiled in victory. “You work on getting some shut eye, you won’t ever notice that you weren’t there.”

Catra huffed at her, “You better take proper notes.” Adora held her hand over her heart.

“What? Who do you think I am? Glimmer?” Catra smiled and flopped back against the sofa. Adora mock gasped. “The _audacity!_ ” Catra just stuck her tongue out, not even bothering to point her face towards Adora. Adora gave out a pointed huff and turned her back to Catra, “You’re a bad friend.” She said.

“You’re welcome.” Catra retorted, sneaking one eye open to judge Adora’s reaction. She had stopped mid step and swivelled on the balls of her feet to face Catra, her mouth left open.

“You _so_ need to stop nicking my lines, the others are going to start to doubt my credibility!”

“You don’t need my help to do _that._ ” Catra sniped. Adora’s mouth opened and shut repeatably an Catra could almost see the gears turning in her head.

“That… that was actually some good sass… I’m impressed milady.” Adora bucked her knees in a mock bow. Catra rolled her eyes. Adora spun round again and padded over to the cooker, where a small pan was resting atop it. Catra watched as Adora picked up a spoon and slowly mixed whatever was inside it, whatever it was it put up some resistance and Adora had anchored it down with her other hand to be able to stir.

Seemingly satisfied, Adora turned the knob on the side of the cooker and shimmied the pan off the side, she then scooped out the contents into two bowls. When she was done, she dropped a spoon into each of the bowls and picked them up, making her way back to Catra and offering her one. Catra reached up and took the bowl from Adora’s hands, bringing it down to eyelevel so she could inspect it.

“It’s a special type of porridge, mixed in with yogurt.” Adora explained, “should be smoother on your throat and stop your stomach from rejecting it, if you catch my drift. Should keep you fed for most of the day.” Catra prodded the mixture with the spoon, she didn’t feel like eating, but she knew she was hungry, and anything that wouldn’t reappear in a few hours’ time was better than any other alternative she kept in her own cupboards. She steeled herself and lifted a small scoop of the mixture into her mouth. She didn’t immediately feel like throwing up, so that was a plus. As it settled in her mouth Catra discovered the flavours blended pretty well together, and she immediately went back for another as she felt her stomach relax and a pang of hunger.

“Not too bad?” Adora asked, eagerly tucking into her own bowl. Catra hummed appreciatively and took another bite. Adora seemed to take that as enough of an answer and smiled. Catra felt a little better once she had eaten, and thankfully she didn’t feel like she was about to retch it back up any second.

When they were done, Adora collected Catra’s bowl and deposited them on the side before quickly washing them up and letting them drain. She then disappeared down the hallway for a few minutes. When she returned, her woolly jumper had been swapped out for her usual jacket and her hair had fallen out of is bun. She dropped her bag by the door and slipped off a hair tie from her wrist. She scrunched her hair back and quickly and slipped the tie over, forming her usual ponytail. She then grabbed her bag from the floor and slung it over her shoulder.

“I’m now going, try and get some sleep okay?” Adora said, turning to face Catra. She nodded slowly, still clearly unimpressed with Adora’s idea, however much she didn’t have the energy to argue. Adora smiled. “See you later!” She called behind her as she vanished through the door. Catra listened to the soft thumps of her footsteps getting quieter and then she heard the door open and shut. She was alone again. Catra sighed as she shifted, she really should head back to her own place, but she was actually pretty comfy for once, and she didn’t particularly have the energy try and stand up. She flopped down against the pillow nestled by the arm of the sofa. She could try and catch up on sleep here. Only for a few hours…

.o0o.

Adora was thoroughly soaked three seconds after walking out the door. Dark clouds had blanketed the sky and a dark rumbling could be heard. Adora admitted to herself that she should have checked what was out the window before rushing outside. She pulled her jacket tighter to herself and opened her stride. At least it wasn’t very far. She darted around the crowds of people, everyone starting to hurry to get away from the weather. The rain lashed down in sheets, Adora was soon splashing through puddles building on the stone slabs. She clambered up the few steps that ran across the coffee shop built into the university, not attempting to hold onto the handrail as it had a mini waterfall pouring off the end.

Adora pushed the door open with the flat of her arm and rushed inside, sighing as the warm air embraced her in a snuggled welcome. The gentle smell of coffee and warm bread floated in the air as she hurried through to the other side and pushed open the doors leading into the main hallway. She stepped to the side to allow someone to squeeze past and stepped into the growing mingle of students that were building up outside the door into the hall, skirting around the side until she found her friends.

Bow and Glimmer were resting against the wall, their hands clasped between them, talking quietly as to not be overheard over the throng of students next to them. As they noticed Adora approached they quickly pushed off against the wall and their hands separated as they both wore guilty expressions. Adora narrowed her eyebrows at them and tilted her head to the side, they looked away and blushed slightly. Adora shrugged and made nothing of it, if they didn’t feel comfortable telling her whatever they were talking about, then Adora wasn’t going to push them.

 _Strange._ Adora thought. _I’ve been getting quite good at that lately._

“Sorry about pushing you out this morning.” Adora apologised, “I had only just gotten her back to sleep… she had a rough night.”

“I heard.” Glimmer agreed, “She kept crying out occasionally in her sleep, it didn’t sound pleasant that’s for sure.”

“I didn’t hear anything.” Bow added.

“That’s because you could sleep through a landslide.” Adora jibed with a grin causing Bow to roll his eyes.

“So, she’s not coming in today?” Glimmer asked. Adora shook her head.

“Nah… I managed to get her to listen for once…”

“Really? We need to start packing, the apocalypse is apparently upon us!” Bow laughed before adopting a more serious expression, “How did you do that? I mean, you’re violating one of the three main rules of the universe: space is big, nine O’clock is way to early to get up regardless how many times Glimmer says otherwise and Catra _never_ listens.”

Adora laughed as they stepped into the funnel of people slowly inching their way into the hall.

“I don’t know, but she was practically falling asleep on the sofa as I left.” She explained as she walked in and held the door for the others to come through. “So where did you go this morning?” She asked as they scanned in and headed for their spot by the side.

“You know that little Café type place down the road that just opened up the other week?” Glimmer asked as They squeeze in between the long desks and settle down, quickly unpacking their stuff.

“Oh right, what’s it like?” Adora asked.

“Good actually, they make wonderful coffee.” Bow added.

“So that’s a five-star review from you then!” Adora joked, “We’ll have to try it out soon. I could use a break from feeding you both in the morning.”

“We resent that.” Bow said, scowling but with a smile.

“Imagine that,” Adora joked, “You’d have to go without my breakfast pancakes for a whole _day!_ ”

“Don’t remind me,” Bow retorted holding up a hand as he deliberately made it shake, “I’ve already got withdrawal symptoms.”

Their conversation died as the lecturer looked like they were waiting to start. He looked at where they were sitting and Adora noticed that he had risen an eyebrow questioningly, Adora shook her head. He frowned slightly but shrugged and moved to gain everyone’s attention to start the lecture.

Adora was busy drawing a diagram in her notebook, mentally fighting her tongue. Ever since she saw the drawing of herself in Catra’s sketchbook Adora had begun to notice how often her tongue stuck out the corner of her mouth when she was concentrating, it was infuriating. But as her wrist moved in slow, neat lines to form the boxes, she kept noticing the damp patch on her lip. So, she tried supressing the urge, rolling her tongue back into an uncomfortable position and keeping it there so it wouldn’t move without express permission. Yet it only made her shuffle around in discomfort, it was like being told to do star jumps, but her hands and feet were tied. Adora silently huffed and let her tongue do whatever the hell it wanted; it was a harmless habit.

She jerked back to reality when she noticed the slide on the board had moved beyond the diagram Adora was copying. Ah well, her head turned to look at Catra’s notebook to quickly copy it before moving on…

Ah…

Perhaps she was getting a bit too used to Catra’s presence for her own good.

.o0o.

Bow rubbed his eyes with the balls of his fists as he yawned, three hours and two room changes later they were finally let free. Three hours of attempting to memorise unrelated t-tests, related t-tests, Spearman’s rank, and Pearson’s correlation coefficient where R equals one over N, minus one times by the sigma of Y, minus Y something over S times little Y… and something after that… It felt like his brain had been pounded into mush, his skull being the mortar and the information they were supposed to memorise being the pestle.

It seems he wasn’t alone, as he shifted to pick his coat up which was curled up beneath his bag on the floor, he noticed Glimmer and Adora were both stretching and yawning. Adora dropped her hands down by her sides and then scratched the top of her head with a finger. “So, spearman’s is rs equals one minus six, times the Sigma of D squared over… what?” Her voice lacked the usual energy to it and her shoulders had slumped. Bow was strangely thankful. It wasn’t just him then.

“I don’t know.” Glimmer groaned, slipping her coat over her arm. “I can’t even remember what the first one was _called._ Let alone the formula to work it out.” The one mutual agreement between the trio as they left was that maths could come up with an unusual way of which it’s body may accommodate itself. Glimmer held the door open for them as they passed, but she seemed to unconsciously hold the door a little while longer than she needed to, they turned and looked back at her in confusion as she blushed and then rushed up to catch up with them, the extra person she was expecting never came through the door.

Perhaps they were all getting a bit too used to Catra’s presence for their own good.

The automatic doors slid open as they wandered outside, the cold air smacking them in the face and invading their lungs witch a strangely comforting intensity as the dramatic change in temperature jolted them awake. The rain had stopped, leaving them a rare break from unavoidable airborne hydration, but the clouds had not parted remaining as grey as ever. Bow jokingly doubted that he would see the blue of the sky again until March or even April if they were unlucky.

“Right, what’s next?” Glimmer asked.

“Everyone’s meeting up at the library.” Bow said, checking his phone, “Not that I feel up to doing work, but we should probably head over.”

Adora shuffled uncomfortably, “I promised Catra I’d give her the notes when we were done, so I’ll probably head home.” Bow and Glimmer nodded.

“All right, don’t have too much fun.” Glimmer said with a wave. Adora looked at her confused but seemed to shrug it off and waved back as they parted ways, Adora heading down the waterfront, Bow and Glimmer towards the road. A few steps later Glimmer looked at Bow with a snigger and he huffed as he rolled his eyes. He reached out and curled his fingers with hers as their hands gently swung between them.

The library was virtually empty. They could see a few people dotted here and there through the labyrinth of bookshelves and sorting boxes, most of the tables down the far end were empty, and only one or two of the doors to the study pods were shut. Bow and glimmer’s footsteps were muffled on the dark red carpet. The air buzzed with the noises of quiet conversations and flipping pages. When they arrived at the spread of tables at the other end of the building all they had to do was look around for the table that had the most people on it, unless Shaun had managed to get them kicked out already.

It turns out Shaun couldn’t of get the kicked out, as he was resting his head on his arms and was fast asleep, Melissa was sniggering as she and Freya were carefully balancing a number of pens and pencils on the back of his head like some confused game of Jenga. Everyone else had a variety of textbooks and laptops spread before them, pairing up to sit with others who were taking the same subject. One end of the table was left open for them as usual and they dropped their bags by the floor and settled in. The conversation immediately died down as everyone turned to look at them. They blinked.

“No.” Glimmer said, “We do not know what that was last night.” Everyone seemed to deflate.

“We’d tried bugging Penny as she was there, but we can’t break her.” Melissa said, “we hoped you two would be more helpful.”

“Sorry.” Bow apologised, “We can’t.”

“Penny said you probably knew more than her,” Freya said, “why are you keeping this a secret?” 

“Because Catra asked us to.” Glimmer said, “And I don’t think we know everything.”

“So, she doesn’t trust us?” Ellie asked, looking up from her laptop.

“She doesn’t have any reason to.” Sophia said glumly, who received a gentle tap on the arm from Penny.

“I don’t know.” Glimmer said, “On that one, I really don’t know.”

“But what _was_ that?” Freya asked, “she just went all pale and acted like she couldn’t breathe.”

“I looked like a panic attack.” Harry added, Glimmer shared a worried glance with Bow.

Ellie nodded, “it would make sense…” She said tapping her chin with her pen.

“Why’s that?” Mista asked, carefully trying to lay another pen on the back of Shaun’s head.

“Well has anyone else noticed that we’ve known her for a little while and we know _nothing_ of her life before university?” The table went silent as they pondered this. “I mean, it’s not like the topic hasn’t come up, we talk about stuff that’s happened before all the time, and she’s never once chosen to share any stories of her own.”

Shaun shuffled and the pile of pens clattered to the floor, he startled up at the noise and looked around confused. Everyone sniggered slightly and he huffed at them before glaring at Mista who wore a “It wasn’t me!” face.

Harry looked down at his computer and continued typing, “Also have any of you noticed that Catra always sits on the end? It looks like she’s trying to keep as much space around her as possible, she’ll never sit next to anyone except Adora, Bow, or Glimmer, and when she backed into the corner last night…”

“So, you think she’s Claustrophobic or something?” Penny asked.

“Maybe,” Ellie answered.

“But not everything ties up…” Harry continued, “She can get in lifts, the lecture theatre’s don’t have windows but she apparently doesn’t show anything, the rooms here are fairly small, and the kitchen is always crowded. All those things would set a Claustrophobic person off, it would at least make her feel anxious if it weren’t as severe as a phobia itself… No, I think it’s something else…”

Bow and Glimmer shared another worried look, it wouldn’t be beyond their luck for Ellie and Harry to figure it out. Between them they could probably easily challenge the combined mental might of NASA without breaking a sweat. It wouldn’t do them any good if they truly got on Catra’s case, armed with only a little more information and they’d have figured Catra out by the end of the hour. Glimmer masterfully changed the subject by asking Ellie and Harry how their project was going, and they exploded with enthusiasm as they explained in great detail. it would at least distract them enough for now.

An hour passed as everyone worked on their own assignments and Bow and Glimmer managed to relax slightly as they were no longer pressured to spill. They sat with their elbows connected, gently tapping away at their keyboards whilst trying to figure out the right amount of pomp without trying to go overboard on the waffling. They would occasionally look over at each other’s work and pick out grammatical or word choice errors, they kept up a good pace and writing essays was so much easier than remembering one times the square root of the sigma of Y over…

Yep, point proven.

After a little while longer everyone started to trickle away, Shaun and Mista were first, no surprises there, Shaun just wanted to go to bed most likely. Penny and Sophia were next, closely followed by Freya. Ellie and Harry lasted a little longer, but left as it started to get dark, well… darker. The overhead lights started to warm up, brightening up as the light from outside got darker. They were left to their own devices as they continued working, constantly reminding each other to back up and record the referencing and cite the journals in the work itself, they didn’t want another lecture from Catra.

They carried on for another hour before their peace was disturbed. They were busy checking and rechecking the order of their references to make sure the layout was correct when a voice pulled them out of their concentration.

“Is this seat free?” They looked up to see Sam nervously shuffling from one foot to the other as his fingers gently drummed against the back of the chair.

“Yeah, have a seat.” Glimmer smiled and gestured with her hand. Sam smiled gratefully and slid the bag off his shoulders and fell back against the chair with a sigh as he rubbed his eyes with his fists.

“Rough day?” Bow asked sympathetically.

“Shakespeare…” Sam groaned, like it was the only explanation that was needed…

It was.

They winced, remembering the awful homework assignments back in high school. “Ow.” Glimmer said, “I don’t envy you. Too many thou’s, thy’s and thee’s to make any sense in modern English.” Sam slowly nodded in agreement.

“They want us to examine it under a microscope, explain the different political and social motivations each scene might have had. Apparently, we’re not allowed to point out that sometimes it just makes _sense_ from the story’s point of view and not everything would be trying to make a statement, but noooo…”

Bow and Glimmer chuckled at his agitation. “You sound like you need a break from it.” Bow said, happily filling in the word-count on the essay’s title page, finally being able to save it as complete… At least until he asked Catra to look at it. The last one that went under her scrutiny raised his grade by thirty percent, which _far_ outweighed the damage to his ego.

“I wish, but there just isn’t enough time…” Sam groaned rubbing his eyes. Glimmer closed the lid of her laptop.

“It’s coming up to six O’Clock, you’ll just be staring at the screen for hours.” She said, “Stop and hit it again in the morning with a clear head.” Sam paused, looking like he was giving her words some serious consideration.

“Fine.” He relented and started repacking the small amount of stuff he had taken from his bag and stifled a yawn with his arm.

“Come on,” Bow invited, “Let’s get some air and I’ll buy you a drink, looks like you could use one.” Sam slowly nodded and let them guide him outside into the frigid air. They walked through the large car park and lined up at the traffic lights.

“So, you met anyone else yet?” Glimmer asked as she watched the red person glow above the button. Sam shook his head.

“Not really. It kinda seems like everyone has made their friends in class and don’t seem interested in talking to anyone new.” Glimmer nodded sadly.

“Yeah, it’s always like that, if you didn’t make friends in the first day some people got left out. Just wait for forced group work, you’ll find people tend to open up more.” The light flicked to green and they quickly rushed across the road, it only lasted for two seconds before releasing the traffic again, they slowed down when they reached the other side. They walked along the edge of the main university building and down the ramp which led to the path below, making idle chit-chat as they walked.

As they reached the end of the road and it opened it up into the large open area of the waterfront they drifted to the right so they were walking along the edge of the railing, the river lapping up at the concrete barriers below. They led Sam across to behind the building next to the apartments and Bow pushed the door open to allow them both through. Inside the air was delightfully warm and soft music played through small speakers mounted in the corners, on one side there was a small television showing some form of game show, the subtitles flicking on and off on the screen. They approached the bar, Bow and Glimmer quickly ordering their drinks as they started listing off the ones they recommended to Sam. Soon their drinks were placed in front of them, Bow made a move to pay for Sam’s but her politely refused and fished his own wallet from his bag.

They walked around the corner and moved to the other side, sliding into one of the large booths. The dark leather seats were worn but comfy and they all sat still for a few minutes, nursing their drinks as they thawed.

“So, Sam.” Glimmer began after a while, “Where did you grow up?”

“Norfolk.” Sam replied, taking a sip, “In one of the villages not far from Norwich.” Glimmers eyebrows raised.

“Really? Bow and I are from the suburbs, small world hey?” Sam nodded humorously.

“So where did you go when you moved to America?” Bow asked after he took a sip from his drink.

“Pretty much everywhere, we kept moving around, never asked mum why. It was just a thing we did.” He shrugged, “I’ve been in…” He held his hand up so he could count off his fingers, “New York, Florida, California, Texas, though not for long, North Carolina and… Missouri.”

Glimmer blinked a few times, “Wow… You’re well-travelled then. What’s it like over there? We’ve never been.”

Sam licked his lips and tilted his head to the side slightly. “ _Big…_ It is big… Back before my parents got divorced, we’d used to go to the beach all the time with some family friends of ours. So, one day, this was when I was in Missouri mind you, I asked if we could go to the beach. To which I was told that we couldn’t… because we would need to get a _plane._ I was eight or nine then, so I didn’t really understand that the coast wasn’t only a few minutes’ drive away from… well… _anywhere._ ”

Bow and Glimmer laughed, “That must have been _awful!_ ” Bow exclaimed.

“It was!” Sam laughed, “I was depressed for days after that!”

Their laughter died down and they returned to their drinks for a bit.

“So, what do you do? Other than work and University I mean.” Bow asked,

“Not much since I got back.” Sam admitted with a grin, “it’s been a bit hectic. I swim though, Got in a few competitions… I used to do it a lot here actually, there was a big place, I would say only five minutes down the road… Is it still around do you know?” Glimmer nodded.

“Yeah, it’s still there, we go there all the time… I mean, it does help that one of our friends is the niece of the guy who owns it, so we can use it whenever we want.” Sam paused, the glass halting at his mouth, forming a small frothy moustache around his lips. He lowered it and licked his lips.

“Is that so?” He asked, going back for another sip, by the time he finished it seemed like he had recovered from whatever it was. “That must be nice.”

“So, you did competitions?” Glimmer asked, “Win any medals?”

“A few.” Sam replied, “Never got my first gold until I moved out.” He smiled with a faraway look in his eyes.

“Why’s that? Better luck?” Bow asked. Sam shook his head.

“A friend of mine, we always competed together. Problem was, she was just… _inhuman_ in the water, I never had a hope in hell in beating her.”

Bow and Glimmer laughed, “Was she that good?” Glimmer asked, Sam nodded.

“It literally got to the point that I had told her that I’ll always have her back… because I could never get in front. She never let me forget that. It was one of those silly childhood promises that are inevitably broken.”

Glimmer’s foot tapped up against Bow’s twice, he nodded subtly… he had heard it too.

“Once I didn’t have to go up against her I started winning more, but… I don’t know, it was never as fun… especially when you get old enough for the gender divide. Who knew it could be perfectly fine to end up as second all the time?”

“So why didn’t you keep in contact?” Bow asked.

“Time sadly.” Sam said, taking another sip, “I’m not sure if you noticed but we seemed to be the last generation _not_ to be born with a mobile phone clutched in our hands.” Bow and Glimmer smiled as they nodded. “I didn’t get my first phone until I was ten or eleven… about two years after I moved, and I wasn’t allowed to make any cross continental calls anyway… so the last time I saw her was when we were eight going on nine at the airport. I haven’t seen her since.”

They had finished their drinks and Sam looked down at his watch, it was getting late. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, if I don’t start making dinner, I won’t be eating anything tonight.”

“You can come round ours, we’re normally feeding around like… eleven people, so they’ll be enough to go round.”

“Eleven?” Sam asked, his eyes rising.

“Only one of us can really cook.” Bow explained.

“And her _apprentice_.” Glimmer said, putting far too much joy in her voice, bow elbowed her gently.

Sam nervously shuffled. “Thanks for the offer.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck, “Seriously, but I wouldn’t feel that comfortable essentially nicking food from people I haven’t met.”

Glimmer nodded and held her palms up, “That’s totally fine, I understand. But you know that just means you’re going to get introduced right?”

Sam looked a little panicked, and Bow held his hand over Glimmer’s mouth before she could truly bounce off into a ramble. “Ignore her,” He said, “It’s honestly much better than it sounds, they’ll love you.” Sam nodded and smiled.

“All right, can’t get to know too many people here can’t you?”

“No, no you can’t.” Glimmer said after freeing her mouth by licking Bow’s palm who now looked at her horrified.

Sam tapped his foot on the floor. “Well, it was nice seeing you both again. That was really nice.”

“Likewise,” Bow said as he nodded, “See you around.”

“Bye!” Glimmer finished as Sam gave them one last wave and disappeared out the door and into the night. Silence descended on the pair now they had time to think, it lasted all but five seconds when Glimmer said: “You heard that too right? It wasn’t just me?”

Bow nodded, “I’ll always have your back… because I’ll never get in front… Yeah, I heard.” They paused again before looking at each other, eyes wide.

“Adora has said the exact same thing…” they muttered simultaneously.

.o0o.

The apartment was quiet when Adora slowly slid the door open. No music was playing, there were no sounds of typing keyboards or laughter from the kitchen. It felt almost eerie. Adora walked down the hallway, her footsteps gently muffled by the tough carpet under her feet and poked her head around the doorway leading into the kitchen. There was a lump on the sofa. Adora walked in, taking care to quieten her footsteps on the wooden floorboards of the kitchen. As she got to the other side she turned.

Catra was still asleep, resting her head against her arm which in turn was resting up against the pillow. Her eyes were shut but they weren’t squeezed, and her entire posture seemed relaxed. Catra twisted in her sleep and she made a quite mumbling noise from the back of her throat. Adora attempted to dismiss the parts of her brain that told her that the noise was cute.

Adora looked around and spied Catra’s bag on the floor, she crouched down in front of it as she quietly unzipped it. She fished out Catra’s notebook and retreated back to the other sofa, laying her own open on the table. She grabbed her pen and began to meticulously copy her notes and diagrams into Catra’s notebook so she didn’t have to do it later, double and triple checking so she didn’t make any mistakes.

Adora kept this up for an hour or two, turning deathly still every time Catra moved, but she didn’t wake. Adora was grateful that it looked peaceful, it was bad enough for her last night, she could use as much as possible now. When she put the final full stop at the end, she quickly scanned through her work for any spelling errors, terrified of the moral crucifixion that would surely lead from ruining the perfect structure of Catra’s notes. She sighed in relief when she couldn’t find any. She gently put the book down and laid back against the arm of the sofa with a sigh.

Her head turned to look out the window, the sun was already setting. She looked at the clock on the wall: ten to four. Adora stifled a groan. She looked around, not sure what she wanted to do now. She silently got off the sofa and flicked the switch on the small light by the cooker, illuminating the cupboards in a soft glow. She gently tapped a finger against her chin. She had plenty of time to waste.

Adora was stirring the mixture when she heard Catra move again, this time it sounded like it had more purpose to it. Catra blinked her yes opened and she stretched, making a quiet whining noise. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from here eyes. The room was dark, so Catra had at least slept through to mid-afternoon. But it had been good, and Catra felt well rested. Her eyes registered light and her head turned towards the other end of the kitchen. Adora was standing at the side, stirring something in a bowl with a wooden spoon, she had discarded her jacket as the heating was on and thankfully the room was warm. She also looked like she was wearing an apron. Adora turned and Catra’s suppositions were confirmed, it was a reddish colour with white writing dominating the middle:

_DON’T HARM THE CHEF!!!_

Catra felt the corners of her mouth pick up and she sniggered slightly.

“What?” Adora questioned, before following her eyes down. “Oh…” Adora laughed slightly, “It was birthday present from Bow and Glimmer last year, they said they would starve without me so they wanted to make sure that nothing could happen to me.”

“By giving you an apron?” Catra questioned, her voice still slightly groggy.

“It’s Bow and Glimmer, what else do you expect?” Adora said, grinning as she turned back to her bowl. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Catra admitted, “You were, right… I needed that.” Adora took a step back.

“Did you just admit I was right about something!?” Catra glared.

“I would stop, before I take it back.” She warned.

“Okay, sorry.” Adora grinned, and then she gestured to the bowl, “I’m making cookies, if I give you first pick, will you forgive me?” Catra hummed gently.

“Maybe…”

Catra peeled herself off the sofa and stretched again, looking out the window at the milling crowds below. Adora suddenly noticed that Catra hadn’t taken off her jumper since yesterday, and she tried to ignore the fluttery feeling in her chest at the _LANDEN_ splayed in bold letters across Catra’s back.

A small ringing sound made them both jump and Adora opened the door to the cooker and extracted a tray with the oven gloves, on it were sever good sized circles and the smell that wafted into the room made Catra’s mouth water.

“I’d thought I’d just spoil everyone and make… loads.” Adora explained, gesturing to another cooling tray with already a small mound on top. Catra would’ve loved to have tried one there and then, but her mouth was probably too dry to full enjoy them. The thought of water also reminded her that she hadn’t taken her tablets today. She groaned, and Adora raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’ve got to do something… I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She said and walked towards the door and disappeared before Adora could say anything. She just shrugged and continued stirring.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and Adora dropped the spoon in the bowl and walked quickly down the hallway and opened the door. Catra stood on the other side, Adora frowned, something didn’t feel quite right about her, but it wouldn’t do any good to ask.

“You don’t have to knock you know.” Adora said as she led Catra back down the hallway. “It’s always unlocked.” Catra shrugged.

“Doesn’t feel right to just barge in.”

“You wouldn’t be barging.” Adora said and crouched down in front of the oven to check the batch inside.

“Do you need me to do anything?” Catra asked, looking around. Adora grinned and reached into the cupboard beside her and pulled out a small cylindrical tube with a tigger attached to the bottom.

“I don’t normally use this, I’m a bit of a disaster with it, I’ve got a feeling you could do a better job.” Adora held up the icing gun up to Catra who looked between it and the cookies already on the drying tray and smiled.

They spent the rest of the afternoon like that. Adora stirring and producing more batches as Catra bent over the side, Concentration set in her eyes as she slowly let her imagination run wild, curling and flicking the icing to give it more motion. Adora tried to explain what had gone on in the lectures, and Catra listened to her happy rambling as she worked. Adora was terrible at explaining mathematical equations, but Catra listened anyway.

When Bow and Glimmer walked through the door their conversation immediately died when they saw Adora and Catra working. Catra wondered what they could possibly be talking about that had to be kept from them. But Catra had her own secrets, it would be wrong to deny them of theirs. They expressed delight at the sight of the treats prepared for them.

“If they were anything other than Adora’s cookies I wouldn’t want to eat them.” Glimmer said, as she picked up one which had a bird iced on the front. “They’re beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Catra said smiling and then frowned as she felt the last of the icing being squeezed out the tube. “I’m out.” She announced to Adora.

“I keep the spares in my room, draws on the right second one down.”

Catra nodded and sidestepped around Bow and Glimmer who were fawning over they’re work. Catra would be lying if she weren’t a little prideful over that. She entered Adora’s room and she beelined for the draw in question, smiling as she found the spare tubes.

She walked back into the kitchen and reloaded her icer. She was halfway through trying to recreate the entrance to _Erabor_ when she stopped, just to listen to the happy chatter of the trio, a content buzz simmered in the back of her head

Catra had dreaded the coming of morning after last night, but…

It didn’t turn out too badly after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a quiet one, and much longer than I expected, but it sets up for the great slam dunk of the next chapter. Shit's about to get real, buckle up!


	14. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension is rising between Catra and the friends. Bow and Glimmer's plans go south.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't go exactly as planned, but not in a bad way. There was an emergency minor rearrangement in the timeline to dodge out the way of an easily avoidable plot hole, However this chapter is no less critical, and pushes the tension against Catra even further so I prefer it this way, hopefully all will be revealed soon!

Over the next few days Catra was reminded why she never wanted friends.

For a start, there was the guilt. Sophia hadn’t once turned up for dinner, Penny deciding to keep her company. It didn’t matter what Catra’s views were of Sophia at the moment, Sophia had been their friend for much longer and Catra felt like her presence was forcing a wedge between them. Of course, Sparkles told her to stop being ridiculous, and that Sophia was just feeling guilty and would return when she felt comfortable to do so. It was just that Catra had serious doubts at _when_ that would be.

Adora suggested that she should talk it out. Catra was sacred that one word wrong could shatter what was left. Though deep down, she knew Adora was right, but if she could only be honest with herself, she didn’t have the courage to do so.

The others were being weird too. The tension around them made the air feel thick. Every time she turned back to face them there would always be at _least_ two pairs of eyes quickly retreating from the back of her head. Most of the time there would be more. Adora, Bow and Glimmer were making obvious attempts to distract them, which somehow made her both grateful and irritated at the same time. Even they weren’t exempt. Catra had spotted Adora staring at her several times with that calculating look in her eyes, like she was planning something, but didn’t want to tell her. It put her on edge to say the least.

However, Catra had gotten back into the rhythm of taking her tablets on time, so the nightmares had been plaguing her less. Her own confidence was increasing too. When she saw Bow, Glimmer and Adora walking out and about she would fall into step with them without thinking, rather than waiting nearby to be invited. She was even staring back at Shaylin when she glared at her as she walked into the lecture theatres. Rather than looking the other way and racing to her spot. It felt _good_ to stare her down. Catra would admit to feeling slightly intoxicated at the feeling racing through her veins when Shaylin broke her glare and turned to the rest of the class. 

Adora had even asked her what the panic attacks were like one evening as they were laying on the small rug in the kitchen looking out the window, and rather surprisingly, Catra felt okay telling her.

“They’re… well, scary.” Catra said, resting her chin on her palms. Adora sniggered.

“Noooo _really?_ So why aren’t they called happy attacks?” Catra elbowed Adora in her side.

“Shut up! You’re pressing down too hard. Go really light and draw several lines over it if need be.” She reached over and pulled the pencil out of Adora’s hands and swivelled the sketchbook, slowly carving in a neater line over the top. “See?” Adora nodded and accepted the pencil back.

“So…?” Adora gently pressed again, this time taking care on her wrist movement.

“The first time I had one… I can’t remember what set me off. But I saw something, think it might have been a picture of… something, or some newspaper maybe… Whatever it was, it made me feel really uncomfortable, and I looked away. A few seconds later I started to feel sick, like a really hard tension building up in my stomach… I excused my self to go to the toilet, but by the time I got there I could feel my heartbeat against my ribs, you know how it’s like when you’ve done loads of exercise and your heart beats hard as well as fast?” Adora nodded.

“But of course, I had barely gone anywhere, and I wasn’t out of breath. But when I put my fingers on my neck, it was beating faster than I had ever felt it.”

Adora’s tongue started to stick out the corner of her mouth as she gently etched in the rudder. Catra grinned at the sight. “So, is it just in the heart then?” Adora asked. Catra shook her head.

“No, after that my head started to feel funny. At first its difficult to recognise, but it started to feel… cloudy, like it’s not as powerful or you can’t think as fast. Then it grows, and it feels like its taking over your brain. Nowadays if I recognise It fast enough I have just enough time to sit against a wall or just lie down. But then, I had no idea what was going on, so I kept walking around like a muppet. At this point it’s just as scary as the event which caused it, because you lose all sense of control, even staying upright is difficult. Breathing starts to get difficult and you have to hope you’re doing it naturally because you can’t actually think to _do_ anything even though your body literally floods itself with adrenaline, so you feel fuzzy and cold. The cloudy feeling grows and grows, until it takes over everything and you lose consciousness.”

Catra blinked as she absentmindedly traced a line on the sketchbook with her finger. “most of the time this all happens really quickly, and I barely have any time to react, other times it comes on slowly. They’re always the worst, you can see it coming, but you can’t do anything about it, all you can do is wait… I hate those…”

Catra watched Adora draw in the cleats on the side and the door which led into the cabin, just under the mast. “I think I get it.” Adora said slowly, “but it’s a bit hard to imagine.” Catra nodded,

“I think you only really start to properly understand it after you have one yourself… which I wouldn’t recommend, by the way.” Adora laughed, and accidently drew a jagged line across the page. She swore and Catra grabbed the rubber beside her and reached over to rub the mistake out. “Now pay attention!”

Everything seemed to reach an uncomfortable stalemate. No one comfortable either forgetting it and backing down, or to push it further. Catra found herself saying less and less around them, scared of letting slip. She knew they were grabbing onto every single word she said, just in case they could excavate even the tiniest amount of information. It was really unnerving. She had expected someone to just burst out the question and however bad it may have been, at least it would be over. This was worse… way, _way_ worse. Catra was retreating back into her reinforced core, so rapidly that the rest of her personality which had started to grow from it recently had withered like a stricken tree: standing strong- but bare.

Catra sat at her desk, bathed in whatever glow the moon saw to befit her as it hung in the empty sky. The glare from her computer screen hurt her eyes and her fingers drummed against her desk in irritation.

“ _Make sure you use recent sources.”_ Shaylin had told them, _“No more than five years ago, or you lose marks for validity.”_ Which seems fair enough right? If you take old research it could be biased on old ways of thinking, or newer research had proved it wrong. What they had forgotten to mention of course… was that there hadn’t been any research done on the topic since the early nineteen ninety’s, more than twenty years ago. _Twenty_. How did they expect to get any research from _five_ years ago? Catra slammed her forehead down on the desk, muttering several untasteful expletives.

“Having fun?” A voice asked from behind her. Catra spun her chair around to see Adora resting against the doorframe to her room. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was grinning at Catra’s outburst.

“I’m going to kill her.” Catra said, taking in a deep breath. “Violently.” She grabbed the closest stabbing object she could find, “With this table spoon.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Adora said, advancing into the room. “Before we go bludgeoning people to death with silverware, can I at least know why? At least to tell the police?”

“Shaylin.” Catra said, “have you tried finding any journals for it yet?”

“Oh god yeah.” Adora groaned. “Bow found some stuff in the library, but they don’t have any electric copies of them. I’ll take you to find them tomorrow.” Catra slumped back in her chair and spun around to face her laptop.

“I’ve never gotten a good look at your room before.” Adora mused as she meandered in, glancing around. “I like it, it’s… modest.” Catra held the spoon above her shoulder menacingly. Adora held up her hands and backed up a step. “Okay! Sorry…” She was smiling nonetheless.

Catra returned to drumming her fingers against the desk as she stared at the screen, only to feel a tugging at the back of her chair a second later.

“Come on,” Adora said, “you need a break.”

“I’m fine.” Catra replied absentmindedly, as she scrolled through the list, 1992, 1993, 1990, 1991…

“You’ve been at this _all_ day.” Adora said, ignoring Catra’s irritation as she continued tugging on the chair.

“I haven’t been doing it all day!” Catra defended, without even turning to look back at Adora.

The tugging on the chair stopped, and she could feel Adora’s stare burning an irritated hole in the back of her head.

“Catra, I’ve been round to check on you three times today, and you didn’t even notice. You. Need. A. _Break.”_

“Adora, I’m _fine._ ”

“Glimmer bought you an entire large domino’s just for you, because she’s justly worried that you haven’t eaten anything today.”

Catra hadn’t eaten that day. But Adora didn’t need to know that.

“Wait she bought an entire large one, _just_ for me?”

“Yep.” Adora said like it was obvious.

“But they cost like, thirty quid!” Adora shrugged.

“Yeah? Glimmer’s family is rich, trust me, they spend more on _toothpaste_.”

“I can’t take that!” Catra said, feeling alarmed.

“Glimmer doesn’t do this for just anyone, it means she really likes you, and she’s worried about you. So, if you want to make her feel better, you get your bottom out of that chair, and just _relax_ for once.”

“No Adora, I’ve got to finish this.”

“Look…” Adora said, “grab your pyjamas, and there’s a film or two of your choice in it okay? I’ll see you in a couple of minutes.”

Catra folded her arms and stared at Adora. Did she not realise there was no _way_ she was going to accept that?

…

…

…

“ _Die hard?”_ Adora asked, as she flopped down on her bed, causing them both to bounce slightly as she looked over Catra’s shoulder.

“Shut up. You said I could choose.” Catra said in a monotone, settling back against the wall in Adora’s room, plopping the warm cardboard box between them.

“I’m not judging, I’m _impressed._ This is the only rival to the original _home alone_ for the greatest Christmas film of all time.”

“It’s late October.” Catra said, grabbing a slice, and unconsciously picked off the pepperoni with her teeth.

“I’m not complaining, are you complaining?”

“Nope.”

“Then who cares?” Adora asked, shoving a large pillow behind their heads so they were more comfortable.

“Not me.” Catra said as she shuffled over to allow Adora more space on the pillow.

“Exactly.” Adora finished, as the _20 th Century Fox_ music began to play.

They didn’t pay attention through most of the film, their time was spent chatting and complaining about assignments due two days from each other because apparently lecturers think that’s fair. Catra’s banter was back, which was good… _mostly_. But like usual, Catra’s uncanny ability of luring Adora into traps had not seemed to suffer during its absence:

“ _No,_ I just put it on _afterwards_ when I’m-

Adora trailed off as Catra’s slowly bit into her slice of pizza as she blinked unimpressed at her, when the realisation dawned, she slapped her palm against her face. “Oh my god! That’s my kind of joke! Stop stealing them!”

Catra laughed, her shoulders shaking. “And you fall for them all the time!” her voice was muffled slightly by the pizza, “It’s not _my_ fault you’re so gullible!”

Adora rolled her eyes and huffed as she flopped back against the pillow. “I swear you’re like my humour apprentice that’s got out of hand and now I’m not powerful enough to stop you…”

Catra cackled next to her, holding her hand up to her mouth as Adora smiled. “Now _I_ am the master.” She said, in a faked deep voice.

“And now you’re dropping _Star Wars_ jokes at me…”

“What? They’re good films!”

“True…” Adora agreed “and I suppose that makes me Obi-Wan Kenobi, which isn’t too bad… I get to be all wise and drop awesome one-liners as I fall from ridiculous heights.”

Catra sniggered, “Oh come _on!_ If you were anyone from _Star Wars_ , you would be Jar-Jar Binks! You would be the clumsiest being on the planet and yet somehow still win every fight!”

Adora scowled at Catra looking remarkably unimpressed. “That is low. Even for _you._ ”

“Awwww…” Catra purred, nudging Adora’s shoulder with her own. “You know nothing’s too low for me…”

Adora rolled her eyes. She wasn’t wrong, Catra fought dirty when it came to humour and Adora was still trying to figure out how to counter it. She looked back at Catra who was still chuckling at her own joke and smiled. As much as she wouldn’t admit it, Adora was right. She’d needed this. They ended up talking through nearly every important scene in the film, it seemingly regulated to background noise to their conversations. Though every time Catra turned her head to make herself more comfortable, her hair would fall away and Adora’s attention would always land on the cluster of four tiny newly formed scars on the back of her neck.

.o0o.

“That is way too much syrup dear.” Adora chastised, pointing her fork at a guilty looking Glimmer.

“-ur ot ma mwum.” She retorted, a mouthful of pancakes preventing her from talking properly.

“No, but I _am_ the one that can hold your food hostage. If I have to look after your sorry arse after you made yourself ill from a sugar crash again, I swear you can feed yourself.”

Glimmer said nothing and stuffed another mouthful in her face. Bow looked between them, a smirk on his face.

“She’s _your_ girlfriend.” Adora said, “This is your job.” Bow shrugged and smiled.

“You wouldn’t want me to explain how I have to persuade her…”

Adora’s cheeks heated and she dropped her head to the back of her palm. “Oh my god, you did _not_ just say that!” Her eyes flicked up to see Glimmer looking equally embarrassed, and she immediately forgave Bow for everything.

“What? Just saying…” Bow reeled off, obviously enjoying the look of horror brazed across Glimmer’s face. Adora laughed, even though it was probably true, Glimmer _owned_ the poker face, it was good to see it wiped every now and again.

“So… ummm… Adora,” Glimmer desperately tried to change the subject, “can you make it tonight?”

Adora sighed, “Maybe… but I want to Finnish the biocog tonight, gives me a weak to focus on the SSRS.

“But you said you would come yesterday! Everyone else has been!” Glimmer whined.

“I’m sorry, but I promised Catra that I’d show her where those books Bow found were.”

“That took you _all afternoon!_ ”

“We couldn’t find them! It took us an hour of fighting with that stupid sorting system, then we had to take pictures of all the pages we needed and make all the reference notes. That isn’t quick.” Glimmer looked at her pointedly and Adora bit back a groan. Bow sniggered.

The two of then had been going on about this new place for about a week with an almost suspicious vigour, constantly asking Adora if she could go, seemingly ignoring the fact that every assignment under the sun was due in literally the next second. Adora wanted to go, she really did, but it felt like all the deadlines were pushing down on her and simply going out for coffee seemed like a tragic waste of time. On the other hand, spending time with friends was important. Social time is an excellent counter for stress, Adora could have sworn she heard Catra scoff at that thought.

“Fine…” Adora relented slightly. “I’ll try, but no promises…”

.o0o.

“Hey.” Catra greeted as she slipped into the seat beside Adora.

“Hi.” Adora replied, shuffling her stuff slightly to the left to give Catra more room. Catra pulled out the stuff from her bag and placed them on the table before dropping her face into her palms and yawned. Adora smiled and pushed one of the cardboard cups in front of her underneath Catra’s nose. “Here.”

Catra smiled gratefully and took a sip, wincing as it scalded her tongue slightly.

“Glimmer’s dragging me to this new place that opened recently this afternoon.” Adora said, “Fancy coming along?” Catra looked hesitant.

“Maybe? I kind of want to finish biocog tonight…” She trailed off, but then perked back up. “Why not? It’ll be fun.” Adora smirked at her.

“Did I just successfully drag you away from work again?” Catra scowled.

“Shut up.” She mumbled, “you’re a bad influence.” Adora laughed.

“I’ve don’t think I’ve been called _that_ before, hang on, I need to tick that off my list!” Adora made an act of rapidly flipping through the pages in her book. Catra just chuckled and shook her head.

“You’re such an idiot.” Adora smiled.

“Thank you.”

Catra groaned and slammed her head down against her notebook. Adora cackled at her antics.

They dropped by the library afterwards, quickly finding the correctly coloured shelf in the maze of bookshelves containing works from the application of quantum physics to Gordan Ramsay’s best dishes. Why the last one was necessary to belong in a university institute no one knew, and Adora seriously doubted that anyone ever would. Adora loaded herself with books and old scientific journals and followed Catra out who had an uncanny ability to navigate the endless pathways.

They settle down in one of the study pods, leaving the door open as to let some sound in. They poured through the books, looking at countless contents pages and making notes on suitable research articles before passing it over to the other so they could take a look at it.

They started to build a sizable list of usable references, Catra had even left notes by each one, knowing that Glimmer would eventually be able to persuade Adora to give up the list, and she might as well help them out whilst she could. Their work was interrupted by the sound of a phone vibrating. Adora popped open one of the pockets in her jacket and fished her phone out, she looked at the screen and sighed.

“Group chats at it again…” Catra raised an eyebrow and reached down to her bag to find her own phone:

_Glimmer: Guys_

_Bow: Guys_

_Shaun: Guys_

_Mista: Guys_

_Penny: Why are we saying guys?_

_Shaun: no idea, just copying everyone else_

_Mista: SHEEEEP_

_Shaun: I am not a sheep!_

_Ellie: who are the “guys” in question here?_

_Bow: everyone_

_Mista: baaaaaaaaaaah!_

_Glimmer: but especially Catra and Adora_

_Adora: hello_

_Catra: what?_

_Shaun: please… royally go fuck yourself_

_Catra: what do you want?_

_Mista: rude_

_Shaun: still meant it_

_Glimmer: you haven’t come yet_

_Mista: hold on one sec, I’ll just go get the queen_

_Adora: I didn’t know when_

_Glimmer: I said this afternoon!_

_Shaun: Why do you need the queen?_

_Adora: “afternoon” is roughly 6 hours long, how am I supposed to know when in that is when you want us?_

_Mista: because I can’t get royally fucked without a member of the royal family, and personaly, I think queen liz would be the gentlest._

_Adora: GUYS!!_

_Adora: DO YOU MIND?_

_Mista: what?_

_Catra: please take your weird theories about the sexual prowess of the royal family somewhere else._

_Shuan: This is important!_

_Adora: Shaun…_

_Shaun: I didn’t even start it! This was all missy’s doing!!_

_Mista: I swear the next time I see you; you will never be able to have children_

_Adora: kids…_

_Shaun: yes mum_

_Mista: yes mum_

Catra looked up at Adora, “I’m impressed.” Adora smiled.

“Thanks, its amazing how much power you get over someone when you can decide what they get for dinner.” Catra snorted and looked down at her phone.

_Glimmer: Thank you. Now as I was saying_

_Shaun: I don’t know about you, but I think William would be better than dear ol’ liz, more energy._

_ Adora kicked Shaun from “the just regular friends” chat _

_Bow: oh my god…_

_Harry: she actually did it…_

_Adora: anyone else?_

_Glimmer: can I please finish?_

_Mista: my bet’s on prince Philip, I bet he was a BEAST back then_

_ Adora kicked Mista from “the just regular friends” chat _

_Adora: if anyone just as mentions the royal family, they’re going to get the same treatment, we need order here everyone._

_Glimmer: hello? Anyone?_

_Penny: Kate?_

_ Adora kicked Penny from “the just regular friends” chat _

_Sophia: really?_

_Adora: …_

_Adora: I’m feeling guilty_

_ Adora added Penny to “the just regular friends” chat _

_Adora: Sorry_

_Adora: saw red there for a second_

_Glimmer: guys?_

_Adora: Penny?_

_Sophia: don’t worry, she’s kicking herself laughing._

_*Sophia added a video of Penny laying on her bed, curled up on herself laughing as tears streamed down her face_

_Adora: can we PLEASE stop talking about the RF now?_

_Glimmer: THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO ALL THIS TIME!!!!_

_Catra: Oh, hey Sparkles, didn’t see you there._

_Glimmer: …_

_Glimmer: …_

_Glimmer: …_

_Bow: Everyone, coffee break now, the new café that opened. Before my girlfriend actively murders someone please._

_Catra: I’m more of a “passively murder” girl myself._

_Bow: oh ha, ha._

_Adora: let us put these books away and we’ll be down._

_Glimmer: how did your study date go?_

_Adora: excuse me?_

_Bow: ignore her, just hurry… please?_

_Bow: and get Shaun and Mista back in before we forget them forever_

_Adora: Fine… D:_

_ Adora added Shaun and Mista to “the just regular friends” chat _

_Mista: Queen would still be better; I would prefer her any day_

_Shaun: how could you say that!? You wouldn’t be able to do anything, William would be leagues better_

_ Adora kicked Shaun and Mista from “the just regular friends” chat _

_Adora: I’ve just decided. They can stay there_

_Bow: I wholeheartedly agree._

“Are you done now?” Catra’s voice broke Adora’s concentration on her phone, she looked up to see Catra holding the large pile of books, tapping her foot in a mock impression of impatience.

“Yep.” Adora replied, tucking her phone back into the pocket of her jacket. “Order restored.”

“By banishing the dissenters?” Catra asked, turning to head into the bookshelves. Adora grabbed her bag and followed on.

“Obviously.” Catra sniggered and shook her head.

“Everyone expects the Adorian inquisition.”

Adora looked offended, “excuse me? No one expects _my_ inquisition thank you very much.”

“except me.” Catra said.

“Except you.”

“And Bow.”

“And Bow.”

“And Glimmer.”

“And Glimmer… Oh fine! My inquisition isn’t very subtle.”

Catra grinned and disappeared behind a bookshelf.

.o0o.

Bow sat next to Glimmer at one of the larger central tables, the small café was louder than usual… most likely because they were in it. Or more specifically, Shaun and Mista, also Freya, who had also got Sophia worked up and…

You get the picture.

Luckily, there was no one else except them. But that still didn’t stop the look of panic on Sam’s face the first time when several of them burst in at once with Shaun trying to convince him that it was a robbery. It didn’t take him long to relax however, and the group had really taken to him. Sam was just as witty and had a crackling sense of humour, leading to him being officially adopted in _seconds_ , Bow hadn’t seen anyone being admitted so quickly.

Beside him Glimmer was shuffling nervously in her seat; Bow shared her anxiousness. This wasn’t their first rodeo at Social engineering, They had organised the events that incorporated Ellie and Harry, the pair being too sweet to never see again, also they were the one to introduce Penny to Sophia and they had been watching that flower slowly grow ever since, they had even sorted Adora and Catra out after the minor fallout… But even with their (rather extended, Bow would like to add) Résumé, they had not done something as unknown as this. The problem was simple: they were _attempting_ to reunite two possibly long-lost friends, and this would go one of two ways. One: they were right, and this could possibly lead to several complications, if their stories aligned (which they did) the pair had seemed inseparable in their childhood, now in adulthood they had absolutely no idea how this would pan out.

 _Or_ … They were completely wrong, Sam and Adora never knew each other and Bow and Glimmer would be left emotionally exhausted after all this anxiety for nothing. Well… statistically they had roughly a one in sixty-eight million chance of being correct but considering all of them including Sam had grown up in the same county drops that chance to one or two million… so he had hopes. Their trump card was that when they had first met Adora back when they were eleven at the beginning of high school she had told stories of a friend that had left that she had gone swimming with, even using the same quote Sam used: “He told me that he would always have my back… because he wasn’t fast enough to get in front!” Those stories had died down over the years, Adora holding them tighter and tighter to her chest as the number of friends increased, to the point Adora hadn’t told anyone about them in years. They were running off memory, and frankly Bow found that either they were long lost friends or not were equally terrifying.

They both knew it would have been infinitely more comfortable to just leave it and let it all happen naturally. But if they were right, and they did indeed correctly infer the situation, then they owed it to Adora to prod her in the right direction.

Bow looked up, Sam had been brought in to the conversation of Shaun and Mista, who were trying to get him to hold the deciding vote against which film was better between the little mermaid and Aladdin, to which he told them with a straight face was that they all paled in comparison to _finding Nemo_ and the argument started again. Bow was amazed at how relaxed Sam’s boss must have been to allow him to hold not only conversation but an argument from behind the counter, but it wasn’t like he could disturb anyone else.

A few minutes passed and they didn’t show. Glimmer looked worried at him. “Are they not coming?” She whispered as not to be overheard. Bow nodded.

“They were in the library remember, if the traffic is heavy then it would take five minutes to be able to get across the road.” He whispered back; Glimmer nodded. And turned back to her rapidly colling coffee, too nervous to take a sip.

Two minutes after that the bell dinged again as two people burst inside laughing. Adora seemed to have Catra in a headlock, rubbing her knuckles across Catra’s scalp.

“You take that back!” Adora scowled jokingly at Catra who flapped around in her grip like a fish.

“Never!” Catra laughed, “I can’t if it’s true!”

Adora groaned and released Catra who stood up straight with her hair sticking out at messy angles.

“I hate you.” Adora said.

“I hate you too love, join the club.” Catra replied, patting Adora’s shoulder in the _there there_ motion. Adora just rolled her eyes and smiled.

Bow hesitantly looked up, towards Sam. His expression was a mixture between shock and confusion. Like he thought he had just seen a ghost, but not quite sure. Bow felt his heartrate begin to quicken slightly. This was it.

Adora hadn’t noticed anything and had turned to greet everyone else, with Catra nervously hovering behind her. He could see Glimmer’s expression soften beside him. Everyone had gone with the “let’s just pretend that none of that ever happened” tactic, and it was going about as swimmingly as someone dunking a baby tortoise into the sea. (read: not very well). The problem was that the question was on the tips of all their tongues, just on the edge of being blurted out. Catra was not blind to this either, and was constantly on the edge of her seat, ready to hightail it if the slightest hint was made.

They all looked up as the side door opened to reveal a girl of their age carrying a large tray of baked goods, presumably to restock the display cases on the counter where Sam was standing behind. Sam looked up and smiled as she stood beside him and together, they worked laying out the items behind the glass cases. Sam’s gaze kept flicking up to Adora, like he was trying to figure out who she was. Bow nudged Glimmer with his elbow and she subtly nodded. This was looking hopeful.

Of course, he just had to Jinx it.

When Adora looked up from their friends and around the shop her face curious as she examined the interior. Her attention was drawn towards the counter when Sam spoke up to Shaun and Mista “Hey! Dory is sweet okay? Don’t diss her!” When she saw him, she stopped, adopting a very similar expression to Sam, confusion but with a sprinkling of surprise. When their eyes met, they lingered on each other before their eyes widened in recognition. Glimmer’s arm brushed against his gently and Bow smile. _Bingo._

 _“Wh- wha? Sam?_ ” Adora muttered. Sam looked equally as shocked and speechless.

“I… I” Was all he managed to get out. All other conversations had died down and the tow stared at each other in silence. Bow wasn’t sure which one looked more panicked. Bow felt his mood plummet. The pair staired at each other, unmoving. Nothing seemed to pass between them, they’re expressions were blank, as if they simply couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

“I- I’m sorry…” Adora quietly said eventually, “I… I need to get some air.” And like that she had vanished, the small bell attached to the door softly chiming its farewell. 

Sam stood mutely, blinking at the door Adora fled through. An expression of sheer disbelief dominated his face. The girl next to him had watched the encounter in silence but she was the first to move. She gently nudged Sam’s shoulder with her own.

“I’ll cover for you, go sort that out.” She said quietly. Sam looked grateful at her and ducked through the hatch that led out from behind the counter.

“Umm… yeah… I- I’ll… be back in a minute.” He stammered to the rest of them, looking more nervous than a kid who forgot to study for their GCSE’s and raced out the door.

“Well…” Glimmer muttered to herself, the sentence didn’t need to be finished, as Bow was repeating it again and again in his head:

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> duh, duh, duuuuh!   
> shock horror! who could of possibly seen this coming? (everyone, yes, I know! :D)   
> Why is Adora so scared? Why is Sam so nervous? What really happened between these to all those years ago? Join us next time in chapter 15: Fallbrook
> 
> Again thank you all so much for reading!


	15. Fallbrook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is shook up by her encounter with Sam, Catra finds herself looking out for Adora for once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> The exam season has been and gone, and... well it's difficult to put into words just what it was like, in two months I had two exams to partake in, and two research reports, each nearly 70 pages long with a combined wordcount to rival the current progress of drowning... in two months. Sadly this story just didn't stand a chance, it's been the biggest brain melting experience of my life, I mean just check this out:
> 
> The aim of this study was to understand whether Empathy had a significant impact on self-esteem and whether gender affected the result. A group of undergraduate social science students (N=81) conducted a repeated measures questionnaire design using opportunity sampling. The participants underwent Rosenburg’s self-esteem scale and Davis’ Interpersonal reactivity index. Of the four Empathy sub-sections only the fantasy and the personal distress subscale gave a significant correlation, both being negative: r= -.198, N=80, p <0.05, and r= -.388, N=80 p <.001 respectively. The multiple regression analysis was significant: F(5, 74) = 4.315, p <0.005. R2 = .23, however only the personal distress sub-section provided any significant results, a negative relationship with self-esteem: β = -.373, p= 0.001. The major findings from these results suggest that empathy can have an effect on self-esteem, but it calls for more studies to be conducted to find a more significant variable. 
> 
> That was just one paragraph of one of the research reports, and yes it does technically make sense. So that's why a chapter hasn't appeared for nearly two months. I would have been out earlier, but I had a bit of an accident with one drive where I accidently deleted a large chunk from this chapter and had to piece it back together, so that is my fault. But I didn't even get a chance to check this during that time and it was great to see people still reading and commenting even though there hadn't been anything for more than a month, so sorry if I didn't reply, I hadn't checked on the website until today, I've been a bit busy! :D 
> 
> Finally I would just mention that I've been writing research reports for two months, not stories and they require vastly different writing styles, so I apologise if this one comes off a bit rusty as I've been shaking off my research report fever! hopefully it's not too bad though :) I won't keep you any longer please enjoy!

_Breathe._ Adora reminded herself.

Her feet pounded against the pavement, her legs burned, her mind only barely tracking other people to make sure she didn’t crash into anyone.

_Breathe._

She ran alongside the chains guarding the drop into the river below, past the benches, the old dock cranes, the gleaming Catamaran that was never taken out. She came to a stop and bent over, resting her hands on her knees, her mind reeling. It was like she had just dropped into ice water, forcing all the air out of her lungs, and leaving her staring out over the marina in a daze.

Just… just… _what!?_

This didn’t make sense, he- he couldn’t just _reappear_ like that. That wasn’t fair. Where was the warning? She got literally got no time to prepare her mind for that…

Well, would any amount of time be enough to prepare?

No… probably not.

But still…

Adora slowly stretched back up and closed her eyes, feeling the wind breathe through her hair, a tiny strand tickling just above her ear. Her chest expanded as she sucked in a big breath through her nose before her whole body deflated as it rushed out through her mouth.

In her mind, her day would have gone better. Well… this wasn’t strictly _bad_ … but it still had the capacity to yank up her life like a broken sod and slam it back into the field with a giant pitchfork. Perhaps calmer would have been a better word.

_Clack… clack… clack…_

Adora looked up as she heard the noise, her eyes locked onto the walking stick as her eyes drifted upwards. It was that old lady again. Her wrinkled smile was as warm as the first time and her eyes sparkled.

Adora reached up and waved her hand near the side of her head.

_~hello_

The old lady frowned slightly and cocked her head. Before pointing at Adora, circling her own face and then tapped her chest roughly where her heart is twice.

_~You look nervous_

Adora smiled and lifted her arm up before pausing as she tried to figure out what to say.

_~Just… something unexpected, I wasn’t ready for it._

The lady reshuffled and opened her palm like a salute and tapped against her temple twice.

“Adora?” Her name was called from a little ways away. Adora turned and her heart plummeted into her stomach. Taking a deep breath Adora looked over her shoulder. Sam was standing by the edge of the waterfront shuffling his feet nervously. _Sam_.

God, it had been a long time.

“Who were you talking to?” He asked.

“Oh, yeah, this is Mrs… Razz…” Adora trailed off as she looked back to find nothing but empty air.

“Was… Mrs Razz.” She finished, gently spinning on one foot to face Sam with an embarrassed look on her face, “Who has gone… somewhere…”

“Do you mind?” He asked as he carefully took a step forward.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, of course.” Adora said, blinking as if to cast away her imagination. He had grown, now standing a head taller than her, his shoulders had broadened slightly too, so he had gone from a stick to a slightly more developed stick. His hair was basically the same, and his eyes carried the same mischievous shine. So, in other ways he hadn’t grown at all. He took another step forward before stopping.

“Ummm? Do you get the answer the wrong way round most of the time still? Is that yes, I mind? Or yes I can approach you without fear for my safety?”

“What?” Adora asked before her shoulders slumped, “Oh, yeah, still get that wrong, it’s fine.” Sam cautiously approached. “I still don’t get that, why do we have it in our language a phrase that requires the usual, opposite of its intended meaning? Normally it’s yes you can or no you can’t, with that it’s yes you can’t or no you can, does anyone stop to think about that?”

Sam smiled slightly, “You still get worked up about that, even now.”

“Well, it hasn’t changed, and I still get teased about… just by different people.”

Sam sighed and looked at the Marina, both of their postures going rigid as it began to really dawn on them as to who they were standing beside. They fell silent for at least two minutes just standing beside each other, not sure what to do, what to even _think._ Adora sighed and leaned up against the large metal post which held the chains up.

“It’s funny.” She remarked, “I wanted this day to happen so much… to see you again, to hear your voice… but now that it’s here…”

“Careful what you wish for.” Sam said darkly, hurt laced in his voice. Adora shook her head and took another deep breath as she watched one of the seagulls hovering by flying head to wind.

“I’m scared.” She spoke up. “Scared that everything changed, that I changed, you changed, maybe she changed you…” She looked down and buried her eyes in her hands, covered by the sleeves of her jacket. “Scared that maybe I was too late, that I couldn’t stop it…”

“Adora…” Sam said quietly, moving to stand beside her as he bumped their elbows together gently. “You were _eight_ , there was no way in hell that they would have ever listened to you if you were the only one making those claims. You couldn’t have stopped a thing. And…” He trailed off as he sighed before turning to face her. “I’m going to be honest with you… those things I said to you… I meant them. I… I hated you with everything I had.”

Adora flinched as the old wound tore open, she felt like she was going to be sick.

“I thought you were my last chance, to not have to go with her. I thought if you told them, they would realise who she was. When you couldn’t persuade them, I thought you didn’t try hard enough, that you _wanted_ me to go… It wasn’t till later that I realised that you could never have persuaded them however hard you tried… and just how much my words must have hurt. You weren’t my last hope…” He took a deep breath, “I didn’t have a hope at all… I was just too desperate to see it… and when I lashed out because of it… I lost my best friend…” He swallowed before looking up. “When we first got to America, I just stayed out of her way as much as possible, but without dad there she seemed calmer, of course by then I had learned long before then to trust that, so I was always cautious, which proved to be good practice on a number of occasions.” Adora’s fists clenched.

“I made a few friends in every state we moved to, none found out accept the last bunch, it was a good one, right across the cheek.” Adora’s jaw clenched too, “They were going to call the police right then and there…”

“What stopped them?” Adora asked carefully.

“Me.” Sam said, looking down at his shoes. “I couldn’t do that to her…”

“But why?” Adora asked, raising her head to look at him but keeping her voice low and calm “After what she did…”

“I just couldn’t.” Sam replied, “I couldn’t do that to my own mum, however much I should have done…” his breath stuttered ever so slightly. “It was the day after that I realised that I was indeed well over eighteen, she was no longer my legal guardian, and so I began searching for my dad. It wasn’t easy, he and everyone I used to know had changed phone numbers and such, but there was one chink I found a couple of months later , an email address for an old friend of his on Facebook for her work, I emailed her and explained the situation and she gave me my dad’s number, the next day I had the plane ticket back to the UK, I left a note on the table and just… walked out the door…”

He huffed and a sly grin flickered across his face, a triumphant glint in his eyes. “That probably hurt her more than anything the police could have done.” His eyes then grew wide and a look of panic spread across his features. Adora nervously held her hand out to his shoulder but hesitantly stopped halfway before drawing back. He shook his head to clear It before carrying on.

“I met my friends at the airport, promised them that I would see them one day, which I know is hilariously ironic.” Adora cracked a small smile, “and got on the plane and didn’t look back. I met my dad again, walked around for a bit. Did you know they got rid of that train in the playground of our primary school?”

Adora’s head shot up. “They did what!?”

Sam nodded vigorously, “I know right? Replaced it some shitty slide thing with a sandpit.” Adora shook her head.

“Unbelievable.” Sam smiled and they both waved to a couple of small children leaning on the railing of the tour boat slowly drifting by.

Adora huffed quietly. “After you left, I didn’t make any friends for a couple of years, I didn’t trust myself.” Sam swore under his breath. “When I finally got to high school, so I was eleven then. I thought to myself, maybe I could try again, you know? Maybe I could do it this time? I was so nervous that I wouldn’t be able to do it after all that time, and then… well Bow and Glimmer, or you probably know her as Glenn sat down in front of me, and I think you know from experience how you just… become their friend, whether you want it or not?”

Sam laughed slightly and nodded,

We then met Penny not that long afterwards, you know whose who?” Sam nodded, “about a month or two into year seven we met Shaun, who introduced us to Melissa. In Year nine we met Frosta as she had to work with Penny for something, Year eleven we met Sophia Who accidently trampled Shaun in the hallway…” Adora trailed off as she laughed slightly at the memory. “Ellie and Harry, we met halfway through the first year of college…”

“Ahh,” Sam said, “And that girl you came in with? I haven’t met her yet.”

“That’s Catra, she hasn't been with us for that long. She was in our group for one of our assignments.

Sam nodded, “They seem like a good bunch.”

Adora smiled, “I wouldn’t use good as a descriptive, they drive me to the edge of madness several times a day… but yeah, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

They fell silent again as they both turned to look at each other.

“You’ve grown up.” Sam remarked. Adora tipped her head.

“Age does do that for you, you’ve gotten taller at least.” Sam laughed.

“And you’ve still got that gap between your front teeth, so maybe we both haven’t grown up that much.”

“Don’t you dare bring that back up.” Adora groaned, “Like, is that the only thing you remember, or has your teasing never got any more intelligent in ten years?”

“Ow.” Sam sniggered, “And yes I can do it better, but I don’t need to if you still react the same way.”

Adora did laugh at that, and the two of them quietly chuckled at the old memory before both cutting out again as they were reminded just exactly _who_ they where with. They both stared out across the water.

“I’ve got to get back, before I lose my job.” Sam said quietly, “But can we both think over this? Talk again tomorrow, at least so we know exactly where we stand? I can’t live with this being an unknown.” Adora slowly nodded, it was certainly a lot to think about.

“Okay.” Adora said, “We’ll talk tomorrow.” Sam nodded and smiled.

“Well, I’ll see you around then.”

“Yeah, see you.” Sam shyly waved and turned around and walked back the way he came, tucking his hands into his pockets. Adora sighed and flopped against the metal posts. That was harder than she thought it was going to be, but at least it was done. The wind blew hard against her and she shivered slightly as the last of the warmth her jacket provided was swept away, she continued staring out at the water anyway, watching the beginnings of proto-waves forming and failing as they couldn’t get enough energy. She then pushed off the railing, her mind blank as she aimlessly turned for home and began walking.

.o0o.

Catra looked up when the bell dinged again, Sam was it? Slumped inside and sighed rubbing his hand through his hair. Catra frowned, where was Adora?

“You both alright?” Glimmer asked, frowning in concern.

“Yeah, I think so?” Sam replied, not looking entirely convinced, Catra’s frown deepened and her shoulders hunched.

“What happened?” Bow asked.

“We talked, it was weird, I think it’s come as a bit too much of a shock for both of us.” Sam answered, hanging his coat up and slipping through the counter, nodding in thanks to his colleague who covered for him.

“Where did she go?” Glimmer continued.

“Home I think, when I looked, she was heading for the doors of the flats.”

Catra pushed her chair back, “I’ll go check on her.” She announced, storming for the door. “Bow, keys.” She ordered, she heard the jingling as Bow extracted his keys from his pocket and chucked them at her, she snatched them out the air without looking and raced out the door. Catra didn’t know what had just transpired but she wasn’t entirely sure she trusted him, but then again, she rarely trusted anyone.

She tucked her hands into the pockets of her coats as the wind whistled through her ears. As she made it down onto the waterfront, she felt something wet smack her on the forehead, she looked up at the dark clouds hanging above, another raindrop hit her on the nose. She silently groaned and picked up the pace as the clouds opened. If there could be just _one_ day where it doesn’t rain all the time, she’d be really thankful.

She ducked under the outcrop over the door and grazed her fob against the black box, it happily beeped, and the doors swung open to let her in out of the rain. She paused in the lobby for a second to wring the worst out of her hair and shook her hair like a dog, flattening it back down as she stepped into the lift and pressed the fourth-floor button until the doors closed, not that it made anything go any faster. The doors _finally_ closed, and she kept her hands well away from the handrail as you never knew just what was on it. With a ding she was finally dispensed upon her floor as she briskly crossed the landing, thankfully the door was unlocked, and she pushed it open. The hallway was quiet, Catra stilled at the entrance, training her attention further down. She couldn’t hear the sound of any movement, the place felt empty. Catra took a few steps down and noticed that Adora’s door was shut, every other door was held open by an array of brightly coloured doorstops. She stooped just outside and pressed her ear to the door. Nothing.

Catra knocked twice on the door, waited two seconds before gently pushing it open. Adora was sat on the edge of her bed, she had pulled her hair out of its usual ponytail, had knees tucked into her chest with her arms wrapped around them and nestling her chin in the gap between her legs. She either didn’t notice Catra’s entrance or didn’t show any recognition.

Catra slowly walked in, making sure to make enough noise to avoid accidently sneaking up on her. She quickly pushed her shoes off by the small wardrobe before settling down next to Adora, gently rubbing their shoulders together to let her know she was there. Adora didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence and just continued staring at the wall, Catra followed her gaze to a small picture pinned to the wall, Adora was much younger in it, standing shoulder to shoulder with a boy, both of them holding up medals, towels around their shoulders and a pool in the background. Catra hazarded the guess that the boy in th picture was Sam. Something had obviously happened between them, bad sure, but obviously not horrific as they had apparently talked and Adora literally had a picture of them in her room, but it still had Catra on edge.

She was ripped from her line of thought as Adora slowly lowered her head onto Catra’s shoulder, Catra gently sighed through her nose a laid her head atop Adora’s and wrapped a careful arm around her shoulder.

“Do you need me to break his face in?” Catra asked, Adora shook her head. “A minor beheading?”

Adora smiled slightly, “No.”

“Not even a light stabbing?” Catra asked, gently prodding Adora twice to make her point. Adora snorted lightly and properly smiled.

“Why are you so violent?” Adora asked.

“Because you’re my friend, I’ll be dammed if I let anyone do anything to you.” Catra replied. When Adora didn’t say anything, Catra looked down to see Adora slightly smirking at her, “What?”

“That was the first time you called me your friend.” Adora said, still smirking. Catra huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Meh, you have been for a while.”

“I know,” Adora said, adjusting herself on Catra’s shoulder, “It was just good hearing it from you is all.” They fell silent again, Catra didn’t push for anything, she knew Adora needed time to think, so they just sat there. Watching the sky slowly turn orange in the distance.

Catra’s ears pricked when she heard the door slowly open, she looked to see Glimmer sticking her head through the door, she cocked her head and held her hand up, connecting the tips of her thumb and finger whilst splaying the rest of her fingers out, Catra returned the gesture- everything was okay, or at least will be. Glimmer nodded and retracted from the door, this time the noise alerted Adora and she turned to look, “who was that?”

“Sparkles, she was just checking up on you.” Adora nodded and turned her head back. Catra felt Adora’s shoulders rise as she sucked in a breath and felt them fall as she let it out.

“He wants to talk again tomorrow, sort out where we stand.” She said, not turning her head to look at Catra.

“And where do you stand?” Catra asked, gently raking her fingers through the knots in the end of Adora’s hair.

“I… I don’t know… he was… is, an old friend. But when we were young something had happened to him, he wanted me to help. I tried, but no one would listen. His parents divorced and his mother won the custody, but he wanted to stay with his dad, and he was taken away…” She sighed and her head sank further into her knees, so her face was covered.

“He… he said some pretty hurtful things. He was lost and afraid, but we were just kids and I took them to the extreme.” Adora mumbled, muffled against her legs, “it affected my life for years before I tried to move on… now he’s back…” She huffed, “I don’t know, it’s just opened and old wound.”

Catra clicked her tongue as she thought over Adora’s words. “Well, if it were me, I’d corner him in an alley, snap his neck and hide his body in a bin lorry.” Catra _knew_ Adora rolled her eyes at that, but she couldn’t see. “But it’s not so I’ll say this… he’s been here for a while, and we hadn’t once come across him before, so go see what he has to say, if you think he can be your friend again then great, if not, you’re not obligated to see him, you can just walk out and ignore he’s there, you’ll be unlikely to see him that much again and everything can go back to what it was. You don’t _have_ to do anything you don’t want to in this situation, you hold all the cards.”

Adora slowly nodded, and her eyes popped up from her knees to look sideways at Catra. “Yeah… I suppose you’re right.”

Catra frowned slightly, “You don’t even have to speak to him tomorrow if you don’t want to. You can just forget this ever happened.” Adora slowly shook her head.

“No. I’d regret not giving it another chance, I’m going to talk to him, and then see where It goes from there.” Catra nodded, though Adora remained staring blankly at the wall.

Catra ran her fingers through Adora’s hair one last time, “Stop thinking about it, whatever will happen will happen, you’ll send yourself insane if you carry on.” Adora huffed but relented.

“Yeah, you’re right… come on,” She said, pushing down on the mattress to push herself up, “let’s see what Bow and Glimmer are getting up to.

.o0o.

Adora’s eye slowly peeked open. She’d forgotten to close her curtains last night and the daylight was glaring through her window. She also hadn’t turned on her radiator as well, so she could feel the chill on her face, making her more reluctant to leave the warm cocoon of her blanket. She didn’t have to, it’s not like she had lectures toda…

The events of the previous day snuck up on her and with a groan she buried her head in her pillow, futilely hoping that reality would just bugger off for a few hours. Alas she felt time drag it’s heels onwards, she blearily pushed herself up on her arms and looked out the window. The sun was getting higher in the sky, which meant she was probably only a few hours away from midday. She swung her legs over the side and stretched as she stood. She emerged from her room, running her fingers through her damp hair as she pushed it over her shoulder as she wandered into the kitchen.

Bow and Glimmer were cuddled on the sofa watching something on the television, but they turned when they heard her enter.

“Morning!” Glimmer said cheerily.

“Morning.” Adora replied, not quite able to meet her enthusiasm as she poured herself a glass of water.

“How did you sleep?” Bow asked, frowning at Adora’s sluggishness. Adora simply held up her thumb as she drank.

“That bad huh?” Glimmer added, Adora rolled her eyes.

“Meh, could be worse.” Catra remarked from the other sofa, “She hasn’t even got shadows under her eyes.” Adora jumped out of her skin slightly and spilled a little bit of her water.

 _“Bloody hell!_ When did you get there!?”

“Since like, two hours ago, you’ve been sleeping in.” Adora tried to glare at her but was interrupted as a yawn forced its way out of her mouth. “Point proven.” Adora huffed and placed her glass on the side.

“So, when’s your date with destiny?” Glimmer asks.

“No idea, I think he’s waiting for me to say when.”

“Well at least dry your hair first, you can’t go out looking like a soggy weasel.” Glimmer continued, Adora frowned.

“Why not? I think it suits her,” Catra added. Glimmer looked at her incredulously.

“So, when are you planning to go then?” Bow quickly interrupted before his girlfriend set off on a style rampage.

“Soon as possible, I just want to get this over with.” Adora replied, running her hands down her trousers. “In fact, I’m going to text him now, before I chicken out.” Adora quickly retreated from the kitchen and slipped into her own room, her fingers shakily closed around her phone as she looked at the screen, and then, she began to type.

.o0o.

“You know… I need to talk to him, not scare him off.” Adora mentioned.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” Catra replied nonchalantly. Adora rolled her eyes.

“well, would you at least allow him to speak _before_ you deem him unworthy?” Catra grinned.

“Oh no, I’m not going to be there to talk or listen, I’m just to act as the deterrent… but no promises…” Catra answered, “and stop rolling your eyes.”

“I did not roll my eyes.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You can’t even see my face.”

“I don’t need to… You just did it again.”

“I did not!” (she did)

The doors pinged open and the argument spilled out into the lobby, they quickly fell in line with another group, so the outer doors remained open and soon they were walking along the waterfront.

“Is that him there?” Catra asked, Adora looked up, Sam was sitting on a bench looking out over the water.

“Yep, that’s him.” Adora replied.

Sam noticed their approach and stood as he smiled in greeting, his smile faulted when he saw Catra’s glare and he suddenly looked a little timid.

“Go on I’ve got this.” Adora dismissed Catra, who looked slightly hesitant.

“Are you sure, I could still easily-

_“Catra…”_

“Fine! Jeez…” Catra huffed but waved as she left.

“What’s that saying?” Sam asked as Adora approached, “if looks could kill…”

“Oh, her?” Adora asked, “I wouldn’t worry about Catra, she’s only talked about killing you twice.”

Sam’s eyes widened, “What? Why would…? I…” Adora laughed and sat next to him on the bench.

“Catra’s just defensive is all. Once you get through the hard exterior there is a sweetheart under there… somewhere…” Sam chuckled and relaxed slightly.

“I… I’ll take your word for it.”

The silence reigned for a few seconds as neither of them could figure out where they should go from there. Sam tried to fill the gap.

“Did you continue swimming? Or did that stop?”

“Nah, I kept going, It was going to take a lot more than that to stop me.” Adora replied.

Sam grinned, “So how far have you gotten?”

Adora hummed, “I’ve been in the nationals for a couple of years.” Sam burst out laughing, Adora frowned, “What?”

“I’m sorry.” Sam said, his voice breaking slightly, “But that was just so… _you!_ ” his voice changed to a sarcastic tone, “Oh, yeah… I’ve just been competing for the highest spot in the country for the past couple of years, no biggie…” He changed back, “Do please deflate the egos of us mere mortals further why don’t you?”

Adora smiled and shook her head exasperatedly. “So, did you continue on as well?” Sam hummed and nodded enthusiastically as he reached into his pocket and fished out his phone as he tapped the screen a few times before turning it so Adora could see.

“Look! I even got a few golds now!” Adora’s smiled.

“Hey! See? Told you, you could do it.” She said, gently nudging his shoulder with her own.

“Only when I got away from you.” He jested back, returning the shoulder nudge.

“Hardly…” Adora said “We’ll have to race again sometime, see what we’re like nowadays.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked, looking a little stunned.

“Yeah, it’d be fun… besides, Mista is the only one who is even _slightly_ challenging, it’d be good to get some proper competition again.”

“What about that girl you came with? She looks athletic enough.”

Adora shook her head, “Catra’s Aq…” Her mouth slammed shut, it felt like the old days, when she told him everything… maybe it mostly still was, but not about this. Not about Catra. Sam looked at her curiously, not fooled by her unwillingness to tell him, but how to get out of this? “Catra was bullied a lot in high school, it’s made her trust… fragile...”

Sam nodded slowly, “and telling me why would betray that?” Adora nodded, Sam leaned back, “then say no more.” Adora smiled in gratitude.

“Thanks.”

They slowly fell back into silence until Sam tried to fill the gap.

“So… What is the great Adora Landen doing these days? Swimming scholarship? I wouldn’t be surprised at that. Oh! Maybe business management? You always did seem like the most likely to become a millionaire.”

Adora shook her head, “None of those, sorry to disappoint you. I’m actually doing Psychology.”

Sam smiled and rolled his eyes, “I had a friend that was starting that, are you going to try and convince me that you can read minds too?”

Adora smiled, “nah, that’s just a stereotype of psychologists… well… it’s at least what we want people to think.”

Sam frowned, “You are not a mind reader.”

“and how would you know?”

“Because it’s impossible.”

“True, it is. But that doesn’t mean it’s that difficult to make you think what I want you to think and _then_ claim that I can read minds.”

Sam looked confused, “what?”

Adora stood and began to walk along the waterfront, turning and slowly walking backwards to make sure he would follow. “The human mind is _really_ vulnerable to suggestion, because to make things easier, our minds will always take the easy path, so all you need to do is put whatever you want it to be in the easy path and suddenly you look like you can read minds. The only way out of it is if you know exactly what’s happening and then deliberately choose the other way, but even that can be a trick. I’ll show you a magic trick someday, I’ll prove what I mean, not even I can escape it most of the time, and I _know_ what’s happening,”

“fair enough,” Sam said as he walked to catch up. “But that’s not reading minds is it?”

“True,” Adora replied, “No Psychologists can’t read minds, that is a fallacy that everyone likes to believe” She smirked with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes, “but we can _write_ them, and that is not a myth.”

“That…” Sam mused as he came to a stop, “that is really sinister.”

Adora just laughed. “It is, it really is. There is a reason why you have to go through university and get a licence from the BPS to be able to properly practice it, makes sure no sneaky sociopaths can get in a prod around your brain.”

“You’re… not being serious are you…”

“I’m not,” Adora replied, smiling, “but it’s like doctors and nurses, you need to be careful _who_ you let be them, same as any other job, like nuclear engineers or th higher echelons of the military. People just find it a bit personal when what’s in questions is their own brain.”

Sam nodded and his smile dropped a bit as he turned to look at the river below. The silence returned and what camaraderie had grown between them slowly faded away again. “I’m… confused. I came here to see if you had wanted to be friends again… we’re acting like this, but… I don’t know what you think. I don’t know I’m just holding on to a false hope.”

Adora recoiled, like she was just punched in the stomach and was silent for a full minute as she stared out over the distance, thinking very hard over Sam’s words. He could almost _see_ the gears turning in her head, but after while his hope began to fade and then fizzled out. Saddened, but not completely surprised her turned away and took a step, best not to make it any harder on either of them.

Just as his foot hit the ground, he felt her hand wrap around his wrist. He flinched and slowly turned to face her. Adora’s eyes had lost all that flashy confidence he had just seen, replaced with a saddened hurt expression, he had only seen that once before, in the few seconds before her expression hardened as he screamed that he hated her as she tried to mentally protect herself. But this time it didn’t. She just stood there, looking at him, their history hanging between them, Sam almost couldn’t bear the feeling pushing down on him.

“You know me.” She said quietly, her fingers slowly slipping from his wrists, “I make bad decisions about people all the time…” She took a deep breath, “Prove to me that you’re not one of them.” Sam looked up, a new sense of determination replacing the helplessness, he met her eyes and nodded. Adora tiredly smiled and together they headed back for the doors.

.o0o.

Catra went on full alert the moment she heard the door open, she ignored everything else for a second, allowing her character to drive straight off the edge of rainbow road and even Sparkle’s mocking.

Two pairs of footsteps.

Catra had turned to look over the back of the sofa before they had even walked through the door. Adora came though first, looking deflated slightly, but with purposeful movements. she was obviously tired from the encounter, but it hadn’t gone poorly. Sam walked in behind her, assimilating a similar posture but had more of a spring to his step. Bow and Glimmer turned to greet them and seemed to come to the same conclusion as Catra proceeded to hold Sam’s attention, Allowing Adora to quietly sit next to Catra and flopped down with a sigh. One of her eyes peeked open and rotated to look at Catra, Catra cocked her head in silent question Adora nodded slowly. Catra relaxed a bit and gently laird her hand on top of Adora’s. Tired, but she’d be okay.

Adora was quiet for the rest of the day. They played a few more races of Mario cart until Adora quietly excused herself to disappear into her room. After that Glimmer stuck on some tv program that Catra wasn’t that interested in so she pulled her laptop out of her bag and continued an essay that was due soon. Sam seemed content just to sit and chat, Catra even jumped in on occasions on the more interesting topics. She may not know what to think about Sam yet, but she trusted Bow and Glimmer’s opinion, he couldn’t be that bad, so it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him.

Sam was evidently nervous around Catra, obviously choosing his words carefully, Catra wasn’t sure why she seemed so intimidating to him, but obviously she had to have done _something_. But what that was, Catra wasn’t sure when she’d learn.

It was evening when Adora remerged, the sun had long gone down, and she had been in her dark room for hours. She had spent that time curled up on her bed, drifting in and out of a restless sleep. Her body was fine, but she was emotionally exhausted, and it was the sound of talking and laughter from the kitchen that finally got her to properly stir, from the sounds of it more people had turned up, Adora could easily recognise the bickering between Shaun and Melissa. She pushed her door opened and slowly walked down the hallway, rubbing her eyes with her fists. Everyone seemed to be acting normally, just with an extra person involved.

“You alright?” Catra asked quietly, she was sitting at the table, watching over the chaos with a bemused smile.

“Yeh,” Adora replied, taking a seat next to her and resting her chin against her hands, “just tired.”

“Hey,” Glimmer said as she slid onto a chair across from them Adora raised her head to look at her, “we’re ordering out today, just so you know.” Adora nodded and smiled gratefully. Glimmer reached out and took Adora’s hand, gently rubbing her thumb over Adora’s knuckles but didn’t she didn’t say anything.

Her thought was interrupted by Bow who was inspecting the contents of the fridge, “we’re running out of lemonade” he announced as he pulled out a nearly depleted bottle.

“I’ve got it.” Adora announced pushing back and getting to her feet, it was a good excuse to get out and stretch her legs. She grabbed her shoes on the way past her room and slipping them on before heading for the door, she then noticed that Catra had silently followed, and was pulling a coat on, with something tucked under her arms. On the landing they saw the lift was moving past their floor, which meant it’d take ages before it was free, so they headed for the stairs.

To doors slid open and Adora immediately shivered as the cold air rushed in. Catra was unaffected as she wasn’t and idiot and had remembered to bring a coat. She smirked as she walked outside, Adora grumbled as she followed. Catra retrieved the object under her arm and held it out to Adora, it was Adora’ Jacket, Adora smiled as she slipped it on. “Thanks” she said, feeling better as she was better equipped to ward off the chill.

“I take it everything actually _is_ fine with him?” Catra asked, getting straight to the point.

“Yeah,” Adora replied nodding, “he’s good, honestly, it just took it out of me.” Catra nodded but seemed to believe her. They started walking down the empty streets.

“So… what are you planning for the holidays?” Catra asked.

“Hmm?” Adora asked,

“You know the “reading week” in two days’ time where no one will actually do any reading for?”

“Oh, is that now?”

Catra facepalmed and slowly shook her head.

“Oh, hush.” Adora said, whacking Catra on the shoulder. “I don’t know, meet up with the family, probably spend most of it on the broads. Don’t really know. What about you?”

Catra shrugged, “Not much, Jackie and Mike will be working for most of it, probably just curl up with my cat with a good book or something. If it weren’t for her, I’d probably just stay here.”

Adora shuddered at the thought, “I couldn’t bare staying here if I had a chance to get out.” Catra looked at her from the corner of her eye.

“You don’t like it here?”

“I spent eighteen years of my life in the countryside… this is just a claustrophobic concrete and steel maze to me; I just can’t wait to see home again.”

Catra nodded, “so what’s so much better there, than here? it’s not much of a difference where I live.”

Adora stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coat, the clouds of her breath visible in the streetlights. She was looking up, at the pitch blackness of the night sky.

“I miss the stars. At home, the sky is full of them, millions of them, every night, and you can just about make out the line of dust from the galaxy. But here… there’s none of them, you may get one or two if you’re lucky? But they’re always dim. Here, there’s… nothing. It feels kind of lonely. Also, the wildlife, the only birds you get here are sea gulls and pigeons. At home there’s Blue tits, Great tits, Robins, Garden Warblers, Chaffinches, King fishers, Swans, Geese, Ducks, Kestrels, Sparrow Hawkes, Barn owls, buzzards, Marsh harriers, I even saw a Peregrine Falcon once! And I got to see it dive! It just feels more… I don’t know… alive.”

Her eyes drifted down to the river. “And there may be a river here, and yes there’s lots of boats which I like, but they’re all just plastic bathtubs. They may be big and impressive, but they hold nothing on the Wherry’s and the boats from Hunter’s yard.”

She was silent for a few seconds before continuing. “Here the air sometimes smells like a bad concoction of engine fumes, cigarette smoke and alcohol. Depending on where you are of course. Home it’s nothing but the smell of the big oak trees by the road, the marshes and the river. I’d never thought I’d miss a _smell_ before I was faced with the concept of living here for months.

Catra hummed in confirmation, “Living here’s not so bad though?”

Adora shook her head, “Of course it’s not, I get to live with my friends, I met new friends, I met you.” She said flicking her eyes in Catra’s direction. “I will never regret coming here. There’s just a few things I miss about home and I’ll be happy to see them again when we break off, but I’ll be just a happy to come back.”

Catra nodded and they walked on quietly, both lost in their thoughts.

“but hey.” Adora said, nudging Catra’s shoulder with her own, “I’ll miss you too.”

Lost in her thoughts, Catra fell back on old habits: “What? _Pfft!_ I won’t miss you!” She shoved at Adora who was laughing, “Get over yourself!”

Adora grabbed at Catra’s arm and pulled her back in, “not until you admit you like me again!” Catra pushed herself away again, a smile forming on her face.

“I don’t like you!”

They stumbled on to their destination, bickering as they went, the streets echoing to their laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, hopefully it was worth the wait! (I mean it was sitting on a kind of cliff hanger for two months)
> 
> Next chapter, this story will be taking off its serious shoes and we'll follow the characters as they go to one of our festival type things which is known here as bonfire/ fireworks/ Guy Forks night depending on where you're from within the UK, so it'll be a good one and I'm really looking forward to getting started on it!  
> See you then!


	16. Gunpowder, Treason and Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Since 1939, however, there have been no bonfires on the village greens. No fireworks gleam in the blackened parks and the streets are dark and silent. But this darkness will not last forever. There will some day come a Fifth of November — or another date, it doesn't matter — when fires will burn in a chain of brightness from Land's End to John O' Groats. The children will dance and leap about them as they did in the times before. They will take each other by the hand and watch the rockets breaking, and afterwards they will go home singing to the houses full of light...”- Mary Poppins opens the door (1943) on the absence of bonfire night celebrations during the bombing blackouts of World War 2
> 
> The gang heads home for the week, Adora meets Catra’s family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> It may seem like a while (and it has) but this is a drowning “special” and so it has the length to match! (hopefully)
> 
> As I said before, this one takes place on a celebration? festival? I'm not actually sure what it exactly classifies as, called bonfire night, fireworks night, or Guy Fawkes night depending on who you ask. Which usually takes place on the Saturday nearest the 5th of November, where everyone gathers together and watches big fireworks displays and stand near bonfires if your from the countryside. We didn't get to do it last year for obvious reasons, but it's a lot of fun.

To any outsider, the train station would have seemed a pretty normal place. Mostly. Being one of the intermediary stations serving a town on the way to London, it wasn’t huge, but neither was it tiny. Four sets of tracks came from far in the distance, leading into a tunnel just outside the station on the other side. Rows of benches lined the platforms, filled with an assortment of smartly dressed people who all looked like they were desperate to succeed at an interview. There were a few elderly people, a few teenagers all decked out in football gear, even a set of parents, gently rocking the pram between them.

To anyone the place would seem calm, mostly dull, even teetering on the brink of boring. Nothing moved, nothing really made a sound except the wind and the quiet murmuring of conversation. Except if their eyes were drawn to one particular bench which was full of the most peculiar people. The bench was overflowing, forcing some of the group to stand behind it as they waited. On one side a couple was leaning up against one another, seeming content to ignore the commotion going on around them. Sitting next to them was a girl who had rested her chin against her palm, looking like she had gone to sleep, her dark hair fluttering in the wind. Beside her was another pair also ignoring the chaos, with computers sitting on their laps and were chatting animatedly, making excessive use of hand gestures. Behind them was a large gathering, most watching on with amused expressions at a trio arguing at the edge. Two of them looked like they were throwing a minor temper tantrum whilst a blond girl was begging them to “behave like the adults they were supposed to be by now.”

A loud screeching noise awoke Catra with a jolt. Her head bolted up to see a train pull up alongside the other platform, its brakes echoing over the station. When it came to a stop it made several beeping noises as its doors slid open and the ramps deployed. A small swarm of people emerged from the interior and spilled out over the platform. She yawned and stretched her legs out in front of her, before flopping back on the bench and staring blankly at the roof above, her eyes trailing across the old, curved cast iron supports.

Sudden movement snapped her back to reality as she noticed people across the platform were standing up. She followed the direction of their looks to see the shadowed front of a train emerging from the tunnel. She looked back to her left, Ellie and Harry were still examining the screen of the laptop resting on their laps, Catra reached out and gently nudged Ellie’s shoulder to get her attention, she then nodded towards the train approaching “Our ride’s here.”

“Oh!” Ellie replied, “I didn’t even hear it coming!” She quickly went about saving their work and shutting the computer down before stuffing it in her bag. “Thanks for telling us.” She smiled gratefully.

“No problem.” Catra replied, standing up and swing her bag over her shoulder, tugging on the cords to secure it to her back as she walked over to the rest of the group who had moved slightly closer to the edge of the platform. They watched their own reflections in the windows as the train passed them as it slowly came to a stop. The doors beeped and then slid open, they stood back to allow the people inside to disembark, taking everything from children, wheely bags, bicycles and even a guide dog.

When it was clear they started to funnel in, Catra fell into step beside Bow as she stepped on board, they turned right and entered the empty carriage. Adora had timed it to perfection, apparently the next one would include the work rush out from London where everyone packed themselves in like Sardines.

Being first on the quickly headed for the tabled sections in the middle, making sure to fill them up exactly. They may get first pick but the doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be fair to others. Catra slid down next to Adora across from Bow and Glimmer, Melissa and Shaun sat behind them and Sam across on the other side. Penny and Sophia were talking to Ellie and Harry on the next table over, filling the carriage with a soft murmuring noise as a few other passengers stepped into the carriage. Adora had grabbed her phone and was tapping on the screen before looking up at Catra.

“I would get you ticket ready just in case. They rarely check at this time but it’s not impossible.” Catra nodded and unzipped her bag as she reached in. Two minutes later the train lurched gently before slowly moving forwards as the conductor’s voice quietly came over the intercom, announcing their destination, where the first class was and that there wasn’t a “refreshment carriage” on the train.

The initial part of the journey was uneventful, with the conversations dominated by mentions of home as well as different essays and projects due in after the holiday… well what the University described as a “holiday” seemed more like a desperate breather for students to get even more assessments completed. When Bow excused himself to go to the toilet, Sam temporarily slid himself onto Bow’s seat.

“I’m confused.” He announced quietly, almost at a whisper. “Do trains put those two to sleep or something?” he asked gesturing behind the to where Melissa and Shan were sitting. “Because ever since I’ve arrived those two have been constantly arguing, and now they’re quiet and it’s really weird.”

Glimmer nodded enthusiastically “I know right? It’s creepy… but also nice, I like it.”

Adora hummed in agreement “I’m enjoying the peace while it lasts.”

Catra looked over her shoulder, they were still awake, just they gone quiet as they were staring out the window as the town began to give way to the farms. It would be so easy…

Adora picked up on her intentions, “No Catra, don’t you dare,” Catra smiled evilly and swung her knees up on her chair so she faced behind at Shaun and Mista.

“Noooo!” Adora groaned reaching up a hand to Catra’s coat trying and failing to pull her back down. Catra quickly began running through the most mundane topics in her head.

“Hey guys” She said to get their attention. once they looked up Catra swatted Adora’s hand away, “With Jaffa cakes, do you just eat them? Or do you have to eat the edges first and then the middle?” She then slid back round and settled back into her chair as the chaos began to unfold behind her, she stretched in her chair as Adora groaned and slammed her head onto the table as Glimmer and Sam laughed.

“there we go.” Catra said as she finished stretching, “Normality restored.”

“I hate you.” Adora muttered, her voice muffled by her arms, “So, _so_ much.” Catra just cackled in response.

Forty-five minutes the train rattled as it crossed over the old stone bridge spanning the Wensum, the Countryside had given way back to the lights of the city. The train slowed as they passed a huge shunting yard, and then passed a huge storage area with mounds upon mounds of soil and cement piled up one each other. It turned a corner and slowed down further pulling up alongside a platform. Everyone reached down to grab their bags and stood up, stretching from the journey and then lining up down the isle in front of the doors.

The train stopped and the doors slid open, everyone started to pile out. When Catra’s feet touched the concrete, she looked up and nearly stopped at the sight. They hadn’t just pulled up at a station, they had pulled up in a _building._ The place was gargantuan, holding the end of several lines inside, the whole thing being held up by several concrete and steel pillars reaching high into the air. Several huge lights hung overhead but they were also helped by the last beams of sunlight streaming in from huge windows in the ceiling.

Adora fell into step beside her, catching on to her looking about. “Impressive right?” Catra slowly nodded as they approached the huge ticket line. “It was built back in the eighteen hundreds, now it’s one of the few Victorian era buildings left in the city.” They scanned their tickets and the small stations swung open to let them pass. Catra felt something wet on her hand and she looked down to see the nose of a police sniffer dog giving her a friendly nudge. She nearly jumped out of her skin, much to everyone else’s enjoyment.

They walked out the doors into the night air, guided by the streetlights to the exit and to the roads beyond, Shaun and Melissa somehow still arguing about Jaffa cakes even though it had been nearly an hour since it started. They crossed a road and headed deeper into the city. Catra had no idea where they were going but followed the others. They crossed over another bridge so Catra moved closer to the road and didn’t look over the edge at the river below. They ended up along a very long brightly lit road, but she noticed that the group seemed to tuck closer in on each other, always making sure no one fell behind, sticking closely to the streetlamps. They crossed another road and turned the corner to appear along a tall hill, Catra looked up to see a huge stone tower resting at the top.

“What’s that?” She asked, Adora.

“That? That’s Norwich castle. It was built by William the Conqueror, when he took over after he won the battle of Hastings back in ten sixty-six, he built loads of them all over England and Wales when he crowned himself king to keep an eye on the population. It was converted into a prison around the industrial revolution, now it’s a museum, but only the keep survives.”

Ten minutes of walking later they arrived at a large carpark which was steadily emptying as the evening wore on. The group clustered together as they said they’re goodbyes, promising each other to meet up in a few days before heading off mostly in their own separate ways to waiting cars around the car park.

“I’ll see you soon okay?” Adora said as she gave Catra an awkward side hug before she was buried beneath Bow and Glimmer. Catra struggled and manage to pull herself free. “Yeah, okay.” She said, her hair sticking up slightly. “Call me when you start working on that everyday psych, god knows these two need the help.” She said gesturing to Bow and Glimmer.

“Hey!” They both exclaimed.

“Fine, I won’t help.” Catra grinned crossing her arms over her chest. She only needed to wait five seconds before they relented. Catra chuckled as she took three steps back, “I’ll see you after the holiday!” She called as she waved before spinning on her foot and headed towards a singular car in the corner of the carpark.

Adora looked to the side and waved to Sam and his dad who she hadn’t seen in a while as they got into their own car. With that, Adora, Bow and Glimmer turned and headed for Bow’s dad’s people carrier who were giving them all a lift home. As they were walking Adora reached into the pocket of her bag and pulled out her water bottle, pressing the button to flip open the lid and lifted it to her lips.

“So Adora…” Glimmer began. Adora couldn’t see her face but she could hear the grin in her voice. “You were totally staring at Catra’s butt on the train.” Adora choked on her drink and spilled a large amount on her jacket. Glimmer burst out laughing whilst Bow looked confused.

“Wait, _what?”_ he asked. Adora was still coughing and unable to defend herself which Glimmer took advantage of.

“When you went to the toilet, Catra turned on her chair to talk to Shaun and Mista and Adora was like…” Glimmer turned her face to the side, opened her eyes wide and locked her gaze before slowly moving her head forward.

“I-“Adora coughed and spluttered a little more, suddenly very grateful that the absence of streetlights hid the raging blush across her face. “I was not doing that!”

“Sorry Darlin’” Glimmer retorted, “But that was a pretty thorough examination if you ask me.” Bow at this point was keeled over in laughter at Adora’s discomfort.

“Yeah,” Adora said, getting her voice back “and you’re full of shit.” Glimmer grinned evilly and tapped her gently on the shoulder.

“Whatever lets you sleep at night…” She said as she began to walk away, “Or keeps you awake for that matter!” Adora stuttered again. She had seen Glimmer use these types of jokes on others before, but she had never been on the receiving end of them before, she quickly decided that they were exceedingly unpleasant.

“Aww” Bow cooed to his girlfriend as they left Adora behind, “Our girl is finally growing up!” Glimmer snickered as their voices got quieter. Adora took a few seconds to cool her head. Glimmer was just toying with her, there was no way she was doing… _that._ Like, why would she even _do_ that? Adora shook her head and stormed after them before her brain decided to answer its own question.

.o0o.

_Meow!_

Catra’s heart leaped at the noise, the furry object in question scrambled down the last few stairs before leaping up into Catra’s outstretched arms, pulling Melog in close to her chest as she nuzzled the cat’s face with her own. Ignoring just this once that she didn’t like it when Melog licked her face. Not bothering to take off her shoes or bag, she spun on her heel and sat at the foot of the stairs, gently lowering Melog onto her lap and gently stroking deep behind her ear enticing a satisfied purr.

Jackie smiled as she shut the door behind her. “She’s been sitting there every evening for months waiting for you to come home.” Catra looked up from Melog.

“Really?”

Mike hummed in confirmation as he took Jackie’s coat and hung it up on the hanger by the door. “Yep, without fail… Well… when the little fiend wasn’t chewing my hair.” Catra laughed She had seen several videos of her bored cat nibbling on the ends of Mike’s hair, for some reason it fascinated her. Catra gently moved Melog off her lap to the floor so she could get her shoes off. The Cat just snorted and shook her head before sitting down and staring unimpressed at Catra.

“Stop being impatient.” Catra told Melog, who simply meowed back. “And watch that temper.” She said as she gently prodded the cat on the nose who retaliated by lightly nipping at her finger. They moved into the living room and Catra flopped down in an armchair in the corner as Melog immediately hopped onto her legs and proceeded to fall asleep on the spot. Catra chuckled as she ran her fingers gently down her spine as Melog snoozed happily.

“So… How was it?” Jackie asked, sitting down on the sofa next to Mike.

“It was good.” Catra replied, “Hard though, tiring… You have to concentrate so hard to keep up with all the signals and unspoken rules. But… fun.”

Jackie smiled sympathetically. “I wish I could tell you it gets easier. But… These things take constant work to maintain. You’ll eventually fall into the swing of things and it gets a little better, but the work never stops.”

“But if it’s any consolation,” Mike butted in, “The good ones will be trying just as hard to keep you. These things work both ways, if you put in the effort, so will they.”

Catra’s head fell back against the cushion as she stared up at the ceiling. Jackie had gone upstairs to finish a plan she was working on for one of her patients and Mike was happily humming in the kitchen as he prepared dinner for everyone. Melog had awoken again and was quietly purring in satisfaction as Catra stroked her ear. Catra was lost in thought, this time yesterday they had all gathered round the television with too many ice cream pots to be healthy for one final film night, with Bow, Melissa and Shaun singing awful renditions of “Hercules” and “let it go” with the breaking voices to go with it. She also remembered the times when her, Adora, Bow and Glimmer would cram themselves in Adora’s room, Laptops and textbooks strewn about everywhere as they bashed their heads against another report, or laughing at the questionnaires when they did research participation.

The living room suddenly felt very quiet. Nothing moved, nothing spoke, nothing laughed at one of Bow’s awful jokes. Not that there _was_ one of Bow’s awful jokes to grimace at. Melissa wasn’t screaming expletives at anyone, Ellie and Harry weren’t talking quietly between themselves in the corner of the room, Sophia wasn’t hugging anyone, Penny wasn’t ignoring everyone with her earphones on as she worked, ducking under the flying pieces of food flicked by Shaun, Sparkles wasn’t obsessively worrying about anything and Adora wasn’t yanking her own hair out as she tried to keep some semblance of order in the room. Catra came to the realisation… She missed them…

And it scared her.

.o0o.

“Thanks Micah.” Adora said, pocketing the small pouch into her jacket, “I’ll make sure they get to everyone.”

“It’s fine” Micah smiled, “I take it we’re still aiming for the usual spot?”

“Of course,” Adora replied, “I think they were planning to be there by seven.” Micah nodded. The sound of annoyed groaning echoed down the house from upstairs. Adora amusedly huffed through her nose. “Right, I’m gonna go and makes sure Catra doesn’t try and strangle them through her computer.”

Micah chuckled. “I hope I get to meet the girl soon; I’ve never seen Glenn get such good grades before she started helping them, I need to thank her.”

Adora smiled, “hold on to that thought, we don’t know if Catra can put up with them for that long!”

“Well, if it gets her act into gear, you won’t see me complaining!” Adora laughed and moved to the stairs.

“Thank Angie when she gets home for me?”

“Of course, she can’t wait.” Adora nodded and smiled before scrambling up the stairs to Glimmer’s room. When she opened the door, she heard Catra’s voice coming from Bow’s computer.

“No, no, no, no, no. _That’s_ where you put the citation, you don’t just put a reference in the middle of the sentence! They go at the _end_ of the report.” Bow sighed and buried his head in his hands.

“You’re going to tell me that you’ve told me this before.”

“Yep, there was that one in your SPSS for your literature review, that one about the criminal justice system, the one about Freud’s case studies, oh! And that one about the neurocognitive approach-

“Okay! Okay! I get it!” Bow interrupted. “Thank you, for so clearly pointing that out…” Adora could hear Catra sigh sympathetically.

“Look, if it helps, when you start on a new one, _always_ put in the reference section before you start, and keep it just below what you’re writing until you finish, then move it down, then it’ll serve as a constant reminder of which you need to put where.”

Bow nodded slowly and pressed the backspace key several times.

“Okay let’s have a look at this again shall we? The Wernicke area lies within the posterior of the temporal lobe in the cerebral cortex… wait is it? Hang on.” Adora could hear Catra scramble of her bed and the muffled sound of her feet on carpet. Adora moved back to sit on the beanbag at the foot of Glimmer’s bed. “Hey Jackie, the temporal lobe is in the cerebral cortex, right?” They heard a muffled reply, “Cool, thanks!” Catra called back before returning to her computer.

“That’s cheating.” Glimmer said, smiling but shaking her head.

“What is?” Catra asked.

“Using an actual Psychologist to help with our assessments.”

“No, I think you’ll find it’s a creative use of the materials and resources I have available.”

Adora huffed, “You’re still using a professional to help with your university work, that does push the line.”

“Nope, I’m using a professional to help Bow with _his_ work not mine, if anyone’s cheating it’s him.”

“How did I get brought into this!?”

Glimmer sighed and leaned back to look at Adora, “Did dad give you the tickets?” She asked in an obvious attempt to change the subject. Adora reached into her pocket and pulled out the small plastic bag, she opened the seal and shook its contents into her palm. She began counting the tickets, handing Bow three for him and his dads as his brothers usually didn’t come.

“Wait, I’ve got one too many.” Adora said, recounting the individual piles for each of their friends and their families. “Yep, there’s an extra one.”

“Ahem.” Glimmer gently coughed whilst pointing to Bow’s computer.

“Wait, why is she pointing at me?” Catra asked. Adora blinked confused, Glimmer’s eyebrows raised.

“Are you telling me that you didn’t invite Catra to bonfire night?” Adora opened and closed her mouth a few times.

“I- umm, I don’t even know where she lives, so I didn’t know if it was too far away or-

“Are you telling me,” Glimmer interrupted, putting her hands on her hips, “That even after all this time, you _haven’t_ asked Catra where she lives?”

“It… didn’t come up?”

Glimmer sighed and shook her head, “unbelievable.”

“Don’t worry about it Adora,” Catra said, “Sparkles didn’t really ask me, it was more of an interrogation.”

“No it wasn’t!” Glimmer defended herself.

“You literally put a fan in front of your lamp.” Bow added, without looking up from his screen. Adora burst out laughing from the image.

“You do know you could’ve always, I don’t know, asked nicely?” Adora asked.

“Never mind that,” Glimmer replied, “Catra doesn’t live very far away, You free tomorrow?” She asked, redirecting her attention to Catra’s face on the screen.

“Yeah, should be,” Catra said, “What for?”

“Bonfire night, unless you go with your folks somewhere else?”

Catra went silent for a few seconds, before answering fairly quietly, “No, I haven’t been for a while.”

Glimmer didn’t seem to pick up on the change and carried on, “Okay, well make sure you pack a bag, normally everyone stays round here for the night.” Catra nodded once. “Cool! That wasn’t hard was it Adora?”

Adora huffed gently through her nose and shook her head, but her attention was mostly on Catra who looked like she was lost in thought, staring at something behind her computer.

.o0o.

No, no, no, no, _there!_

Adora extended her fingers and flicked the indicator handle down. She turned the wheel and look at the first house number on her left: thirty-five, odds on the left, evens on the right. She continued to drive down, keeping an eye out on the decreasing numbers, twenty-three, twenty-one, nineteen, seventeen. Here. Adora checked the mirrors, before turning right and moving the gear stick into the reverse slot. The gravel driveway crunched under the tyres, Adora stopped only a little way into the drive, she wouldn’t be staying long. She twisted the keys and the engine cut out, she pulled the keys out and opened the door, stepping out onto the drive she looked around. She was in a typical outer suburban area, most of the houses were detached, but there was little green space, save from the gardens, with few trees and the occasional grass bank built into the pavement.

Adora turned for the door, the house was stereotypical, flat faced, with a few windows on the front, standard red brick. Nothing outlandish, but homey. Adora walked up to the front door and pressed the button on the doorbell. She heard the ringing inside and took a step back as she waited. She saw movement form the window to her right and a second later the door handle turned and opened to reveal Jackie.

“Adora!” She said reaching out and giving her a small hug, before pulling back, “I assume you’re here for Catra?” Adora nodded. Jackie sighed and pulled out her phone. “She went to the park earlier; said she’d be back an hour ago.” Her face dropped to a sympathetic expression, “But she always loses track of time there.”

“Should I go find her?” Adora asked.

“You can,” she nodded towards the end of the road, “go that way, turn right, follow it to the end of the road and turn right again, follow that to the end, then turn left, and it should be on your right.”

Adora nodded and stepped back from the door, “Okay, thank you!” Jackie smiled and waved before she shut the door. Adora opened the door to her car an sat down, twisting the key in the ignition as the engine purred back to life. Right, right, left, right. Shouldn’t be too difficult.

Thankfully, the park had a small carpark and Adora stuck herself in the far corner. Getting out she looked around… great, how was she supposed to find Catra in this? The park was full of dogwalkers, families, groups of children playing football in the open bit. Adora decided to just go and see if she could spot her on the way. She passed a small playground, with young children hanging off monkey bars and laughing on the swings. She wouldn’t be in there, to her left was basically a large grassy field, with several football pitches set up, with what looked like a class going on as groups of children had lined up and were passing the ball to one another with their feet. _Definitely_ not there. She passed a cluster of trees and her eyes were drawn to an area of the park, which was completely empty, people seemed to give it a wide berth. In the very corner was a singular tree, it was quite small, Adora could tell it was only few years old, at its base was a lone figure sitting on the grass and looking at the base, their hair blowing out behind them. Now that was more promising.

She crossed into the empty zone, ignoring the weird stares from the groups of people sitting in an obvious quarter circle a safe distance from the tree. As she approached, the figure filled out to a more Catra-like proportion and Adora instantly noticed something glinting orange hanging from her neck. She came to a stop behind her and looked down at the stone slab in the ground that Catra was staring at.

_Jessica Nysen_

_And in loving memory of:_

_Timothy and Luciana Nysen_

The slab was a smooth dark grey colour, most likely slate, it had not decorations or trim, just the writing. Adora felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as the importance of what she was looking at dawned on her. She quietly sat down next to Catra, but she didn’t say anything. Catra was sat crossed legged, one hand playing with the tufts of grass beneath her feet. Her head was bowed but her eyes were locked onto the slab, her eyes twitching as she read the names again and again. She was also wearing a necklace, Adora didn’t think Catra was one for jewellery. It was a simple small chain and on the end was a small green and orange stone, it looked like an opal, but it had a large crack running down its front face, Catra’s other hand was rolling it between her fingers.

“She was nineteen.” Catra said quietly barely above a whisper. Adora nearly jumped as she didn’t expect Catra to say anything. Catra hadn’t looked up, her eyes were still skimming the names in front of them. “Mum and Dad… I- I can’t remember how old they were now; I have to keep looking it up. We lived close by, a little way over there.” She lifted a trembling hand to point to their left. Catra fell silent for a few seconds, and Adora couldn’t bring herself to fill the gap. “Mum was pretty much always serious but had a mean sarcastic streak which we always loved. Everything she did just… worked, she exceled at literally everything with barely a hint of effort. She was the worker in the family, so dad gave up his job to raise and look after Jess and I. Dad… by comparison was the exact opposite of mum, full of puns and dad jokes which we had to pretend we didn’t like, wore his heart on his sleeve and… well…” Catra actually smiled as she looked up at Adora, “He was an utter disaster zone, imagine like Sophia but much, _much_ worse. Always dropping things or tripping over his own feet or putting me in the bath with my socks still on.” Adora had to stifle a laugh but she met Catra’s smile. “But despite how different they were, they got on like a house on fire, literally in one case.” Adora stored that away to ask about another time. “When she got home from work, she’d come find me and Jess wherever we were in the house to say hi, then go into the sitting room. When we had finished homework or whatever it was we were doing, we’d go in there to find mum curled up asleep on dad with one of those types of documentaries dad and Jess loved on the TV-

Catra’s breath stuttered, and her eyes went wide, she cupped her stomach, it looked like she had got caught up in a dreamworld that didn’t exist… or at least… not anymore. A few tears streaked down Catra’s face, but she was quick to wipe them away. Her shoulders set and her gaze hardened as she tried to force it down. Adora tried resting her hand gently atop Catra’s but she flinched away. Adora muttered an apology as she retracted her hand. Catra folded her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, gently rocking backwards and forwards. She swallowed and looked back at Adora, “Jess was like the perfect mix of both.” Her voice was tense, and it wobbled slightly at the end. “She had dad’s humour, and mum’s tendency to be able to do absolutely anything. It made her impossible to dislike.” She squeezed her eyes shut and Adora could see the moisture at the bottom of her eyelids trying to break free. “I… I…” She took a stuttered breath, “I’m sorry.” She managed, not meeting Adora’s eyes.

Adora couldn’t say anything, hell, she didn’t know _what_ to say. Instead, she shuffled across the ground, so she sat with her back pressed against Catra’s. She felt Catra lean back against her, she could feel her shuddering as she tried to get her emotions back in check. “H- her… she had got her results back from college, every single university bar one had given her an unconditional entrance,” She paused for a second and Adora heard her audibly swallow. “Her friends had got similar results and so we thought we’d celebrate, it was the first ever time we’d gone on holiday, we boarded a ship because one of her friends was afraid of flying, I- I- I… I can’t remember where we were going… all I remember was waking up to alarms, and people shouting, and the floor was tilted like the whole boat wasn’t upright.”

Catra shuffled again and buried her face in her knees, “Jess came and found me as we went to find mum and dad, after that we were instructed to head for the lifeboats, but I… I got separated from them on the way, a- and had to find my way back up to them.” She sucked in a large breath, “I had to go back inside, but when I was in one of the corridors there was a really loud banging noise, and everything lurched to the side…” Her voice was strained, and she had gone completely still, like her body had gone on lockdown, Adora was strongly considering jumping in and getting her to stop thinking about it. “I found a door leading back outside, and I looked up a- and…” She shuddered again, “later I was told it was some kind of electrical fault which had started a fire which made it to the fuel tanks…” Adora’s heart sank. “And- and- and i-i-it, it just blew up!” Catra’s voice cracked as she aggressively rubbed the necklace between her fingers. “ _it just blew up…_ ” She whispered again. “The water was rising to fast for me to get anywhere in time, so I had to jump… I thought I could swim away, but…”

Adora knew where this was going, and she felt her heart twang in sympathetic terror. “I- I got sucked down in the current, and I couldn’t fight it. I kept trying to get to the surface, but I- I just couldn’t _breathe_ and- and- and…” Catra shuddered again, and her had spasmed against the ground as her breathing came out in gasps. That was it, Adora had enough. She held Catra up with one arm and shuffled so she was in front of her again. Wrapping her up tight in her arms, Catra buried her head in Adora’s shoulder as the tears finally broke through, Adora wrapped her arms around Catra’s back as she cried, resting her chin atop Catra’s head. Catra’s sobbing gave way to a muffled silent scream as Catra’s lungs emptied themselves of air all at once. Adora felt the heat bloom in her shoulder from Catra’s breath and she titled her head to rest her cheek against Catra’s hair, gently running her hands down her back. Catra’s shoulders started to twitch in panic as she desperately tried to breathe.

“Just breathe okay?” Adora mumbled gently, “I’ve got you; I’m not letting go.” Catra continued to sob, as she clenched the back of Adora’s jumper tightly in her fists. “Let it all out…” Adora glared at any onlookers who were brazenly staring in their direction. Catra started to shiver violently, yanking Adora’s attention back.

Catra walked the line between consciousness and the consuming darkness, her throat was constricting on itself, her head felt fuzzy due to the lack of air and all she wanted to do was fall into that sweet nothing, to let the void surpass her until she was ready to face the sun again with an intact conscience. But every time she felt herself succumb to the tugging numbness she was yanked back into her brutal reality. Adora’s voice and touch were anchors forcing her brain to not give out, Adora’s jumper was rough, but not uncomfortable, like it was one of those which was really old, but you couldn’t bring yourself to replace it until it literally fell apart. There were a few pads on her elbows made of a smooth material, and Adora’s hair tickled along Catra’s neck. Catra felt herself shiver, though she didn’t feel cold, she just felt numb with this constant… _throb_ in the back of her head. She just wanted it all to stop, Adora’s voice was both comforting and torture.

Adora’s mumblings rearranged themselves in Catra’s head to make sense as she very slowly began to calm down, and it became easier to breathe again. She felt the adrenalin rush settle in her spine, causing it to buzz as another shiver caused her shoulders to jump violently. Eventually she regained enough control that she locked her muscles down to try and stop the twitching, but that only worked to a degree. Her fists unclenched from the back of Adora’s waist just to move up by her shoulder blades and reattach, her head lifted slightly, just enough for her eyes to see above Adora’s shoulder. The blank stone face stared back up her blurred through the tears trapped in her eyes, causing her stomach to wrench violently. She had been able to stare blankly at it for hours on end for years, feeling nothing but the crushing numbness, and suddenly as soon as Adora turned up she struggled to breathe as the raging emotions happily bulldozed through her protective mental walls whilst her insides felt they were being forced through a shredder.

“I miss them.” She mumbled into Adora’s shoulder. She spoke in such a quiet, _broken_ manner that Adora was trying incredibly hard not to cry herself.

“I know…” Adora replied, gently repositioning her arms as her shoulders began to ache. Catra kept sniffing, her breath quietening as she hauled her emotions back into shape, eventually disentangling herself from Adora, squashing the last remnants of the stinging in her chest as far as it would go.

“C’mon” Catra said quietly, wiping the last stubborn tears from her eyes, “I suppose we’d better get going or Sparkles will throw a fit.”

“Catra,” Adora said, reaching out and grabbed Catra’s arm, “Are you sure you want to go? Trust me the others will understand if you don’t.”

Catra nodded tiredly, “I do… I just need a minute… and to get away from here…” Her hand dropped so it fell atop Adora’s and she gave it a gentle tug. Adora stared at her, not entirely convinced, but she relented and followed Catra back the way she came, sending a fresh glare to the obvious stares. Many of them looking away with guilty expressions.

Catra had disappeared back into her house and was gone for quite a while as Adora waited patiently in her car, she couldn’t blame her of course, the memory alone of Catra breaking down in her arms was enough to give her unpleasant goosebumps. Adora looked up when she saw the door open, Catra stepped out with a bag slung over her shoulder, she walked to the back of Adora’s car and gently laid it down in the boot before walking back to the front and sliding into the passenger’s seat.

“You good to go?” Adora asked, Catra nodded as she slumped back in her seat, Adora smiled and twisted the key.

A few minutes later they were heading down a main road, Catra was resting her head against the door pillar as she looked out at the passing farms and streams, Adora pointed out the occasional fun fact as they went, from a farm that was technically seven hundred years old to a huge manor house in the distance that used to lord over the surrounding countryside. Catra had noticed that Adora had worn her ponytail loser than usual, letting her fringe hang down rather than forcing it back in her trademark poof that she was often teased about. She was also wearing an old jumper, its colour fading from the traditional Adora red, with peculiar leather pads sewn onto the elbows.

What Catra was definitely grateful for was Adora’s driving. Catra hadn’t been with may different drivers during her lifetime, but what always freaked her out with Jackie and Mike was their tendency to look away whilst they were talking or checking something, leaving Catra with a nervous habit of constantly keeping an eye on the road, even though she wasn’t driving. With Adora her eyes were always glued ahead, at first Catra thought it was slightly weird as Adora didn’t turn her head but still talked, but after a while she had realised just how appreciative she was of it, allowing Catra to close her eyes and give herself time to properly calm down and reset, only opening her eyes when Adora talked or pointed something out to show she was listening, but Catra felt infinitely safer that Adora always knew what was going on.

Eventually they pulled off a slipway and they slowed down as they entered a new built-up area, but was still significantly different to what Catra was used to, the houses here were bigger, and the roofs looked like they were made of… straw? Catra didn’t know thatching was still in use. The biggest thing Catra noticed were all the trees, hundreds of them, everywhere, even though they were driving by houses on one side on the other was an entire forest, gardens were bordered by hedges instead of fences and just about every single colour in the rainbow could be seen growing in the gardens.

Adora slowed to a stop in front of a house at the end of the road, Catra peered into the garden which contained a huge driveway nearly packed with cars. Adora reversed into the last empty space, and they got out, Catra looked around as she stretched, feeling a little better than earlier. The driveway may have been big, but there was an even bigger patch pf grass next to it, perfectly kept and shining in a bright green colour that looked far healthier than the paler wild grass back home. The house itself was massive, made of old stone and cement which Catra guessed it had probably stood here for ten times her own age. A strange carking noise made her turn, and she craned her neck as she looked up at the upper branches of a large tree on the other side of the road, there was a bird looking down at them, it was mostly brown, but it then inspected underside of its wing to reveal a stark white plumage.

“That’s Bessie the buzzard.” She heard Adora say as she came to a stop beside Adora. Catra raised her eyebrows at her.

“Do you always have to give things weird names?” Adora laughed.

“Only the common ones, anyway, you can blame Bow for that one. She’s watching for prey, that’s why she’s watching us so carefully.” Catra looked back up, the bird was still staring at them.

“But why is it watching us? It’s not like we’re going to climb up there.”

“It doesn’t matter to them; Buzzards are known to divebomb people if they get to close to their nests.”

Catra suddenly felt very nervous. “Umm, how _close_ is close?”

“Like the base of the tree.” Adora said, without sounding disconcerted at all, “but I don’t think this one will, we’ve been busy socialising her.” She then looked up at the bird and waved, “Hey Bessie!” She called. The bird squawked irritably back.

Catra frowned at Adora and took a step back, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“What?” Adora asked, and then laughed at Catra’s reaction. “Look, she’s worried we’re going to go hurt her chance of a meal. So, by giving her a name and acknowledging her presence it’s a bit like a peace offering, sort of a “We would of done it by now if we were going to” kind of thing, she still probably doesn’t like us, but we’re making progress. She nests up in those trees anyway, so we’ve known her for a while.”

“Talking of which,” Catra said turning to face the building, “Where are we?”

“What, the old stone mansion not mansion doesn’t give it away?” Adora grinned, “Welcome to Glimmer’s domain.” She said, gesturing to the house with her arms. Catra huffed with the obviousness.

“Yeah, I should’ve guessed that.” Catra said, following after Adora towards the door.

The inside was no where near as old fashioned as the exterior suggested. There was still a grand hallway, with a large staircase leading to the upper stories on their right. But instead of chandeliers and candles, it was lit with bright paint and wall mounted lights running down it’s entire length. Adora led her down it, which opened into a massive kitchen, with essentially a glass wall leading down the edge facing the back garden. She could see a large group of people gathered outside, she recognised a lot of them, but there were also many unknown faces which made a small nervous feeling start to nibble at the edge of her consciousness. Noises to her right made Catra turn her head, there were two others in the room, busying about cupboards. Adora grabbed her arm and led her towards them.

One of them looked up as Adora and Catra approached, and he smiled in greeting, quickly noticing Catra’s nervous expression.

“Guys,” Adora said, “This is Catra.”

“Ahh!” The man said, moving forward and holding his hand out, “I’m Micah, Glenn’s father, it’s good to finally meet you.” Catra carefully shook his hand, his grip was firm but gentle and he had a warm smile, bordered by incredibly well-kept facial hair. He stood back and gestured to the woman standing next to him. “This here is my wife Angella.” She glared, and Catra cowered slightly until she realised it wasn’t aimed at her, but instead at her husband who grinned cheekily back. She then turned to face Catra and her face lit up into a bright smile.

“Call me Angie.” She said. Catra nodded and tried her best to produce a warm smile. She felt Adora tug gently on her shoulder.

“Come on, everyone’s out here.” She was led to a door leading to the back garden, which was heavily packed.

“Oh! before you go!” They heard Angie call from behind them, they turned back to face her. “Can I offer you two a drink, tea? Coffee? Glass of water?” Adora comfortingly rubbed Catra’s shoulder, knowing that was the last thing she wanted to think about right now.

“No thank you,” Adora said, smiling in thanks.

“I’m good.” Catra quietly said. Angie smiled, “All right, go on then, the others are in the back corner.”

“Thank you!” Adora called, as she guided Catra outside, noticing how she seemed to slink further back. “Why are you so nervous?” Adora whispered as they skirted around the edge of the garden to avoid running into anyone.

“Too many people.” Catra replied, looking pretty overwhelmed at the huge group in the middle. Adora nodded, “They’re just family and friends of the Imer’s, don’t worry we don’t have to talk to them at all, our lot tends to hang back.” She said pointing to Bow and Glimmer standing as they talked to Shaun and Sam. Glimmer noticed them approach and her eyes dropped to Catra who was nervously shadowing Adora, she looked back at Adora and cocked her head. Adora held her palms out and moved them in a peddling motion before holding her index finger up and clawing it with her other hand.

_~panic attack_

Glimmer nodded and smiled warmly at Catra as she got close before giving her a gentle hug and then guided her to a garden chair in the far corner, shielded from everything else by the rest of the group. Glimmer, Bow and Adora then moved their chairs to form a semi-circle around her so she didn’t have to talk to anyone unless she wanted to, allowing her to breathe easier and relax slightly, she made a mental note to thank them in private when she next got the chance. Catra didn’t know what Adora had told Glimmer, but she could easily guess what those gestures meant, she was also a little curious as to how Glimmer also knew what they were, she didn’t strike Catra as someone who would know, then again… neither had Adora.

The dying light soon faded beneath the trees, and several garden lights clicked on, illuminating the garden in a soft glow. Above them they could hear the occasional whooshing sound, followed closely by a loud bang of a firework, giving the night a small red, blue or green glow. A few minutes later, Micha appeared at the door, announcing that it was time to go. Everyone stood up and Catra blinked as the mass of people funnelled through the pathway round the side of the house towards the front.

“Come on.” Adora said, gesturing for Catra to follow, they were the last ones through, save for Glimmer’s parents. As they made it to the front Catra watched in awe at the number of people about, it wasn’t just from Glimmer’s house, at every single building large groups of people emerged and headed down the road, huge lines of people lined the pavement as car after car passed them, all heading in the same direction. Adora and Catra fell into the exodus behind Bow and Glimmer. The night air was filled with hundreds upon hundreds of conversations and tiny bleeps of car horns when driver’s saw someone they knew in the crowd. Catra had the feeling that any other day in the year at this time it would be complete silent save from the occasional fox in the woods.

They took a left down into a group of fields with some being used as carparks for those who lived too far away. They ducked under the lower brunch of a tree and the field opened to reveal what looked like to be way more than a thousand people milling about, possibly two or maybe more. Like when they were heading through the city from the train the group bunched up, interlocking to avoid being separated, but occasionally stopping as groups of children sprinted about, already waving flashing glow sticks and other light-based toys, Catra’s heart panged when she remembered her dad buying something similar for her and her sister when they were their age. They pushed all the way to the back of the field, suddenly turning left as someone pointed out another group of people. They stopped next to a temporary wire fence, blocking them off from a huge pile of scrap wood, from bits of fell trees to old broken up pallets, and the traditional effigy of Guy Fawkes sticking out the top. A woman in a high visibility jacket approached with a blow torch in hand a ignited the large pile of kindling resting inside the larger pile.

In minutes, the pile started to smoke, then a few small flames could be seen poking out from the gaps, and then the whole thing went up with a large whoosh, and Catra could feel the heat wave wash over her. A collective cheer went up as the bonfire ignited and applause sounded all round. Catra looked around and suddenly realised the group had split up, each talking to different groups of adults, teenagers and small children swinging glowsticks about, each talking to their own families.

Catra instantly concluded that coming along was a terrible idea.

Just as she could think that Adora reappeared next to her side and Bow and Glimmer on the other, who had quickly disengaged from their own families to make sure that Catra wasn’t alone. They looked up from the flames when someone came to a stop beside them, Sam was looking at the bonfire, looking like he was trying to hold back a few tears.

“Damn,” he said, “I haven’t seen that since mum and dad broke up.” Adora smiled and nudged his shoulder with her own.

“Glad to be back?” She asked. Sam nodded vigorously.

“I always missed this, mum tried to help by having small campfires in the garden, but it never compared.”

“What I don’t get.” Catra said, “Is what will they do when it rains? Won’t it just put it out eventually?”

“That’s the thing.” Adora grinned, “It’s never rained on bonfire night, definitely since we’ve been alive. Any way’s look up, clear sky all round.” Catra craned her neck, fair enough, not a cloud obstructed the view of the stars above. Catra suddenly realised what Adora was talking about a few days ago, there were millions of them, giving the night sky a silvery glow, the moon hanging centre stage above them.

“I- is that a _person!?_ ” She suddenly heard Sam ask, she looked down to see him staring into the bonfire with an almost appalled expression.

“Yep!” Adora answered, smirking at his expression. “You’ve forgotten why haven’t you?”

“Remind me…” Sam replied, still staring at the figure in the flames. Adora cracked her finger’s and gestured towards the burning figurine.

“The story starts in sixteen o five and King James the First or sixth depending on where you from was the King of Scotland who inherited the English crown. What’s important to remember, the United Kingdom won’t exist for another hundred or more years yet.” Adora explained. “he was a protestant and was moving the religion of England in a vastly different direction of what they were used to. So, a bunch of Catholics thought it would be a great idea to detonate King James, most of the nobility and the house of lords along with them for good measure. They stacked about a tonne of gunpowder under the throne in the basement of the house of lords and were going to set it off during the King’s speech, hence its name: the gunpowder plot. But authorities were tipped off, most of them were arrested or fled, most famous among them was the person who was guarding the gunpowder, Guido Fawkes, who through time because of the “guy effigies” we now call him Guy Fawkes. Those who were captured were sentenced to be executed for funsies-

Catra snorted, “Funsies?”

“Shut up, this is my story.”

“No, it’s not, it’s basic history.”

“Well, I’m telling it!”

“Poorly.”

Adora huffed, “Fine, replace funsies with high treason then.”

Catra smiled, “thank you.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“They were tortured and then were hung drawn and quartered, which meant being dragged through the streets by a horse, hung until near death, having their penis’ and testicles chopped off,” Both Sam and Bow collectively winced in sympathy, “Their chest cavities being cut open and being presented with their own beating hearts, beheaded and _then_ chopped into four pieces.” Adora stopped to catch her breath, “I’m fairly certain the old English _invented_ overkill.” Which resulted in a few chuckles from the group.

“Okay.” Sam said, “But what about the fire?” He said gesturing to the effigy, just as its head fell off into the fire.

“It was made a celebration the year after the plot,” Adora said, “it turned into a mass ant-catholic movement, and people burned effigies of the criminals who and now just labelled to Guy Fawkes.”

“But…” Sam wondered, “Isn’t that a bit… barbaric?”

“Yep.” Catra agreed.

“Then why do we do it?”

“Because it’s been a tradition for four hundred years.” Glimmer said.

“And it’s fun.” Catra added, receiving a rotten look from Glimmer.

“We don’t _actually_ pretend to burn Guy Fawkes anymore, just a little figure that we call Guy Fawkes, and it serves so that the gunpowder plot can’t be forgotten, which helps with the little rhyme, you know, “remember, remember the fifth of November…” that one.” They looked back at the fire just in time to see the effigies supports collapse and the figure tumbled down through the gaps in the wood never to be seen again.

They heard Sam’s name being called and they turned to see Shaun and Melissa waving him over, Penny and Harry both facepalming and shaking their heads. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll see if I can rescue them from whatever they’re planning.” Sam said and walked off.

“Shaun and Mista really like him.” Bow noted, watching him leave.

“Because he’s new, and they hope they can corrupt him.” Adora explained, “But unlike Catra he doesn’t scare the shit out of them.”

“I’m not that scary.” Catra frowned. She was met by three pairs of eyes slowly turning to her.

“You’re positively terrifying.” Bow said.

“He’s got you on that one” Glimmer added.

“I _am not_.” Catra groaned.

“If I hadn’t been consistently scraping firsts since you started helping me, I would have broken down in a broken, sobbing mess by now, begging for mercy.” Bow continued, smiling.

“Sorry…” Catra mumbled.

“Hey.” Bow said, wrapping an arm around Catra’s shoulder and pulling her into his side, “We still love ya, and you complement us really well, you were the piece of the team we didn’t know we needed. So, keep being scary, own it.” Catra nodded mutely.

Adora turned when she felt a tugging on her jumper, she looked down and her face lit up in a bright smile, “Hey!” She said, crouching down and stood up, suddenly with a young boy in her arms who giggled as he was lifted, a glowstick tied to his wrist. Bow and Glimmer immediately “awwwed” and surrounded Adora, talking to the child who seemed to greatly enjoy the attention. After a few seconds they stepped back and Adora turned to Catra.

“This is Catra.” Adora said, leaning her head down to talk in his ear, “She’s a new friend of mine, say hi!”

“Hi!” The child echoed, giving Catra a large toothy smile as he detached one arm from Adora’s neck so he could wave. Catra, being the youngest person in her family, well… before she was the _only_ person in her family, had no experience with communication with young children and had absolutely _no_ idea what to do. So, she just waved shyly.

“Hi.” She replied. Adora smiled encouragingly at her, moving to stand by her side.

“This is my cousin Max.” Adora introduced her, “haven’t got to see him since I left.” She turned back to him, “Are you exited for tonight?” She asked.

“Yeeaagh.” Max replied. Catra did smile slightly, she may not know how to react around him, but he _was_ adorable. Catra had to give it to Adora as well, she handled him like a pro, readjusting him in her arms when he got uncomfortable, always talking in a manner which had him hanging on her every word, but also suddenly able to convert to talk in full University vocabulary when she and Catra quickly talked about a section of an essay due in after the week. She even handed him over to Bow to rest her arms, Bow took great pleasure in talking to him as Max happily babbled about anything. Catra also noticed that they would not swear in front of him, and Catra paid extra attention to the sentences forming in her head to make sure she followed suit. 

Soon the lights along the field went out and the crowd hushed in preparation, Catra looked around and realised that everyone had come back, forming a small mass with their respective families taking the outer edge. Adora took Max back from Bow and rested him higher up by her shoulder so he could see up over the rest of their friends.

Suddenly there was a _pft!_ Noise as a red streak shot into the air from the top of the hill, the crowd cheered as it exploded, sending red sparks in all directions high above them, it was then followed by a blue streak, then a green, then a yellow, then multiple at the same time, all flying high into the air before loudly detonating and showering the night sky with multi-coloured sparks. They were joined by Catherine wheels, spiralling up into the sky, and screamers which screeched their way up incredibly quickly before detonating loudly enough it could trick the brain that It felt the force of the explosion.

The fireworks spread form left to right, with such frequency that it lit up the ground below like it was daytime, Catra could make out all the details on Adora’s face as she pointed up at one of the big fireworks to Max. Catra closed her eyes and listened to the unrhythmic bangs, enjoying the heat on her back from the fire. Her mind’s eye recalled her doing the same thing years ago and her eyes snapped open, quickly taking in the forms of her friends to remind her of where she was. Even though she was tired, she didn’t voluntarily close her eyes for the rest of the evening.

Two Half hour displays later and the fireworks eventually died down, small white clouds forming above them from all the smoke. The crowd cheered and applauded as the show came to an end and began to slowly disperse, some hanging around to talk to family and friends’ others going home. Adora turned to face Catra.

“Had fun?” She asked, Catra smiled and nodded. Adora looked over Catra’s shoulder and smiled. Catra turned to see two smiling women approach them. “Catra,” Adora said, “This is my aunt Steffi, and her wife Nikki, Max’s parent’s.” Adora gently passed a sleeping Max into Nikki’s arms.

“He didn’t give you too much trouble?” Nikki asked, wrapping her arm around her Son to keep him steady As Steffi smiled and shook Catra’s hand.

“Good as gold.” Adora replied, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her jumper as she no longer had Max’s body heat warming them.

“You coming?” They heard Glimmer call, they turned to see Bow and Glimmer behind the rest of their friends, waiting for them to catch up. Adora turned to Catra.

“You go on ahead, I’ll catch up in a second.” Adora said, patting Catra on the back and jogged over to a small group of people watching the last of the fire burned down, most likely her parent’s and she mentioned a brother too. Catra walked up to Bow and Glimmer, looking over her shoulder as she watched Adora get wrapped up in a three-way hug. Catra’s eyes clenched shut and she turned away, ignoring the stinging sensation in her eyes.

Catra was quiet on the way back, keeping her eyes on the ground in front of her and listening to the others talking around her. There weren’t that many streetlights, so everyone determined where they were by the position of everyone else, but the others had done this before, so she just followed them. Once they made it back to Glimmer’s house Catra noticed most of the cars on the driveway had left, but still leaving quite a few, but the driveway wasn’t as packed Adora took her keys from her jumper pocket and unlocked her car, opening the boot and handing Catra her bag, who smiled in thanks. They all walked down the side pathway and into the back garden, Glimmer’s parents had left early and had been at work.

A firepit had been moved into the middle and crackling fire was blazing happily inside, several garden chairs had been arranged in a large circle around it, and food had been laid out on a table nearby, from hotdogs, to sandwiches and salads, to mushroom, onion and pepper skewers. Everyone made noises of appreciation as they took what they wanted from the table and gathered round the fire. Catra chewed absentmindedly on a cheese sandwich as she looked up at the sky blankly.

“You all right?” Adora whispered concerned. Catra slowly nodded.

“Yeah,” She whispered back, “Just been a memory filled day.” Adora nodded in sympathy before she shuffled her chair over, so it was directly next to Catra’s, their shoulders were rubbing together, keeping Catra tied to the present.

Catra didn’t really listen to what the others were talking about but was grateful for the tuneful drone of their voices. Catra had slumped back in the chair feeling exhausted and tried not thinking about anything. Jess’ Necklace had been hanging heavier on her neck than usual today. Usually, it served to help remind her that all those nightmares she was plagued with were actually real, she never got to wake up to the relief that it was all just a dream. After Adora had turned up today Catra wished that she didn’t feel like she had to wear it, it was never hers. It belonged to someone else. But she couldn’t wear it anymore.

She felt the panic bubble up in her stomach and she slammed it down with everything her exhausted brain could muster. She reached down to where her bag was resting on the floor beneath her, she unzipped it and fumbled around inside before she pulled out her sketchbook and the pencil attached to it. She needed to take her mind of it, and quickly.

She flicked the pages until she reached the next blank one, and started on the structure circles, before filling in the lines between as the figures began to take shape, between the larger one and smaller one resting in what would be the large one’s arms. Next came the eyes and the noses, taking great care to maintain the proportion to the mouths. Catra then moved onto clothing and background before she carefully etched in the hair.

Catra didn’t know why Adora was so… drawable. Probably to do with how expressive she was, every part of Adora’s body was always doing something from taking to being lost in thought. When she was talking, she always uses her hands and arms, and when she gets really excited her shoulders get in on the action. Her eyebrows had a life of their own, always moving and twitching, making it very hard for Adora to hide her feelings, and she always had this twitching smirk that would flick before Adora could smother it down. When she was thinking she always used her teeth on something, normally the end of a pen, but she never chewed, only lightly tapping the cap against her canines. Her eyes would glaze over too, and would always jump if someone touched her… There was probably a rather embarrassing number of drawings of Adora in her sketchbook, but she was always doing something new which made her really fun to put it all on paper.

Adora looked over Catra’s shoulder and her breath caught in her throat. Catra was drawing her, she was holding max in one arm and pointing at the flash of a firework with the other. Her hair had bunched up by her shoulder, and Catra had somehow made it look like you could see the reflection of the exploding firework in her eye. Adora felt the butterflies buzz in her stomach for a second, the picture was quite endearing of her, the shading giving her a sort of ethereal glow. Adora was certain that her hair didn’t shine like that in reality, but it still was a testament to Catra’s skill with a pencil. Catra looked up for a second before her head ducked down and a blush spread across her cheek when she noticed Adora was watching her work, it flickered and glowed in the light of the fire, but she didn’t stop, finishing the shading on the pads of her jumper before sketching in the outlines of her belt. Adora didn’t know how Catra could draw so well from memory, the details were spot on, down to the tiny tuft of hair on Max’s head that no one had yet managed to flatten.

After an hour, they all turned in for the night, taking turns to get changed in the two bathrooms whilst the others busied themselves by laying out enough blankets and pillows on the sitting room floor to get comfy. The massive television on the wall was playing the latest film in the groups Disney marathon. On a base level, Catra hated every single one of them, but when one half of the group talked over pretty much every line by picking on the most random things and historical inaccuracies or “For fuck’s sake, the fates didn’t share an eyeball! That was the Grey Sisters!” whilst the other half sung out the songs in such a voice crackingly mess that it was funny (you haven’t lived until you’ve heard seven slightly drunken individuals sing “I will show you the world” or “you’re welcome!” in five different octaves) somehow, they made it fun, even more so when Bow pulled Glimmer in for a kiss the same time the main protagonists did and everyone threw _every_ single available pillow at them.

By the time the credits rolled, Catra found herself in the corner of the room, with Adora next to her, Bow and Glimmer at their feet and everyone else splayed out in a rough checkered pattern beyond. The lights were turned off eventually at an ungodly hour of the next morning, Although Catra had a fun evening, she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open for the past two hours or more and was starting to really struggle to stay awake. The moment the lights were turned off Catra immediately felt her eyelids become too heavy to bear.

Adora rolled over as she readjusted, her eyes adjusting to the dark she noticed that Catra’s head never made it to her pillow, instead collapsing against her arm at a very awkward angled. Adora shook her head and a gentle smile formed on her face. She carefully nudged Catra’s arm away and moved her pillow back under her head, at least she wouldn’t wake up with a sore neck. Catra mumbled in her sleep, before latching onto the pillow with her hands, which Adora was trying very hard not to admit that this was now the second time she found Catra mumbling in her sleep cute as hell. “Sweet dreams.” Adora whispered before turning back over, the events of that afternoon in the park replaying in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though I won’t say this one didn’t have any difficulties, most chapters thankfully construct themselves paragraph by paragraph, making the process of writing fairly linear, this one was more like hewing it out of stone, I was constantly backing up and changing something that didn’t quite fit. you may still not like it now but the first attempt at the scene in the park with Catra and Adora was flat out dreadful. Nothing worked for me in like five attempts and I nearly considered cutting it completely, but then the current version came to mind and I liked it enough to keep it, hopefully you agree! 
> 
> Although I know this chapter wasn’t keeping you on the edge of your seat in suspense, hopefully you can pick out all the crucial events in this chapter, as more of Catra is unveiled and her relationship with Adora is beginning too sure up. The best friend squad has gotten better and shielding Catra from inquisitive eyes, but the rest of their friends deserve to know, and they’re going to find out one way or another, and as Catra has discovered so far:  
> Everything is only a matter of time.
> 
> Until the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> You have reached the current end of the story. Thanks for reading this far! I hope you enjoyed the ride. Rest assured that I'm desperately trying to get the next chapter done as fast as possible, so you'll know this story is finished when this section disappears. 
> 
> If you have some extra time on your hands, and would like to talk more about my work or anything in general, you can find me on tumblr under Etherway4  
> Have a nice day and stay safe!


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